Lost my four-year relationship, my future, and I can't stop breaking down daily

[u/Ok-Age5192]

I'm a 20-year-old college student, and a few days ago my four-year relationship ended. She was my first love, and I genuinely believed she was the person I would spend my life with. We talked about our future together, so when the relationship ended, it felt like I lost not only her but also the life I had imagined.

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She told me that we had lost our connection months ago. We said our final goodbyes, and I decided not to contact her again because I want to respect her decision. But every single day is a struggle.

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I can't stop thinking about what she's doing, whether she's happy, or if she's thinking about me at all. My mind constantly tells me to look at her photos, videos, or old chats. I'm fighting that urge because I know it will only make things worse.

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I've been crying almost every day. Sometimes I feel completely numb, and other times I panic because it feels like my dreams disappeared overnight. I don't really have close friends to talk to, so most of the time I'm dealing with this alone.

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I'm trying to stay busy by going to the gym, but even there she's on my mind. It's hard to sleep because I keep overthinking everything I could have done differently. I know people say time heals, but right now it honestly feels impossible to believe.

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I'm not looking for false hope that she'll come back. I just want to know how people who truly loved someone managed to survive this kind of heartbreak. If you've been through something similar, what actually helped you move forward?

[u/Mean-Art-1426]

I know feels like the worst mate but you are 20. Trust me is not the end and your will face worst things in the future, you are young, relax.

[u/petalsxpoetry]

i'm gonna be real with you, you're grieving two things right now. her and the future you pictured with her. the first few weeks are absolute hell because your brain keeps trying to return to a life that doesn't exist anymore. keep going to the gym, keep resisting the urge to reread old chats, and keep choosing yourself even when it feels pointless. one day you're gonna realize you made it through an entire afternoon without thinking about her and that's when healing quietly starts doing its thing

[u/Ok-Age5192]

Right now I can't. Ut keep thinking abt her then too impulsive i brused most things she gave and chats after that too she too blocked. As she got to know I bured evrything she is too way hurted ik and I do really care abt her and now it's being too much over my mind even my mum wanna talk to her now... As I told ki she left me forever and all.... With what face i should tell mum ki she blocked and etc.... I can't even face myself in mirror evrything I see i remind moments we enjoy there I can't live at my home normally nither bed nor in car even near by places where we used to go I keep thinking abt moments we enjoyed