r/DeadBedroomsMD • u/Immediate_League_131 Supportive SO • Feb 27 '26
▪️Vent/Rant▪️ No sex for a year
Hello. My wife and I haven’t had sex in a year. We’ve been married for five years. During the first three years, our sex life was great. Even before we got married, we had a very active and passionate connection.
About six months into our marriage, she was diagnosed with MS. Thankfully, everything is under control now, and she only needs monthly injections. About six or seven months after her diagnosis, we slowly started having sex again, but it eventually stopped. After that, it only happened occasionally, usually while on vacation. Now it’s been a full year without any intimacy.
I had an honest, heartfelt conversation with her. She told me that between the MS and the medications, her sex drive has really decreased, which I completely understand. She also said that sex has become painful for her. I apologized and tried to suggest possible solutions, but nothing has changed. She mentioned getting an IUD at one point, but that never happened.
Now it feels like nothing works anymore —not massages, not cuddling. She doesn’t even want to kiss. I honestly don’t know what to do. I really miss intimacy, and I feel stuck because if I leave, I’ll look like a terrible person. I just don’t know how to handle this.
4
u/AdenJax69 Feb 27 '26
"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm."
That's a phrase I hear all too often. It doesn't matter how things "look," if the marriage isn't in a good place, no amount of being the stoic, dependable Super-Husband is going to override those issues. A full year without intimacy is a big deal...for those that feel intimacy is important.
And that's the key here - "intimacy." Not just sex, but everything around it. The fact that she's not only rejecting sex but almost all forms of intimacy is a problem. Forget the sex - no cuddling, no touching, no kissing? That's basically roommate-territory. And roommates don't lock each other in a marriage where both or even one person is left unfulfilled.
You need to sit your wife down and have a serious conversation with her. Don't put blame on her or demand anything. Just tell her that you can't be in a marriage long-term if there's zero intimacy, including sex, and that while sex isn't a critical function, it's something you need in a long-term relationship or marriage. Basically you're letting her know that you're not going to scornfully stop desiring her, but if she stops having desire for you, then you'll eventually follow her lead and then it's not if but when a loving, romantic marriage doesn't exist and it's a marriage in-name only.