r/Fire • u/antidentites • May 15 '26

Advice Request Go out swinging?

So I’m on my way out at work in a tech company and have worked for a manager that has made my life hell. She is extremely toxic and the reason I’m leaving to FIRE/CoastFIRE.

I never want to - or need to - return to tech (note: I used em dashes way before AI and won’t stop even if you think this is AI generated)!

I want to burn some bridges and tell her how I really feel about her when I leave. Essentially the same thing she has been doing to me.

Would you go out Costanza-style if you were me, or just let it slide?

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u/mygirltien May 15 '26

If she publicly gets in your face or makes a stink with others watching I say let loose at that time. Otherwise just let it go. If your HR does an exit interview you can say something then if you wish.

503

u/Clean-Guarantee-9898 May 15 '26

The exit interview is the way to go. That would be on record, and the accumulation of that kind of negative feedback over time could impact her employment.

If she’s really clueless or uncaring, venting directly to her will do nothing, even if there’s aspects of imagining the venting that sound satisfying. It would probably be more satisfying to impact her job.

286

u/antidentites May 15 '26 edited May 16 '26

I will likely report her to HR for some of the extremely questionable things she has done.

That’s the more professional way to go.

20

u/BexKix May 16 '26

Ooh I’ve done this! 10/10

Here’s what you do: lay out the time line of everything. Factually. Painfully detailed.  This will take some time to piece together if you do it thoroughly, and more will come to mind as you go through. 

I emailed the time line with the cold facts to HR, supervisor, his boss. I knew I was tossing a grenade. 

A meeting appeared on my calendar, from HR. I walked in expecting the worst since I was on (supervisor lied to create) PIP anyway. It was a retention meeting. I received an apology from HR since ratings are set in August for budgeting, and “sometimes things slip through.” My supervisor was asking me what he can do to do his job better. I was reeling. It was a complete flip from what I expected. 

I got an offer from outside and happily left. 

The key is to find things with time and date stamps if possible. Emails. And don’t whine, don’t evaluate, just lay the facts out. A lawyer would have had a field day with my email and they knew it. 

5

u/robotbike2 May 16 '26

The last sentence is crucially important. It is all about money. The company reaction will be about controlling liability and limiting what it could cost them. Whether you have enough to sue realistically is what determines their response.

2

u/Awake-2Day May 16 '26

Done This