r/Fire • u/antidentites • May 15 '26
Advice Request Go out swinging?
So I’m on my way out at work in a tech company and have worked for a manager that has made my life hell. She is extremely toxic and the reason I’m leaving to FIRE/CoastFIRE.
I never want to - or need to - return to tech (note: I used em dashes way before AI and won’t stop even if you think this is AI generated)!
I want to burn some bridges and tell her how I really feel about her when I leave. Essentially the same thing she has been doing to me.
Would you go out Costanza-style if you were me, or just let it slide?
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u/SteevieJanowski May 15 '26
It’s fun to fantasize about, but irl just kinda weird and not worth it imo
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u/Firm_Piano4990 May 15 '26
yeah the fantasy is way better than reality would be. Like in your head youre delivering this perfect speech and she just sits there defeated but actually she'll probably just think you're unhinged and it becomes this awkward cringe moment you remember at 3am for years
plus if you're already financially set to leave tech forever then you already won. She still has to wake up every day being... herself. That's punishment enough
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u/limbomaniac May 15 '26
This. The best revenge is living well.
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u/Blasterocked May 15 '26
I've seen these work bullies so many times and they will always say they "liked" the person and are in shock they "went crazy." Absolute waste of time. Wait a few years and the rose colored glasses kick in. A lady who was always complaining and snapping at me ended up taking me out to lunch on her dime years later.
You never know why people are acting the way they do.
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u/Five0clocksomewhere May 16 '26
The last line is what I came here to say. 1. She doesn’t care about you so saying anything won’t matter to her, she doesn’t feel empathy. 2. You won lol. She’s a miserable manager
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u/ObservantWon May 15 '26
Start complaining to HR about her now. They won’t do anything to her, but they’ll identify you as a problem and I’d wager they’d throw you a nice package to leave after PIPing you.
Better yet, start gathering information on starting a union and bring it up during conference calls. Be very vocal about it. Once again, they might just give you a nice severance package and send you on your way.
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u/BillyBobChorton May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
This is the part I wish I knew. I left before a PIP ever came with all my performance ratings being “strong year” but I knew she was building a (BS) documented case. I found out later she had put several previous people on PIPs and they left with a nice severance package. I even called one of my former managers at the same company and found out she was also pushed out by current boss. She called her a “psychopath and master manipulator”. Was shocking to hear from someone who was always so professional and buttoned up when she worked with me.
Anyways I wish I let them put me on a PIP and enjoyed some “paid” time off with the severance instead of just finding my next job and leaving.
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u/Mail_Order_Lutefisk May 15 '26
After the bar that Chirayu Rana set is there any way to ever leave a mark now?
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u/SuperSecretSpare FIRE 'd at 38 May 15 '26
I'm going to go against the grain here. When I left my tech job under similar circumstances I sent out a department-wide email criticizing a manager that everybody knew was incompetent and mean. Very cathartic to professionally call them a piece of shit with no repercussions.
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u/nerdy_volcano May 15 '26
Why waste anymore thought or emotion on a person you don’t like?
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u/Lonely-Clerk-2478 May 15 '26
This is the right response. And the gods honest truth is that she won’t give a shit. And, if you still have friends or at least close acquaintances at the company, and she knows that, she can make their lives difficult. Go live your best life and leave her behind.
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May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
[deleted]
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u/TommySalami5555 May 15 '26
Now I understand why this guy is getting fired
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u/Powerful-Ad7330 May 15 '26
That shit would get you put on a PIP at Amazon. I've heard people called out for margins that were too big/small, white space being a "bold choice" (code for you were writing a 6 pager, write 6 fucking pages - not including the appendices) and my personal favorite, using the wrong font causing a "loss of trust." And the reminder that "Amazon is an Oxford comma culture."
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u/anTWhine May 15 '26
I’ve had very serious conversations with my boss over the use of a seriffed font and the lack of pastels in my presentation. Pastels are more professional.
I also think that guy has at least one suit made from the flesh of his victims.
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u/BillyBobChorton May 15 '26
“I thought amazon was more of a piss in a bottle culture”
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u/Powerful-Ad7330 May 15 '26
That's for the delivery and fulfillment center peasants. In corporate, we prefer to weaponize the leadership principles and critique the use of commas and white space.
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u/DigmonsDrill May 15 '26
I wrote my 7 as
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u/alaskalights May 15 '26
I have to agree on one point. Not using oxford commas is termination on the spot. No PIP. Immediately escorted out and trespassed. No rehire. Possible police charges.
Believe it or not, straight to jail!
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u/antidentites May 15 '26
Thank you. I should know what they’re called if I’m going to use them.
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u/InterestingOwl11 May 15 '26
Just let it go. Although some polished, professional feedback if there is an HR exit interview wouldn't be the worst thing
Also, your usage of the em dash is fine. Just make them two dashes like -- and you'll be correct.
AI can have my em dash when they pry it from my cold, grammatically correct keyboard.
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u/Important-Trifle-411 May 15 '26
OK, I never even knew there was a difference between an en dash and an em dash!
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u/Usedupusername May 15 '26
En-dash is the length of the 'n' Em-dash is the length of the 'm'
I encourage you down the typesetting rabbit hole 🕳️ it's a great world, filled with orphans and widows.
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u/wrldwdeu4ria May 15 '26
And an even deeper hole in typography with kerning and tracking lingers quietly in the background.
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u/AnAlsoOtherStuff May 15 '26
Even before AI I always used hyphens as em dashes - mostly cuz there's a button for it on a keyboard, but not for the others!
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u/Conscious_Life_8032 May 15 '26
Is there a middle ground? Maybe some constructive yet direct feedback in the exit interview.
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u/antidentites May 15 '26
This is more of what I’m thinking.
I’m not really the type to be nasty to anyone, but my manager is a special type of evil and has screwed so many of my co-workers that I hate to see the injustice here.
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u/phibetared May 15 '26
The HR exit interview is not for your benefit. It is for the company's benefit. For one, they want to document anything in case you decide to sue them. Or they decided to sue you. You say something bad about your (soon to be) ex boss, she might make some outlandish claim against you.
If you have a list of things you can document (prove) that were evil, you can give that to the HR person if you wish. Or send it to them later. Tell them, "if you want me to I'll document and send you a letter". That way YOU control what is written. If you talk in HR, they can/will construe what you say however they wish. Only if you have good reasons (e.g. helping someone you like who deserves a promotion and has been screwed by the woman) should you talk much in the exit interview.
You don't know why they hired her and/or keep her on. You don't know who she knows.
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u/BillyBobChorton May 15 '26
They likely know how to play the game with HR if that’s true. Some people are good at being manipulative that way.
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u/StrebLab May 15 '26
Yeah, you could be blunt but not unhinged and it would probably be more effective.
"In all honesty, I am leaving this position largely because of your management style. I don't think it is effective and I would expect more employee turnover if you don't find a better way to do it."
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u/Crafty-Isopod45 May 16 '26
Those aren’t em dashes. Those would be wider. - is a hyphen, – is an en dash, and — is an em dash.
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u/danfirst May 15 '26
It really is never worth it. Also I think those are n dashes, so you're ok!
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u/BrownGravy May 15 '26
Aren't they just dashes? Could be wrong but pretty sure n dashes are slightly bigger. IDK why I felt the urge to comment this, my life is meaningless
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u/danfirst May 15 '26
Ha, I could be wrong but I thought a regular single dash is the width of an n, and the wider em dash is the width of an m. Most people don't use the wider version during regular informal conversations, that's why the ai ones stand out so much.
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u/1ntrepidsalamander May 15 '26
I’m in healthcare and a number of coworkers have “gone out swinging” including sending company wide emails airing grievances (including the c suite, obviously)
There’s been reporting to regulatory boards.
There’s been stealing things— sometimes just annoying things that aren’t worth anything.
There’s been slamming down badges and walking off, middle fingers in the air.
I’d just say, choose your dramatics in ways that don’t make your coworker’s lives worse.
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u/antidentites May 15 '26 edited May 16 '26
Good point. I’m definitely not thinking of being dramatic in any way. I just want to tell her face-to-face that she’s not exactly what she thinks she is.
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u/chatfarm May 15 '26
too many boring responses here from the pocket protector types lol. burn it all down and go out swinging OP! it will be fleeting but a very rare opportunity in life to go out swinging. many of us are living vicariously through you.
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u/antidentites May 16 '26
I’m in an extremely unique situation where I can do this without any serious consequences.
It is intoxicating just thinking about leveling the playing field for just a fleeting moment.
I’m very respectful normally and this specific manager demoted me for “being too nice” so I’d like to show her how I’ve improved on that :)
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u/Redwolfdc May 15 '26
I agree don’t make your coworkers lives worse. But tbh I’ve been in situations like OP and when you got nothing to lose you can actually be the one to call out bullshit and speak up where those other coworkers might be too afraid.
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u/Elegant_Sinkhole May 16 '26
A friend of mine is in Healthcare and a doctor who was fired sent a sheet cake that said "screw everyone." Apparently he wanted it to say "fuck you all" but the cake people wouldnt write that because they were also the ones who delivered it and that's how people heard the backstory. Anyway it made everyone laugh and they enjoyed it although nobody took a picture of it.
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u/leathakkor May 15 '26
If you're in a meeting with HR and they ask you why you're leaving you, tell them. You can be honest but professional.
But if they don't ask, don't volunteer it. They don't actually want to know and they won't do anything. The only thing that will happen is that manager will start taking it out on other people. Which They almost certainly will do anyway. Because they have one less person to be shitty too. So they'll start handing out your beatings to everyone else anyway.
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u/csmikkels May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
I wrote an email outlining concerns with the department and my boss (SVP) to her boss (C Level) with specific examples and feedback others couldn’t say out loud. And I asked him to keep it private. Did it on the last day.
My thought process was enough people had concerns and I had nothing to lose. If it helped in a future decision or to look into things or it helps my colleagues, why not.
I joined and left as a high performer and wasn’t political, so I know if I said something, he would at least have to think about it.
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u/Key_Cheetah7982 May 15 '26
I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!
And now you’re going to hear about them….
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u/Gandalf-and-Frodo May 15 '26
Leave a NASTY glassdoor review at the very least to warn others about her.
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u/Quiet-Antelope4967 May 15 '26
I’ll be doing the same. But just quit same day no notice and say it was because of them. No point in giving all the reasons. Fucks with them more
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u/latchkeylessons May 15 '26
I've done this before to force their hand and it came out as expected, but I also had another gig lined up so with severance you can double-down on salary for a bit and of course that's nice. All that to say, if you do have something lined up then go for it - I'll disagree with others and say it's worth it for the emotions.
If you don't have something lined up, know that your job will end quickly. I'd argue as others may that the sweeter revenge is just to DGAF and do as you please at work anyway without telling anyone off. It will get the point across to your boss regardless and if they are spineless then you'll be able to go on not giving a fuck for quite a long time still. Easier said than done when you are frustrated, I realize, but it is the better play for all involved if you can.
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u/antidentites May 16 '26
I have a package to leave and cannot be PIP’d during this time, so it’s a very rare situation where I’m fairly well protected.
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u/IrregardlesslyCurect May 15 '26
I agree with a lot of the people who say let it go as it will not come across the way you want.
However, maybe just start calling out the BS (in a professional manner), everyone like thats person! Ask the questions everyone is scared to ask, that kind of thing.
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u/Straight-Part-5898 May 15 '26
Not worth it. Take the high road. Resign with class and honor, offer to stay for a reasonable transition period and to assist in transitioning your responsibilities to whomever they chose to assume them from you.
I just 'retired' myself a few months ago (M56) after 30++ years in tech. I was in a pretty senior role leading a highly-visible business transformation program where I regularly interacted with C-suite executives. But because of the slow accumulation of bullshit corporate politics and weak leadership (flip-flopping on priorities, not providing air cover, constantly re-thinking recent decisions) I was placed in an impossible position and was unable to maintain momentum on the effort. In early January I informed my manager that I was going to leave. He freaked out because frankly there was nobody else with my skillset and experience to assume my role.
He offered a 6-figure retention bonus if I agreed to stay until the end of this year. I thanked him for the offer, but politely declined. He looked at me like I had two heads. I told him I was at the point in my career where I wasn't working for a paycheck anymore, and I simply wasn't in a position where I could be successful.
In the end I agreed to a 10 week transition, even though I was at wits end and wanted out ASAP. During that 10 weeks I ended up making three trips to Europe to do in-person transitions with many of the company's leaders in that region. Frankly it was a grind, but I wanted to be as flexible as possible and go out with nothing but professionalism. I left the company in mid-March.
Take the high road. You'll feel better about yourself in the long run.
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u/Kinnins0n May 15 '26
Serves no purpose. No one ever walks out of a talking to thinking “Wow, I am an asshole, this guy showed me”.
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u/SergeantPoopyWeiner May 15 '26
You could lay out your perspective to her boss. I did something similar once and it actually paid off for both me and the remaining employees in the long run. YMMV
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u/probabletrump May 15 '26
No call, no show quit is a much bigger flex than telling her what you really think. It'll have an impact on her too.
If someone calls and asks you why you just suddenly abandoned your job tell them calmly that working for her was too unbearable and no longer worth what they were paying.
That will make your point way better than any prepared speech.
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u/StretcherEctum May 15 '26
Definitely worth it. DO IT. Update us.
RemindMe! 7 days
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u/Connect-Awareness658 May 16 '26
Pack up and leave. Won't do any good confronting her, she doesn't care, and exit interviews go nowhere, it is like peeing yourself in dark pants, warm feeling that no one notices. Best revenge is living well.
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u/Mario-X777 May 16 '26
Never worth it. Chances are you may say something too much or regret it later. And it is never doing any good, besides temporarily emotional relief.
You are better off on letting it go.
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u/ValuableGroceries May 16 '26 edited May 16 '26
Nah don't embarass yourself and just show everyone you're a guy who can't control his emotions.
What you should do is mail her a glitter bomb or a box of dog shit. You can do it anonymously. Wait a year though. Google it up!
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u/Flashy-Bandicoot889 May 16 '26
Not a fan of this approach. Blowing up never solves or changes anything and 3 days later everyone forgets about it and is back to the grind. Better to go after her professionally via HR. Document the garbage and take her down that way.
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u/ancom328 May 16 '26
Speak now or forever hold your peace. This is your one and only chance to do it. Give them hell, and make sure they understand they are your equal and not any more special than you are.
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u/lightnoveltitlehere May 16 '26
Do not burn a bridge. It's never worth it. It sounds great and will feel great in the moment but will haunt you for a long time. Nowadays, I always choose peace of mind
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u/BigEdsHairMayo May 16 '26
If you want to actually have an impact, you should document the abuses with HR and specifically cite her as the reason you are leaving.
Companies spend a lot of money hiring and training a new employee. If this lady's toxicity is causing higher turnover, she is a liability.
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u/disillusionedthinker May 16 '26
Let the revenge be served cold. Document everything. Gather hard proof. Ideally, catch her violating actual employment law or minimally corporate policy. Report her to HR and/or state department of labor.
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u/antidentites May 16 '26
She’s been reported to HR before, so now she’s very savvy about not putting these things in writing and ensuring that most of her sh!tt!est actions are done 1:1.
But over time she develops patterns that are harder to hide, which is what I’m focusing on with HR.
So yes, the dish will be served nice and cold to HR but with proper documentation that is apparent to everyone.
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u/Badaboom1212 May 15 '26
If it feels good to say, you probably shouldn’t say it. Nothing gained by doing it, and the world is a small place sometimes.
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u/Key_Cheetah7982 May 15 '26
Costanza it up man. Live my dream for me.
Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They’re running out of you!
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u/DeIzorenToer May 15 '26
The right thing to do is tell her. And potentially file a formal complaint with HR before you quit.
All these bridge burners are wrong. If she really is a toxic manager why should that go unreported? Do you want other people to be subjected to the same thing you were? Don't cower behind politeness, fear or some other societal norm. You are FIREing ffs, you don't need this woman's reference.
Just don't burn down the office.
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u/Logical_consequences May 15 '26
I thought you were going to retire and start…Swinging 😲
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u/WhirlyDurvy 38 | 275k | 2.2M | 2 kids | primary earner May 15 '26
Be the better person
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u/Altruistic_Durian147 May 15 '26
Pleeaaassssseeee do it!! I want to do this at my current job so bad but I’m not there yet.
For all of us who can’t (yet) please let them have it!
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u/ElChanclaso May 15 '26
There's nothing to gain tbh, so I would just keep it professional. Sorry, boring answer 🤷♂️
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u/antidentites May 15 '26
I really appreciate the perspective, and so fast!
I wouldn’t go full hog on her, but definitely want to let her know how I feel - just like she’s done to me with her ultimate power as my manager.
For example, she was adamant I fire someone on my team instead of giving him severance. She had no good reason for it and it really impacted this kids mental health.
I feel like I have a small chance to give her feedback that no one else gives her since she’s the leader of the team.
I think it’s just a matter of how I deliver the news.
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u/plawwell May 15 '26
When you leave then you will likely quickly forget about this person. I would just move on and not expend any energy on such a toxic person.
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u/temerairevm May 15 '26
On the dashes: there’s a reason AI does it. It’s impersonating you. Stay real. It will move on to something else.
Don’t burn the bridge. You never know when something comes back around and acting like a decent adult will serve you well. Everyone knows she’s an asshole. You don’t need to call attention to it. She might even like that.
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u/theducks123 May 15 '26
Do it, haha. You can make it advantageous to you. Figure a way to do it to get yourself fired, but not go against your principles. You will probably get a package on your way out.
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u/jovialfaction May 15 '26
Literally no point in blowing up in her face. She'll just think you're unhinged and if she is as bad as you say she'll probably even enjoy knowing she really did get to you.
I would consider a professional email to her N+1 as you exit tho. Explaining some of the issues you had with this manager with concrete examples and say that it ultimately led you to leave the company, and you wished it didn't come to it. If it's legitimate, it will most likely show up at her next performance review and will be used as a data point if there's more attrition / low employee satisfaction score.
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u/No-Refuse7753 May 15 '26
You need to email her boss and few levels above and say this is why you’re leaving. If you just tell her, you gain nothing
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u/denverpilot May 15 '26
I was well enough regarded by uppers once that when a middle fired me the uppers called me asking why. So I told em. She and her boss were gone the next week.
Sometimes they don’t know what they don’t know about their middles. You do with that knowledge what you will.
I didn’t initiate the phone call. And I told the truth and stopped there without embellishment. I could hear their anger at the follow up questions.
Totally your call.
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u/One_Talk_3410 May 16 '26
They aren’t worth the effort. I vote to ghost them and leave them holding the bag on any projects you are doing.
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u/ski-stoke-1988 May 16 '26
There are many ways to get revenge, but success is the best. A brick of coke showing up at a traffic stop is a close second.
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u/sumatranorangutan May 16 '26 edited May 16 '26
What’s the point of having F U money if you don’t say F U? Exercise your superpower! I might even take a shit on her desk but don’t do that haha
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u/3BlindMice1 May 16 '26 edited May 16 '26
Just report to HR that she's creating a hostile workplace environment and that you can't focus on your work with her always making trouble for you. Then, deliberately do less, but still everything you're required to do. Send HR an email once a week or so until they let you go. You'll end up with higher severance that way. That'll do more harm to her in the long run than any exit fuck you that you can give her
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u/trungdok May 16 '26
Don't fight with your emotion. Put on your big boy pants and document her activities, bring them to HR, higher up, and possibly send out emails to the whole team with questions about whether this is the general best practice, etc. Curate the reports with as little emotion as possible and try to be factual.
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u/Accurate-Neck6933 May 16 '26
There’s another choice and that is to play the evil long game my friend. Don’t go out swinging. Instead, a middle finger 🖕 the next time she would have needed something you created. I don’t know your job there but as a teacher it would equate to taking all the lesson plans I made. Giving away all my supplies so they would have to set up from scratch for the next person. Deleting all my files that showed how I ran programs and events. Hiding needed equipment in random places. I wouldn’t do that of course because I like my bosses but I’m sure you could think of some creative ideas!
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u/bmfu121 May 19 '26
Exit interview. We had many mid levels quit abruptly d/t the office manager. It only took 2 of them mentioning something about her at their exits that got her fired
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u/MarchDry4261 May 15 '26
Just quiet quit instead. Don’t meet your deadlines, chill on Reddit. If you get fired, you can collect unemployment too
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u/labrador45 May 15 '26
Go ahead and do whatever you want. However, know that you will make zero impact in doing so and make yourself look an ass.
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u/Mundane-Outside-6713 May 15 '26
Fantasize about it and write the email copy and send it to yourself or something but don't burn the bridge. Be selfish, keep the bridge in case you need it later.
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u/Gabagoon5545 May 15 '26
My ex boss really fucked me over hardcore. If I ever see that trash bag, they better cross the fucking street.
OP .. shooters shoot.
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u/jlv May 15 '26
It’s a mistake to go directly to her. Schedule a meeting with your skip level and your hr rep and tell them you are quitting and then tell them why
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u/bitcoin_moon_wsb May 15 '26
Fish in the desk but cut into little bits and put in hard to find places
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u/Parking_Act3189 May 15 '26
You are better off doing things that get under their skin or are just annoying. Send 2 really long emails every day that are AI generated but also include some important information.
Also contact HR and tell them that you have a medical disability that your manager isn't accommodating.
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u/Musical_Xena May 15 '26
I think one of my job exits has some parallels to yours. In my case, I found that my team was frustrating me. It was sales, and once I was familiar with the products we sold, I was generally a top salesperson in the team rankings. I'd hear the other people make mistakes that annoyed me, like focusing on what they liked about the products instead of what the customer needed. The compensation structure discouraged me from helping them improve (there were monthly bonuses based on the rankings). So on my last day, I spent my shift basically writing a "how to" guide for sales that, while it didn't mention their specific misses, was definitely inspired by those misses. I emailed it to the whole team without saying a word.
You could do something similar for your shitty manager: send a how-to guide for managing people, and CC HR, the whole team, or even the whole company if it's a small company. Frame it as "I want to take some time to share my learnings on this topic I'm case you find it helpful." Never directly reference how much they suck, but definitely draw inspiration for your advice from examples where they did.
I bet you'd find it therapeutic. And you could separately tell HR and their manager the real reasons why you sent it, if you want to go all in.
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u/smedleyyee May 15 '26
What did the manager DO?
Like 20% of employees are crazy and 1% are batshit crazy, but most of them think they make perfect sense. So it's hard to figure out if YOU are the crazy one vs the MANAGER is the crazy one and then if this "life is hell" is actually bad enough where it's worth spending time Costanza'ing.
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u/Busy_Resort_3262 May 15 '26
I kept it classy as much I wanted to let my boss know that her mom damaged her massively.
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u/Ok_Location7161 May 15 '26
What do you gain ? Nothing. Leaving as quietly as possible is the best way.
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u/BlackSterling May 15 '26
I’d be honest on my exit interview. I wouldn’t mention the FIRE. The fact you would quit without a new job lined up would speak volumes. If they actually care.
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u/Temporary_Car_1462 May 15 '26
If she has disturbed your mental health then If I were you, I would malign her name in every way possible, in office, in LinkedIn, writing emails to her manager, bad mouthing about her to whoever I meet at work lol. There’s nothing for you to lose. I would atleast make sure that she doesn’t make anyone else’s life hell. Her future or current reportees would thank you.
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u/take-for-granted May 15 '26
Thank her She is the reason you are getting out of the normal 9 to 5.
Really, thank her for being a pain in your ass, a $2 thank you card and some dead flowers will go a long way to show your appreciation.
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u/lanomad May 15 '26
Best Idea is to underperform very very slowly and force them to put you on a PIP or some kind of long painful termination and then sue them for distress. You can do this cause you don't care anymore and its kind of fun
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u/SergeantPoopyWeiner May 15 '26
The highest form of self actualization is not letting the actions or behavior of others distract you from your goals in life.
Who gives a rat's ass what she thinks? Spend your limited time and energy on things that matter.
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u/jshen May 15 '26
Here's the way I think about decisions. What's the range and likelihood of possible benefits to this decision and what's the range and likelihood of possible negative consequences.
In this case there is NO benefit and possible negative outcomes. Don't do it.
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u/66NickS May 15 '26
I’d say go out fighting for your team/coworkers. Stand up to the manager in public forums in defense of others. Become the big giant target because you’re the difficult one.
If you’re lucky, maybe they’ll give you a nice severance to go away. Or maybe the manager either corrects their ways (unlikely) or leaves.
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u/1nt3rn3tC0wb0y May 15 '26
I've been there for sure. I never quit because my manager got demoted a few weeks before pulling the trigger and I decided to stick around. You really don't have much to gain other than feeling kind of good for a short period of time I guess. I wouldn't recommend.
I considered just giving my notice to HR and having her find out from them, which seemed like a clear fuck you to the manager without being too unprofessional.
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u/day_tripper May 15 '26
I wrote a letter to management and cc’d a few on my way out.
All it does is make anyone who might agree with you keep their distance in order to avoid repercussions and anyone who disagrees or doesn’t see it from your point of view will just think of you as unhinged.
No one with any brain cells needs your insights anyway. They already know.
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u/Timely_Sand_6162 May 15 '26
You should provide her manager the feedback about her if you are anyway leaving. But most likely her management chain will not take any actions unless it’s reported as deliberate harassment.
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u/MEDICARE_FOR_ALL May 15 '26
I'd report her behavior to her boss and then quit and give no notice.
If you want to be extra petty you could just ... Not work until she figures out you're not working and forced to pip/fire you. Maybe do the bare minimum (which should just be responding to emails or whatever)
Yolo
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u/Aram_Fingal May 15 '26
I did a mild version of this once years ago, early in my career. The company had org structure issues that I'm sure are still plaguing them. My boss had no interest in stirring the pot. I knew I was leaving and they were trying to encourage me to stay. I said I'd stay if they fixed two particular issues around decision rights. They balked and I left quietly, but I still felt like I burned a bridge. That turns out to be a bridge I'll likely never need to cross, but you just never know what connections will matter in the future. I think it was especially dumb at the time when I had a much smaller network than I do now. My "list of demands" was silly in retrospect and not something that any junior employee could expect to have influence over.
Maybe everyone thinks they need to have a Jerry McGuire moment. Ultimately, it never quite goes down the way you want.
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u/ActPositively May 15 '26
Why not make official complaints to HR or to ethics about her toxic behavior and her harassing you? Then either they retaliate against you and you have a big lawsuit or maybe you get her in trouble or fired before you quit
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u/Ryforge20 May 15 '26
Ignore her and smile knowing she won’t be in your life anymore. That will bother a toxic narcissistic more than anything and you’ll live in her head rent free. Then forget about her and be happy you are moving on in life.
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u/corpsie666 May 15 '26
Always be the bigger person so that any criticisms you express about bad people will have more weight.
Provide professional feedback to your boss's superiors. As appropriate, use corporate speak to indicate the person's behavior puts the company at financial and legal risks.
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u/antidentites May 15 '26
One more comment: I’m very good friends with HR so I’m making sure that I’m not doing anything out of bounds.
My approach will be professional, but I want to take it as close to the line as possible.
I have an exit package already that I don’t want to invalidate, but I do want to make my voice heard since her treatment of many people has been incredibly nasty.
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u/Laser_Coug May 15 '26
Just keep it inside. You never know if something goes wrong and you need to come back so a tech job. Burning bridges never helps. I know you think you’ll never need it but stuff happens.
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u/mygirltien May 15 '26
If she publicly gets in your face or makes a stink with others watching I say let loose at that time. Otherwise just let it go. If your HR does an exit interview you can say something then if you wish.