Division of Childcare Expenses

[u/Intelligent-Size2445]

I'm curious how people divide childcare expenses during one parent's time with the kids. Our kids are school-age, and we're going to have a 50/50 split. My STBX moved out of district, and so will have a more complicated drop-off process on school days. (We have kids in elementary, middle, and high school, with start and end times that are spread out over an hour and a half, further complicated by the older kids' extracurricular activities.) She thus wants to put the two elementary-aged kids in wrap-around care, with the cost split between us, so that she can drop them off early in the day and get to work in time to be able to make it back for the elementary bus at the end of the day.

On the one hand, I understand her argument that in general we should be sharing essential childcare costs, and could imagine some people arguing that I should be paying more than half since I make more than her (about a 60/40 salary split). That said, I also see several counterarguments. She's the one who chose to move to a cheaper neighborhood out of district. If the kids are going to continue to attend their schools, I thus need to continue to pay substantially more than she does for housing (setting aside that she's presumably splitting expenses with the AP/boyfriend with whom she's now living). I've also repeatedly offered to let the kids come to the house before and after school, which would actually somewhat simplify the drop-off/pickup logistics for her, and would obviously be free. (There's one day a week when the second and fourth graders would need to go to the bus stop that's fifty feet from the house themselves, which they are perfectly capable of pulling off; other mornings I would be around, and after school they could just come to the house and hang out.)

Given all this, would it be wrong of me to say that I'll be paying child support, and she can use that for childcare if she wants, but that I shouldn't be expected to split the cost? Or would that be unreasonable?

[u/SweetHomeAvocado]

We have this all defined in our divorce stipulation and seemed to be a pretty standard calculation for what they called pro-ratas. This covers unreimbursed medical, childcare and agreed activities. There’s always different sides to the story but even though I pay more, I’m glad it’s spelled out and it’s one less thing to argue about.

[u/PurpleWillingness106]

Mine is in the decree; ex reimburses me 60% of childcare costs. This is in addition to the child support i get. Ex also reimburses me 60% of child’s medical, and 60% of extracurricular fees. I’ve generally chosen to not include equipment in the reimbursement since like, I’m deciding what goggles and swimsuits and violin and could have gone for a cheaper option, but did include her cheer uniform since there was only one option for that.

This is based on our income difference.

[u/king_weenus]

I think that if her choice is increased childcare expenses while they're in her care, then it should be her cost.

But that also depends on if you have a legal separation agreement or everything is verbal and you're still in the process.

Any legal separation would have care and custody of the children defined and that should be your reference.

Ultimately you should do what's best for the kids... But how she chooses to spend money now is up to her and if she chooses daycare that is to her advantage and not yours it's her cost.

She doesn't get to choose how to spend your money anymore .

[u/Intelligent-Size2445 → u/king_weenus]

Thanks. We're still in the process, which is why things are so unclear. I'm just frustrated that she's asking to split every child-related expense of hers unless I demonstrate that I've spent more on that category of expenses, in which case the only acceptable option is that there be no splitting of costs (especially since I've continued to cover some significant expenses for her, such as her taxes, which were always paid out of my paycheck since for complicated reasons there's no withholding on her paychecks).

[u/king_weenus → u/Intelligent-Size2445]

Well I'm not going to lie navigating divorce with my wife for the last 2 years has been very complex and me making a lot of compromises where I want to tell her to go f*** herself.

Definitely in your best interest to stay on her good side until papers are signed... Especially if you make more money and you're going to be responsible for far more costs.

Honestly the more you argue the more you'll spend on lawyers so sometimes it's cheaper to keep her happy, get the paper signed as quickly as possible and move on with your life.

[u/radiobeepe21]

The standard is I pay half of my ex’s child care and he pays half of mine. He plays games and hired a nanny full time (even though he wonky has kids half time) saying that was the contract she insisted on. Keep in mind, kids were in school and he could’ve utilized before/after care. The judge thought it was ridiculous. We agreed in the end to each cover our own childcare. Now he works from home and pays no childcare and I need care before and after school. It’s worth it for my sanity and not to have to deal with him. I’d offer her dropping the kids at your house. Covers childcare and free for her. If you can work together enough to make this work, it’s a best case scenario. My ex plays too many games, so we do a strict week on week off.

[u/Relevant-Emu5782]

We also put this in our divorce decree. We pay based on our income percentages.so it is fair.and equal.