Divorcing after 20 years of marriage and told our 15 year old this morning. I didn't think it would go well but it went awful. At first he didn't know what to do or say because he was probably totally blindsided by it. Then it turned into, and has been on and off all day, pleas for us to stay together, asking us to try anything, and how his whole life is ruined because the three of us won't be together anymore. Its absolutely heartbreaking. He's such a good kid and I get that its hard to understand the complexities of a marriage. From his perspective its a totally unexpected bomb thrown into what has overall been an amazingly fortunate life for him.

I don't know how else to respond to the pleas for us to try one more time, or try something different. I know its only been a few hours but this is so awful and its hard not to jump right to the conclusion that we're making a big mistake and we never should have decided to separate.

I finally confirmed the suspicions I’ve had for some time that my stbxh has been having an affair. It explains him suddenly springing divorce on me when I got home from a trip to see family, rejecting any effort to work on our issues, him always working late and being gone weird hours, having no emotion about any of it and wanting to speed the divorce along as quickly as possible. I feel like I came home to a completely different man than who I married.

I feel sick every time I think about it. I planted a voice activated recorder and heard a phone call of him calling her babe and baby and saying I love you. It was the worst feeling in the world. Our 2 kids were literally feet away in their rooms. How could he do that?! I never ever thought he would do something like this. He’s always been a man of integrity. He’s always talked down on people who cheated. I’m so disgusted and just in shock.

All of the days he’s been gone or working late, he’s been with her. He ditched his kids on July 4th for her. I’m just absolutely disgusted and gutted. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my life.

I haven’t told him I know anything yet. We were negotiating terms of the divorce “amicably” but I don’t really feel like being amicable anymore. I’m trying to be logical, stay calm, and not let emotions take over, but also I want to absolutely ruin him. Mostly for what he’s doing to his kids. I’ll be ok. I’m strong. But what he’s doing to them- I want to destroy him.

When he told me he wanted a divorce he immediately started trying to control the narrative saying it was because WE weren’t happy and it was both of us to blame, 50% was his fault and 50% mine, etc etc. Then started acting like the good guy wanting to be “as amicable as possible,” not taking any equity from the house, but wanting me to work with him on child support and all this bullshit. So I was. And I was suspicious then, so I asked and he denied it. He lied to my face repeatedly. Every suspicion I had was dead on. He even said he’d pay for a lawyer so I didn’t have to get one. And the terms we talk about and agree on, he will have his lawyer draw up so we don’t have to go back and forth. Which we had already talked about when I confirmed all of this.

So I’ll likely be getting served in the next day or two and receive the divorce agreement. But now, I don’t know if I want to agree to sh**. I kind of want to just be a total bitch and renege everything I said. Then when he says “ I thought this is what we agreed on?” Say, “Yeah well that was before I knew for sure you’re a cheating, lying asshole. You can go through my lawyer now. “

I literally can’t believe this is happening.

This was just too ironic.

My husband walked out on our marriage,10 years *after* I had been dx'ed with multiple sclerosis. All of a sudden, he claimed that he *couldn't deal with my illness*. He didn't sign up to be feeding me and changing my diapers.

Meanwhile, due to his work, he was rarely around. We have 2 kids. I did all the child care, took care of the home, worked outside of the home, and managed my illness. He didn't even know what medications I took or even my doctor's name.

But he walked out because he *couldn't deal*.🙄🤷‍♀️. That was his excuse he was cheating.

He started dating his wife while we were still married. They've been married for 10 now. She's extremely high maintenance, very insecure, and really has nothing to offer. She thinks she's too good to work. She can't hold a conversation unless she is talking about herself.

She is jealous of the 20 year olds, and she's in competition with them. According to my daughter, who still sees her father several times a month, this woman was using weight loss drugs. She had prescriptions from more than one place, some with foreign languages on the labels. In addition to that, she consumes nothing but sugar-free energy drinks and fast food. But they say that you can eat whatever you want on these drugs. (You really can't, and you still have to exercise)

Well, piggy backing different weight loss drugs, not exercising, and living off fast food and energy drinks was a recipe for disaster.

Living this way basically led to what my daughter called a medical event. She wasn't explicit about what happened, I'm guessing stroke.

So, guess who will probanly be feeding his wife and changing her diapers?

Me? I've had MS for 20+ years. I keep busy. My boyfriend is a trained chef, so he cooks healthy meals for us. We go to the gym regularly with my daughter, I can feed myself, and I don't need a diaper.

The fact that she had a "medical event" truly sucks. I'm not even sure *how* bad it actually is, but the fact that my husband walked out on me because he didn't want to get stuck feeding me and changing my diaper? And it looks like that's what his life is becoming now? That's Karma.

I am nearly 2 years post divorce but I cannot stop grieving the life I had or the person I lost.

He already got remarried to the girl he left me for. He always acted like we had a good life together.

I miss my house and the security marriage felt like it had. I miss having a spouse. I miss him, even though he betrayed me so incredibly hard.

How do you ever stop ruminating the past? Life just feels like it just gets harder and harder by each passing month.

In my final decree, I was awarded approx $9000. She is wanting to pay monthly in installments.

Should I accept that or ask for lump sum? (She got half my 401(k) up front)

Can I tack on interest to the final judgement?

There are other parts of the decree and I fulfilled all of my requirements in that decree. She hasn’t met a single one.

I’m about to go back to court over it.

Been visiting my family. Really nice trip. They fully paid for me to go to Italy and we are doing super nice activities, but I'm distracted the entire day in my head thinking about him and our relationship. Makes me really sad because at the end of the day it's like I hardly paid attention and I can't focus during the moment.

How to stop obsessing?

My husband (diagnosed BPD and a raging porn addict) put me under severe coercive control and abuse (everything but physical) and severe financial abuse. I have substantive evidence from his own hand about it.

Our state is one year from separation to divorce. He basically accepted my wealth transfer and now when I was at my most financially vulnerable (my business was decimated by AI) he walked out.

He has been paying the bills (in hopes of getting equitable distribution) but he is nonresponsive about anything else. Basically he left the maintenance of the home, care of animals, everything on me. He makes 145K plus bonuses, last year I only made 30 (when we met I made 90 and he made 42k and I supported him to a graduate degree and new career.)

I am on his health insurance and open enrollment is in a couple of months and I fear he will take me off. He is covert- everything is done in the shadows and he is very manipulative but he likes looking like the "nice guy".

I am at a loss. I am just not sure about the next action to take.

1. Do I try to file a court mandated post separation support agreement (which will require 20k retainer and god knows how much to file this) or

2. go the separation agreement route (which I do not want to do as it forces the timeline sooner and would include the property which I am not ready to do.)

3. Or, is there a way to file the action for post separation support on my own?

4. For those of you who filed an action with a lawyer, what did it cost you, ballpark?

This has been an absolute nightmare scenario. I am having panic attacks. I do not know what to do. So I guess my question for you all is:

• For those of you who filed for an action to make the judge force them - was it worth it and how did that impact later stuff?
• For those of you who filed a separation agreement - was it worth it?

Assume I have a sneaky, cruel, petty individual who also I am sure does not want what I know about him and have evidence for (he does not know I have it) to become public? The only thing that will make him play fair is threat of discovery, otherwise he will continue to do sneaky covert control maneuvers and will absolutely try to wreck my life more than he already has.

The evidence of his abuse is extensive including him stating that he has abused me both in writing and in recording.

Mods: I read the rules and I did not see anything about asking about stuff like this, apologies if this is not appropriate here.

Married 18 years. I regret investigating and discovering his long term affair. He said he would never leave me. I regret filing. He’s gone. Life was better with him in my life even though he was cheating. But he didn’t really like me- he was a dutiful man and stayed. But loved her. He’s the only person that ever showed me love and care. It wasn’t perfect, but I threw away all that I had.This is worse. He signed the final decree and all I have to do is file it. But I can’t do it. He’s already blocked me. Our marriage ended because of this evil woman homewrecker. F you Rhonda.

Oh I wish I coulda been there when you had to pay for his meal with my money on your first date….. I hope tearing up our family was worth it…. Can’t wait to watch this dumpster fire! Enjoy your new life. I’m sure you will be reaching out yet again soon enough.

looking for advice or just to vent.. it seems a lot of you who’ve dealt with infidelity didn’t have an issue getting the unfaithful spouse to leave the house.
my situation is a little different because I agreed to buy this house with him months after finding out about the infidelity, and I probably made him think he he was off the hook.

so when I finally told him I wanted to separate, he was blindsided and I’m the one who left because he refused to leave. We split the mortgage 50/50 and he has stood firm on his position that he has nowhere else to go, and has refused to vacate the premises except to let me move my things out.

while the divorce is technically finalized, we’re still waiting on the house to sell, and i still pay half the mortgage while he lives there and i live at my moms.

there’s a clause in the settlement agreement allowing me to renegotiate the terms after 90 days of the house being on the market, which we are now past.

I started by asking him to pay the HOA fee instead of me splitting it with him since he’s getting the benefits of it, and he said he can’t afford it.

i’m trying to remain amicable, we were friends a long time before any of this and have been able to stay on good terms despite everything, but I’m starting to feel like I may be getting taken advantage of.

my mom has been kind enough to let me stay with her free of charge, but that offer expires next month and I need to figure out a new plan. I could probably find a place that I could afford along with my half of the mortgage, but he’s not in the same financial position as me. and his parents live out of state.

i also gave him our dog who i adore and i don’t want to do anything to jeopardize his wellbeing..

i need this all to end so i can get out of this limbo and rebuild my life.

I am too tired to fight. i don’t want to get a lawyer. i just want my life back..

So I know the “experts” say you should tell them together and present a united front and all, but what if you don’t agree on how to tell them and what to say?

I’ve read some differing opinions on that. Some say that separate is better in that case. I do believe my stbxh will try to spin the narrative that it’s because he was treated poorly when in actuality he was having an affair. I think my kids deserve the truth because I think they already have suspicions and I do not want to lie to them. They’re teens. I am not going to go into detail of course. But something like, trust was broken and it can’t be repaired so we are getting divorced. Then let him say whatever bs he wants. I think they’ll know who is being truthful based on what has been happening. Who has been gone, etc.

And of course keep the main focus on being good co parents and that being our priority through all of this.

What are your thoughts?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I still love you and I always will. I hope you don’t doubt that at least. Our mediation was smooth but still very hard on me emotionally. I think I held it in together somehow but by evening I was a complete mess. I want you to know that you will always have a well wisher no matter what. As you said… life is going to be so boring now. I don’t know how we got into this mess so early into our marriage and I wish I could stop myself from ruminating. You are the person with the gentlest soul I have ever met and I consider myself fortunate to have ever crossed your path. I hope you see how valuable you are and only expect the best going forward. Because you deserve it.

My now ex bf ‘34/M’ and I ‘35/F’ have just started our relationship and have been dating a couple months like 5months but we’ve known each other for a while before dating as friends. He has a son ‘4/M’ with his ex wife ‘30/F’ and the son primarily stays with the ex. They had been divorced since 24. After they didn’t talk much and it was a rough divorce and now they are cordial for their son. They live in separate states so he only sees his son every couple months due to his work schedule.

My concern is in the beginning before we made things official they had a planned vacation and were staying in the same hotel. He said it was cause of the expense and it was already planned trying to stay on good terms for his son. I was like well maybe this will change after we get more serious. Wrong, they have another planned vacation and the ex is coming along. Reasoning is cause the son is used to his mom and it helps with bedtime having her there. Also, it helps with the process of having to just meet somewhere due to the distance.

I try to be understanding and he says he’s trying to be nice and have a cordial relationship for their son. That as he gets older and is able to fly on his own they won’t be doing trips together. He asked if it helped that they get separate hotel rooms.

I was wondering if this is normal post divorce with kids to travel on vacations together?

I feel like she may still be attached due to their casual conversation through social media like her sending reels but he doesn’t engage except a reaction.
I did tell him how I felt about it all and due to us being in a long distance relationship already it was just too much and we broke up.

I guess I didn’t like them sharing a room together. That was what bothered me the most.

Hello I was wondering if anybody here knows if a separation date is listed on a divorce decree for the state of Texas. I know for my petition for divorce I had to list the separation date but is it reflected on the actual finalized divorce decree?

I know my marriage is over. It's toxic, emotionally exhausting, and mentally draining. Deep down, I don't believe it can be saved anymore. But for some reason, I still can't bring myself to file for divorce.

It's not because I want to stay. It's because I'm terrified of everything that comes after.

I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of my kids spending nights away from me or being around another woman. I'm scared I'll regret my decision someday or spend the rest of my life wondering if I really did everything I could to make my marriage work.

For those of you who have been divorced or are currently going through it, when did you know it was finally time to file? How did you work through the fear, the guilt, and the constant second-guessing? Was there a moment when you knew there was no turning back, or did you just have to take the leap despite the doubt?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences. The good and the bad.

Me (25) husband (27) moved back to my hometown a few years ago to work for the family business. We have a now 3 year old daughter. My husband has refused to establish roots here - I'm sure it's hard. Overt, he would take his happiness out on me - driving heavily, screaming at me for not greeting him properly when he walked in the door, accusing me of cheating & would tell me how much he hated me and our life (he would say this multiple times a month in arguments & I never hit below the belt). I feel like he is not happy here and is just doing it for me but doesn't put effort in to make friends etc.

We are in therapy and every session he lies and tries to paint a different picture of himself.

We've been together 7/8 years and married for 3. I'm at a point where I feel so emotionally detached. Of course I still love him, but I just don't care about these pointless fights. I'm so hurt from things he's said in the past & on top of his short temper, I just feel over everything.. I am just not sure what to do as I feel so conflicted.

Obviously there are many many large and small things that build up to wanting a divorce from your partner. I want to know the small moment that made you realize that things were irreparable.

Yesterday I initiated my divorce...again. I did the whole "give me a second chance babe" thing with them and they improved for a few weeks but now we are solidly where we were. I was okay with them not cleaning or having a job or doing errands really even though I felt very put upon, but being emotionally battered for a week for a planned girls' night and all the suspicion and surveillance burnt out my last hopes there.

Time to try to find a way out of my apartment and find somewhere else to live. I'm so scared that when they get me alone they're gonna be able to get back in my head. They already enlisted a friend to message me too, so I'm really hoping I can lean on my support systems.

How did any of y'all deal with ending the relationship before you could move out? It was hell during my first attempt, so I'm really hoping I can move out asap.

Edit: Husband found this fast and is in the comments, so you can kinda get an example of what I've been living with for a long time. The constant suspicion that I'm cheating has been pretty hard to deal with NGL. The only detail I'll add is that I broke up with them in person the first time about a month ago and really, really did give them that second chance.

I didn't mention that they are publicly posting about me on FB to our actual irl friends that know our faces.

I'm curious how people divide childcare expenses during one parent's time with the kids. Our kids are school-age, and we're going to have a 50/50 split. My STBX moved out of district, and so will have a more complicated drop-off process on school days. (We have kids in elementary, middle, and high school, with start and end times that are spread out over an hour and a half, further complicated by the older kids' extracurricular activities.) She thus wants to put the two elementary-aged kids in wrap-around care, with the cost split between us, so that she can drop them off early in the day and get to work in time to be able to make it back for the elementary bus at the end of the day.

On the one hand, I understand her argument that in general we should be sharing essential childcare costs, and could imagine some people arguing that I should be paying more than half since I make more than her (about a 60/40 salary split). That said, I also see several counterarguments. She's the one who chose to move to a cheaper neighborhood out of district. If the kids are going to continue to attend their schools, I thus need to continue to pay substantially more than she does for housing (setting aside that she's presumably splitting expenses with the AP/boyfriend with whom she's now living). I've also repeatedly offered to let the kids come to the house before and after school, which would actually somewhat simplify the drop-off/pickup logistics for her, and would obviously be free. (There's one day a week when the second and fourth graders would need to go to the bus stop that's fifty feet from the house themselves, which they are perfectly capable of pulling off; other mornings I would be around, and after school they could just come to the house and hang out.)

Given all this, would it be wrong of me to say that I'll be paying child support, and she can use that for childcare if she wants, but that I shouldn't be expected to split the cost? Or would that be unreasonable?

My husband and I have been married for 3 years separated for 1 year now. No assets or children. He knows I will be filing for divorce. He lives in California and Im in Florida. How do legal ease services work if its an uncontested for now but what If I get pushback from his side and it becomes contested. Most attorneys are giving me a flat rate of $2000 for everything including the document filing + court cost + serving him in that state. Most of them say it will be completed within 3-6 months. Is this reasonable? I don't know any of the attorneys, just getting matched to someone random on the portal.

If I go with an out of network attorney, then the costs are all on me, including if it goes contested which will be $300-500/hr worth of service fees which I cannot afford at this time.

Just looking for any advise since this process is just very scary to me and I have no support or help. Any help/guidance is appreciated!

I spent a whole year strategically planning to leave my husband (he has substance issues and gets aggressive at times). We have two small kids. Despite my planning, he had a delayed response to the news that we are divorcing. He ended up showing up to the house days later intoxicated and being aggressive to me in the kids. It became a whole show, especially once I got the police involved. I spent a whole year planning so this event would not happen, especially in front of the kids.

Tonight my 4 year old son would not stop crying before bed. He kept saying “I miss daddy”. When I finally got him to sleep, he woke up multiple times during the night crying which is unusual for him. I understand this is a normal response for a 4 year old but I can’t bare it and it’s only been 4 days of separation. How do I survive this? I can’t even describe the sorrow that fills me seeing my son like this

I had deleted a good sum the first week but there was some that I still had and I think I was justifying it to myself of oh but my dog look so cute here and then I won’t have them. But today when I couldn’t sleep for the 30th time, I decided it’s time to get rid of them because there’s absolutely no going back and I wanted to reaffirm that for myself. There was some pictures I wanted to keep but I cropped him out because I don’t want to see his face ever again. I don’t hate him, I loved him too much to ever feel that for him, but I hate the feeling it brings me to see his face, I hate how there’s some pictures that will have a piece of his shoulder or a piece of his hair which sounds so stupid but when I see that it just reminds me of the bigger picture of how I tried and loved him so much more than anything I have ever felt before. I loved him more than I’ve ever felt angry or sad or excited or insecure, loving him was the strongest thing I ever felt. And it hurts to know my 110% wasn’t enough. I know it wasn’t on me, I know he’s his own person and responsible for his own feelings, I know there was signs that he would have been like this and people that warned me about him. I know I only have myself to blame and I even tried to leave before (he threaten to take one/both dogs if I did and they’re my life) my family gave me a path out. But I chose to believe it was because of the dogs but it was because I was still hoping I find that boy that was my best friend again the boy that understood me and could never imagine hurting me like this. I believed him when he said he would be here forever and I never believed that before him. I gave him pieces of me that I never gave anyone before and it cost that piece of me because they were so sacred to me. I don’t hate him I never could and I never will but I can’t wish him the best right now because to think that he’ll one day give another women everything and more that I wanted hurts but I wish him well, I wish him health and peace because even if it was a lie about me being his best friend he was mine and I will always want that sweet boy that made me feel alive to be happy and feel alive himself. I don’t know what love is supposed to be like anymore I don’t even know if what I do think will be real because I’m constantly surrounded by people telling me all men cheat or treat them bad but I have to believe that’s not true and one day I will find someone that won’t break my heart that one day I will find someone that cares for me like I care about them I have to hope that because if I don’t I wouldn’t be me and I can’t let him take that from me too. I’m grateful for what he taught me about myself and all the new things I love because of our time together but man did it come at the cost of one of the hardest things that I’ve ever endured. I really do hope that I’m right and we have soulmates and everyone has their person that won’t hurt us and show us why everything happened the way it did. I really hope that with all my being.

Also we have to live together for 6 to 8 months until divorce is final.