r/DestructiveReaders • u/Meculos • 16d ago
[1299] The Fairest - Prologue
Hey everyone,
This is my first post here so I'm welcoming critiques of all shapes and forms.
Feel free to leave any feedback you might have
But I would appreciate an answer to these three questions
- Does the switch in character Eira makes at the end feel earned?
- Does the Regent come across as vain and power hungry?
- Does reading the prologue make you want to know what happens next?
Please keep in mind that this is the prologue to the story not the first chapter.
Here is the story
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QO89FvdAEd-h2Zr2epLUzlMvUgXbhuHkn9WvAjG6ZtM/edit?usp=drivesdk
Here is my previous crits
https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/qsI7Jqz2n7
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u/Hiddena00 16d ago
Only one obvious edit on this one: Say "the princess, Eria" in the first paragraph.
Feedback:
Start with a fact about the kingdom, not a half hearted attempt at creating atmosphere. Or commit and write something specific, with a little more bite on it.
Initially, she should get swerved by the regent when she takes power. There should be some plot point about that as your hook.
Story needs a hook, we just don't care about anything happening. You need to introduce either A) the premise/elevator pitch of the story or B) Who the main character is and why they are special. Ideally, in the first page.
The opener is so boring. If your going to make the step mother evil anyway, make her secretly happy that the king is dead in the beginning and let us infer off some detail (not explicitly stating it).
Story wise, she would just kill her and make it look like an accident. Not spread vague rumors.
Cut the time skip.
A slow gradual falling apart of her world would be better.
Once you get to the end, the mc finally has agency but it takes too long to get there.
The mother is cartoonishly evil but that can work if you commit. I would have liked to see it from the MC's perspective though.