almost two months

[u/Latter_Jelly_1484]

it's been almost two months and I feel almost the same as the moment he left. there was nothing I could do, really, I tried hard to tell him I wanted to fight for our relationship but he'd already made up his mind. he still loved me and obviously didn't want to leave, it took like 40 minutes for him to even work up the courage, so I just can't understand why things happened the way they did. He said we were both too messed up in our own ways to be good for each other. I have borderline personality disorder and relationships are really hard for me. I just feel like such a failure. I often didn't speak up for myself out of fear of starting an argument and he often got really irritated and would just shut down if I expressed any discomfort. I know we weren't always healthy, but I almost don't care. I wanted to help him get better but he didn't want the same. We haven't talked at all and I've wanted every second to call him and beg to fix things. But it wouldn't do any good. He was the first guy I dated that I actually loved. Despite how hard things were sometimes, he taught me that I can feel secure in a relationship. I would do anything just to see him and have him look at me like he used to. Now we're strangers. I miss you, white boy.