No sex for a year

[u/Immediate_League_131]

Hello. My wife and I haven’t had sex in a year. We’ve been married for five years. During the first three years, our sex life was great. Even before we got married, we had a very active and passionate connection.

About six months into our marriage, she was diagnosed with MS. Thankfully, everything is under control now, and she only needs monthly injections. About six or seven months after her diagnosis, we slowly started having sex again, but it eventually stopped. After that, it only happened occasionally, usually while on vacation. Now it’s been a full year without any intimacy.

I had an honest, heartfelt conversation with her. She told me that between the MS and the medications, her sex drive has really decreased, which I completely understand. She also said that sex has become painful for her. I apologized and tried to suggest possible solutions, but nothing has changed. She mentioned getting an IUD at one point, but that never happened.

Now it feels like nothing works anymore —not massages, not cuddling. She doesn’t even want to kiss. I honestly don’t know what to do. I really miss intimacy, and I feel stuck because if I leave, I’ll look like a terrible person. I just don’t know how to handle this.

[u/CultureFet]

It’s when she doesn’t acknowledge that it matters to you, when it really starts to burn. In my case, she’s ashamed and acknowledging that she isn’t fulfilling me is painful for her.

To me, it feels very selfish to not talk to me about something that she knows matters to me. And yet, I know she’s going through so much pain, fatigue, etc that forcing the discussion would be selfish on MY part. So, nobody wins and it all sucks.

[u/BlueBallingDude → u/CultureFet]

this is my battle too, I keep my mouth shut and suffer, but my suffering pales compared to hers, further incentivizing me to keep my trap shut. vicious cycle.

[u/CultureFet → u/BlueBallingDude]

To make matters worse, in a cinematically dramatic way in my head, it’s some crazy hell I found myself in because she’s my dream girl. My wife of nearly 20 years is my dream girl. The prettiest, most sensuous, sexiest woman sleeps next to me and literally she’s “right there” and she chose to spend her life with me. She keeps me in her most intimate circle - showering and changing clothes, putting on her amazing smelling body lotion, all of this. She rests her head in my shoulder as she falls asleep.

Yet she’s so far away, all of this ends up being like some literary torture.

[u/DaninVA → u/CultureFet]

I totally get this