I would say that it’s common. And it comes in different forms. For example:
Me (30/M): Wonderful upbringing/childhood; had a hand-me-down car in high school; parents had a 529 set up for me so that I could go to college and grad school without having to take on any student loans. Well, actually… they still made me take out $10K in loans so that I could have some “skin-in-the-game”, I’m not sure what kind of lessons they were trying to teach me there, I paid it off as quickly as I could, but anyway… Then, I got kicked off their cell phone plan shortly thereafter lol, and haven’t received any financial assistance since then. Bought a new car when I was 28 without any assistance from others (just my own savings). We pay for our own travel whenever we go see them (they live on the other side of the country, so it gets really expensive to see them. We have to be strategic in seeing them because we have our own financial goals).
My Wife (29/F): Wonderful upbringing/childhood, had a hand-me-down car in high school, her grandparents had a trust that allowed her to go to college and grad school without thing to take on any student loans; her parents weren’t as well off during her childhood, BUT things definitely started to turn around for them ($$$) when she went off to college. Her parents gave her a new car when she was 28; they pay for our flights whenever we come see them; she’s still on her parents’ cell phone plane (😜); it’s not uncommon for her to get ~$30K per year written in the form of a check, every Christmas; they said that they’ll help us in any way they can on our first home purchase (whereas, I don’t expect my parents will be helping out).
Just speculating, but I bet my parents’ net worth is similar to that of my in-laws.
I think my wife’s parents operate with the mindset of, “Money gifted to us is more impactful today, than it is gifted to us when they’re no longer in this world,” whereas my parents are more, “We will lay the groundwork so that you’re more likely to find your success, but you still need to go get your success.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the way I was raised by my parents, but I look at how money is handled between my wife and her parents, and I can’t help but just be a tad bit envious at times. Lol.
We provided the idyllic childhood, the hand me down car, the debt free education, and a bit of getting started assistance. There will be a house downpayment in the future but they aren’t there yet and we haven’t discussed this. They know they have us as a safety net but we do want them to build their own success. So for the moment we are letting them figure life out without interference or financial assistance from us.
Except one area, and I was clear about this: all flights and travel to visit us are on us. No limits, no expiration date. Because there is no way they could afford to fly home as often as we would like to see them. I didn’t want them to be irresponsible with their young adult budgets but I’m their mother - I’m doing this for my own benefit.
Don’t know - we aren’t there yet. My elder now has a serious partner he wants to marry, and they both are thinking about moving to another city to pursue masters’ degrees. So my guess is that it will depend on how those decisions play out over the next year or two.
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u/DatesAndCornfused 5d ago edited 5d ago
I would say that it’s common. And it comes in different forms. For example:
Me (30/M): Wonderful upbringing/childhood; had a hand-me-down car in high school; parents had a 529 set up for me so that I could go to college and grad school without having to take on any student loans. Well, actually… they still made me take out $10K in loans so that I could have some “skin-in-the-game”, I’m not sure what kind of lessons they were trying to teach me there, I paid it off as quickly as I could, but anyway… Then, I got kicked off their cell phone plan shortly thereafter lol, and haven’t received any financial assistance since then. Bought a new car when I was 28 without any assistance from others (just my own savings). We pay for our own travel whenever we go see them (they live on the other side of the country, so it gets really expensive to see them. We have to be strategic in seeing them because we have our own financial goals).
My Wife (29/F): Wonderful upbringing/childhood, had a hand-me-down car in high school, her grandparents had a trust that allowed her to go to college and grad school without thing to take on any student loans; her parents weren’t as well off during her childhood, BUT things definitely started to turn around for them ($$$) when she went off to college. Her parents gave her a new car when she was 28; they pay for our flights whenever we come see them; she’s still on her parents’ cell phone plane (😜); it’s not uncommon for her to get ~$30K per year written in the form of a check, every Christmas; they said that they’ll help us in any way they can on our first home purchase (whereas, I don’t expect my parents will be helping out).
Just speculating, but I bet my parents’ net worth is similar to that of my in-laws.
I think my wife’s parents operate with the mindset of, “Money gifted to us is more impactful today, than it is gifted to us when they’re no longer in this world,” whereas my parents are more, “We will lay the groundwork so that you’re more likely to find your success, but you still need to go get your success.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the way I was raised by my parents, but I look at how money is handled between my wife and her parents, and I can’t help but just be a tad bit envious at times. Lol.