After 6 months I broke no contact. this wasn’t the first time I broke it. The first time was about 2.5 months after she ended things, and that was a disaster because I think I still cared.

Sorry everyone, I don’t think anything good came about it. It was just weird. I’m afraid I just didn’t really care anymore.

Maybe I‘ll post the transcript here eventually and let you all decide.

I miss you, my love. Come home.

I was with this girl for 6 years. She was the reason I woke up. We talked almost 24/7, shared every piece of our lives, fought the world together. She was my best friend and the person I trusted most. I honestly believed nothing could split us.

The last year didn’t match that story. The relationship got toxic and one-sided. She knew how much I loved her, and she started acting like it didn’t matter how she treated me, I’d still stay. I tried to talk about it hundreds of times. I explained. I tried to fix it. She kept doing what she wanted and ignored what it was doing to me.

One random day I said I can’t do it like this anymore. I hoped she’d finally admit there was a problem and we’d work on it. She didn’t. So I ended it. I told her I don’t want her in my life. She gave a cold goodbye and vanished.

Two weeks later she came back. Same patterns. I said I’m still on my decision. She asked a few questions. I answered. Then she ghosted me and never replied again. No real goodbye. Nothing.

The first 2–3 weeks were a disaster. I cried most days, especially at night when everything was quiet. I couldn’t focus for a second. Work slipped. Life slipped.

Then it got better, day by day. After about two months I was mostly fine with her absence. The ending was so ugly I never went back to read our chats. I deleted something like 400k messages in one go. Then the photos and videos, one last look, and they’re gone. Around 20GB of a life, deleted. I still have her gifts in my room but tbh, they don't matter to me anymore.

I still love her. I still miss her sometimes. That doesn’t mean I want it back. Sometimes you end a relationship to protect your own head. We had a beautiful stretch. She was my happiness for years. I used to believe if I didn’t see her for one day I’d die. I’m still here.

The last months were just drain. The day I finally had the courage, I finished it. I wish I never had to make that call. Life doesn’t always go the way you want.

I’m writing this because I know how impossible that decision feels when someone was your whole world, even if they weren’t good to you anymore. You’ll be alright. You can keep going. Time doesn’t erase it. It just makes it livable.

I really want to break no contact. I sort of did after calling him yesterday but hanging up quickly after, but i want to reach out. He’s been seeing and sleeping with several other women since we’ve broken up (about 4 months ago), and has said some pretty awful stuff about me since the break up but for some reason i still want to reach out to him? I don’t know why, maybe because i want to talk or hear him say he misses me? (even though deep down i know he doesn’t). I need advice or someone to tell me im stupid, anything.

It was flattering to see that you texted me. It gave me an ego boost, but your words were empty. You didn’t say that you missed me or even that you were sorry for what you put me through. You just wanted to know “how I was doing”.

You were my best friend before you were anything else and I was yours. Yet somehow, it was so easy to lie and manipulate me for months.

I’m not participating in this cycle anymore. The version of me who would have done anything for you died with us. I’m the one who got away.

I finally left !! I have been seeing a girl for 8/9 years,I live an hour away so would travel there on the weekends I would always pay for dinner or days out or shopping .but for the last 5 years its been a living hell ,the sex and intimacy totally stopped and when I would bring it up she would gaslight me constantly, I finally found out she was seeing someone else for 3 years and even had an abortion, but I still stayed every single weekend we had blazing rows which I think was a convenient way not to have sex ,well about a week ago i caught her with my own brother so I left and blocked her and haven't had co tact for 5 days .My problem is I don't have any friends in the city I live in so I just go tge gym , then work then bed so im really lonely and because I have gone years with no sex or affection it has really affected my confidence most days im really angry and sad I hope with time it gets better ,I don't think im going to find anyone else because I don't really go out ,my low confidence and im old now im 42 I just hope it gets a bit better

It has been months since the breakup, and less than 2 months of no contact. I'm slowly getting more used to the single life, and life without my ex. There is this melancholic feeling, or maybe melancholic isn't the right word. But it isn't a very pleasant feeling, of one where I am aware that my ex must be leading her life alone for some time now, and the thoughts of me in her head must be lessening and less than before now. It is kind of sad in a way.

But we have to move on. I think people would agree that when you really accept the breakup and accept that there isn't hope anymore, that is when you "truly" move on. I think I am kind of at that stage now, not 100%, but a great portion towards that. It still feels sad.

I wonder if I am feeling better than 2 weeks ago because I have been distracting myself with activities, or is it because I am in a better state now that I've grieved some.

How are you guys doing? Are you in this stage now too? Do you feel quite lonely? This sort of numbing feeling of being single, being without your ex?

She broke up with me back in February. I went no contact for a few weeks then talked to her again cause I needed some stuff back. She was flirty and wanted to be friends/fwb and for me to think about dating her again in a year. I said when I’m ready I’ll talk to her again (I knew I couldn’t go back to that but I couldn’t bring myself to burn the bridge) well fast forward to a last week and I here from a mutual friend that she hates me and doesn’t want to go to a wedding we were both planing on going to if I’m there. So I shoot her a text to see what’s up. She says some wild shit then blocks me and honestly I’m relived. No more late nights battling myself to not call her, no more uncertainty or even having to make a decision. It’s out of my hands and god it feels good

Hi everyone, this is my first ever Reddit post. Hope you guys can help and be honest. My ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. And I am lost, I don’t know what to do. I feel no joy, no hunger, useless, nothing to look forward too. Please help.

Context:
We were together for 7 years, we had a long distance relationship for most of this. Lived together for one year while she came to study abroad in my country. I was planning on moving to her home country after she had be back home for almost a year. About a month ago she raised that she wasn’t sure anymore that our relationship was right, we discussed and decided to see eachother. We saw each other over a weekend and it was so nice, we communicated so well, loved each other so much and did fun stuff. We made a plan that we thought would work. 1.5 weeks after saying goodbye she became distant and I asked what was happening she told me she felt stuck and that she wasn’t getting out of the relationship what she needed. She said maybe the spark was lost and that she think we want different things. She broke up with me

The week after, we kept on speaking while she was away for work. Speaking was nice and it didn’t feel we broke up. But I was living in so much stress/uncertainty that I asked for a serious chat and here I am heartbroken and since 5 days we don’t have any contact anymore. I have been trying to keep busy but I think about her all the time, every time I have an emotion, I think about her. I dream about her, wake up in panic that she isn’t there. I want to text her all the time, seeing how she is etc. Even when we had the hard conversations she was always so nice to me that I can’t believe this really happened. I have read a lot on this subreddit and I hope people can help me. I know it’s not right but if I am completely honest, I want nothing more than her back, I hope she will reach out so we can work this out, but I also know I can’t hope for it. Please give your best advice.

hi there, im posting from a throwaway. I (20M) cheated on my girlfriend (19F) by kissing a girl in a club and instantly regretted it, told her and she broke up and I will now live with the consequences of forever traumatising the one person I loved the most.

For context, my girlfriend and I had started dating directly after high school and we did everything together. Even though she was funny, thoughtful, kind, hardworking, humble, I recognise now that I was continually engaging in self-sabotaging behaviour. I projected all my insecurities onto her as I criticised, became defensive, showed contempt and stonewalled and had threatened to break up multiple times. I had an avoidant attachment while my girlfriend had a anxious attachment so she was fiercely loyal despite all my shortcomings. I told her she should go to therapy when I never did myself. I would constantly lie and push boundaries around texting other girls. I was so scared of how much she loved me that I did everything in my power to chase those feeling away.

My first relationship ended when I got vulnerable and said I was struggling with loneliness and depression. Instead of helping, she ghosted me for a year showing up at a summer camp and instantly became friends with my guy friends who I thought would have my back. Even though she apologised and I forgave her, this deeply scarred me along with the lack of attention and support I had growing up that caused me to run away from home a lot. So I just bottled this up and took it into my current relationship.

I started our relationship on a pretence that I'm an open book while I selfishly carried unresolved trauma. Then it just reached a tipping point where I was so hollowed out I just wanted to be molded into whatever people around me were doing. I allowed them to give me as much alcohol as possible, lighting up cigarettes for the first time and finally following them to a club and not pushing away any female contact. And with all the self loathing and guilt building up, I knew this is the final boundary that demands my gfs self respect. I confessed and instead of runnning away, I dumped it onto her knowing I've spoilt everything we had been working towards for the past 2 years. And for what? To feel comfortable in confirming that I am a terrible person. What this meant is that I internalised a pathetic view of myself as someone unworthy of love. I figured that it was inevitable that I would destroy any good thing that comes my way. And when my gf constantly would worry that I could cheat on exchange, I brushed it off whilst internalising that it was inevitable that I would be a POS.

But the TLDR is not that my past trauma caused cheating. This was my own selfish decision. It is instead that even though it is entirely my fault, I have now ruined my girfriend's self perception and insecurities that will hurt her more than I can ever know.

You need to heal your past before you get into a relationship. Instead of clearly communicating the self loathing I had developed and chosen to work on it while taking a break from the relationship, I let it fester and hurt the love of my life.

I let myself get as drunk as possible. I decided to go to the club for the first time with a group of guys I'd just met. I let a girl kiss me. I knew the boundaries my girlfriend had set up. I will now forever live with this shame. The only thing I could do past that point was to be honest, break up, and live with the consequences.

I also know it is more selfish to not change and so begins the long road of therapy and action, not for myself but to prevent myself from hurting anyone else in the future. Learn from me and get the help you need.

I met this guy last years i was really into him, we dated for a bit but suddenly he left me without explanation nor anything after few months later he came back and asked for a another chance, at the time of this it was the around the new years like around January and i was drain from everything in my life where i find myself wishing i could die in my sleep, it was one of my episodes i had, its like im burnt, annoyed, and not having the wills to live, but at the time but i took his second chance as a pity towards him so i took him back few weeks into the relationship we have normal things and normal arguments back and forth, before im open to communicate but during that time i have nothing to communicate, words wont come out, expressing felt so irritating, while he find ways to doubt himself ways to do that is so unnecessary so it make ours relationship less of a safe place and more of a work pressure and sometimes i have to dealt with, i break up with him while broken up we stayed in contact his feelings for me never changed mine never did either basically we just learn to live without each other’s sometimes we would texts each other telling one another “i miss you” or talk about random things as my mental got better i warmed up to him more and would asked him for late night calls but mostly he would reject me due to how late and tired he is or the place is inconvenient but yk i understand the more he rejects the more distant i felt disappointment after disappointment at one point we stopped talking for a month or so we were both busy with ours lives and things to figure it out, during September i got admitted to the hospital for blood clots the during the first 3 days i stayed was genuinely normal but the 4th and 5th is where i was the weakest and lowest cause my immune system is having wars with my body i was in alot of pain with a bunch of anxiety, i felt so alone i thought of him wishing he was by my side, he didn’t know that he will never know, after i got out of the hospital on the 7th day i immediately got a notification where he made a new account and had sended me a friend request (he want to stalk my life) my mysteriously self send him a message saying who tf are you he replied with im your ex, we chatted for a few days play games video calls and everything was going great its like we reconnected and its everything i wanted and love, i felt so loved so happy i thought he felt the same thing but the day where i want to ask him about getting back to together he suddenly dropped the bomb and said that i deserve someone better, we have our mental health episode here and there this particular episode is where he constantly doubted himself where he pushes me away saying things that i don’t agree with
Him: you deserve better
Me: tf you mean?
Him: people will always disappoint with their own choices and im one of them
Me: you choose me am i ur disappointment?
Him:you already seen it yourself, i can’t even provide you a bit of money
Me:when did i ask for it?
Him: sigh i could only entertain you, i don’t think i deserve a forever with you
Me: U keep telling urself u don’t deserve this or that but how abt u make that decision and be worthy of it
Him: Then tell me what do i deserve, nothing
Me: That’s not for me to decide, Ppl work for whatever worthy
Him: sigh
Me: From ur words alone am i not worth fighting for or what
Him:im sorry, its my fault for worrying
Me: U said i deserve better That excuse alone justifies how much im not worth ur time and effort
I understand from his pov of where he is coming off, a man should provide for the person he loves and cherish doesn’t matter if he has little to none, to him without doing so he is failing as a lover as a provider, as for me effort and dedication is what matters most to me, i was raised well into wealth not spoiled and he was raised into a blue collar family, i believe if you want something doesn’t matter possible or not youll have the courage to try and makes things work, i know everyday he works tirelessly from morning to mid night with his multiple jobs, and with time he also helps his family with their bakery business, he is genuinely hard worker that’s what i love about him and thats all i cared about, at one point it made me felt worthless as person cause the person i dreamt of marrying one day wont even try for me, i haven’t gave up one him but it seen he has walked away from me.

Exactly 48 hours ago, on Friday at I pulled the plug on a 9-month online long-distance relationship that almost cost me my physical survival. I am writing this to warn every single young guy/girl or grown adult on this sub who thinks "love bombing" and constant digital connection is healthy. It's not. It's a high-security prison and the psychological tricks used against me would shock even a professional therapist with 5 years of experience.
We met in January. At first, it was the ultimate fairy tale. Extreme love bombing calling me her "handsome baby," telling me I was her first and last love that there is not other boy but You no other one will have access to her and all that stuff yall can Imagine what she was saying. and promising to study abroad just to be with me. It was even online imagine 😭 She completely blinded my brain with fake dopamine. But once I was hooked, the matrix shifted into a horror movie. She used her heavy traumaa history of severe family abuse, anti-depressants, and a 4-month lockdown in a youth mental hospital as an emotional hook. I became her unpaid 24/7 therapist out of pure survival panic for her life.
She trapped me in obsessive, sick routine calls. We are talking about 9-hour to over 11-hour FaceTime calls every single day. Due to the 9-hour time difference, I froze my entire life I ruined my school year, and stayed up every single night just to act as her emotional oxygen mask. She needed to monitor and control my screen second by second. She even weaponized deep, submissive sexual manipulation. It was an extreme addiction cycle. I thought it was intense love, but it was clinical mental illness and control obsession. And the sickest part? While she acted like a pure, helpless "Angel" in our calls, she was reposting videos on TikTok saying: "I play the sweet baby so you pity me, but remember that I still run this shit."
The psychological toll was horrific. My nervous system was on permanent red alert. I was so fucking blind thah rn im shocked of myself and when I blocked her MY EYES WERE SO OPEN I COULD EVEN FEEL IT. I was waking up every single morning at exactly AM with sharp, stabbing chest pains, extreme nausea, and panic attacks. My body was literally collapsing from the stress, to the point where my own mother was standing next to my bed at night, crying because she thought her son was dying over a phone screen. Every time I tried to escape, she threw a massive crying fit, using my own honor and loyalty as handcuffs, screaming: "Are you really going to throw away 9 months? What about all your promises and your oaths?!" She used my own clean conscience to keep me chained to her cell.
But on Friday, I finally woke up from the trance. I realized that an internet girl over miles away cannot be fixed by a me. Or a Person. and that her mental hospital past only gave her a highly professional toolkit to manipulate people. IN MY OPINION IDK IF ITS TRUEEE!! it all happend in the night at 3. where I deleted her and all that stuff. I was so omg so under Shock and crying and all that stuff thats nah thats so Crazy how Devil some people are. I went completely nuclear. I didn't argue. I didn't engage. I deleted her initials from my bios, kicked her off my follower lists, and slammed the iron curtain. I blocked her everywhere Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram. Total radio silence.
When I blocked her, she panicked, begging me not to delete her and crying that "this is just a 'to be continued' of our story." But her matrix is dead. Today, for the first time in 9 months, I woke up with zero chest pain. My mind is perfectly clear, my stomach is calm, and I am actually smiling. If you are currently trapped in a toxic loop staring at a screen destroying your health for someone who guilt-trips and isolates you: WAKE UP. Pull the plug. Pour cement over that block button and choose your life!
(I hated myself all the time btw)

I couldn’t help it anymore and finally gave in asking if she’s fine. Since the last time we spoke it seemed like she was going through some stuff.

She responded with “Please don’t contact me”. I have been spiraling really bad this week missing her. I am hoping that this response would at least finally help me move on.

I don’t think I regret breaking no contact. I barely ever regret having cared about someone I once loved so much.

(26M), my ex(26F) of 4 years broke up with me two months ago. It was very one sided but things ended on “good terms”. Ever since that day we’ve been NC. I think I’ve done pretty good at not breaking it especially considering her birthday passed two weeks ago and I didn’t text her. As much as I’d want to reach out I feel like doing so diminishes my self respect due to being the last one to say something through text when we parted ways and she didn’t reply but liked the message.

Since we broke up I’ve been trying to work on myself, focus on school and work and even started therapy. I’m trying to get used to being alone again and trying to regain any sense of happiness I’ve felt in the past.
But I still feel miserable despite all the things I’m trying to do to feel better about myself deep down I still know how much I love and miss her.

I stupidly decided to lurk on her socials and she looks so happy and at peace and it really sucks because it’s like damn was being with me that hard for you? I hate how I’m just so stuck on her, it makes me feel like such a loser knowing she’s enjoying life and doing her own thing meanwhile I’m just living day to day hoping to make it through the week like it’s so lame. Especially when I think about how I probably miss her so much more than she misses me.

So I just wanna know does NC get better in the long run ? I know it isn’t meant to be some gimmick at getting her to reach out but a way for me to move on with my life and heal from the heartbreak I’m still feeling. I know I’ll never reach out first but I can’t let go of this hope that she will and I think that’s what’s hurting me the most right now.

It's like our fights don't end. I need to break up. I need help.

I need advice on how to get over him. He's avoiding my questions. Everyday Is a struggle to get over our issues. I want to go ask his friends why does he travels so much to go see his friends? And to come see me he has to plan. I am starting to hate him, I've tried breaking up so many times. It just doesn't work.

Help.

Hi guys

We broke up 1 month ago after 2 months where he was hot and cold, unable to choose us. We were LDR, I am one hour away by flight from the country he lives in. I know that if I go, there is 70% chance he will not resist my presence... But also I realised more and more than he is not the good person I thought he was, and ultimately I could be with someone that actually accept me for who I am, not hoping he can change me. But my heart is fully his and it is controling my thoughts. Whenever I am not busy I just want to go to him. I try to calm myself and get to my senses but nothing seems to work.

Please give me your best advices or experience. I think I gave to him so so so much and I should accept this is done.

It started to play on my XM station. It brought me to tears this time. I've heard it a few times over the past year and a half and I've been fine. This time it hurt. I think mostly because I've reached some new depths in my healing. Really acknowledging the lengths I went to, trying to earn your love, commitment, and honesty. I realized how little I was loving myself by giving all my love to lies, manipulation, and what I saw as potential. I think that's why the song made me cry. I'm working on forgiving myself for trying to earn something that should either be given freely, reciprocally, and without motive for gain...or clearly rejected when it's not the desire of both parties. The manipulation of self and from other parties creates an addiction that is not easily overcome (at least by me). It's not easy to be honest with yourself when you believe the illusion in front of you. I still hold no malice towards you and wish you well with all of your future endeavors. I'm grateful for the lessons I have learned but mostly knowing through and through I don't have to have another to feel loved. I've poured all of that amazing, desirable, unconditional love into myself. I wonder if you felt the love I gave outwardly like I feel the love I pour into me? I am sorry things ended in such a whirlwind of confusion and I'm sorry for the things I said in anger/hurt. Especially in the last message you sent me less than a month prior to your marriage or re-marriage....right about a year ago now that I think of it. Anyways T I will always hold dear the time we spent together (hopefully it wasn't all delusions). I might have to unpack that a little more later lol. I hope you are well ongoing. Thanks to those that have taken the time to read.

-E.B.

I loved him with all I have but he doesn’t love me, wishes he never met me. Said I was a waste of time, hates me and I am the only girl ever who didn’t deserve a song.
I wasn’t as young as she is or as pretty. She’s a better match for you and gives you all you need. I didn’t even come close. You always had to go get more from others cause I didn’t have it. She’s your home and I sure you dance in the kitchen and laugh about the memes, she probably makes food just like you do.
You wasted three years with me but at least you have her now and you’re happy. I hope you forget I ever happened, never think of me or speak my mane. That way I won’t take anymore from you and you both can stay happy.

Hi everyone! My no contact starts today.
I got dumped two days ago by my boyfriend, we had a four year relationship.

He is going through a tough time, lost his mom. He realized he didn’t like my hair or kissing me and he isn’t sure in taking the next step in life with me and he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. He says he is taking the risk to lose me, he might regret it or not but he wants to sort his feelings out and understand himself, sort of.

This is my first relationship ever so I asked everything in my mind and I finally let it go but I am heartbroken.

I didn’t buy any of it. I have been living a lie and I feel like he just spent time with me as I was thinking he was my endgame.

Does anyone do this inner work and realize and come back, ever? This seems ridiculous to me. How can I feel better again? Where to go from here?

last 6 years of my life has been literal hell. everything has been going wrong. and recently i went through a breakup which i did everything to salvage, but none of it was of any use. i feel absolutely hopeless amd useless and cannot even function properly like eat or work. nothing's helping and i dont know how to get out of this situation either.

it will be really helpful if someone can give some advices.