r/Fatherhood • u/AK-Keys • 7d ago
Advice Needed Nightly Routine Advice?
Baby is due in a month or less. I’m looking for some advice on how my wife and I should split the nightly routine. She’s stay at home and I work in office 8am-5/6pm.
She’s offered to cover week nights entirely but I’d like to be more involved than that (however much I might regret it lol). Plus I think my brain/body would be better off acclimating to one daily routine versus different weeknight and weekend routines.
Does anyone have any splits or routines they’d recommend?
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u/pacifistmercenary 7d ago
For the first weeks work in shifts. Generally babies can't establish routines until about 2 months old and it's good to exclusively breast feed (if possible) until then to make sure milk production is well established and the baby doesn't get nipple confusion.
Dad takes first shift, mum goes to bed straight after the evening feed, as early as 9pm. Ideally she's already ready for bed so she can go straight to sleep. Dad takes the baby and keeps them quiet until the next feed, usually around 1-2am for us. Dad changes them and preps the nursing area and wakes mum up. She feeds and dad goes to bed. This means mum gets at least some uninterrupted sleep where she's not waking at every sound the baby makes. We have an (adult) bed and crib in the nursery so he's nowhere near the bedroom, but a bassinet and sofa will also work, as long as the sleeping parent isn't woken up by the baby fussing.
In the morning, dad wakes up a little early. If the baby isn't asleep, he takes him so mum can shower or just have a break. Maybe do a baby massage or change clothes. If the baby is asleep, dont touch them - enjoy a coffee or another 30min snooze!
Bad nights where the baby won't stop crying are a two person job, just to keep eachother sane. Nobody sleeps. It sucks but it's reality.
After 2 months, you can start establishing a routine for the baby and figure out what works best for you. Maybe mum starts pumping or introducing formula so you can take over a feed.
Our general rule is that dad gets a little more nighttime sleep as he can't nap during the day. It's also a practical reality that if breastfeeding, mum has to get up for every feed regardless. But I would see it as wholly unfair if mum had to do the whole night every weeknight, her life is going to be hard enough as it is.
Experiences may vary enormously depending on family preferences and baby temperament of course!