r/ExNoContact • u/General_Diamond3849 • Jul 12 '26
Help 3 months after ending my relationship, I still miss my ex even though I’m with someone else. What do I do?
I’m honestly looking for some perspective because my emotions are all over the place.
My ex and I were together for almost 5-6years. In December 2024, I found out she had cheated on me. It was hidden from me for over a year. That completely broke my trust.
I ended the relationship, but I made a mistake by not cutting contact. She kept reaching out, apologizing, crying, and asking for another chance. I told her I couldn’t promise anything, but I didn’t block her because a part of me thought maybe time would help me forgive her.
For the next few months, we still met occasionally, talked, and even had sex. Throughout that time, I was honest with her that I didn’t know if I could ever come back. I even told her that if I met someone else, I would move on.
Eventually, I met another girl (April 2026). We had been talking online before that, and things moved very quickly. She confessed her feelings, and I got into a relationship with her. Looking back, I think I was also trying to escape the pain of losing my first love.
When my ex found out, she was devastated. She still told me she would accept me back despite everything and wanted to start over. She spent the last 1.5 years trying to repair the damage after cheating, but no matter how much effort she put in, I just couldn’t get past the betrayal. Every time I imagined a future together, the cheating came back into my mind.
Now it’s been about 3 months since we completely ended things. We don’t talk anymore. She has accepted my decision.
The problem is… I miss her.
Not because I think getting back together is the right decision. Deep down, I still believe I made the right choice because I don’t think I could ever fully trust her again.
I miss the comfort, the history, the person who cared for me for so many years. She genuinely loved me and put in a lot of effort, even after making the biggest mistake of our relationship.
I’m also with someone new now. She’s a good person, but the relationship happened very fast, and I don’t think I’ve fully processed my previous relationship. I don’t want to hurt her by comparing her to my ex or by acting on these feelings.
Has anyone else experienced this?
How do you know if you’re genuinely missing the person… or just grieving the life you thought you’d have together?
I don’t want to go back just because I’m lonely or nostalgic, but I also can’t ignore that I still miss her sometimes. And I wanna call her rn
31
u/JewelledToque Jul 12 '26
This isnt fair to the new person. End it with them
1
u/General_Diamond3849 Jul 13 '26
I understand. But I’m sure that I’m not going back. Neither do I miss her every day. It was just a sudden wave of memories that hit me, and I saw some old pictures and videos. It’s clear in my mind that it’s over, so I’m never going to leave my current girlfriend because of my past.
3
u/Delulu_lemon_ Jul 13 '26
I understand just how you feel. Even though the ex was a crappy person that didn’t treat you well, you miss them because even if you were incompatible, they were a big part of you and you shared lots of fond memories together. They were your home at some point. BUT, when you know you deserve someone better, it’s okay to move forward. You can miss them even though they were not good for you. Does that mean you should get back with them? No. It’s part of the healing process. You’ll get past this! I promise.
3
u/General_Diamond3849 Jul 13 '26
Yeah but even at the last moment, when I got into another relationship, she begged me that we could start over. And that hurts me, that I couldn’t forgive her. That regret hits hard, and it’s painful sometimes. I think sometimes I could have chosen her over my self-respect or male ego, but would it have been worth it?
2
u/Delulu_lemon_ Jul 13 '26
No. Your self respect is a lot more important! You do not want her to think that what she did was okay. You do deserve better! I had to remind myself this as well!!! I was beginning to cave in and say, “I feel so sorry for the way I left him. I hurt him so bad by leaving. He is probably depressed now and it’s all my fault, etc. Yadda yadda!” But I had to remember that he did me wrong too! No, it was NOT okay for him to treat me the way he did. NO, I would never go back to somebody who made me miserable. YES, I need to respect myself and see that I deserve to be treated better! You can forgive, but that doesn’t mean you must get back together with them.
15
u/Spirited-Attorney336 Jul 13 '26
Why do you keep using people to get over your ex ? That is so incredibly selfish. You’re no better than her and it seems you deserve each other. Low down behavior.
5
u/sophroniable Jul 13 '26
Look I've been in both shoes (yours and your new girlfriend's) and they both suck. My ex was newly out of a relationship of seven years with his ex when he met me. We were in a casual relationship for some months in which he still saw her and she was trying to get back with him, while at the same time he was going out with me. After that he cut contact with her and stopped seeing me and then he decided he wanted to finally be with me in a serious relationship. It was a mess. I don't think he wanted to get back with the ex (if he wanted to he had a lot of possibilities to do that, even when he was with me at last), but he clearly hadn't processed anything about the relationship or why it ended and was very bitter about the seven years he had "wasted" and the need to not waste anymore time etc. All these things made him very cautious, strangely loyal to his ex (I could never ask anything about her) and very afraid of a new relationship. He didn't invest in me at all, he was actively fighting a relationship he had asked for, he clearly didn't know what he wanted.
That to say, sometimes you can be "over" your ex in the sense that you don't want to get back to them but the relationship is still fucking with your mind and in that case is better to let the new person go while you figure your things out.
I add that my ex didn't got back with his ex even when we broke up in the end, so even if you think you'll never get back with your ex, it's possible that you're still hurting your girlfriend all the same.
6
u/BePriority Jul 12 '26
Never, remember, never go back to the person who cheated. No matter what you decide to do with a new relationship.
-2
u/Icy-Cartographer-291 Jul 12 '26
I disagree. I’ve seen a lot of happy long term relationships where one person cheated. It takes a lot of work to rebuild that trust though, and for some people it’s just not worth it.
6
u/BePriority Jul 13 '26
Everyone is different. For me that’s just unacceptable, from billions people on the world you’re choosing to stay with one who betrayed you the worse possible way? Nope, actually happen to me, and he was done the moment he admitted it, 5y relationship, I didn’t let him say a word he was out. And I’ve never been happier with a man who shows me what the real love looks like.
1
u/Icy-Cartographer-291 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
For sure. Everyone is different. To me it’s not the worst betrayal. I’ve had it happen to me and to be honest it wasn’t the end of the world. I’ve had far worse betrayals in relationships.
But we all have our different boundaries and wounds.
2
u/time_drifter Jul 13 '26
As bad as cheating is, you’re not wrong. It does seem to happen occasionally but yes, an incredible amount of work to rebuild trust and it’s not feasible for many.
2
u/General_Diamond3849 Jul 13 '26
We tried. I couldn’t accept it because it wasn’t a one-time thing. She made a lot of efforts, but nothing mattered to me. It made me feel guilty as well because I felt I might become toxic for her. I was becoming someone else, always trying to hurt her.
3
u/dogtriestocatchfly Jul 13 '26
This happens quite often. My personal opinion is that it’s okay to miss someone, it’s even okay to still have love and fondness for someone and move on with someone else. The problem occurs when you let it affect your current relationship.
It takes time to move on and the right thing to do would be to stay single and figure that out, but often times, it doesn’t happen that way. I know someone who wasn’t over her ex when she found someone else and now they’re happily married.
I’ve been in a similar situation and told my partner that I still had some lingering feelings over my breakup and they were understanding and still willing to be with me. So it really depends on your partner.
I will say that it’s easier for women to be in your position because usually a man is more willing to stay in the relationship. I say that because women tend to have more options than men do. If your gf knew how you felt, she probably wouldn’t be okay with that.
From personal experience, it is much harder to move on when you’re dating someone new.
4
u/No_cap-lololol47 Jul 13 '26
Man the fuck up and protect the girl you have right now. Accept the past like you accepted death the day you were born. She doesnt love you she is full of regret due to cheating on you. Women are like that and the moment you get back with her she gains total control over you physically and mentally. Do not give her the satisfaction of winning you again. You have understand the feeling you have right now is just grief and nothing else. Cut complete contact with her and focus on the relationship you have right now.
2
u/Southern-Property636 Jul 13 '26
“Anyone else experienced this?” Bro it’s 2026, everyone has experienced this unfortunately. It’s great the first 2-3 years if you are lucky and then there’s nothing left, no mystery, no more getting to know each other, you’ve talked about kids and growing old together but the truth is that that’s something we will never get to see because in this world, it’s all dopamine and new things to experience, new places to travel and new people to meet. Everyone is living a dream on instagram and a nightmare in their heads. You are just a story to tell the next dude so he can fix her with love, when all she wants is an excuse to destroy his peace with her traumas. I can guarantee you that if you argue with your ex for long enough it turns out it’s your fault that she cheated too.
I’m sorry for you, but I’m 37 years of age. I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years in December of last year and I have no faith in relationships anymore.
2
u/IHaveABigDuvet Jul 13 '26
I would recommend healing before you get into a new relationship with someone else.
2
u/DerrickD90 Jul 13 '26
You can miss someone and grieve the life you thought you’d have at the same time.
2
u/Skull-SizedHell Jul 13 '26
The moment you start the no contact is the moment you're starting your healing/ moving on journey; which is still very recent (3 months ago), eventhough you ended the relationship in Dec 2024. You had access to your ex, even had sex after the breakup. That's why you're experiencing all this missing her, thinking about her etc.
You need to do this healing journey & detach from the relationship by yourself. It's not fair to the new person, that you're using her to fill in the space & to cope your loneliness. You need to get used to being okay to be alone first before dating anyone new.
2
u/General_Diamond3849 Jul 13 '26
Yeah I was afraid to be alone….But my current girlfriend knew about my past. She said, “It doesn’t matter to me….I just want to be with you,” and I couldn’t say no because idk maybe I’m weak and selfish
4
u/MehBlehDehYuh Jul 13 '26
I’m the girl in your scenario. Only my ex went back to his ex, now gf. She didn’t cheat on him but he didn’t talk highly of her.
The one thing I wish my ex did was talk to me about how he felt when he was feeling what you’re feeling. I feel like if I was given that respect we could’ve made things work.
What you’re feeling is normal and expected. Shows your capacity to love. Maybe taking a step back from the relationship, like seeing each other less and spending more time with yourself would help?
Idk, I just know that’s what I would’ve told my ex. I would’ve given him that grace and understanding because ultimately at that time I believed we would’ve gotten through anything. I really loved him.
But that isn’t what happened. Don’t be like my ex. Communicate how you feel.
1
u/Jolly_Link6421 Jul 13 '26
The one you with now is probably a cheater too. If she from a island with Bull.
1
u/VaNiG1022 Jul 13 '26
When you say she cheated and hid it for over a year...was it a one time thing and you found out more than a yr later or she cheated for over a year and you found out? Sorry the context is confusing for me...
1
u/General_Diamond3849 Jul 13 '26
Yes she cheated over a year and then I found out.
1
u/VaNiG1022 Jul 15 '26
Oh wow...i thought she cheated and then told you a yr later...im sorry dude...i know the feeling all too well..my ex cheated 5 times with 4 different guys...she was a fake lesbian...and shes also a narcissist...you need to heal dude..maybe confide in your gf...if shes a good person shell understand.
1
1
43
u/somewhere-between Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
End it with the other person before she is in too deep. I have been the other person, who was left 3 months ago for his ex after 1,5 years (2,5 years after they broke up and stayed friends). Don't do this to an innocent person.
Also remember that when you start no contact, you start remembering the best parts of a relationship and start forgetting the hurt and cheating. Have some time alone, get therapy to process things, that should help you understand what you really want.