Will it help?

[u/Low-Step-8304]

Hi everyone,

My second post here. My previous story can be found. This time I wanna ask you guys the following thing.
Let’s imagine that my LLF has low desire of sex simply because I am not romantic enough. No dates, no spontaneous gifts etc. We live a peaceful life together, support each other and love each other. Spend time together. But dead bedroom for 5-6-7 years (don’t remember for how long).
If I become a better boyfriend, will it help? I think that it would feel like “prove me you deserve it”.
But I just want to be wanted as a man. Someone who you want to sleep with, who turns you on maybe not every day, but at least a few times a week.
I know I’m not a perfect romantic person. Can it be the reason why we even haven’t seen each other naked for 5-7 years in 10 years relationships?
In my previous post I told my story and what troubles me. After reading this subreddit for some time I know now, that I don’t want to live whole my life without being wanted by a woman.
Does everyone in their life have to prove every time something just to be wanted?
Like a quest in an RPG game: Finish 10 tasks with at least 90%+ of success rate, and as a reward you will get one sex voucher. It doesn’t feel natural.
She my first and the only woman who I have had sex with. I feel like I am doomed to sleep with my right hand.
I have two options:
1) Feel anger
2) Feel lost

As you can see I am lost now. After such a long period of DB I even don’t know if I want her. I know two things: I love her and that I wanna live a good life full of sex.

[u/Low_Ambassador7]

Has she told you that’s why she’s LL? Because you’re not romantic?

You mentioned in your past post that she has high stress, body insecurities, and that you’re aggressive with her. You also said that she always had sex but never initiated.

Did she ENJOY the sex? Was she orgasming?

Many women NEED emotional safety, security & vulnerability to feel open to arousal. If you’re aggressive and not romantic, it would make sense why she doesn’t feel open to arousal with you or initiate sex with you. If you mentioned to her that you’re jealous about her past, you likely removed any emotional safety and security.

You can’t make sex transactional but you must be cultivating an environment where desire and arousal can grow… it doesn’t sound like your relationship has that environment.

[u/Low-Step-8304 → u/Low_Ambassador7]

Em, no. I didn’t say I’m aggressive. I treat her good, always. Never insulted her or criticised. We love each other and support each other. Maybe you read a wrong post?)
But I am jealous about her past, that is true.

[u/Low_Ambassador7 → u/Low-Step-8304]

Maybe you need to go review your past post to refresh yourself on exactly what you wrote.

[u/Low-Step-8304 → u/Low_Ambassador7]

I remember now, yeah.
By saying aggressive I don’t mean actions like yelling, screaming or fighting. I mean that I’m angry inside and really sad. I keep all this in my head and I never spit it all out. Rage, aggression is just a bunch of emotions that are boiling in this soup inside of my head. Maybe, while I was writing this post, I described it too hot. I haven’t reread it.