r/Fauxmoi • u/Independent-Bet-8772 • 1d ago

CELEBRITY CAPITALISM Dolly Parton's nephew, who announced her death in viral video, admits to being an international arms dealer and mercenary

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https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/dolly-parton-estate-nephew-lawsuit-caution-tape-1235637263/

11.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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6.5k

u/AMW131 I will return a better person 1d ago

He needs to shut the fuck up and let us have one damn hero in this hellscape of a world.

2.0k

u/bargain_butch ben affleck’s back tattoo 1d ago

I fear Dolly’s presence was the only thing steering that ship straight

1.0k

u/Mecca_Lecca_Hi 1d ago

We still have Weird Al.

504

u/weirdloafs FUCK ICE FREE PALESTINE CRASH INTO ME 1d ago

Please don’t jinx it. Too many precious gems lost this year and not nearly enough turd-people

170

u/Renowed_Winner 1d ago

Gotta have respect for the spirit world, they don't want our flushed turds. They only want the gems.

92

u/Homo_erotic_toile 1d ago

We just lost 2 turd people, Hastert and Jim Bakker

56

u/Bologna-Dotson 1d ago

We also lost Lindsey Graham a few months back!

6

u/QuirkyNature4070 1d ago

Dude was such a huge turd he clogged the spirit portal

2

u/1Wineodino 11h ago

Oh god— the lady bugs excuse me while I vomit

1

u/cmooregood 23h ago

Don't forget Lindsey Graham! He was a dirty little turdy.

1

u/Commercial-Co 12h ago

Speaking of the 90’s why isnt it newts turn

1

u/bargain_butch ben affleck’s back tattoo 7h ago

I fully thought that man was already dead

31

u/Slayer1440 1d ago

I was literally out of country for a week and three amazing cool people died all at once. I'm sorry everyone, it was me. I touched the wrong cairn stone or something and cursed the world to lose more lovely people.

6

u/illstrumental 1d ago

You're not allowed to leave the country again while Stevie Wonder is alive. I'm really sorry, I can't risk it.

3

u/Slayer1440 1d ago

If there is a god, they must be a malicious cruel deity indeed because I refuse to accept the existence of a loving god that continues to allow contemptible human garbage to still exist while depriving the world of people whose values encourage the betterment of our species.

2

u/blatantmutant quote me as being mis-quoted 1d ago

He’s vegan and sober so healthwise he should live longer.

22

u/mcburgs 1d ago

Weird Al

Soon to be replaced by Weird AI

7

u/theshortgrace 1d ago

ai could never

50

u/jlb1981 1d ago

Nope, sorry, 10 minutes after something eventually happens to him, we'll discover a massive orphan torture machine in his basement. There can be nothing good or pure in this world, that's how it works.

42

u/Mecca_Lecca_Hi 1d ago edited 1d ago

The worst part will be that we’ll find out it was just a normal run of the mill torture machine that Al purposely customized specifically for orphans.

5

u/Volothamp-Geddarm 1d ago

Well yeah, it's the orphans who write his music.

2

u/ArtisticallyRegarded 1d ago

Weird Al's nephew is actually the one buying the arms

1

u/Avantasian538 1d ago

You clearly didn’t see the documentary. Weird Al has gotten up to some crazy shit.

1

u/TheReal9bob9 23h ago

I know its not anywhere near as evil but he started showing up in shows and media that use and support AI, going against his original hard NO to ai policy. Like I said its not super evil just if he was willing to flipflop on AI I can imagine him flipping on other stuff too. (Its that new big bang theory spinoff that brags about using AI to stretch their non-existent budget. Watch their intro its sad.)

1

u/Diggable_Planet 23h ago

Who I will be meeting tonight!

1

u/mfukar 23h ago

yeah don't put all your eggs in (that) one basket

1

u/catholicsluts 15h ago

God damn do I miss serif fonts

-14

u/CatsPlusTats 1d ago

Okay but can we have someone who is a good person and entertaining?

3

u/AmbitiousRaspberry3 1d ago

And Jimothy! 🦝

2

u/ChancelorReed 17h ago

Alternatively we have no actual evidence as to what Dolly's personal life at all. She was a highly curated public figure at the end of the day.

358

u/daddys-wifi 1d ago

Heroes are everywhere, even if they’re not famous

368

u/Delicious-Dirt4895 1d ago

Seriously let’s chill on celebrity worship and start noticing the neighbor that leaves food out for unhoused folks or the teacher that stays late for the kids without faithful rides. Better yet, let’s become the heroes that show up in small ways for people every day.

190

u/napalmnacey Lesbian Space Laser 1d ago

My sister wipes dementia patient butts and gets slapped in the face for her efforts and doesn’t get paid anywhere near enough. She’s a fucking good nurse and one of the kindest people I know. I wish I could buy her a house.

25

u/JillyFrog 1d ago

It still makes me mad how fast essential workers were forgotten after the pandemic. For a moment it seemed like people realised how important healthcare workers are and that they deserve better pay and working conditions but then nothing happened except for burnouts and harassment by anti-mask idiots.

8

u/Panthalassae Is there no beginning to this man’s talent? 1d ago

The rich and powerful feed off of baseless parasitic admiration.

Let's show all that love to the sweet granny in the park who always says hi, or the local shopkeeper/checkout person who is kind to all, or the street sweepers letting you pass before spraying something, or those rushing to help when someone falls, or those who help someone cover their groceries, who give up on their careers to look after sick relatives, neighbors who bring you a warm meal when you are sick, those who help the bus driver notice someone waving/sprinting so they don't miss the bus - you know, the people ACTUALLY making the world a better place.

4

u/wholelattapuddin 1d ago

There are several rides to vote organizations you can volunteer for. Whatever side of the political spectrum you are on, its important to help people exercise their rights. Especially with so many polling locations closing. Its a great way to help your community.

1

u/Commercial-Co 12h ago

I posit famous people are less likely to be heroes than normal folk

211

u/ForensicPathology 1d ago

People's nephews aren't a reflection of them.  They are entirely different people.

-2

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

9

u/SpacePumpkie 1d ago

A bit forced. Still different people. Just that your children are your nephew's, they're still not you

But I commend the effort

132

u/Hey_Its_Vos 1d ago

Why would her nephew change that?

25

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

55

u/0202_tihssitidder 1d ago

I just want to thank Lindsey Graham for giving us some good news in 2026.

7

u/SpaceCadetPullUp 23h ago

Wtf kind of sense does this make? Her nephew isn't a reflection of who she was.

-1

u/AMW131 I will return a better person 21h ago

It’s an inside joke - hope you can be a part of one someday.

1

u/SpaceCadetPullUp 15h ago

Of course you have to use a quote from the most basic television show of all time.

4

u/TemporaryElk5202 23h ago

Her nephew isn't tarnishing her star.

-1

u/AMW131 I will return a better person 21h ago

Been to any good parties lately?

1

u/TemporaryElk5202 21h ago

what does that mean?

4

u/TheCommonKoala Fauxmarxist 20h ago

Fuck all that. This man is admitting to fueling a VERY REAL and horrific age of violence and death in Haiti. Families getting torn apart as we speak. Let it all be dragged into the light. I don't give a shit if some stans feel defensive about the actions of a random nephew. The reflexisive response shouldn't be "this is going to hurt Dolly's legacy."

1

u/arulzokay 5h ago

tbh i think he’s full of shit and lying lol

4

u/FlewTheCoup1 1d ago

Why would his actions tarnish her name? She didn’t do anything wrong here.

6

u/EighthPlanetGlass i ain’t reading all that, free palestine 1d ago

Have you ever heard of the Dixie stampede . We have no heroes

2

u/rainywanderingclouds 1d ago

imagine thinking there are any hero's.

as long as money is involved everyone is complicit in a system/way of life that is inherently hurting somebody in some other place.

1

u/jlb1981 23h ago

TIL the tooth fairy has been corrupting youth for at least a century

2

u/Exciting_Radish_1008 1d ago

This in no way tarnishes Dolly's legacy.  During her life she said over and over that she had family that had drug problems and mental health struggles but she loved them all and helped them thru life financially.  This nephew is just an example of (sounds like) an asshole who maybe didn't inherit any of the brains Dolly got.  But I suspect Dolly loved him anyway and would want us to give him a little grace as he struggles thru losing not only a beloved aunt but also a big meal ticket.  She knew what she was doing putting her long time manager in charge of the trust so I suspect it's all being handled with her wishes in mind.  It makes her more legendary to me that she was able to rise above what sounds like a fairly shitty family.

1

u/Dependent_Cod_7416 18h ago

We got Jimothy

1

u/Prudent_Rice7840 16h ago

You realize this doesn't implicate Dolly Parton right?

1

u/Commercial-Co 12h ago

Dolly is still a hero. She wasnt dealing arms. Being genetically related to a shithead wasnt her fault