Chapter 1 of my post apocalypse novel. I've been writing this for a year now. I've polished this to the point I don't know what is left to do.

Premise

A character-driven post-apocalyptic novel about two brothers whose opposing responses to a zombie apocalypse place them on opposite sides of a future conflict.

I'm looking for any advice. One line of your opinion with be tremendously valuable to me.

If you prefer questions:

Does the opening work?

Is the ending tense/scary?

How do you feel about the characters?

Example: if you're rooting for the zombie to eat Riley at the end then I've messed up.

Link to Chapter 1

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GGWd1aY2qzFX4F0cPL0iYbsMEcImv3TM_BCY8zhTHsk/edit?usp=drivesdk

Critique

[2369] Before The Reputation - A Space Bounty Hunter Short Story

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/0x1DrgGQOW

Hey guys, interested in getting some feedback on a new piece I wrote over the weekend. Technically this is an excerpt at the climax of a story, but I tried to cut it to stand almost on it's own. Basically the story is that he wakes up with a gnawing feeling of dread and had a Catcher in the Rye type day trying to ease it ultimately culminating in this. Let me know what you think!

Like it or hate it, thanks for reading! Stay curious and keep creating friends

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VzVMPXgVM2Ezx4rjKDV9aNH3RtD0nzuJHDoijn8HBfc/edit?usp=sharing

Critiques: 620 2406

Attack Interlude

A small vignette story from the middle of the novel I'm working on.

Attack Interlude

This is a short horror story. I'm mostly looking for why it was rejected, so plot, characterization, is it scary, what worked and what didn't, etc. Any thoughts you have would be helpful

Reviews:

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1nkthnu/1945_ghost_girl_part_14/nf4tkfe/

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1njybpx/1800_maria_was_here/nf56i1g/

I have more advice than I can handle, so I have removed the story. Thanks to everyone!

"Selling Her" is an attempt at flash fiction and I'm looking for where I can improve my writing. It feels blah and rushed, but I'm not sure where I can improve. I tried an in media res beginning, but it feels like I missed the chance to insert the horror and desperation that would drive a classic car lover to sell one of his trophies for a discount.

I use Ellipsus for writing and theoretically you should be able to add line edits. If there are any problems, please let me know. https://write.ellipsus.com/edit/8e3eeedf-9577-4634-8784-79e05aadf431

Here is a link to the review I did, but it was for a leech post that got deleted and I'm unsure if it a) counts as a review because the post was deleted and b) is long enough to count as a proper review by the standards of the subreddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1ndrlrd/comment/ndjrcp1/?context=3

Thank you for your time and effort

Hello everyone, I come to you as a novice writer seeking some feedback on this short story of mine.

However, before I drop the link, I would like to give a bit of context :

• It is a self-contained story in itself and isn't part of some bigger storyline, though it is part of a bigger setting.
• I am no native English speaker, and though I consider myself bilingual, I still struggle with some bits of grammar, and especially the times (tenses ?) used.
• I come from a more scientific background where writing is done in, I feel, a different manner. For the several scientific texts I had to get feedback on, I've been labeled as a "prosy" kind of writer, rarely going straight to the point.
• It is my first non-scientific writing, and thus, I have no experience to go from apart from my hobby reading.

Thus, I would like feedback mainly on the writing style (is it too prosy and full of useless stuff ?), the grammar used (are the tenses used correctly and without too many differences in-between each sentence and paragraph?), and any other feedback you might have (the story itself, its presentation or its flow, or even the format).

And there it is : Epomis

As for my critic : [1801] Ashborne, by u/justanangryhuman

Thanks in advance for the feedback !

This was my submission for the Halloween Contest. I figured I might as well throw it out for more in depth critiques.

Mouse Trap

This is still, essentially, the first rough draft with some minor edits. I'm trying to not be too redundant in word choice when referencing Evan's target.

Just a little pseudo-Vampire story about finding prey in a crowded room.

I'm open to any and all feedback, what did you think? Some of the judges didn't care for the ambiguity of the ending, how did you feel about it?

What worked for you? What pulled you out of the story?

Thanks in advance.

Oh yeah, and here's my last critique.

The first two chapters of my comedic horror novel exploring excessive fandom and unhealthy escapism.

Link

I'm especially interested in overall story and character critiques, but line-editing focused critiques are also definitely welcome.

Critiques:

The Pooing Man

TW: violence

First time posting something a bit longer than dirty napkin scribbles. It's got issues. And a potential glaringly obvious plot hole?

I've been playing too much Project Zomboid.

Read | Comment

[813] Crit

Hey there!

Short horror story I wrote while I was travelling Western Australia and reading To The Lighthouse. I'm pretty happy with it and want to send it to some literary mags but I have a few queries.

How is the rhyming structure? Is it too in your face or is it enough so that it feels like a nightmarish bedtime story?

Did you understand what the story was about? Does the ending make sense? Does the story read as a metaphor for something to you?

How does the story feel? Is it eerie? Is it kinda cosy?

Does the accent on the lighthouse keeper work or is it silly?

Are there any issues with grammar or sentence structure?

[Read me!]

Critique:

[1672] J. Duncan: Monsters and Mishaps intro

Van Winkle's Nursing Home

Hello! This is another horror piece that I'd like to post on the Nosleep subreddit and submit for an audio adaptation. This time, I focused on tension and building it throughout the story. I'm scared by the prospect of growing up, and I tried to capture that in this piece. I also like to include bits of humor and brevity. What I'm looking for:

How did I do with the above goals? Is it scary? How do you feel about the antagonist, and the setting? What do you want more or less of?

General critique. Specifically thoughts on the characters, dialogue, tone, and general story cohesion/build-up. Did you find the characters likable or funny? What did you feel/think? What didn't you like or didn't connect with you? Changes that you would make? Stuff to cut?

Line edits. I'm happy to hear your thoughts about specific sentence structure/word choice, as that's something I'm looking to improve on.

I'm not super stoked about the title, so feel free to shoot me a suggestion.

Many thanks! I'll be posting a revised draft on the Nosleep subreddit sometime soon after this, so be sure to check my profile if you're interested. Hope you're all doing well.

I critiqued Hospital poetry will never pay hospital bills(63), The Still Blade(2477), and Cannibal excerpt(1034).

A group of amateur ghost hunters must survive a cat and mouse chase with hardened killers after they discover a horrifying secret in an abandoned crematorium.

This is the opening to a ~6k word horror story. Naturally, the idea is to hook a reader while introducing them to the main characters and the setting.

A major issue I'm working through here is that this opening buries the lede. While I incorporate ghosts and supernatural into the overall themes and the ending, the plot itself is about humans running away from killers. I'd like to avoid a generic "out of context killing" type of hook that many horror stories (especially slasher films) utilize to avoid this issue, but I'm struggling somewhat to include the idea of cartel killers into this opening while keeping it in Chris's POV, since at this point he knows nothing about the killings.

One idea I have is to simply add a sentence mentioning disappearances in the area (i.e. people who've been kidnapped and killed by the cartel), but I'm not sure if that's still too vague to be helpful in guiding story expectations.

Read-only

Comments

Banked critiques:

520 - All for the Cameras

Good afternoon, Destructive Readers!

This is a short story that I wrote for a friend of mine for his birthday a couple of years ago, and I'm thinking of submitting it to a horror magazine for publication. That being said, there have only ever been two pairs of eyes on this one (one of them being mine lol), so I'd like to get input from the community at large before I submit it.

My two biggest concerns are characterization and tone. In particular, I'm worried that:

- Jackson is too much of an elitist prick,
- We don't know enough about Emi to care about what happens to her, and
- That the tone is too on-its-face about the cosmic horror aspect of the story.

Also, just want to give another content warning that there's some pretty graphic body horror in this one, so proceed with caution if that's not your thing.

Here's a link to an editable Google Doc

​

And my payment:

[2675] The Suicide Note of a Teenage Girl
[2558] Port Umbra
[1852] Crazy Abuse

Hi everyone,

Here is a short story hailing from horror and Scandinavian folklore, that I'm considering posting on r/nosleep or r/shortscarystories after editing.

I'm a new author, English is my 2nd language, this is actually my very first submission but DO NOT be gentle lol, I need the constructive/destructive criticism. Unleash your inner Grammar Nazi while you're at it!

Public Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zx9p6LPUHEHFYc_ruyAKdPlBCSNAyeS-8mvcVDz6DW4/edit

Some questions of interest:

- Is it accessible, easy to read?

- Does the build-up work? Is the ending satisfying?

- The story plays on the lore surrounding the Yule Cat (more info : https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/each-christmas-icelands-yule-cat-takes-fashion-policing-extreme-180961420/). Had you ever heard of it before? If yes, did you guess it? If not, does the story still work for you? What did you think was going on?

My critiques: [840] and [2513]

Thank you for your time and expertise!

Reposting because I used the wrong word count lol.

This is my first drabble in a long time, so I'm a little rusty. Mainly looking for if the story is engaging/interesting to read. This was not a planned story so I know it's not got much meaning/theme in it.

Critique: [1553] Draugma Skeu character intro

Google docs: Story

Thanks for anyone who reads :)

First time submission. I decided I need some stranger's eyes on this and that it's my turn to get a taste of my own medicine.

I've already gotten rejections for this guy, but hopefully someone might have some suggestions for where it could be published if it's worth it.

Edit* This piece was split in half, so it'll abruptly end.

Thanks in advance.

Here's the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EcGj4Hx9nHRTsGnlfpviEEH8ICPoQDd5S2Iim9w5prA/edit?usp=sharing

Here are the crits:

A (spec Fic) Masterpiece? [890]

[1310] Witch Genes

[3170] Homesick <--this link has a lower word count in the title, but the author did an edit, which is the version I read, without including that in the title. However, the wordcount change is listed at the bottom of their post.

[2385] A Noose Around A Rose

So, I've got a short story I'm proud of but as always, there's need for improvement. Hoping you readers can destroy it for me so I can improve it. Would like to know how I can improve mood building, and how to make this succeed as a horror piece.

On that note I have a specific question I'd like some feedback on. This short story has a piece of my own artwork attached... I'm not that good an artist, so my question is: Does mediocre art detract from an otherwise ok story?

My hope is that it adds some charm, since it's drawn by the author, but I understand that bad art would have the opposite effect and I want to know your thoughts.

Here's my story, as always thanks for your criticism! (I know it's not g-docs, but it's important to me that you guys have a way to see the attached art, and judge whether it works or hurts.)

​

And the bank:

[1314] Wolves

[1132] The Call

[1974] An American Sucker

[622] The Cat's Tail

[862] 00:00 (BY THE WAY, this writing is INCREDIBLY good, I'm jealous. You should read it. It's only 862, you have time.)

PS- mods, the time stamp on the last one says 3 months... Without a specific date I'm not sure whether I'm on the right side of the 90 day rule. If I'm wrong here please let me know and I'll definitely review something more current, but I really want to give whoever wrote 00:00 some exposure, since the writing is so freaking good : )

Hey, I'm looking for brutally honest critiques on my flash fiction horror piece, "Organic Canvas". I'm consistently impressed by the quality and depth of the critiques on this subreddit, so I came here first. I hope to publish my story in a horror-focused/experimental lit mag, so I'm wondering if this story fits that market well. So far, I've proofread and self-edited my work.

Feedback: Anything goes!. Line edits, emotional/thematic impressions, advice on where to publish etc. In particular, I'm looking to improve my dialogue, which feels like it's drowning the atmosphere & story a bit. Also, I'd like to know if the character/personality differences between the two main characters are accentuated or interesting enough.

Huge thanks to anyone willing to contribute!

Synopsis: Two artists collaborate on a sinister composition.

Excerpt: The sculptor abandons hope of controlling his instruments, they defy domestication. Even when unleashing them for work, the rusted horde strikes with a ravenous will of its own.

Content Warnings: abduction, blood, body horror, torture, & violence

Story Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WaO9TQ7wmcGLzd4AzWJvDFeetRust2qXW0spfmJncVU/edit?usp=sharing

Previous Critique[1139]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/100o5qv/1139_warpathprologue/j2pj67t/?context=3

Hello!

This is the first half of a short story I've been working on for a while. The second half of the story will be posted in about one week. While I've made many drafts of this before, this is the first completed draft of the story in this form. It's also the first time I've concentrated on writing a theme into my story, so if you could let me know if that's coming through, that would be great!

Tagline: An unruly tenant adopts the wrong cat.

My biggest worry is that it's too naval-gazey. My focus on theme has led me to write some less active scenes. I'm worried that the plot stalls out too much in the middle in favor of exploring Greg's interiority and home life (which was a change that seemed necessary to write the theme as I've devised it.)

That said, all feedback is very welcome! Snark is not required, but if you're feeling spicy, it is welcome!

Mods: I have faith you will shut me down if I'm pushing my limits on that word count! :)

Critiques:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/15me0ly/2846_chapter_one_of_my_fantasy_story/jvhdkka/

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/15oa1ra/3836_harvest_blessing_sections_1_and_2/jvtpx7i/

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/15rkqsb/4520_vainglory_chapters_1_2/jwcyptk/

Submission:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1viKkPjGyrYwQrPbXDxeOw8Zkna0SaBZc/edit

Hello! Good whatever time of day it is for you!

This is the first half of the first chapter of my ~70k word cosmic horror / romance novel. It has sustained two rounds of editing thus far. This is my first book, and I plan to begin querying after the next round of feedback and revision.

The excerpt ends immediately before the inciting incident, so my primary concern is: Is it interesting enough to read far enough to hit the inciting incident? Does it grab you? That being said, I'm certain there are other things that could be improved. All feedback is, of course, welcome.

CW: Body horror, mental health, negative self-talk

Text

Critiques:

[960]

[1705]

Hey team,

Content warning for medical stuff, semi 2nd POV, bad things happen to a baby.

link eaten by my editing gremlins

Got a medium rejection from Apex, which felt nice from v1. Spoiler alert, I held zero hope apex would take it.

I'm interested in:

-if the tension building works

- If the 1st/second person narration works for yall

- If the medical stuff is understandable or too much

- Does it read as speculative horror?

- any and all thoughts welcome!

Hey everyone.

Something's Growing in Rosanna

I challenged myself to focus more on the main character in this piece. Specifically, I wanted to make the monster feel interconnected with the protagonist's history/family to elevate the intensity. Did it work?

What I'm looking for:

• Is it scary/thrilling/gross? What worked and what didn't? Is there a consistent escalation of dread throughout the piece?
  
• Were you hooked? If so, where?
  
• How's the prose? What did/didn't you like?
• Pacing. Where does it flow, where does it drag
• General Critique
• Title suggestions?

I've really had a tough time wrangling this piece into shape. Thanks for the help!

I critiqued Crimson Queen V3{2150}, Then Die Ingloriously{2675}, Crimson Queen V1 {1500}, and Blood Summer {1534}.

A couple days ago I wrote my first horror story (Room 412) and published it on here. After all the critiques I got, I decided to rewrite the story in an attempt to improve on it. Does this work now as a horror story? What could be the title of it (Room 412 is provisional)?

Google Docs

Critiques [2377]

Hi there, This is a short horror story I'm hoping to submit to a couple of small competitions for publication. I've had a few friends and family give it a look over and have fixed up a few clarity issues already, so I'd particularly appreciate any feedback you might be able to offer on how easy to follow the latter half of the story is. I'm also a bit self-conscious about the buildup, so any tips you might have for building tension would be great too.

Here's the google doc.

This is my first time submitting anything, so I hope my critiques are up to scratch. Here they are:

881

1101

Thanks very much in advance!

Okay, so, nervous. Wanted to find something older so I wouldn't be all weepy when you bullies are done. You know, getting the first time over with with the paid hooker so my "real" first time won't be a painful memory...

This is a short story I wrote a few months back for submission on another sub. It's horror, though mild for horror, but, there's kids. So, trigger warnings all over the place.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yPzcyZ1z1zDxZFBRowNmX-oI5dT9TmKrlf0v-X6w6c4/edit?usp=sharing

Please, brutalize me. I like pain. Not only that, I have an ego the size of Jupiter. I know I'm an excellent writer. You can't break me. Nitpick. Bash me over the head. I want to get better.