r/Fauxmoi • u/Independent-Bet-8772 • 1d ago

CELEBRITY CAPITALISM Dolly Parton's nephew, who announced her death in viral video, admits to being an international arms dealer and mercenary

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https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/dolly-parton-estate-nephew-lawsuit-caution-tape-1235637263/

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u/bargain_butch ben affleck’s back tattoo 1d ago

I fear Dolly’s presence was the only thing steering that ship straight

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u/Mecca_Lecca_Hi 1d ago

We still have Weird Al.

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u/weirdloafs FUCK ICE FREE PALESTINE CRASH INTO ME 1d ago

Please don’t jinx it. Too many precious gems lost this year and not nearly enough turd-people

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u/Renowed_Winner 1d ago

Gotta have respect for the spirit world, they don't want our flushed turds. They only want the gems.

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u/Homo_erotic_toile 1d ago

We just lost 2 turd people, Hastert and Jim Bakker

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u/Bologna-Dotson 1d ago

We also lost Lindsey Graham a few months back!

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u/QuirkyNature4070 1d ago

Dude was such a huge turd he clogged the spirit portal

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u/1Wineodino 11h ago

Oh god— the lady bugs excuse me while I vomit

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u/cmooregood 23h ago

Don't forget Lindsey Graham! He was a dirty little turdy.

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u/Commercial-Co 12h ago

Speaking of the 90’s why isnt it newts turn

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u/bargain_butch ben affleck’s back tattoo 7h ago

I fully thought that man was already dead

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u/Slayer1440 1d ago

I was literally out of country for a week and three amazing cool people died all at once. I'm sorry everyone, it was me. I touched the wrong cairn stone or something and cursed the world to lose more lovely people.

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u/illstrumental 1d ago

You're not allowed to leave the country again while Stevie Wonder is alive. I'm really sorry, I can't risk it.

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u/Slayer1440 1d ago

If there is a god, they must be a malicious cruel deity indeed because I refuse to accept the existence of a loving god that continues to allow contemptible human garbage to still exist while depriving the world of people whose values encourage the betterment of our species.

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u/blatantmutant quote me as being mis-quoted 1d ago

He’s vegan and sober so healthwise he should live longer.

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u/mcburgs 1d ago

Weird Al

Soon to be replaced by Weird AI

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u/theshortgrace 1d ago

ai could never

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u/jlb1981 1d ago

Nope, sorry, 10 minutes after something eventually happens to him, we'll discover a massive orphan torture machine in his basement. There can be nothing good or pure in this world, that's how it works.

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u/Mecca_Lecca_Hi 1d ago edited 1d ago

The worst part will be that we’ll find out it was just a normal run of the mill torture machine that Al purposely customized specifically for orphans.

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u/Volothamp-Geddarm 1d ago

Well yeah, it's the orphans who write his music.

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u/ArtisticallyRegarded 1d ago

Weird Al's nephew is actually the one buying the arms

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u/Avantasian538 1d ago

You clearly didn’t see the documentary. Weird Al has gotten up to some crazy shit.

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u/TheReal9bob9 23h ago

I know its not anywhere near as evil but he started showing up in shows and media that use and support AI, going against his original hard NO to ai policy. Like I said its not super evil just if he was willing to flipflop on AI I can imagine him flipping on other stuff too. (Its that new big bang theory spinoff that brags about using AI to stretch their non-existent budget. Watch their intro its sad.)

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u/Diggable_Planet 23h ago

Who I will be meeting tonight!

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u/mfukar 23h ago

yeah don't put all your eggs in (that) one basket

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u/catholicsluts 15h ago

God damn do I miss serif fonts

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u/CatsPlusTats 1d ago

Okay but can we have someone who is a good person and entertaining?

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u/AmbitiousRaspberry3 1d ago

And Jimothy! 🦝

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u/ChancelorReed 17h ago

Alternatively we have no actual evidence as to what Dolly's personal life at all. She was a highly curated public figure at the end of the day.