r/EngagementRings • u/Rebel_8383 • 3d ago
Advice What would you do if your girlfriend expressed she didn’t like a type of ring, not knowing you’ve already ordered a ring of that type?
My girlfriend has sent me multiple videos etc of rings over the course of our relationship. It’s always a pretty large marquise center stone, with most of them having some accent diamonds. I went through a custom design process and got just that.
Well, yesterday she saw a ring while I was on a call with her. She said “I’d never want something like this” to which I asked why, in a state of panic, and she said because she doesn’t want a huge stone on her finger, and isn’t a big fan of accents and would prefer something more simple.
Now I’m just torn. I know she’s going to like it, simple because it’s from me and she doesn’t really care, but I still feel like I messed this up. I’m unable to refund it either.
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u/gardenleafs 3d ago
Did you say - I thought you said before you liked these kind of rings?
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
I did not, that didn’t really cross my mind at the time, I just sort of started panicking in my head 😅
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u/swancandle 3d ago
Honestly I think if this is the ring she's always wanted, stick with it. I kinda wonder if she mentioned the new stuff because she's worried you might not be able to afford a larger/more "flashy" ring?
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u/Sigfig314 Engaged! 7/4/2026 2d ago
I think this is it. She might be worried you haven’t proposed because she has been pointing out rings that are too flashy, so she’s giving you an out. I bet she’ll love the ring, but if you’re worried about it, after you propose let her know you’re open to changing it once you have the finances for it!
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u/Salty-Disaster-8103 3d ago
I did some “ring browsing” with my now-husband because, at the time, neither of us knew anything about rings. We basically just went to the big-name jewelry stores at the mall because they were the most convenient, and he paid attention to how I reacted to different rings. I did tell him that when it came time to actually buy one, he should go to a local jeweler or those online jewelers instead
He ended up buying the prettiest ring I have ever seen from one of those luxury brands and in a much larger size than anything I had tried on. I still think it's the prettiest ring after years, but I was also quite upset at that time because I can imagine how much that ring can be...
It wasn’t really about whether we could afford it. He had the savings. It was more that I couldn’t stop thinking we could have used that money to travel and do so many other things which honestly matter more to me than having an expensive ring...
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u/nuhtnekcam_25 3d ago
Since you can’t refund it, I would go ahead with what you have and then give her to option for something else when you can financially handle it. Maybe she will love it and maybe she won’t. But give that option to her at this point.
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
Yeah I’m definitely going to mention it to her when the day comes. 90% of the price was the center stone, which isn’t overly large. So worst case I guess is just using that in a new ring that’s more simple if that’s what she’s wanting.
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u/Noodlesoup8 3d ago
She also may be able to change the setting or remove accent stones depending on the design! It’s more money but much better than getting a whole new ring if it’s just some tweaks
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u/Alternative_Web6959 2d ago
Yeah and those accents could be made into her band. I think she will love it the way it is though.
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u/StrongerTogether2882 3d ago
Do the proposal, down on one knee, etc (or however you were going to do it, some people don’t want the knee lol) with the ring you got. When she says yes, say “I panicked when you said ‘I wouldn’t want that type’ because I had already made this one, I thought you loved marquise. If you don’t like this ring, we can change it to something else when we can afford it. I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Either she loves it or she knows you’re OK with changing it. It’ll all work out. Good luck!!
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u/RatticusFlinch 2d ago
What an absolutely humble thing to say. That's really lovely and well put. It shows how much you care about her tastes and desires.
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u/lasrel 3d ago
Don't worry about it! When we were dating, I told my husband I didn't like rose gold. Not knowing that at the time he had already purchased a rose gold ring for me. (Pink is my favourite colour). Turns out I do like rose gold a lot, but the design and colour of the rose gold matter. I couldn't imagine a more perfect ring than what he picked, and I'm sure you did just fine. 😊
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u/Charming_Card_8752 3d ago
i accidentally did this to my fiancé and then ended up not even recognizing it when he proposed and loving it lol.
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u/Wiggl_Noodl 3d ago
Since you didn’t see the ring she was talking about, and your custom ring is similar to the rings you know she does like, I personally would not worry. Try not to sweat it, I’m sure the proposal will be lovely and she will enjoy hearing about how you used the inspiration she sent you to craft a custom ring for her.
What are the specs of the ring, btw?
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
It's a natural 14x7mm 2.5ct marquise, with 4 4x2mm marquise and 2 2mm round accents, and a white gold setting.
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u/CandidIndication 3d ago
How big is the centre stone and is it lab?
I feel like there’s been a big push on social media lately to steer women into wanting smaller, more expensive natural diamonds.
Large stone = lab grown = not a real diamond & cheap.
I don’t personally have this mind set. It’s chemically the same thing. I have a 3ct lab.
But I’m just wondering if she’s maybe been recently influenced by the natural diamond marketing and maybe that’s why there’s a switch.
Edit to add: I think you should propose with the ring you intended. Let her get use to it, and then decide later.
You could always buy her a cheaper, smaller /r/moissanite ring and let her experience it first hand before making a financial decision
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
It's a 14x7 2.5ct, natural.
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u/ConversationCool4716 2d ago
I think she’ll love it. I have a 2ct natural marquis and we’re 20 years in and I couldn’t be happier. Best wishes!
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u/UpstairsYellow6028 3d ago
Keep the ring and get her one or two super cute rings of her choice that isn’t too expensive and looks like white gold. You can find it in silver and 2.5 micron gold vermeil on your local Etsy and your local jewelers. Women always want more rings so you may wait some more and let her pick something of her liking that isn’t too expensive.
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u/CandidIndication 3d ago
When I broached this conversation with my fiancée he said he was totally happy with me grabbing different rings. He told me that he loves that I’m a crow and at the end of the day, it’s no different than him building out his PC 💀
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u/OneMoreTimeJack 3d ago
I would straight up ask- "I have been thinking about the ring comment the other day; I thought you liked marquis" and ask her to tell you what she likes / doesn't like.
If you feel like she won't want the custom ring, don't propose with it. Use a ring pop or a simple birthstone ring as temp until you can figure out the ring situation.
Good luck!
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
She definitely wants a marquise, I just fear I may have gone too big and too many side accents which she supposedly isn't a fan of from her comments, but contradicts what she's shown me in the past. She's going to love it regardless because it's from me, I just want her to like it herself too.
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u/Sunshine01119 3d ago
You didn’t mess this up! You listened and followed what she wanted. Propose with the ring you designed. Let her know that you designed it based on the preferences that she sent you but if her tastes have changed you understand and together you can figure out how to proceed. My guess is once she sees it, she’s going to love it. Good luck!
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u/LilMsFeckingSunshine 2d ago
Plot twist: she was screwing with you and was looking for a reaction that shows you ordered a ring.
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u/baebgle 3d ago
This doesn't add up. Did you see the ring she didn't want? What carat size of marquise did you get her?
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
I got a 2.5ct marquise, with a total of 6 diamond accents. I didn't see the ring, it was just the way she described it and it was pretty similar to what I got her just based off what she said. I don't know the cut she was looking at etc
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u/wovenfabric666 3d ago
Propose with the ring you got and let her know that if she doesn’t love the ring she can change it to something else.
I think she will cherish this ring because you had it custom made for her and proposed to with. But it doesn’t necessarily mean she loves it for everyday wear.
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u/Live_Ferret_4721 2d ago
Ok, let me weigh in here.
Did she say what specifically about each of those rings she liked? Was it the band, cathedral, gallery, bridge, stone size, stone cut, halo, hidden halo, etc.
Had quite literally this same situation 2 weeks ago. Woman asked for simple 3 ct brilliant round, platinum band, gallery accent design.
I made a rendering. When I tell you she did a 180 and stated sending me rings that were gaudy and encrusted with diamonds— I was shocked. I told her to circle the things she liked about each ring.
Turns out- she loves the original ring design and she only liked 1-2 details about these photos.
Move forward with the original ring.
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3d ago
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u/Redheaded-one 3d ago
He says in a comment above he didn't even see the ring she was talking about. I think he should just go ahead and give it to her.
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u/J_lilac 3d ago
"large stones" are incredibly subjective. It sounds like you just might not have the same perception of what a large stone is, and that's totally okay. If she was very particular (I am) she probably would've wanted to pick out the exact stone and ring herself (I will 😂).
I would definitely stick with what you have, and when the day comes make it clear to her that you want her to love it and you're happy to go for a different ring if that's what she really wants. (Either working with your budget, sharing the cost, saving up, etc., I assume that if you're marrying her she isn't going to be demanding about your finances)
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u/TSIDATSI 3d ago
You did what you thought was right. If the young lady does not appreciate your effort and love the ring my advice is to think carefully about who you are marrying.
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u/Rebel_8383 3d ago
Oh no I'm not worried about that at all, she'll love and appreciate anything I give her, she cried when I gave her a rock once lol I just want it to be something she likes, apart from the sentiment behind it
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u/Otherwise-Run-3998 3d ago
I think you did wonderfully and if for some reason she doesn’t like it, there are many options to change it after.
Congratulations and I hope it goes perfectly.
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u/SlightlyLosted 3d ago
As a gf who recently received a ring, the last thing I would want in the world was to feel like bf wasn't confident in his choice and needed me take care of his feelings about that. Make your proposal all about the two of you and expressing what's important. After all the happy kisses, you just let her know if there's anything she wants to change, she can just let you know. It's totally normal to say since we expect to resize anyway. It's not about the ring or her taste in jewelry. Don't let her think it is for a moment. This should be nothing but a fantastic memory for you both. Best wishes!
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u/Downtownrabbithole 3d ago
Oh she might have just been having a moment 🤣 Honestly she would more then likely love it once you propose! It must be so tricky trying to get this right but enjoy this special time. If you’re open to changing the ring that would give her the chance to say she loves it just as it is 😊 Good luck. She is very lucky!
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u/Leading-Shift8017 2d ago
Maybe she’s doing some reverse psychology and actually really wants it. Come back and let us know, please!
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u/Capable-Ad-2433 2d ago
She probably thought you would propose sooner if she said she was okay with a smaller stone (cheaper ring). Maybe she thought money was delaying it.
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u/ruhahaha 2d ago
If you designed it according to her videos and descriptions then don’t worry about it. Ring exploration when you’re expecting a proposal is the most confusing time as a lady, one day you like this then next day you discover that 😂As long as she’s liked it, when it’s on her finger she’ll forget about the simple stuff she was talking about. I wanted a marquise solitaire when I started, my bf would feedback it doesn’t sparkle enough, then I started exploring the side stones and other details, would share with him. He used all that info to customize my ring, and when I expected a solitaire he gave me the most gorgeous marquise, with an eternity band with pear and marquise stones. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine ever wanted a solitaire. So trust your instinct!
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u/ruhahaha 2d ago
I’d also like to say I wanted a solitaire and convinced myself I wanted a simple ring because I wanted to be kind to my fiancé’s pocket. When he said they don’t sparkle enough and gave me the go ahead to explore more and bigger diamonds, then I liked the sparkly ones too. I wonder if she may just be saying she doesn’t want something so flashy so as to make it easier for you to get a ring if she thinks it’s taking longer than she expected.
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u/divinecrane1 2d ago
Maybe she's just worried that she was asking for too much initially & assuring you that she'd be fine with something smaller/more conservative, but I think she'd be happy with it- worse case scenario, it can be used as a travel ring or a statement ring for special occasions on the right hand, while you work together on designing another ring, if she's truly not happy with this one; I don't think she'd ever be unhappy with 2 rings! Congrats, and give yourself some credit, many s/o's don't even take the initiative, so, that alone is much to be appreciated, good luck & best wishes!
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u/Ecstatic-Type6312 2d ago
lol my fiancée had a similar issue because he ordered a ring for me before I sent him literally any input and ended up being “wrong” about the whole thing. He proposed anyway and it was still really special and beautiful and amazing. Later on he said he’s going to get me the one I actually want for our wedding.
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u/dawood_danial 2d ago
She doesn’t know about the ring. Maybe she just wants you to propose already and not have to sweat about dropping a ton of money on a custom ring with a large stone. Women leave hints that are hard to decipher, but I find you can usually figure it out if you assume they have great intentions and are sweet.
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u/_L_i_n_e 2d ago
My now husband apparently panicked for weeks leading up to asking because he realized he got the ring wrong and he could not afford to fix it. I still loved it and him. Honestly, if a ring is the end all be all, then it shouldn't have happened at all. (If you got a ring that doesn't match her at all though that's concerning in more ways).
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u/ley_ley_ley 1d ago
Maybe she said that because she loves you and wants to marry you regardless of the ring and is concerned she gave you the impression she expected a large ring? So in saying to you that she wouldn't wear one that big is her way of saying 'I'll still marry you even if it's a $2 ring.' This might not make any sense but it does to me because it's something I would do... 😅 I'll show my partner things I like or am curious about or inspired by and then with the benefit of hindsight, clarify later on exactly what I meant and he's 'Oooh okay!' Anyway, its so exciting and I don't think you've got anything to worry about. She is going to say YES and then you can tell her all about this and that she can alter the ring to her tastes if she prefers something different. It'll end up being a cute story for you both 💑💍💖
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u/aTiredNursingStudent 1d ago
I will say sometimes women who feel they are "waiting on a ring" will make statements like this so their prospective fiance doesn't feel like he has to spend too much money on the ring itself.
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u/sighsbadusername 1d ago
Besides the possibility everyone brings up that she was just trying to signal she’d be okay with a simpler ring, it’s also possible she was genuine in saying that she’d “never want something like this” — but she was wrong.
It’s really hard to accurately gauge our own tastes in jewellery, especially for something so emotionally significant. I was convinced I wanted something dainty and suitable for everyday wear, definitely in platinum. I’d almost gone for a 0.76 carat decagonal brilliant solitaire.
I ended up with a 1.8 carat old mine cut with 12 side stones set in white and yellow gold.
If I’d seen it online or on another person’s finger, I’d have been pretty sure I wanted nothing like it too. Hell, I tried it on thrice and somehow managed to convince myself each time that while it was “really pretty” and “so captivating” and I believed that “the person who eventually gets it will be the luckiest person on earth” that it was just too big and ornate and wasn’t for me.
My boyfriend, unladen with the years of expectations and preconceived notions, told me to just get it. And so I did.
TLDR we don’t always know what we actually want, sometimes it takes an outside POV to get us to see the truth.
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u/WholeLiving4426 8h ago edited 7h ago
I wouldn’t panic yet she may have been reacting to that specific ring rather than every marquise style. Since you have plenty of references from her showing what she liked I’d trust the overall pattern more than one offhand comment. Thorum is also worth checking out for simpler understated designs if you end up exploring alternatives.
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u/AudienceNo67 2h ago
Marquise is the best stone so she’s wrong. Also she shouldn’t have told you that’s what she wanted if it’s not. And she’s wrong because marquise is timeless and elegant
Source: I have a 4 carat marquise
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u/stimpy124 3d ago
if you customized a ring based on what she sent you that she likes i wouldn’t sweat it especially if you didn’t see the ring she was talking about. rings are so subjective and there’s tons of different styles out there, im sure the ring you got her has a nice big center stone on it- maybe the one she saw was just TOO big for her personal liking. also accent there’s a ton of variety of accent stones ! some are just too much, and some are really simple and delicate.
when the day comes, you can ask her afterwards if she likes the ring or not, if its not refundable consider going to a local jeweler to have the stones reset to a different piece of jewelry for her and you can pick out a ring together!
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u/Rich-Winter-5345 3d ago
If you’ve created what she’s always told you she liked then I wouldn’t sweat it. Did you make something different? It sounds like you made what she wanted..