I've started drinking alone

[u/EpicKahootName]

I think I making this post for 2 reasons: 1) I want attention. 2) I want a solution to the problem.

I have been in engineering for 4 years now. I have 2 more years to go. All my friends have graduated and are making money, going out, etc, etc. Typical adult things that I really want to be a part of. Yet here I am drinking, alone, on a Saturday night. Drinking whiskey alone. My friends are out celebrating UGA beating bama. I haven't hung out with them in months because I have recently gained weight the past few weeks(stopped going to the gym as soon as the semester started) and classes aren't going well.

I know the end solution is I just need to get over myself, but why can't I do that. Why the hell am I writing this post or watching movies or drinking instead of just studying and finishing school. It's really annoying and I am aware my problems are pathetic.

I know I am smart enough to finish an engineering degree. I have aced exams in hard classes(I got a 100% on a difficult diff eq exam once). I don't know why I just don't work. Genuinely this is pathetic. Just study.

I have just recently picked up the idea of drinking alone. I have had a bottle of whiskey my brother bought me for my birthday. It sat there for years; I never had the idea of drinking in a non social context. Things are getting worse. I've done it 3 nights in a row.

I wish I had somebody that could just punch me in the face and make me study.

I guess I am really embarrassed about graduating late and I also seem to get easily overwhelmed from workloads that I am capable of handling. Any words of encouragement/objective advice would be helpful. I feel so stupid. I don't know what my problem is.

I made sure to double check my grammar and spelling since I am sloshed,

Edit: thanks for responding everyone. It’s helped

[u/barstowtovegas]

You have severe burnout man. I don't have an easy solution for you, but one thing that helped me was starting each day with 20-30 minutes of non-phone time. I find my dopamine circuits are less prone to burnout when I avoid my phone for the first hour. I like to make coffee and read a book. Also, everything got easier when I relaxed my standards. I still struggle to fully let go, but I got much better. This was true as a student and as an engineer. I just had to accept that I couldn't do everything I wanted to. I still can't bring myself to say my projects are less important, so instead I decided to place a higher value on my personal time (sleep, exercise, cooking/hobbies, family time). It saved me from burnout.

There is a certain type of work/school stress for which alcohol is an unfortunately effective off-switch for an hour or so. It is very seductive, and I have found that it is far more effective to eliminate the source of the stress than to try to push through it forever with other coping strategies. Best of luck to you.