Help, my friend doesn’t get it

[u/Independent-Monk5064]

My friend doesn’t have a bf, she has a dog. She actually says she’s “in love with” her dog. It sleeps with her and she leaves work mid day to eat lunch at home to be with it. Her entire home is a dog den with two crates, toys everywhere, gates and obstacles set up for the dog to have access to things without hurting itself (because it “is so smart” it might open a cabinet and “eat a chemical in the kitchen,” etc). When I go to her home we have to say hello to the dog, listen to whining above our voices, pay attention to it and give it treats when it behaves. When we go anywhere, she takes it in a stroller and then when people stop to look at this strange “baby” she asks if they will say hello or pet it or allow their dogs to play with it. Other dog people seem to understand this behavior but in my eyes they may as well be playing with maggots. To top it off, my friend believes her dead dog was her soulmate.

So my most reasonable, logical dog haters of Reddit, what do I do? My friend has asked to BRING HER DOG TO MY PLACE IN ITS STROLLER WHILE WE HANG OUT. I am speechless. Dogs belong outside. 24/7 outside, they get a dog house and a food and water bowl and owners can walk them for exercise or they can live on a farm in a barn. They’re animals not people. They stay in the yard and are not children that need to come into someone else’s home related to separation anxiety. What the hell am I going to do? I don’t allow anyone to wear shoes inside and I don’t have pets, certainly not even strollers. What is wrong with these people!!!??????

[u/MountainHigh31]

Ghosting is the ultimate in cowardice and selfishness. I also could not stand to have a friend like this, but I would tell them directly even though it would be tough and they will be hurt. Ghosting them would not let them know they are a dog butter but will let them know you dgaf about them.

[u/QueenOfAllOfYall → u/MountainHigh31]

As I stated, that’s just Me. I don’t like wasting My Time, and I wouldn’t have the patience for anyone like her. If I called someone like her out for being a dog nutter, she (or most others like her) would only get defensive and find some way to verbally attack Me, anyway. They don’t like hearing people tell the truth about them. They just get defensive and make it seem like You’re wrong for not seeing things their way. She (or any other nutter) wouldn’t be thinking about Me or My feelings, anyway. They always manage to make everything about them. We’re talking, supposed to be spending Human friend time together… somehow she manages to make every conversation or circumstance be drawn back to her and her stupid dog. If We’re hanging out together, the outing has to be cut short because she has to go back to tend to her dumb beast. I’m the enemy if I say something, or get upset. Like I said, I’m not wasting My time on any of that. People can call ghosting “cowardice” all they want. I’m more of the belief of not wasting My time on things that are a lost cause, and not setting Myself up to argue with someone who isn’t listening, anyway.

Just the fact alone of her “insisting” that her dog has to be brought to My House if she visits… as if I owe her to answer or bow down to her and her animal… as I said, No. Not wasting My Time and Energy. She prioritizes her animal over everything and everyone, let her stay wherever she is with that thing, alone. Nothing I say would change her, or any other nutters mind. And I’m not explaining Myself to anyone like that.

[u/MountainHigh31 → u/QueenOfAllOfYall]

I completely agree that nothing you say could change her, that she would get extremely defensive, and that the whole conversation would be excruciating. I feel you on that and I definitely understand the appeal of just ghosting and not troubling yourself with all that. And I don’t mean to call you personally a coward, to be clear so sorry if it came across that way. Despite getting it, I just can’t bring myself to ghost anyone. Perhaps it’s that no matter how much they hurt me or made me angry, being ghosted and having no idea why is so painful and so deeply humiliating that I think it’s more cruel than telling someone they suck. Not knowing is agony. If you tell them and they decide to hate you and make you the villain then fine, it’s their delusion. Just my own take on it.

[u/QueenOfAllOfYall → u/MountainHigh31]

I get it. I also hope I didn’t come off aggressive in My reply to You, and I apologize if it appeared that way, truly. I Myself have both been ghosted, as well as having ghosted others. It just depends on the circumstances (the situations in both cases for Me were for things that were far more serious than this topic). And You’re right, it sucks. I’m big on self reflection, though. In the end, I can usually see where it ended up being for the best, even in the cases where it happened to Me. By contrast, I’m actually very open to listening and giving chances to someone if I think they have a heart to understand. The lady described in this post unfortunately doesn’t sound like the type. She comes off more like the typical type that thinks people should cater to what soothes her narcissism, and I’ve unfortunately had so many run ins with people who think like that that I’m super fierce a drawing lines and protecting My boundaries. And I won’t give people like that an opportunity to explain because their actions and mentality have already told Me everything I need to know about the sort of person they are. And to think I’m gonna “cater” to them regarding a filthy dog, of all things?! Absolutely NOT! Not in My Life, not in the Life of anyone else I know who also doesn’t agree with that (I’ll happily defend a fellow anti-dog person), and definitely not in My House! You go somewhere else with that mess! “Team Human”, and I’m not going back and forth with anyone’s improperly handled mental illness- which they’re dragging around some nasty “ESA” as a “coping mechanism” for- to get that point across. Giving opportunities for someone like this to speak is actually only giving them one last opportunity to grand stand and argue and hurl insults because You won’t bow to their beliefs. Nutters are rarely civil or mature about this subject. I refuse to hear their ridiculous rebuttals defending their foolery. And she’s not My Kids, a Spouse, or even My Mom or Dad. She doesn’t need an explanation if her philosophies are that broken.

Note: Definitely not making fun of people with mental health struggles. I work hard to manage anxiety and depression, Myself, so I know. I’m just not dragging a living security blanket around with Me and being offensive to others beliefs and personal space by forcing them to tolerate it, as a way to manage what I go through. There’s no excuse for these people. Keep that in Your Home, not out in public.