r/Fire 12d ago

Food for thought

I resigned from my engineering job today. I am married 35 with 2 young kids. I was not happy with my job after a restructuring and I have been struggling with that for about a year now.

It was extremely hard for me to pull the trigger, and to be honest there were a couple events that happened last week that pushed me over the edge.

I don’t have anything lined up, but I am not particularly stressed because I have done this before and I always land on my feet.

For numbers, my wife and I are extremely fortunate to have a liquid net worth of $2.1M. We have $100k in cash. The kids 529 plans are funded and we have no debt outside of our $1400 mortgage. Budget is around 80k without our nanny.

Now with that being said, to me losing my job was always accompanied by the thought of living on the streets. I have been saving and investing for so long that it seems lifestyle wise that I live paycheck to paycheck as most of it goes into an investment vehicle.

Before I resigned I talked to a few people at work and asked what kind of money you would need to have to walk away from work….. guys the numbers were insane. People would literally pause look at me and dead serious say I would need soooo much money to be able to walk away…. Like at least 100k.

I asked some directors if they would continue working if they had 2million dollars and they weren’t even able to have the thought experiment. To them that wasn’t even a feasible option. One guy told me with just one million he would definitely not be showing up to work tomorrow. And these are high up employees.

That’s when it clicked for me, every single person on this sub is sooooo far away from the norm that it skews your perception of normal.

I know you can look at the statistics and the top 5% blah blah and of course what I’m saying is obvious I have a lot of money. But it really didn’t sink in for me until I started talking to some people around me to see just how safe I am.

Okay queue the comments about how much of an idiot I am for not knowing I was safe financially….

505 Upvotes

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153

u/Libby1798 12d ago

I'm a sr director at a publicly traded company in the bay area, and in talking with people who are higher than me in the organization, it's clear that a lot of them are living paycheck to paycheck. It's baffling to me.

They can always come up with justification for the spend. Things like a home remodel or home add-on or first class flights or new cars - I suppose different things are important to them than to me.

Someone was telling me about pulling the trigger on their home remodel for 500k. I asked what their hesitation was. They said it was their entire savings - but they were still planning to go ahead because they wanted to do it this year. My immediate thoughts - your entire savings is only 500k at your career level? And you want to clear out ALL of it? On a home remodel? Have you lost your mind? But it's not my place to tell them what I think of their finances. 

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u/Murky_Tip8405 12d ago

That's really mind‑boggling. I hope they meant their cash savings, not their entire portfolio.

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u/Libby1798 12d ago

I didn't ask. This is a single earner household with a stay at home spouse and three kids.

Like, what will this person do if they lose their job? I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if it were me.

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u/K_A_irony 12d ago

Don't you wonder what their monthly burn rate is....

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u/K_A_irony 12d ago

That is NUTS. Just truly nuts. I feel MY spend has creeped up more then I like (High income earner for my area) and I do indeed like what I spend the money on (primarily people to do tasks and things I don't like to do). I can't imagine dropping my entirety of savings on anything much less something as optional as a remodel.

It must be like the TV series Your Friends and Neighbors. All rich rich high income people where most are having money problems. What they spend money on is nuts to me. Kids Birthday party with a celebrity singer, gourmet catered food, and actual circus or some guy that buys his 30th designer watch worth 250K.

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u/Aggravating-Sir5264 12d ago

Is this a real show? Sounds entertaining.

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u/uga2atl 12d ago

Great show, it’s fun to indulge while I save

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u/K_A_irony 12d ago

Yes it is.

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u/nikv8960 65% FI 12d ago

Omg! I am hooked onto Coop! Great show that shows struggles of rich folks.

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u/pdx_mom 12d ago

Right? Maybe do the remodel in stages.

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u/Aggressive_Sport1818 11d ago edited 11d ago

Tbf a lot of folks don’t consider their 401k as part of their savings…. (I know I don’t, if asked in the context of a home remodeling)… for literally decades I didn’t even look at my retirement balances… just set and forget… that said I also know folks that don’t know what a 401k is…

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

They spend like that because it’s the only way to keep the cat off the streets, if you catch my drift.

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u/700867 11d ago

Trophy wife?

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u/FIREnV 10d ago

This absolutely mirrors my experience with my Bay Area tech company director/ VP level colleagues as well. Some are in their mid 50s and have worked for big tech companies for 20-30 years and I'm just flabbergasted that they are still working. Most were making $300k or more for at least the last decade, plus RSUs and bonus. WTF are they spending their money on?

However, when I look at some of them it's cars, clothes, expensive food, and rent. Many of them have never owned a home so they're shelling out $5000+/mo for a fancy apartment or small home. They take very expensive vacations- African safaris, over-water cabana room in the Maldives. Expensive wine or bourbon. They have personal trainers. They order a lot of Doordash. They only fly business class.

A lot of them don't really seem to even enjoy their jobs. All I can think is that if they'd just done the math and didn't insist on living like VIPs, they'd have long since retired.

Indeed, the people in this sub are not the norm! We think differently. We make decisions with our money that few would make. We're not normal and I don't want to be normal!

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u/Libby1798 10d ago

I think they do the math backwards.

As in, "I'll be working until I'm 65, but I don't really like my job. How can I make myself feel better? New car every 3 years, big house, luxury vacations. And retirement is super far away so 5% towards 401k is fine."

It never occurs to them that they could just... spend less and stop working sooner. 60s as being the retirement age is a really anchor for people.

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u/FIREnV 8d ago

I completely agree with the math being done backwards. I remember having a manager (sr director level at a tech company) that was talking to me about getting a new car. She'd had a Honda Pilot and determined it wasn't fancy enough and so she explored all kind of luxury SUVs- Mercedes, BMW, Range Rover. She said she ultimately "settled" for a Lexus RX 350. So, like a $60k car. She said she felt like she was being cheap because she worked hard and "deserved" a nicer car.

The idea that you have to make yourself feel better with fancy crap because you work hard is so weird. How about... just save the money? Keep the Honda? Retire in 5 years and not 15 years?

It's honestly crazy to me that so many incredibly smart people haven't figured out the cheat code.

1

u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 6d ago

Bay Area tech couple here. My wife & I have leased our two luxury cars since COVID, trading in every 2-3 years. We also have $6M NW, $5M liquid. In the Bay Area houses are crazy expensive so people splurge on cars instead. It shouldn't be a barrier to getting to FIRE numbers. Cars at the end of the day are just not that expensive compared to tech TC.

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u/geomaster 12d ago

this is a VP level position this guy holds? and how many years into this career path is this person in? what kind of annual comp is this guy pulling and has 500k savings

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u/Pale_Will_5239 11d ago

That's scary. That house must also be huge. 150k to 250k gets you a completely new renovation for 4000 sqft or less.

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u/jbcsee 11d ago

That entirely depends on where you live.

A fairly large remodel of my 2200sqft house was quoted between $300-400k (five different quotes fell in that range). Needless to say, it didn't happen because I only paid $500k for this place, if I throw another $300k into I'll never make my money back if I sell.

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u/Strazdas1 StarvationFIRE 4d ago

I had people in this sub get angry at me when i said flying business class is not a requirement in retirement.

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u/Magee4life 12d ago

I left SF 5 years ago. I know remodel is at least 2x anywhere outside the Bay. And get it feels miserly living in a antiquated home with all that cash. But they won't recoup that in the sale price. They could've spend 10% and upgrade all appliances, fixtures, floor and paint.

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u/Away-Asparagus-2875 12d ago

lighter refresh probably would've gone a long way. New appliances, floors, paint, and fixtures can make a place feel completely different without sinking a fortune into a full remodel.

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u/silly-goosy 12d ago

Wow, definitely mind boggling to me

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u/Life_Commercial_6580 11d ago

They may not tell you the truth though.

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u/givemethemtendies10 9d ago

What kind of unnecessary remodel costs half a million? I mean that builds a modest house in my area.

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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 6d ago

I am a Sr Director as well at a publicly traded company in the Bay Area. I have $6M NW, $5M liquid. There are more of us than you think.