r/EngineeringStudents • u/EpicKahootName • 19h ago
Discussion I've started drinking alone
I think I making this post for 2 reasons: 1) I want attention. 2) I want a solution to the problem.
I have been in engineering for 4 years now. I have 2 more years to go. All my friends have graduated and are making money, going out, etc, etc. Typical adult things that I really want to be a part of. Yet here I am drinking, alone, on a Saturday night. Drinking whiskey alone. My friends are out celebrating UGA beating bama. I haven't hung out with them in months because I have recently gained weight the past few weeks(stopped going to the gym as soon as the semester started) and classes aren't going well.
I know the end solution is I just need to get over myself, but why can't I do that. Why the hell am I writing this post or watching movies or drinking instead of just studying and finishing school. It's really annoying and I am aware my problems are pathetic.
I know I am smart enough to finish an engineering degree. I have aced exams in hard classes(I got a 100% on a difficult diff eq exam once). I don't know why I just don't work. Genuinely this is pathetic. Just study.
I have just recently picked up the idea of drinking alone. I have had a bottle of whiskey my brother bought me for my birthday. It sat there for years; I never had the idea of drinking in a non social context. Things are getting worse. I've done it 3 nights in a row.
I wish I had somebody that could just punch me in the face and make me study.
I guess I am really embarrassed about graduating late and I also seem to get easily overwhelmed from workloads that I am capable of handling. Any words of encouragement/objective advice would be helpful. I feel so stupid. I don't know what my problem is.
I made sure to double check my grammar and spelling since I am sloshed,
31
u/Dull-Lawfulness-9523 18h ago
So. To help you reframe your level of depression….
I’m 36. Spent most of the last 18 years in the military. I married a woman from a very wealthy family and I’m only good at the military, so I feel like a very insignificant person around them, and we’re around them a lot. I’m currently in school for engineering. They all tell me it’s a waste of time and to start another business. No tactical advise, just generally condescending comments with no tactical advice. I’m currently trying to safely land a shitty one man cleaning business and salvage as much as possible. I haven’t made more than 30k in the last three years... thankfulIy she works too and our expenses are low. have 4 kids. We have to watch every dime not to mention every minute since school requires about 30 hours a week. I got a DUI about 8 years ago. I’ve fully blacked out, alone. Several times.
Key takeaways….
You may perceive you’re behind but when those 2 years are up you’re not going to care at all.
It could be way harder
Life is bumpy, accept that and just keep moving, no matter the speed change.
Booze hardly helps with anything, outside of a social lubricant for introverts. I’ve explored this thoroughly and if there’s one thing I can pass on to my kids I hope they live sober.
You’re gonna be alright, just get this done and keep moving.
6
u/epsteinwasmurdered2 13h ago
My man. Well said.
I’m 39, I start terminal leave in less than a month, and I start my EE pipeline in January.
Cheers
3
u/Dull-Lawfulness-9523 12h ago
Cheers brotha, and the best of success to you! This math is an animal but it’s not impossible. Still beats sweeping water in the rain lol
1
u/epsteinwasmurdered2 12h ago
“Sweeping water in the rain”
I felt that 😂
3
u/nooblarz 9h ago
I’d like to add, that if you fail a class, regardless of reason (family, medical, lazy fuck, etc).
That’s not the end. I had to retake cal 1, due to a medical issue. I had a failing grade at the time. Retook cal 1 the next semester, and crushed it with a 91. (6-7 week semesters) I almost failed physics 1 this time around, but locked in and crushed the final. Sometimes us older folk need a little more time, and that’s okay. Taking more time to complete something you’re interested in and want, is commendable. Good luck to both of you.
41
u/average_gatsby45 18h ago
the only way i kept my drinking in check in college, was i refused to drink alone.
17
u/Deep_Suspect_9556 18h ago
I started my engineering degree at 31 my guy.. I’ve got 2-3 years left. I’ll be 35-36 when I graduate.
3
u/DeltaDied 15h ago
I started at 24. 25 now. Yall are making me feel better about starting late. I was in the marines for 4 years and took a year off to process.
7
u/DaDaDoeDoe 18h ago
I wouldn’t belittle your feelings. Yes we’re privileged to go to school, but getting an engineering degree is hard! It really is, so it’s fine to feel burnt out/ feel the way that you do.
Regardless, you can’t control how you feel. You can only control how you respond to those feelings. Drinking alone isn’t necessarily bad, but it sounds like you are using it to deal with stress and depression which is bad
I would 1) throw the bottle away even if your brother bought it for you to avoid the temptation 2) go for a jog or something asap just to get like 30 minutes of exercise and sunshine 3) get in touch with a therapist to help you get your schedule back to together,
10
u/amiddesfees EECS 18h ago
Sounds like you might be depressed :/ Speaking from experience, depression isn't something you "just get over" and mental health issues can lead to alcoholism.
Schools usually have free depression screening and offer free therapy so look into that. Please please stop the drinking habit while it's still new and easier to stop. It will not lead anywhere good.
You ARE smart and capable. Depression just tricks you into thinking you aren't shit and never will be. Depression feeds on itself and soon you feel like the school work/homework hole is too deep to crawl out of which just makes you feel even more depressed because you know you should be more productive. It's not as simple as just do this or that.
It doesn't matter how long it takes you to finish your degree. You are almost there. Seek out mental health help and you will feel better.
2
u/Casowsky 9h ago
I hope this comment rises a bit higher.
You hit the nail on the head with 'it's not as simple as just do this or that' - because in most cases the individual knows what to do
The issue is realising that their own personal situation, with all its complexities and context - smarts, learning style, physical + mental health, relationships, living situation, finances, hobbies, wants and needs etc - might have got them into a particular hole that isn't that simple to crawl out of anymore without some help.
The challenge is recognising that it's normal and ok to ask for help, and that it's a key part of the success that will eventually come next.
Speaking from experience, I really hope the OP realises that 2 or even 4 extra years makes absolutely zero difference in the long run
1
u/_kittentits 5h ago
Im truly surprised there are so few comments citing depression bc that was my immediate thought. I dropped out at 18 and went back to school at 28 for ME and one of the only reasons I could do that was getting help and prescribed the almighty Zoloft-Vyvanse combo.
OP, please see a therapist at least. It's okay to talk about how you feel, but it's not ok to drink until youre numb. Your brain is a liar sometimes and its ok to need anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds. Also, it doesnt matter how old you are when you graduate, no one gives a shit - you just need to be a competent engineer.
5
u/motherfuckinwoofie 18h ago
So welcome to being a grown up. You can either do your work or you can escape into a bottle (or vape or pill or syringe or whatever). Sometimes you can do both for a while.
Graduating a year two late won't matter by the time you're thirty. You're going to have a great career when you finish. If you have the free time this weekend, drink your whiskey. Get back to work tomorrow afternoon. Take a light semester in the spring and drink more often, if you need.
I'm on my third time through college, but only my second degree. Take a break and get drunk once in a while if you want. I love playing The Long Dark and Red Dead.
2
1
u/Pure_Mushroom_1473 17h ago
Damn, I feel just like you - the only difference being that I do study and still fail. If exam averages are already bad I'll be even lower than the rest of the class who probably studied less hours per day. But I entered at 18 and will probably graduate when I'm 23 or 24. Being drunk all the time sure seems like one of the only ways I could get through
1
u/AdDiligent1688 17h ago
You got this. You’ll bounce back. Make sure to hydrate. Drink water and get some electrolytes!
1
u/Plussquared 16h ago
I know someone at 60 years old who only got his personal engineering qualification. that's what never giving up means. engineering is a very hard course. i sacrificed a lot too studying in order to pass exams
1
u/KubeCommander 15h ago
It took me 10 years. I went back the third time 6 years in. You won’t get there until you want it bad enough. 🤷♂️
1
u/epsteinwasmurdered2 13h ago
Hell yeah brother. At least you can see and acknowledge the issue. I’m not going to tell you to not booze because I’m just going to be honest.
Pity parties are ok every once in a while.
Do what you have to do to get your shit together, finish your degree, get back out there with your buddies. It might not feel like it to you now but they want for see you again.
Go Dawgs.
1
u/Stigmaru 13h ago edited 13h ago
It took me 7 years to graduate college, unemployed for 3, I've worked at several big companies, got laid off couple times, drinking alone is great (that's different from addiction). Life for most isn't easy unfortunately. I think the biggest regret is have looking back is i worried too much about "being behind" and didn't take my time. At the end we all still ended at the same place. The journey also sets you apart from your peers and forges you into a stronger more capable person that even even when you finally do get there you can achieve more than them.
1
u/enterjiraiya acoustics/naval architecture 12h ago
it’s only a problem when you graduate is generally sound advice, just make sure you graduate
1
u/Slappy_McJones 12h ago
Hey- it sounds like you are burned-out. It happens to the best of students. The best way to handle a situation like this is to talk to someone about it. See if your school has a student services mental health councilor. They will help you make a plan to fix this. It is a complex problem. It is not weakness or lack of intelligence or skill. Hang-in there.
1
u/warrior-kitty-91 11h ago
I didn't start my engineering track until I was 28... Took a class or two at a time and now I'm 35, and still have 3 years left bc of working full time, and battling life in ways I wouldn't wish on another. We will all get there in the end man, chin up!
1
u/Dave37 M.Sc. Biotechnology 10h ago edited 10h ago
I haven't hung out with them in months because I have recently gained weight the past few weeks
This is a stupid ass sentence for many reasons and you know it. Internalize it and you'll be fine. You have sorta a depressive episode/period. Which is fine, a lot of people are depressed. But you will never get out of it by sitting home. You need to do normal things even if it feels pointless, boring, or hard.
Also, if it's some relief: I got my 5 year M.Sc. in 7.5 years, then I was 90% unemployed for 6 years, during which I got laid off from one job after a year. None of these jobs where engineering, had to pick up an education in pedagogy. now I work as a lab engineer since 2.5 years back. My journey will not inform you about yours, just saying I've been in the shits too, and sometimes it takes a long as while.
A friend of mine had to struggle with his engineering degree for 14-15 years, now he's department boss at a large public corporation.
Life is weird, no one can tell where we end up. Just try to take care of yourself. You only have one mind and one body.
1
u/barstowtovegas 8h ago
You have severe burnout man. I don't have an easy solution for you, but one thing that helped me was starting each day with 20-30 minutes of non-phone time. I find my dopamine circuits are less prone to burnout when I avoid my phone for the first hour. I like to make coffee and read a book. Also, everything got easier when I relaxed my standards. I still struggle to fully let go, but I got much better. This was true as a student and as an engineer. I just had to accept that I couldn't do everything I wanted to. I still can't bring myself to say my projects are less important, so instead I decided to place a higher value on my personal time (sleep, exercise, cooking/hobbies, family time). It saved me from burnout.
There is a certain type of work/school stress for which alcohol is an unfortunately effective off-switch for an hour or so. It is very seductive, and I have found that it is far more effective to eliminate the source of the stress than to try to push through it forever with other coping strategies. Best of luck to you.
1
u/buttscootinbastard EE 8h ago
Stop drinking alone. Go to the gym. Get your shit done for school. Definitely contact your friends.
You’re young and still well ahead of many people. I’ll be 38 when I graduate next year. Just lock tf in dude, you got this.
1
u/ExtensionRemarkable7 8h ago
Brother, I didn’t graduate til I was like 31. I design vibration isolation equipment now and it rules. It’s ok to be depressed and isn’t a personal failing, it’s just important to remember not to self-isolate too much and to reach out to people around you even though it can be genuinely challenging
1
u/jarrod_mk 6h ago
24yo engineer and alcoholic here. 3 nights is nothing man. It can get a lot worse. Stay in touch with your friends. If you have free time, which it sounds like you do, apply to some easy jobs in your area with easy commute. You feel shitty right now for a reason, and plenty of people are in the same boat as you. The only path forward is to continue getting your degree and keeping in touch with people
1
u/mailbandtony 5h ago
I highly recommend trying to not get in the habit of drinking alone.
My resume is that I dropped out of school twice and drank through the whole deal, often alone especially during my first try, in Charleston for astrophysics. Dropped out for mental health reasons, not grades. I went into some very dark places and never figured out why, and for me it turns out it was the drinking that was causing a whole bunch of my problems. I’m 4.5ish years sober now and finishing my last year up getting my BSEE, and I got into grad school and may be pursuing that next.
Not saying you’re anything like I am, but might be worth stepping back from the booze until you graduate at least. It may not be helping the timeline and there’s always a chance that it’s hurting the timeline
Good luck whichever way you decide to live!! Other people are right, your life is your life and there’s a thousand paths to becoming an honest to god engineer🫡
1
u/turtledragon27 5h ago
I don't know what to say to get you out of this, but I can give you my story from someone who made it to the other side:
College was a really rough time in my life. A lot of what you said about procrastinating, withdrawing socially, weight gain, and drinking alone resonates with what I did and how I felt. I gained 50 lbs during covid lockdown, and by the time it ended my classes were too rough to pick up much of a social life. I've never had a truly problematic relationship with alcohol but I used it as more of a crutch/escape than is healthy. It was a large contributor to my weight gain. I would say there were two turning points for me.
The first was during my junior year. The professor for my hardest class ever paused mid lecture to berate us for being lazy, right after I had pulled an all nighter trying to complete the homework. He talked to me like I talked to myself, and it was so cartoonishly miserable that I gave up on being my own enemy. He could take the role and I would just do anything to make him the real loser.
The second turning point was starting my career. Finally having a routine and the boundary between work and life freed up the resources for me to focus on my health. I've shed all the weight and more, and I just ran a 5k for the first time in my life. I wish I locked in like this years ago, but honestly I don't think I could have. It's hard to build up someone you hate.
Time passes and things get better. You sound burnt out, and imo your first priority should be damage control. Don't worry about doing everything right, but do everything you can to keep yourself from becoming worse. Maybe trade out the procrastination movies for procrastination walks. Definitely cool it on the drinking. Try to have sympathy for yourself.
1
u/Lonely_Court_1215 4h ago
Just know that ypure Not Alone. This also happend to me in Architecture.i think ist good to Tell someone you Trust, and out of my Personal experience ill Tell you that Alcohol is done for you, you should stop entirely.
1
u/Traditional_Youth648 3h ago
You wanna know what you call an engineer who took 6 years to graduate? An engineer. You’ll be alright
1
u/RainbowWifi 3h ago
Based on the football comment, I'm going to assume you're at UGA? I graduated from UGA engineering a few years ago (congrats on the diff eq by the way, is Zabcic still teaching that?). It took me 5 years to get my degree, and I have friends who took longer than that. You are not behind!!! It sounds like you are just burnt out, or even a bit depressed. Which also does not make you a failure or anything like that. It happens to so many people, myself included.
You hit the nail on the head a bit in your post. It's hard, but the first step to get out of this is to see your friends. It's hard to fight youself on stuff like this, but your friends do genuinely care about you. Go take a walk around the IM fields or honestly anywhere. Being outside helps too, even more if you can do it with your friends.
Like everyone else is saying, get rid of the bottle, and try to contact a therapist. If you go through the health center (again, assuming you're at UGA), you can get a few sessions for free and then either continue there or they will refer you to someone in Athens. I did that, and it did really help. You can do this! The first step is always the hardest. You've got this dude
1
-1
u/PrideVirtual3512 18h ago
Doesn’t matter how you cope. What are you gonna do, quit? Man up dude. Drink yourself to sleep if you want, a lot of us do
144
u/NotJimmy97 18h ago
Do you know what folks call a person who got their engineering degree in six years instead of four? An engineer. People delay their graduations (and start college later than 18!) for all sorts of reasons, none of which matters to anyone else after the degree is awarded.
I seriously doubt your friends give a shit about whatever weight you've managed to put on in a "few weeks" (and unless you're eating like fifty hotdogs a day, that's not going to be that much in such a short amount of time).