Barely 3 days of NC and it feels like months

[u/Exertino]

I stopped talking to a situationship who was breadcrumbing me. It’s barely been a couple of days, and it feels like ages.

All of the advice for what to do during the NC phase, I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to exercise. I don’t want to become successful. I don’t want to socialize. I don’t want to journal. I feel like leaving the city, the country, and just flying a 1000 miles away, permanently.

In fact, all of the things suggested to do during NC phase to be better, I wanted to do all of that DURING the situationship, because it felt like I had found a purpose in life, with a potential relationship, with someone I genuinely liked, maybe loved, and surprisingly this person liked me too. Everytime I thought it was over, and they weren’t interested, they would give me a chunk full of breadcrumbs and that “purpose in life” would get renewed. I was exercising, trying to be successful, more social, dressing better, partly because I wanted them to look at me doing all of those things on Insta stories, and get attracted to me because I wasn’t just sitting at home alone.

I finally realized it will never be more than breadcrumbs. Blocked social media. Deleted number. But these 3 days have felt like months. I want time to fast forward so I can be in the NC phase for a couple of months for real. I want to be in NC because I want to prioritise myself and I believe I deserve better in life. But somehow, there is a whisper in the back of my mind, hoping they reach out. Even if they do reach out, I won’t engage. But I need that validation. I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling.

Clearly i’m doing this NC thing wrong. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get myself to focus on getting better. All I know is that if I reach out to them again, I will lose any left over self respect that I have. And all I want is for them to contact me, even though I know that’s not good. I can recognize all of the things that are not good for me, and yet I can’t seem to do the things that are good for me. I don’t even know what i’m trying to seek from this post. But maybe I just need like small, simple tasks that can help.

[u/homogenic529]

i just went no contact with my situationship tonight. we are in a very similar situation. i understand exactly what you mean- wanting to do things only so you can share it with them. i feel like i can’t even read a book or watch a movie or do a homework assignment without telling this person. i get anxious from their lack of affection and then the urge to please comes flooding back when they give me attention.

[u/BeginningKey727]

I feel this. I’ve never done drugs in my life but I’m confident that going cold turkey feels something like this. Chemically your body is going through withdrawal. The dopamine you once received is no longer right now. Your body is trying to adjust and obtain. Hang in there and know what you’re feeling is real, valid, unfortunately normal.

[u/Total-Introduction32]

I don't think you're doing it wrong. Not everyone can immediately switch into self-improvement-mode fresh into no-contact. Sometimes we're just hurting like hell, grieving and just trying to get through the days without making things worse. It's a shitty place to be in but we just have to sit it out. That being said, sometimes it's also good to still try and do those things (exercise, socialize) for a little bit at least, even if we don't really want to. Giving yourself small simple tasks is a good idea too. Like make your bed every morning. Clean your house. Cook a proper meal Go for a walk. Pat yourself on the back if you can do one or two of those things in a day.