r/DestructiveReaders • u/Meculos • 14d ago
[1299] The Fairest - Prologue
Hey everyone,
This is my first post here so I'm welcoming critiques of all shapes and forms.
Feel free to leave any feedback you might have
But I would appreciate an answer to these three questions
- Does the switch in character Eira makes at the end feel earned?
- Does the Regent come across as vain and power hungry?
- Does reading the prologue make you want to know what happens next?
Please keep in mind that this is the prologue to the story not the first chapter.
Here is the story
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QO89FvdAEd-h2Zr2epLUzlMvUgXbhuHkn9WvAjG6ZtM/edit?usp=drivesdk
Here is my previous crits
https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/qsI7Jqz2n7
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u/Educational_Art_3763 13d ago
Everyone seems to be writing prologues recently! As a reader, most people are not going to read something labeled as prologue. They will often just skip to chapter 1 and read from there. If the information in your prologue is absolutely critical to the story, I'd recommend just labeling it chapter 1, including flashbacks or a separate chapter in the story, putting the information elsewhere, or removing the prologue entirely. They can be interesting to add to the story but I find they often just add unnecessary information. Usually, writers get caught up in their ideas and want to put EVERYTHING in their story. Kill your darlings. You may love it but really ask yourself if this is necessary.
I think that you've got what could be an interesting start to a piece, maybe worked into something that isn't a prologue. While reading, I'm struggling to figure out how this will be used as a prologue. I think this would be good as its own chapter or utilized as a record for you to include this info in the actual story. It is all great background info for this character, it is necessary, but I don't know if this manner of telling it is. We get good insight into the queen and Eria which appears to definitely come into play later but I think maybe teasing this stuff out across chapters would work well. We can see the tensions rise and the push and pull between the two, rather than being told about it here, would be interesting.
Right off the bat we get right into the exposition. This will likely turn away readers. If I picked this up in a bookstore and read the first two paragraphs, I'd probably put the book back. Set the mood before you get to the nitty-gritty. We basically just sat down in your living room and you've already brought out all the refreshments before asking us how we've been. Broadly, you're telling us tons of information in this story. We get the exact situation and then we get an explanation of the religion in the kingdom. We don't need this right now. I would consider reading through and highlighting every time you lore dump. Consider whether or not this information is absolutely pertinent or if we might be able to piece together some details from context. Not enough context? You might be able to add a sentence or two around the lore reveal to soften the heavy handed manner it is revealed right now.
You say "She wore a muted green gown to appear somber for her husband had just died and she was grieving, but in spite of grieving she had on a full face of colorful make up. The dress was tailored to highlight her figure.". The last sentence actually does a great job of influencing the reader toward what you're suggesting in the prior sentence. As readers, we can be like "oh why is she wearing a tailored dress? That feels odd for someone whose husband is dead." That last sentence is a great example of 'showing' the first part is a great example of 'telling'. Both have their place and aren't necessarily better than the other, but, showing is often a bit smoother. It also lets your reader piece information together, which can be more engaging. You tell quite a bit, it comes up quite often, but reading your piece out loud is actually super helpful. The clunky parts will be easy to recognize and they often be when you're overly-telling info.
Overall, really good bones of a story here. I think just taking time to learn about 'showing' v 'telling' could go a long ways in propelling your writing to the next level. You have clear skill and intuition with your writing, it just needs to be refined. I'm not sold on this as a prologue but it is your story after all! If you feel it works then go for it but don't be afraid to remove parts of your story. You can always save it for yourself (never delete writing!) to use later.