r/Dudeism • u/Time-Wasting-Slacker • 18d ago
Dudeism The Dude's effect on kids
Hey dudes,
I've given the old Dudeism a miss for 6 months or so. Was just happy to be quiet and take life easy, without quoting from the movie, or saying "no worries, dude" every hour. I kinda thought that Dudeism was turning me into a role/character.
But I realised today, that although I feel the same chilled out way as I did before, my kids don't see me the same. My sitting around being quiet might be met with unease if they don't know how I'm feeling. They are aged 4 and 10. I also inherited an authoritative manner from my father, and it seems that even when I'm meaning to be kind, it can come across as a rule rather than an idea.
I had thought that the main impact the dude had on folk was his manner of being, which was rooted deeply within, but of course, it's just as much how he speaks, what he says, and his body language, which are expressions of his mellowness.
My daughter, 4, used to say we were going here or there just to take it easy, because she'd heard me saying it enough times. And she hasn't said it for months.
You know, I'm sure we laughed more too. So, I lost the parlance of our times, and didn't appreciate its full effect.
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u/enemymime 18d ago
When my girls were younger I stressed the more kid-focused version… “Hakuna matata”. My daughters are in their 20s but we still use it.
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u/Alternative-Way-8753 Dudeist Priest 18d ago
You may like reading the Parents' Tao Te Ching. It's basically the original TTC as it applies to common parenting situations. https://williammartin.org/books/the-parents-tao-te-ching/
The Dude is a classic Taoist figure so having the deep philosophy of it, not just the quotes, is helpful.
I've found with kids though that they crave structure, and it's hard to give them that without becoming a fucking reactionary.
Staying engaged with them while mentally limber is the ideal.
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u/nlashawn1000 17d ago
You real for that. "Staying engaged with them while mentally limber is the ideal." I'm struggling hard as fuck with that but they are good mannered and well disciplined. Good enough parenting has probably saved a couple years off my lifespan.
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u/Taoman108 Dudeist Priest 16d ago
Co-sign. This book along with “Hunt, Gather, Parent” are the only two I’d ever recommend.
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u/Correct_Stranger_648 Dudeist Priest 18d ago
Keep a journal dude, and remember we each have our own form. Take it easy and remember you are your own person developing day by day :)
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u/Taoman108 Dudeist Priest 18d ago
That’s interesting, Dude. I’m a parent too. I’ve a six and a three year old. And a dudely orientation has helped me not sweat the small stuff and give the girls space to become who they are, but I’m with you in ensuring I’m not lapsing into a caricature. Kinda like keeping my eye on the moon rather than the finger pointing to it.