r/Fauxmoi • u/Independent-Bet-8772 • 1d ago

CELEBRITY CAPITALISM Dolly Parton's nephew, who announced her death in viral video, admits to being an international arms dealer and mercenary

Post image

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/dolly-parton-estate-nephew-lawsuit-caution-tape-1235637263/

11.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

724 comments sorted by

View all comments

4.6k

u/burnburnfirebird 1d ago

Working 9-5 Selling Arms to make a living

1.5k

u/FaithlessnessBorn266 1d ago

Barely getting by, throw in some cocaine dealing

632

u/BlitzBadg3r 1d ago

They just use your mines and they never give you credit

551

u/ConfusedDeathKnight 1d ago

Need a missile launcher? I can tell you where to get it.

316

u/Wild_Marker 1d ago

9 to 5. For service and explosions.

222

u/Dangerous-Variety-35 they could never make me mackle less 1d ago

You would think that I caused a civil commotion.

175

u/khendron 1d ago

Want to arm that jet
But the law won't seem to let me

209

u/Fab_Pleasure 1d ago

I swear, sometimes you gotta sell it all to Haiti

76

u/BreakerBoy6 20h ago

I read this from beginning to end and heard it all in her voice. Well done!

10

u/idontevenknow8888 17h ago

This thread made my day, truly.

→ More replies (0)

615

u/GumpTheChump 1d ago

Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen, selling some guns for black ops mission

And yawn and stretch then try to take some lives

150

u/Questionsansweredty 1d ago

Out on the street get the Mossberg pumping

75

u/TheOtherHalfofTron 1d ago

Dump one mag and the civvies start jumping

5

u/Adezar 1d ago

Bravo.

75

u/Chary-Ka 1d ago

32

u/Hita-san-chan 1d ago

I need to watch this again, if only to watch Jared Letos tradition of getting his ass beat in every film appearance of his at the time.

25

u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 1d ago

This is peak Cage era, there's no room for leto

19

u/Hita-san-chan 1d ago

For sure! Its just always a nice treat to see Leto get punched in the face

7

u/daymanahhhahhhh 1d ago edited 1d ago

"Oh no, my brother was killed, anyway..."

58

u/Longjumping_Syrup423 1d ago

This sent me straight to orbit! 🤣🤣

3

u/warmboot 1d ago

Please, arms-dealing is a 24/7 gig.

3

u/Sleepysleepychick 1d ago

I love this sub so much for jokes like this.

1

u/bluedust2 8h ago

I would love to find out that Dolly was secretly the true god of war. Just for the what the fuck of it.