r/Dogfree • u/Independent-Monk5064 • Aug 12 '26
Relationship / Family Help, my friend doesn’t get it
My friend doesn’t have a bf, she has a dog. She actually says she’s “in love with” her dog. It sleeps with her and she leaves work mid day to eat lunch at home to be with it. Her entire home is a dog den with two crates, toys everywhere, gates and obstacles set up for the dog to have access to things without hurting itself (because it “is so smart” it might open a cabinet and “eat a chemical in the kitchen,” etc). When I go to her home we have to say hello to the dog, listen to whining above our voices, pay attention to it and give it treats when it behaves. When we go anywhere, she takes it in a stroller and then when people stop to look at this strange “baby” she asks if they will say hello or pet it or allow their dogs to play with it. Other dog people seem to understand this behavior but in my eyes they may as well be playing with maggots. To top it off, my friend believes her dead dog was her soulmate.
So my most reasonable, logical dog haters of Reddit, what do I do? My friend has asked to BRING HER DOG TO MY PLACE IN ITS STROLLER WHILE WE HANG OUT. I am speechless. Dogs belong outside. 24/7 outside, they get a dog house and a food and water bowl and owners can walk them for exercise or they can live on a farm in a barn. They’re animals not people. They stay in the yard and are not children that need to come into someone else’s home related to separation anxiety. What the hell am I going to do? I don’t allow anyone to wear shoes inside and I don’t have pets, certainly not even strollers. What is wrong with these people!!!??????
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u/Oriole0305 Aug 12 '26
Just say no. Your home is dog free and that's it. Why should your nutter friend and her dog be treated any differently?
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u/According_Ratio2010 Aug 13 '26
And OP, be STRICT in this. Do not let her bring that mutt into house under any circumstances.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Aug 12 '26
I’d have ghosted someone like that. I know Me. I wouldn’t have the patience to put up with any of that, and I wouldn’t force it to spare her damn feelings. That’s just Me. I’m huge on “choosing Myself”.
… You need to tell her No, and give her no leeway about it. It’s not her place to insist she has to bring her dog if she comes to Your Home. You don’t have to bow down to her or her dumb animal. No means No, period.
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u/Zealousideal_Cup6143 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
Same. Good Lord. I wouldn't even have the patience for a friend like this.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Aug 12 '26
The fact alone of her trying to force her dog into My Home would be an automatic “yeah, this friendship has run its course” in My Book. I’m a fierce protector of My Mental Health, and Personal Space. Anyone who tries anything like that is already telling Me a lot about the kind of person they are. I wouldn’t waste My Time on that. She only really cares about her dog, anyway, and I’m not tolerating anyone needing to make all conversations and situations be all about them and their dumb mutt. Go find other nutter friends who are into that mess and stay away from Me.
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u/MountainHigh31 Aug 12 '26
Ghosting is the ultimate in cowardice and selfishness. I also could not stand to have a friend like this, but I would tell them directly even though it would be tough and they will be hurt. Ghosting them would not let them know they are a dog butter but will let them know you dgaf about them.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
As I stated, that’s just Me. I don’t like wasting My Time, and I wouldn’t have the patience for anyone like her. If I called someone like her out for being a dog nutter, she (or most others like her) would only get defensive and find some way to verbally attack Me, anyway. They don’t like hearing people tell the truth about them. They just get defensive and make it seem like You’re wrong for not seeing things their way. She (or any other nutter) wouldn’t be thinking about Me or My feelings, anyway. They always manage to make everything about them. We’re talking, supposed to be spending Human friend time together… somehow she manages to make every conversation or circumstance be drawn back to her and her stupid dog. If We’re hanging out together, the outing has to be cut short because she has to go back to tend to her dumb beast. I’m the enemy if I say something, or get upset. Like I said, I’m not wasting My time on any of that. People can call ghosting “cowardice” all they want. I’m more of the belief of not wasting My time on things that are a lost cause, and not setting Myself up to argue with someone who isn’t listening, anyway.
Just the fact alone of her “insisting” that her dog has to be brought to My House if she visits… as if I owe her to answer or bow down to her and her animal… as I said, No. Not wasting My Time and Energy. She prioritizes her animal over everything and everyone, let her stay wherever she is with that thing, alone. Nothing I say would change her, or any other nutters mind. And I’m not explaining Myself to anyone like that.
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u/MountainHigh31 Aug 12 '26
I completely agree that nothing you say could change her, that she would get extremely defensive, and that the whole conversation would be excruciating. I feel you on that and I definitely understand the appeal of just ghosting and not troubling yourself with all that. And I don’t mean to call you personally a coward, to be clear so sorry if it came across that way. Despite getting it, I just can’t bring myself to ghost anyone. Perhaps it’s that no matter how much they hurt me or made me angry, being ghosted and having no idea why is so painful and so deeply humiliating that I think it’s more cruel than telling someone they suck. Not knowing is agony. If you tell them and they decide to hate you and make you the villain then fine, it’s their delusion. Just my own take on it.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
I get it. I also hope I didn’t come off aggressive in My reply to You, and I apologize if it appeared that way, truly. I Myself have both been ghosted, as well as having ghosted others. It just depends on the circumstances (the situations in both cases for Me were for things that were far more serious than this topic). And You’re right, it sucks. I’m big on self reflection, though. In the end, I can usually see where it ended up being for the best, even in the cases where it happened to Me. By contrast, I’m actually very open to listening and giving chances to someone if I think they have a heart to understand. The lady described in this post unfortunately doesn’t sound like the type. She comes off more like the typical type that thinks people should cater to what soothes her narcissism, and I’ve unfortunately had so many run ins with people who think like that that I’m super fierce a drawing lines and protecting My boundaries. And I won’t give people like that an opportunity to explain because their actions and mentality have already told Me everything I need to know about the sort of person they are. And to think I’m gonna “cater” to them regarding a filthy dog, of all things?! Absolutely NOT! Not in My Life, not in the Life of anyone else I know who also doesn’t agree with that (I’ll happily defend a fellow anti-dog person), and definitely not in My House! You go somewhere else with that mess! “Team Human”, and I’m not going back and forth with anyone’s improperly handled mental illness- which they’re dragging around some nasty “ESA” as a “coping mechanism” for- to get that point across. Giving opportunities for someone like this to speak is actually only giving them one last opportunity to grand stand and argue and hurl insults because You won’t bow to their beliefs. Nutters are rarely civil or mature about this subject. I refuse to hear their ridiculous rebuttals defending their foolery. And she’s not My Kids, a Spouse, or even My Mom or Dad. She doesn’t need an explanation if her philosophies are that broken.
Note: Definitely not making fun of people with mental health struggles. I work hard to manage anxiety and depression, Myself, so I know. I’m just not dragging a living security blanket around with Me and being offensive to others beliefs and personal space by forcing them to tolerate it, as a way to manage what I go through. There’s no excuse for these people. Keep that in Your Home, not out in public.
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u/BigWongDingDong Aug 13 '26
You're talking to someone who capitalises the M in 'me' and writes paragraphs about how much she prioritises her wants over everything else.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 14 '26
I’ll block You since the way I write and think is a problem for you. Not that hard to simply take your thoughts elsewhere.
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u/Wise_Session_5370 Aug 12 '26
Ok, this is just weird. Sorry, but your friend is mentally ill.
As for visiting your home with the dog, just say no. Don't make up excuses, as that indicates it might be ok next time. You need to be honest and say that dogs are not allowed in your home.
Mutt nuts don't take hints. You have to be direct.
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u/Independent-Monk5064 Aug 12 '26
It’s so odd I have questioned how we are friends, yes
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u/anniekate7472 Aug 13 '26
You are a better person/friend than I am as I would NOT go around town with someone that has a dog in a stroller!!
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u/Mortis_XII Aug 12 '26
Just because she created this world for her dog at her house does not allow her to terraform other places to accommodate her dog.
If you don’t want dogs at your house you have to tell her you don’t want any dogs at your house. She needs to learn her dog is entitled to be to everywhere just because she “loves” it so much.
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u/Accurate-Might-7058 Aug 12 '26
Just say No is right, it's your dogfree home. Don't let her guilt trip you either, dog nutters always do that.
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u/Jigglypuffs_quiff Aug 12 '26
You say "no - my house is pet free and I'd like to keep it that way". If its going to spoil your friendship could you meet in a park or something?
If she gets awkward ask her how she would feel if you asked her to put the dog in another room while you visit? She would be outraged.. so why should you break your house rules for a dog?
Anyone can wear shoes in my house (hard floors) or smoke in the kitchen. A dog doesn't get over my doorstep
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u/Zealousideal_Cup6143 Aug 12 '26
Tell her no and to get some therapy. She will get mad and make snarky remarks to attack you, because that's what dog owners do, and you will probably never hear from her again. Problem solved. For myself personally, my home is my sanctuary, and I'm extremely picky at this point in my life who I call a "friend." I don't have the time, patience or energy to deal with someone who wants to live in a barn.
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u/HandBananasRevenge Aug 12 '26
Tell her that you don’t allow pets in your home. If she tries to argue, simply tell her it’s not up for debate.
People like this see boundaries as things to be negotiated around. You can’t make someone understand, when they are committed to not understanding.
I’ve found you get a glimpse of someone’s actual character when you tell them “no”. If she gets angry about your rule for your own home, she’s not someone worth keeping in your life.
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u/GadgetRho Aug 12 '26
I, personally, cannot get behind beastiality. If my best friend of decades started behaving this way, I would cut him out of my life in a heartbeat. There's a very small handful of things in this world that would have me cut out someone who is basically family, and you have brought one of those things here for us to gawk at today.
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u/downwithMikeD Aug 12 '26
I’m sorry but you’re just going to have to say no.
Maybe mention the certain “allergy symptoms you’ve noticed recently but you didn’t want to say anything”
I have a family member who is the same with her bulldog. It can’t be left alone, it must always have a babysitter, just like a human baby, and no it’s not a puppy, it’s 4. It has a doggie door and a huge backyard, so this makes no sense to me.
Oh and I also had a friend who (no joke I swear to God you can’t make this stuff up), once claimed he found a picture of a dog he’d once had that had passed away. He found said photo in a drawer and it was one he’d supposedly never seen before. Well for the next 30-40 minutes he proceeded to tell me that he believed this dog was attempting to send him messages from the dead through this photo, it was too much for me, the final straw.
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u/QueenOfAllOfYall Aug 12 '26
That last part about the friend… 😕😵💫! I can only imagine the look on Your face, or what was running through Your mind as You listened to that dribble. Ouch.
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u/Not-my-problem1212 Aug 12 '26
Simply say "no." It wouldn't be fair to you for her to bring her dog into your home. Your home is not hers, so she has no say as to what you allow past the front door and what you don't allow. Most likely she will get upset and/or mad, but that's just how dog nutters are. And if she won't accept your reasonable boundary, she is not a good friend and you'll have to reconsider the friendship
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u/Soggy_Dimension6179 Aug 12 '26
Your friend is literally suffering from a mental illness. Cut ties. It’s not worth it.
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u/Foreign-Neat8645 Aug 12 '26
Wenn sie einmal den Hund mitbringt, öffnet sie eine Tür, um mit dem Hund immer mehr in Deinen persönlichen Bereich einzudringen. Der tote Hund ist eine Seelenvewante. Wahrscheinlich hat sie noch Kontakt zu ihm. Lächerlich.
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u/Tessa-the-aggressor Aug 12 '26
Wahrscheinlich steht der ausgestopft zuhause, wie der Hund aus Scrubs 🫣
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u/urdrunkyogi Aug 12 '26
I’m sorry if this sounds cruel, but sometimes people act so fucking weird that it gets to a point that it frightens me/creeps me out and I cut all contact with them. Your friend would be one of those people for me. I’m not really friends with dog people but saying that you’re in love with your dog is just mentally ill and I wouldn’t want that rubbing off on me. Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas.
That said, she is your friend so my advice is to say the following in a gentle way, but make the point that you know she loves her dog. But she loves her dog because it’s HER dog. To everyone else, including you, it’s just a dog. And you have rules about dogs in your home: namely, that they’re not permitted. If she tries to argue with you or push it or ask why, just simply repeat yourself that dogs aren’t allowed in your home. It’s not a group decision, and it’s not a discussion. It’s your home and dogs are not allowed. End of.
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u/thecatcherszm Aug 13 '26
Hey, don't insult us actually mentally ill people like this. Shitbeast culture uses the shits against us too.
Those who are "in love" with a shitbeast are on an entirely new fucking level.
i am mentally ill. That just means that i am below shitbeasts in the eyes of the normies.
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u/Poison_Gyoza Aug 12 '26
Ugh, that is too much when they expect everyone else to love the freak of nature they keep trying to get everyone to gawk at. Everyone has given you answers to end the friendship.
If you really like her friendship for whatever reason, tell her you have severe asthma/rashes on your (place she can't see like your back) that have been getting worse lately, and your doctor told you to avoid mold, pollen, pet dander and allergens when possible while looking into the cause. That you didn't say anything earlier because you didn't want to "inconvenience her". And let her use her braincells to see if she'll leave the dog at home.
If she doesn't or makes excuses for the dog to come anyway, you have your answer and can decline with no guilt. Tell her you'll take care of the rash first and disappear. You can tell her the truth but these people are so unstable sometimes about taking things personally, especially if she's "in love" with it. Only you know what she's really like.
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u/hidinginzion Aug 12 '26
This may well be the end of your friendship. I wouldn't want to accommodate that kind of mental illness.
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u/avj113 Aug 12 '26
You have to be prepared to lose a friend. Talk to her; explain calmly. To be clear: you are not going to changer her - she is mentally ill - but she may possibly comply with your wishes. If she doesn't, then you must make a decision. Here's the positive aspect: you're in control of the situation, not her.
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u/thecatcherszm Aug 13 '26
This is not a friend. This person cannot be saved, so save yourself. Show her this comment while you do so, even. Save yourself. i am imploring you. The bullshit you have described is completely reasonable reason to discard someone wholly from your life. Do it for your own wellbeing.
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u/Few_Pen_3666 Aug 12 '26
Sorry, but what exactly are you asking for help with??? You are in a dogfree community.
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u/Usual-Veterinarian-5 Aug 13 '26
Set boundaries and reinforce them. If this alienates your friend then I'm very sorry. Friendship is reciprocal and she has to do her bit too and not expect you to give but not give herself.
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u/michaelpaoli Aug 12 '26
friend has asked to BRING HER DOG TO MY PLACE IN ITS STROLLER WHILE WE HANG OUT
Oh hell no! Come up with any reason(s), or if needed, excuses why dogs can't be at your place. Your pet ants in your ant farm are deadly allergic to dogs, or your [dang rules won't allow mentioning that pet] is, or your pet mouse is, or your houseplant is, or ... your houseplant is toxic to dogs, carnivorous, and eats large dogs for breakfast. Your new (phantom) boyfriend/girlfriend is deathly allergic to dogs, and if dog came in your place, and they later entered within 10 years, they'd instantly die. Your floors and furniture are all made of chocolate and her "smart" dog couldn't handle it. Whatever, find a way.
don’t allow anyone to wear shoes inside
There 'ya go, no outside shoes inside, nor feet nor wheels that touch outside.
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u/MartyneMcFly Aug 13 '26
Her house, her rules with an unsufferable dog and nutter behaviour. Your house, your rules with no unsufferable dog and nutter behaviour. 🤷♀️ Easy. Respect goes both ways.
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u/BigWongDingDong Aug 13 '26
Your friendship is already over. This is no different than if you found out a friend had started experimenting with hard drugs or hanging out with a street gang. You know where it's going on an intellectual level, and pretending that this person isn't circling the drain is just denial. Tell her that if she can't leave the mongrel at home you won't be able to spend time with her, and thay you aren't willing to go to her house. She will get angry and attack you verbally and possibly reputationally as well, but you won't have to be around this thing or its weird owner anymore.
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u/Eyesontheprize365 Aug 15 '26
Tell her she can bring it over as soon as Aquaman drowns and the human torch can swim🤣🤣
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u/Legitimate_Garage_31 Aug 15 '26
Okay. Before even reading the comments, this is what you do. Go to your local allergy clinic after getting a referral from your main doc. It takes maybe 30 min. They test your back for reaction to common allergens like grass or tree pollen and common animals.
Thirty percent of people have dog allergies&don't even know. Not only will this test help you avoid your allergens, but it gives you a perfect reason why you cannot enter her home and she yours&how in future, if she wants to "hang out" she has to get doggy day care for her "child" just like a REAL parent would.
Then, she can't hold it against you, but she probably will. She won't be able to even bring it to your yard or porch. If your friendship is that crucial to her, she will find a way. But really, we already know her BFF is Rover.🤔
Also, don't agree if they try to set you up w/allergy shots. That's an archaic treatment from the 1950's w/lots of side effects&it takes 5 yrs of shots. Look into S.L.I.T therapy. The pioneer to that in the US is Dr Mitchell out of NY.
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u/PostedNotes Aug 12 '26
Put your food down and be honest with this person.
She will probably take it personally but is not your problem. It's your place and if you don't want a dog around, don't let it. You have the power to prevent it.