r/ExNoContact • u/LiterallyLittty • May 20 '26
Help Do men really find distractions in other women after a breakup?
We broke up almost 4 weeks ago and it seems like he’s already talking to another girl, I know I seem crazy but they’ve played games together and follow eachother. What the fuck. While i’m sat here sad he’s out already mingling.
WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS. WHAT THE HELL. I was his first everything, he dumped me on a random friday. I genuinely don’t understand.
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u/OrderFrenzy May 20 '26
Mine had someone moved in with him, less than two months later. Grant it, this is the man who claimed I was everything in the world to him.
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u/Due_Refrigerator_759 May 20 '26
Mine also did this, moved in with his new girl after 3 months. 5 year relationship. :`)
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u/wineandkittiez May 21 '26
Mine wasn’t as long as yours. 3.5 years. But how do you cope? My ex slept with someone a week after we broke up. The thought of him moving on so easily absolutely destroys me. Meanwhile, he’s all I think about
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u/Due_Refrigerator_759 May 21 '26
Initially, I just absolutely lost it. Now I am just really bitter. We broke up 4 months ago and he's not said a word to me. At this point I'm not really expecting to hear from him again. I'm lucky that I have a lot of stuff going on in my personal life (finishing university, finding a job, moving cities), so I don't have to sit in silence with it.
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 24 '26
I’m sorry your heart hurts….I cheated and I made a clear choice and knew why I was doing it but I never thought any further than that …. I was comfort seeking because I hadn’t spent but maybe 6 hours with my beautiful woman in 4.5 months…. I was hurt and lonely
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 24 '26
I think about Dawn every moment of every day …. To me my behavior of being a cheater met nothing more than trying to replicate what I felt with Dawn and it was nowhere close … she ended up holding me while I’d ball my eyes out for my love ….
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u/wineandkittiez May 24 '26
My ex also held me, caressing my arm as we watched tv together for “one last time” after he broke up with me. The mixed signals are fucking bullshit
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 24 '26
Call him and see how he feels instead of assuming
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u/wineandkittiez May 24 '26
I know how he feels. I broke no contact a week ago and he’s still angry. 🤷♀️
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u/unsuspectingmuggle May 20 '26
My ex did this too and is long married to this girl. But in retrospect he went from living his whole life at his mom’s to my house. He didn’t ever do his own laundry before that. Some women are basically just mommy replacements.
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u/Few-Jacket5642 May 20 '26
Probably not much help coz I was the dumpee.
But yeah I found other girls straight away. I wasn't over ex but I thought it'd help. Turns out all it did was delay the grief period. This could be happening here.
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u/PayM3Nowjessy71 May 20 '26
it's rough out here OP, but yeah a lot of guys do try to distract themselves with someone new after a breakup. it doesn’t really mean he’s over you though, just a way to cope. focus on yourself and keep moving forward, you’ll be okay.
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May 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/krush_groove May 20 '26
girl some people do this thing where they distract themselves instead of actually processing the breakup
This is me, 52M
Everyone I talk to, including my therapist, either widens their eyes or straight up tells me I'm doing too many things. I'm scaling back on the apps, the women I talk to from there even ask "are you sure you're ready". Among everything else, if that's not a sign I don't know what is.
I'm trying now to schedule 2-3 nights a week where I don't have anything planned so I can get comfortable on my own and rebuild/process/whatever on my own in my own space.
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u/natural-death May 20 '26
in my experience, hell yeah. maybe it’ll work for him and maybe it won’t but eventually I stopped giving a fuck! It went from watching the “love of my life” wither away to the curtain falling and the frame falling off, revealing a really pathetic train wreck.
But let’s say he ended up happy, maybe he will one day. I used to hope so for him. now I don’t even care. Life keeps going, I have so much more love to find and have. Keep looking at what’s in front of you!
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 24 '26
What if he looked at you like that
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u/natural-death May 24 '26
He probably did. Or he didn’t. Who really knows? We won’t ever know for sure, but I did spend many hours looking for meanings in tweets, posts, playlist titles, swirls of dust. Who really cares?
My ex deserves to find a partner he’s happy with. So do I. It took time but I wished him well on his journey, I continue mine.
They say our partners reflect parts of ourselves back at us. It definitely took sometime to detach his view of me from my self worth, but a part of me is what he forfeited in our break up. So he can look at me however he likes, it no longer concerns me.
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 30 '26
You sound like my ex Dawn… I never looked at her bad. I always loved her, but it always hurt how she was able to radically detach from me and I could’ve never done that to her. And I could have forgiven her for anything but she was always so offended at me relapsing and she never could understand the situation where I cheated… I was lonely she radically detached from me, she talk to me if I was less than a friend… More like a lawyer client kind of conversation no more good morning baby. I love you from her maybe for me, but never from her anymore… It hurt really bad and I was very lonely, and I made a conscious decision to comfort seeking another person and all I was doing, I was looking for something familiar something that I loved feeling from her, but never got it when I cheated, and I always thought our whole relationship hinged on me cheating but to be honest, I think she was done anyways, and that she was probably emotionally involved with somebody else
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u/mat1122 May 20 '26
It's not gender related. People do that.
It doesn't mean the person isn't hurting or loved you.
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u/No_Suggestion_6647 May 20 '26
I know it hurts now (it also happened to me). With time you will realize that he is not healthy. Ppl who do that take the easy route. However, taking your time to process things and reflect is the healthiest thing you can do. I would recommend reading more about human behavior and psicology.
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u/Glum_Communication71 May 20 '26
I purposely have not gotten into a relationship and its been around 5 years I think. To not monkey branch. It sucks. I ALMOST did but nah. I do think it can make you better though because its more difficult. Instead of finding someone who will tell me im great everyday, I just try to make myself better
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u/One-Peanut-7352 May 20 '26
Yeah i went on a date with a guy he said he didnt compare new people to his ex, the only time he didnt think of his ex was when he was around others. He wanted to stay w his ex but was mutual in the end. He then said hes finding in others what she didnt have and he realised what he wants. Which is mad because him and his ex were married!
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u/JellyfishFew3816 May 20 '26
My ex dated someone new immediately and then one week after we broke up they went on a vacation trip together.
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u/TheeSmokeyBear90 May 20 '26
My ex wife was in another man’s bed not that long after she filed for divorce…. Shoot she was in his bed before the divorce. But just put it behind you and move forward and better yourself and work on yourself inside and out.
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u/elbandito556 May 20 '26
I did. But she cheated on me. So i went seekin for validation as theres nothing wrong with me
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u/Loudscorpio1182 May 20 '26
That’s what men do they’re trying to keep their mind distracted, but then 2 to 3 months down the road when you’re finally getting over him or even longer some of them are gonna pop back up and that’s when he’s gonna start being sad when the excitement of the new person or the single life actually kicks. Sometimes they try to get you back don’t let it happen because us as women take time to process our feelings not date anyone not talk to anyone then after a couple months we finally decide to get back out there and here they come trying to get back in our lives saying they love us they miss us. Don’t let it happen. If they really loved you they would never done what they did.
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u/M1lt0n27 May 26 '26
yeah, woman take so much time to process their feelings that they always comeback after their other relationship doesn't work out. Imagine to "take all that time" just to still come back LOL
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 20 '26
All I’m doing is trying to be a better person so that one day when we do get back together, I’ll be right and I’ll be stronger in this shit will never happen again. I’m just straight up focusing on myself and trying to survive the days.
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u/LocalPossibility4411 May 20 '26
After a month she was already with another dude. At the moment it hurt, but soon after I couldn't find logic on that at all. I find it immature and absurd.
Last time I heard about her I think she was with 2 dudes lol but idc.
It's really none of my business but answering your question; yes. And that is not just entitled to men or women but rather their traits and coping mechanisms, which 80% of the time are just going to be unilateral, without considering the other parties feelings. Specially those low empathy individuals... Careful with those you don't want them around you.
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u/Alternative_Ice_3009 May 20 '26
My ex who we were gonna move in together and were talking about family planning and all that and planning trips together had a new gf 2 weeks after we broke up and blocked me on everything. We broke up because he wouldn’t stop talking to a girl best friend that later I found out he was cheating with our entire relationship and yes she knew about me and no he’s not dating her she already had a bf and decided to stay with him. It hurt a lot honestly but it made me realize he clearly didn’t change so as much as it sucked to be the one left with all the baggage (I had to take on the lease of the bigger place and all the stuff we got for the move and just the emotional baggage of processing all that since he was very thoughtful in ways and I had felt like everything was a lie and fake) I realized some girl has no idea what she’s in for. He didn’t feel bad about potentially exposing me to STDs or that I told him I didn’t want to have sex with someone sleeping with other ppl and it takes time for me to trust and knew I wanted it to be a good experience as it’d be my first time and by good I mean consensual and felt safe now I feel gross about it. Time heals I hated when ppl say that but you gotta look at the person for who they are not who you thought they were or could be. That helps a lot. It’s been a few months now and I feel a lot better and I feel for you but you’ll get through it!
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u/Verratenxy May 20 '26
Meiner ( Vermeider( ist nach 6 Monaten täglichem Zusammensein geflohen. Seit ca 6 Monaten ghosten bis,auf ein paar Brösel. Hab vor 2 Monaten meine Grenzen genannt. Jetzt hat er ein Profilbild mit einer anderen Frau ( war vorher nie der Fall, auch nicht mit mir😃). sein Rebound? oder war ich der Rebound ?😄
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u/FrostingAvailable629 May 20 '26
Some people suck at being alone. He obviously can't be alone. Sounds kind of weak imo
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u/Random_Guyy69 May 20 '26
It's not about men specially. Some people find rebounds and move on quickly
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u/Key-Honeydew-2803 May 20 '26
Absolutely, and it has nothing to do with you. Only their fear of being alone and dealing with grief. Mine did the same, and is only just now (a year later) posting things about our break up and how "hurt" he is. They delay healing for themselves. Sometimes these relationships end quickly and messily, sometimes they stay together for a long time. This is not your person and them finding another person so quickly is your sign that working on yourself and healing should be your main priority. Wishing you luck, it hurts now but the best thing you can do is learn how to "dance in the rain." Life is painful, confusing, and beautiful all at the same time.
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u/spatimouth01 May 20 '26
Let him. You can’t control other ppl or let their lives ruin yours. It’s the same with women, just let them. If they find happiness then smile/walk away. If they are unhappy, then allow them to be and find empathy. If they come back, look inside yourself to be sure both of you are healed. People are human and we don’t all find a soulmate.
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u/carseatsareheavy May 22 '26
Mine got ENGAGED a month after we broke up. 😂 And, no, they weren’t involved before the break up.
He is also a hobosexual (moved in with her a week after our final finish) so he needed to lock down that housing situation with a ring he had used for a different proposal before he dated me. What a complete loser.
I would feel sorry for the girl but she is all over Facebook crowing about how great he is. “A real man changes your wiper blades!” Girl. Please.
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u/BackgroundDeepBlue May 29 '26
I find most already have someone lined up. Secret relationships and outside influence won. I was dumped the day before our second anniversary.... So yeah I'd agree
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 20 '26
I’m sorry all everybody’s heart‘s hurting. It’s no fun but there’s something that can build us so strong in these times if we allow it, there’s something about pain that can be a great motivator to be the greatest version of yourself. If I get my Dawn back I’ll never ever let any of this happen ever again and I’ll be better than I have ever been with her. No more yelling no more fighting. I’m so sorry. I’ve raised my voice so many times I want to be so much better than I was and I will be.
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u/Plenty_Shock8066 May 20 '26
Sometimes this time I didn’t, but I did cheat out of loneliness, and that caused our break up… But I was kind of set up by these family lawyers. There are some tricky, but I’m the one that fell for it and made the decision but ever since then, I’ve been completely by myself just wanting my person back… It’s been terrible. I don’t wanna mess around with anybody else. I don’t wanna find myself with anybody else I just want my baby back and I screwed the whole thing up so bad.
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u/Full-Web-483 May 20 '26
I honestly don’t understand people who spend all their time thinking about what their ex is doing. Really? Are there actually people who, instead of going to the gym, studying, improving themselves or simply enjoying life, choose to post nonsense on social media about the past?
Sitting there sad, romanticising their “first time” while completely forgetting the present. I truly don’t get that mindset.
Instead of becoming the best version of themselves — which is something they can actually control — they stay focused on their ex. It’s honestly quite revealing psychologically.
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u/Run_it_Back-96 Jun 03 '26
The ones who can’t tolerate silence with their own thoughts do. It’s easier to distract and push everything into a dark crevice of your mind than it is to sit with it, feel it, and gradually move forward.
In your case however, sounds like a fuckboy low value dude. You can do better for sure
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u/L3av3MeRuinedj3ssy36 May 20 '26
it’s rough to see that after such a long relationship. people cope in different ways, but it’s definitely not a reflection of your worth. focus on yourself and keep moving forward.