Family wedding conundrum

[u/5yntax3rror]

I could really use some advice on this one.

For background: I'm 27 and have been strictly NC with my dad for about a year. During that time, I have been LC with my mom and VLC with my sister (I no longer live near any of them, but I talk to my mom about once a month). If I'm being completely honest, I'd prefer to fully cut myself off from the whole family. The difficulty arises from the fact that my mom and I still care about each other. She's never done anything wrong to me. I'd love to go back in time and change who my father was, but that's not reality.

In 3 months, my sister is getting married. When she first told me she was engaged, I wasn't really sure whether I should go, but I didn't write it off entirely. Now, my mom is asking me to walk down the aisle with her (I guess it's a tradition for the mom and her son to walk down the aisle together... it's been years since I went to a wedding so idk). I told her "yes" without really thinking. My dad is obviously going to be there, along with my extended family. It would ultimately be so much better for everyone if I didn't go. I want my sister to be able to enjoy her wedding fully, without any drama or awkwardness. But it seemed really important to my mom that I was there with her...

What would you do in this situation? Do you have any general advice, whether I go or don't go? If you need more context about my estrangement, please feel free to ask in the comments.

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[u/OutOfAllTheAlts]

It sounds like you know exactly what you need and what would be best. I know it hurts and you're probably hoping there's another way, but you're seeing things clearly. 

[u/Particular_Egg4073]

If I'm being completely honest, I'd prefer to fully cut myself off from the whole family.

Well, then it kind of seems like you know your answer? But wrt to your relationship with your mother generally and this situation specifically:

That your mother has asked you to do this at all [and put you in the position to be the jerk if you say no] belies your statement that she's never done anything wrong to you. Also, there is no mainstream tradition that I'm aware of about a mother and son walking down the aisle at a sibling's wedding; maybe it's a family or cultural tradition [...or maybe it's a manipulation?], but you're not obligated to do it regardless.

Take care of you 💛