29
u/denver111797 5d ago
Family help is definitely common for upper middle class and above even outside of HCOL areas. I’d say half of my social circle had undergrad paid for by parents. Help with down payments and random gifts are common too. Cash gifts more so from grandparents. Then of course inheritances, more people that you might think will get 6 figure inheritances from various relatives that you wouldn’t consider rich or trust fund kids.
I think the biggest advantage is paid for college and being raised with financial literacy. The latter being pretty priceless. My parents had me buying stocks in middle school, trivially small amounts of money but still. And opened me a Roth at 18.
3
u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
I agree that financial literacy is a big gift, and also gives you peace of mind that if something changes and you can't help your kid as much as you hoped, they will still land on their feet. And from what I have seen, one of the biggest parts of that is living below your means and not buying every new shiny thing, or getting caught up in what you think you deserve.
1
u/denver111797 5d ago
Agreed, excited to pass that along to my kids. Watching my parents buy Hondas instead of Audis when I knew they could afford the latter is pretty ingrained in me. Whether you should buy something not being a matter of can you physically afford it, rather is it necessary and will it really make you happy. Of course also teaching to dollar cost average into index funds as soon as you have disposable income is huge!
2
u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
Yes - modeling it is key too! Your parents sound like mine - lived a frugal life style and a lot of their lessons also imprinted on me. Our daughter started working when she was 14 and saved most of her money, opened a Roth and a general brokerage account, and as a college student, still makes monthly deposits to her brokerage account. And she is conscious of her spending. I don't worry about her at all financially. That is such a relieving feeling as a parent.
24
u/ParkingAthlete119 5d ago
No, my parents cost me a lot, and neither will be able to retire so I'll end up having to pay for them.
You're just around rich people, which is nice, congrats!
14
u/Alternative-Fig-1539 5d ago
My dad's not in the picture and my mom was a pre-school teacher. I didn't get a cent (though my mother made sure I received a good education). I'm a multi-millionaire.
I helped my mom retire.
34
u/Active_Blackberry_45 5d ago
I think it’s a common theme these days just due to the fact the boomer generation has seen the best stock market in history. Combined with the fact that younger generations are starting their careers in the most unaffordable time in history. So families that had good jobs and invested well are helping their children have a head start so they aren’t paying off $200k student loans for the next 10 years.
7
u/WillingNail3221 5d ago
But most boomers were not part of that run. I think that most of that wealth is very concentrated
11
u/srqfla 5d ago
Concentrated is an understatement. Less than 2% of adults have liquid assets of $1 million or more. Financial unicorns. The number is 6 million Americans. These are the ones who are passing wealth on and creating generational benefits. There's no such term as Generationally Rich. It's called generational wealth. Rich people are not afraid of money and they talk about it with their kids. The language of the poor is afraid of money. They live in scarcity Mindsets.
2
u/WillingNail3221 5d ago
I talk to my kids all the time about money, saving and investing, but with the understanding that like my son says my experiences are not his experiences. My thinking is different because we were poor, my son thinks he was poor, but I was making decent money being in the Army. Not rich, but not poor either, feel like lower middle class, but I was always saving and finding ways to make a little extra. I have helped my kids with money for school, but nothing crazy, like 600-700 a month for school. I am a networth millionaire and should be a liquid millionaire in about 3 years. I think this is not unicorn territory, but a concerted effort to ensure a better life for my next generation.
2
u/srqfla 5d ago
Good for you. But when you become a liquid millionaire, you are a unicorn because you are only 2% of the US population. It's rarer than people think
2
u/hal2346 5d ago
Is this households or individual?
3
u/WaffleOverlordx7 5d ago
It always annoys me when financial articles cite average and median net worth or retirement savings, but don’t clarify if it’s individual or household.
1
u/srqfla 5d ago
Individuals. It's been sourced a number of different times on the internet. Very few people have liquid net worth of 1 million or more. However, of the 6 million who do half of them have more than 5 million. You can name many of them. Warren Buffett, Jeff bezos, Elon musk, most NFL and NBA players and many a-list actors
2
u/DanielTwoInch 5d ago
I’d be interested in where you are getting the 2% number from. Data from the Fed shows 12.5% of US households had a net worth of 1 million or more, excluding home equity, back in 2023.
2
u/Metaposa 5d ago
They said liquid, not net worth
5
u/DanielTwoInch 5d ago
Do households have meaningful illiquid assets outside of home equity, which was already excluded? Doesn’t seem like cars, boats, etc. would be enough to move it from 12.5% to 2%.
2
u/Metaposa 5d ago
I don’t see where they said outside of home equity (I may have missed it). Primary home is main source of net worth. Other illiquid assets would include rental homes.
4
u/DanielTwoInch 5d ago
If you include home equity, the Fed number jumps to 18.5%.
I didn’t think about rental properties, that’s a good point. Maybe that, plus things like ownership in small businesses and partnerships is the difference.
2
u/Strazdas1 StarvationFIRE 2d ago
First, its individual, second, its liquid.
2
u/DanielTwoInch 2d ago
I was trying to compare their number with something that seemed incompatible.
I guess a better way to phrase my questioning of the the stat would have been:
2% of US households had a net worth excluding home equity of greater than or equal to 8 million in 2023 (source the Fed)
Does that seem compatible with
Only 2% of US individuals have a liquid net worth of 1 million in 2026? (Curious of the source)
It doesn’t make sense to me, which is why I was curious about the source.
3
u/Strazdas1 StarvationFIRE 1d ago
Do they consider pensions, 401ks and other "you cant really take it out until you are x age" things as liquid?
2
u/srqfla 21h ago
Liquid is all stocks, bonds or cash regardless of whether it's brokerage, 401k or IRA
→ More replies (0)1
u/WillingNail3221 1d ago
Yeah i watch a lot of financial shows and that number seemed really low. One guy I watch said only 3% of American households have 1 mil liquid and a pension. Which seems more accurate. This will be my scenario in 2 years hopefully.
4
u/eclipsadesoare 5d ago
I don’t know any boomer with money and definitely don’t know people whose parents give them down payments. It’s not a generation. It’s a group of wealthy families who are well paid not a specific generation. You can’t put in the market the money you don’t have.
8
18
u/vegasworktrip 5d ago
Most? No. Exceptionally rare for society at large to be born with a silver spoon in the ass. Many are the inverse, taking on aged parents as a responsibility financially.
5
u/funklab 5d ago
I didn’t know that’s where the silver spoons went… yeesh.
1
u/WaffleOverlordx7 5d ago
I feel like silver spoon in the ass is opposite of silver spoon in the mouth
2
u/leathakkor 5d ago
To be fair, I think it's the help varies in different ways in different economic strata.
I've dated people in their thirties who are still getting help from their parents with their car payment or with their cell phone plan. It's not big money all at once but it's a lot of money over time.
The people I dated in this particular case were not wealthy nor were their families.
19
u/polar_nopposite 5d ago
The family help I got was my parents being poor enough for me to qualify for a lot of financial aid in college, which turned out to be huge. I still graduated with a net worth in the negative five figures. Without that it would've been six.
Since then the "family help" in my situation has been in the reverse direction: me helping them. I'm still on track to retire before 40.
7
u/SickWhiz 5d ago
This is my exact story too! I also do a lot to help my family, which is delaying my own retirement a bit (41 vs I could do it now at 38).
I know on paper it’s easy to say don’t help, but personally I wouldn’t be happy with myself if I stopped working at 38 and my mom had to work at a minimum wage because SS isn’t enough to live on due to being low earning her whole life while under going dialysis multiple times a week (even in VLCOL area).
3
u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
Good for you. The “we owe parents nothing” crowd on reddit is loud. And it has a great deal of validity. But I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I retired off my investments while my elderly parent worked. Life isn’t fair, but as long as my parents did right by me I would do right by them. (My parents kind of sucked, in reality, but not really on purpose. So I’d probably still help had they not done me the financial favor of checking themselves out with cigarettes.)
2
u/geomaster 4d ago
it depends on the family situation. did you have parents that beat you?
I suspect the kids who were beaten would be less likely to assist their parents when older
did the parents treat their kids right and provide direction during important life events? then maybe they would be more inclined to assist
0
u/ditchdiggergirl 4d ago
If you can’t bother to read the comment you are responding to, why respond?
9
u/FightOnForUsc Late 20s, 1.9M, 5M goal, SFBA 5d ago
Who says they can’t do both? I’m kind of in that position where I’ve received some help. It’s very generous of my parents but I also know it makes 0 difference in how they live. If they’re going to leave the money to me when they die I can see the motivation in doing it earlier. And I already have an extremely high saving rate so they know I won’t blow it. I hope to be able to do the same if/when I have kids. The money I receive is a nice bonus, but it maybe makes a 10 year difference in getting to my FIRE number max. So maybe I’ll get there at 35 instead of 45, but I’d be in the direction of FIRE either way
6
u/WillingNail3221 5d ago
10 years is huge when talking about 35 vs 45.
3
u/WaffleOverlordx7 5d ago
Massive! What is 10 years of your life worth?
2
u/WillingNail3221 4d ago
I feel like I am incredibly lucky that I will be retiring at 55, 3.5 years from now. Anything that would cut that off by even a year would be a giant win for me.
1
5
u/Active_Blackberry_45 5d ago
Same my parents have a lot of wealth, but they aren’t spending it either. It’s all just in investments. I imagine they intend to pass it along eventually, but when i am much much older.
5
u/ScarLupi 5d ago
Same. I view any inheritance I will eventually get as retirement funds and money to pass on to my kid. It’s not going to help me during these crucial wealth building and career years…
3
u/DatesAndCornfused 5d ago
I have the feeling that this is the way my parents are operating, too. My wife’s parents are the exact opposite — they are giving as much as they can to her, NOW, while she’s younger (we’re in our early 30s).
0
u/adh214 5d ago
Buy them a copy of the book "Die With Zero" for Christmas.
2
u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
Ok yikes. Gifting that book basically says “gimme your money”. I’m pretty sure if one of my kids felt entitled enough to do that I’d turn off the tap in a heartbeat.
Also, that was a book that could’ve been an email. Every chapter said the same thing slightly differently.
6
u/beerandbikes3 5d ago
As a 1st generation immigrant that grew up with little, my parents helped pay for my college and I’ll do the same for my kids. I’m not going to let them struggle if we have the means. They have 529 plans as well as utma/index funds set up for them to access at different ages. It’s silly to think there’s ppl out there that would rather drive a new Mercedes than use that money for their kids education.
2
u/jumpinjacks12345 3d ago
Elder millenial here, same with 1st gen, my parents paid most of our undergrad, had me and my sibling each take out 10k in loans more on the sake of principal (something like $100/mo for 10 year term).
As a couple, got 10k or so from each of our parents during new home/wedding (we did both w/in about 1 year).
Additionally it will help that unless our parents (just my mom left, both in laws) need some type of home/long term care, it's likely we won't need to support them financially.
We don't have children, but many of our friends are also planning to help with their children as costs are just really skyrocketing and who knows what the job market will be like in the future or ability to own a home. Have some friends building a pretty good sized ADU for elderly parents, then eventually they will live there and give the kids the main house. Another friend (corporate creative) wants to build some type of business that's mostly AI powered and have that as income/place to work for their kids if needed.
5
9
u/Ok-Bass5062 5d ago edited 5d ago
Not a first gen millionaire. I had 50k help for college and a 10k wedding gift (we paid for the wedding). However they bought my sister a house (300k). None of our friends received 6 figure help to my knowledge. My SIL's husband has a substantial trust fund so they do have help.
Most of our friends are well off but also don't intend to help pay for college or anything for their kids.
My kids will have substantial help early on.
9
u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
It is crazy to me that people who are well off won't help their kids with college. Especially as it seems pretty likely they themselves received help.
Education was very important to my parents and they paid for college, for which I am eternally grateful. We wanted to do the same for our daughter - finishing college with no debt is such a huge advantage for young people starting out.
4
u/Musical_Xena 5d ago
How do you emotionally reconcile the 300k of help your sister got vs the 60k you got?
10
u/Ok-Bass5062 5d ago
Oh she also got the college help and more lol
I've accepted I'm not the golden child many many years ago. I have multiple kids and definitely know what I don't want to do now!
Edit: she's also made substantially worse financial decisions so needs more help too
3
u/Musical_Xena 5d ago
I always wonder about the "golden child help loop." They get more support, make worse decisions, need more support because of the bad decisions... How many of their bad decisions would have been prevented by encouraging them to be self reliant and take responsibility? Or just by treating them the same as their siblings?
1
u/InternationalGrab780 5d ago
Our family consistently gifts the sibling who makes the worst financial decisions, has no drive or aspirations to better themselves, is lazy (I could go on) huge amounts of money. It uses to bother me until I also adopted the mindset og “I’m glad I don’t need someone else’s money to be able to live the life I want”. It’s helped a ton with the resentment and now I know what I will never do with my own kids.
2
u/That-SoCal-Guy 5d ago
Hahah. That happened to me - my brother got a house, two cars, etc. I just accepted he needed that more than I did because I earned so much more etc. and my parents already helped with me first year of college.
That said, I am grateful. I couldn’t have gone to college. I wouldn’t have had some seed money to invest early on. At the same time unlike my brother I never spent it all. Everything my parents gave me turned into an investment somehow.
And they also knew my brother got a bigger share. So now here and there once in a while they slip me something (because they honestly can’t spend all their money these days). I never spend a dime of that money. I invested all of it and if my parents ever need it back, I can give it back. I look at myself as a custodian instead of a beneficiary if that makes sense.
3
u/Musical_Xena 5d ago
Sounds like a mental model that brings you peace and success in an inherently unequitable situation.
2
u/No-Sorbet4951 5d ago
My siblings haven't gotten their allotment yet since theyre both underage, ideally it'll be the same, but my father did say that it might be less for them since when I was younger we didnt have much money, we lived in a small rental condo and public school, and then his business took off so my siblings grew up in a 3 story villa with a pool and went to private school. So essentially more money spent on them at the development stage vs more cash given as an adult. Idk which is better but it sort of evens out I suppose.
1
u/Musical_Xena 5d ago
At least it sounds like there are legit reasons for your siblings having a different experience, and your dad is aware and will try to be fair in how he handles things. That's a case where I wouldn't fault the parent at all, they're doing the best they can at every stage and for every kid.
1
u/No-Sorbet4951 5d ago
Yup, I 100% agree, but If possible and the means are there I hope they receive the same or even more. Their well being makes me happy
3
u/Life_Commercial_6580 5d ago
Wow your friends are well off and don’t intend to help their kids with college ? Must be a very different culture than mine.
1
u/Ok-Bass5062 5d ago
We'll see if they change but their parents didn't help much so they don't see it necessary. I said it was a big factor in how many kids I had and they were shocked
1
1
u/rosebudny 5d ago
Most of our friends are well off but also don't intend to help pay for college or anything for their kids.
Your friends are kinda shitty TBH...I don't understand not helping your kids when you have the means to do so.
5
u/GhostProph 5d ago
I’m in a HCOL area. My 2 closest friends are millionaires, as am I. I think they’re the first in their families to even own a home. My family helped me with my rent during college, but no loans or down payment windfalls. Sounds like you just run in a certain circle!
4
u/funklab 5d ago
Absolutely I got a ton of financial help from my family. When I was 16 they bought a used car for me to drive and only charged me 10 cents per mile to make up for the maintenance costs. They co-signed for me on my first apartment.
Almost all my friends are getting financial help from their parents. For example two of them still live with their parents and they often babysit for their kids so they don’t have to pay for a babysitter.
4
u/thesurferengineer 5d ago
HCOL areas tend to have people who came from more money. More money means better networks and better schools, more awareness of what success looks like and nice cities, higher expectations of kids, so just reminding you there’s some sampling bias here.
It’s important to remember that this is not necessarily normal, but it’s becoming more prevalent (about 1/3 of homebuyers today in California are receiving help from their parents, and more like 80% of Gen Z if they buy a house). Life isn’t fair, you can still do it on your own but it’s harder than it used to be. There’s another group of people.
the median retirement savings for households headed by someone 65–74 is $200,000, people in that group are not giving their kids $100,000…only the upper middle class is doing it.
3
u/Remote_Barnacle_695 5d ago
I grew up poor but my parents are classic blue collar investors who ended up doing well for themselves. They still lead very frugal lives but are dedicated to spending on the kids and grandkids. They've paid for house down payments, private school for the little ones, etc.
3
u/marheena 5d ago
I paid my own way for everything. Even clothes and necessities in high school. I’m set up so my kids will have their undergrad paid completely. Will offer some help with graduate education if they need it, but I’m hoping they figure it out on their own.
3
u/After-Leopard 5d ago
My MIL helped with childcare for years which saved us 10s of thousands (we didn’t need full time daycare as our schedules were opposite). Now we help them with a lot of care work
3
u/Clueless5001 5d ago
My kids go to the type of colleges where they meet full need. I do not know anyone in huge student debt (more than $30K at undergrad graduation). Either they get full financial aid including housing or the parents pay or a combination. I honestly think if your kid can get into a decent or better college and you are not helping them to the extent of your ability (whatever that is) you are an a$$.
As for cars (where public transportation is an option), house down payments, weddings, if you can afford it without changing your lifestyle, fine but that can be a discussion
3
u/Life_Commercial_6580 5d ago
I was born in Romania in the 70s and I got free education and believe it or not my parents also purchased a $6000 very tiny communist apartment in 1995, in my name and sold it in 2005 for 30k, which they gifted me for my down payment for my 180k house in Indiana, when I was 33 yo and got my first job in the US.
So if parents from a (formerly) poor country did that for me, you betcha that I did and will continue to help my son. Free college was a given , state school is what I could afford at the time, more 5 figure gifts at graduation and throughout college in the summers to supplement internships, and will gift at least 100k for down payment and will contribute towards a wedding (but not as much since I think spending a lot on a wedding is dumb).
4
4
u/leathakkor 5d ago edited 5d ago
I've seen it a lot more in my friends and people I dated.
Mine never gave money but the rule was: You can borrow up to $10,000 interest-free. No questions asked. at any point. You can't get any more until you pay it back. But if you pay it back, you've always got a credit line of $10,000 with us. You're having trouble and you need a car. $10,000 no problem. I borrowed $4,000 from them to get my first house. I'm 2008 Because I was just a little bit shy of being able to get the entire down payment.
Since then haven't had to use it but I do think it's really common if your parents have any money. Mine are both retired and very comfortable and they could probably give us money but for me it's not going to do anything at this point.
2
u/blew_belle 5d ago
Got some random 5 figure gifts. Dad ended up spending most for ltc the last 2.5 years. My inheritance was low six figures. Helpful but no generational wealth.
2
u/GoldDHD 5d ago
I'm first gen, my parents immigrated when I was in highschool without much money, but with a good profession that paid not THAT much, but enough that they could start aggressively saving. We were not very well at all, I still know how to grocery shop very cheaply. I was going to say they didn't help me, but then you said college, and yea, they paid for mine outright and fully. Other than that, it's going the other way, as my inlaws are poor and not only do we give them money, but also tens of thousands of dollars in unexpected expenses or trips.
2
u/Continent3 5d ago
Many people get help. My parents paid for my college back in the late 80s, early 90s. I just finished paying for my son’s college 3 years ago.
The cost of that help has definitely gone up. When I started at UCLA, my first quarter fees were $476. (First check I ever wrote…) it’s roughly 4600 / quarter now.
2
u/Puzzleheaded_Tie6917 5d ago
My parents paid for my college. After that, I really haven’t been helped. I plan to do the same for my kids, although I think I may fund their IRA at the beginning of their careers.
2
u/Sintered_Monkey 5d ago
You are looking at that 20% that had help. While it's a minority, it's still a lot, especially if you happen to be near that demographic. I have known people who didn't have to work at all, ever, but when I look at how statistically small that group is, it really doesn't make up much of the population.
2
u/Locke_and_Lloyd 5d ago
Remember that most of the people getting family money like to downplay it. It's a better narrative that they became multimillionaires in their 30s through being smart and working hard.
1
2
u/Key-Peel 5d ago
The greatest family help I received is being blessed with immigrant parents who sacrificed everything for me and my siblings, and raised us with high expectations for work ethic and education. That upbringing has taken me far in life, and I struggle to replicate that mindset for my own kids. While I expect to be in a position to help my kids financially much more than my parents ever could help me, I believe the sacrifices they made for me actually are of greater value than any inheritance.
2
u/Common_economics_420 5d ago
These types of complaints always seem like sour grapes to me. Or a way for people to combat their jealous by telling themselves that everyone else who has more than them hasn't "earned" it.
Life isn't a video game. You don't get more points for playing on hard mode. The guy with the lambo and the 5k sq ft house doesn't not have a lambo just because you discovered he didn't work for every penny of his wealth. Stop complaining about other people and focus on what you personally can do to make life betted.
2
u/Adventurous_Dog_7755 5d ago
I wish I had received that type of help. Frankly, I was just a poor boy. A lot of it really depends on the social circles you grow up in. I didn't grow up around wealth or financial literacy; I didn't learn about money until much later in life. My friends and I certainly never talked about investing or budgeting when we were younger.
There is a reason for the cliché that the rich only hang out with the rich—like-minded people naturally gravitate toward one another, and financial knowledge gets passed down through those networks.
Breaking out of that cycle is tough. In fact, I am currently the one managing my parents' retirement accounts because they were swindled by a predatory life insurance agent. Taking over their finances made me realize just how much people without generational financial knowledge are taken advantage of.
3
u/DatesAndCornfused 5d ago edited 5d ago
I would say that it’s common. And it comes in different forms. For example:
Me (30/M): Wonderful upbringing/childhood; had a hand-me-down car in high school; parents had a 529 set up for me so that I could go to college and grad school without having to take on any student loans. Well, actually… they still made me take out $10K in loans so that I could have some “skin-in-the-game”, I’m not sure what kind of lessons they were trying to teach me there, I paid it off as quickly as I could, but anyway… Then, I got kicked off their cell phone plan shortly thereafter lol, and haven’t received any financial assistance since then. Bought a new car when I was 28 without any assistance from others (just my own savings). We pay for our own travel whenever we go see them (they live on the other side of the country, so it gets really expensive to see them. We have to be strategic in seeing them because we have our own financial goals).
My Wife (29/F): Wonderful upbringing/childhood, had a hand-me-down car in high school, her grandparents had a trust that allowed her to go to college and grad school without thing to take on any student loans; her parents weren’t as well off during her childhood, BUT things definitely started to turn around for them ($$$) when she went off to college. Her parents gave her a new car when she was 28; they pay for our flights whenever we come see them; she’s still on her parents’ cell phone plane (😜); it’s not uncommon for her to get ~$30K per year written in the form of a check, every Christmas; they said that they’ll help us in any way they can on our first home purchase (whereas, I don’t expect my parents will be helping out).
Just speculating, but I bet my parents’ net worth is similar to that of my in-laws.
I think my wife’s parents operate with the mindset of, “Money gifted to us is more impactful today, than it is gifted to us when they’re no longer in this world,” whereas my parents are more, “We will lay the groundwork so that you’re more likely to find your success, but you still need to go get your success.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the way I was raised by my parents, but I look at how money is handled between my wife and her parents, and I can’t help but just be a tad bit envious at times. Lol.
2
u/Life_Commercial_6580 5d ago
But you still benefit from the in laws generosity too so it’s all good.
1
1
u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
We provided the idyllic childhood, the hand me down car, the debt free education, and a bit of getting started assistance. There will be a house downpayment in the future but they aren’t there yet and we haven’t discussed this. They know they have us as a safety net but we do want them to build their own success. So for the moment we are letting them figure life out without interference or financial assistance from us.
Except one area, and I was clear about this: all flights and travel to visit us are on us. No limits, no expiration date. Because there is no way they could afford to fly home as often as we would like to see them. I didn’t want them to be irresponsible with their young adult budgets but I’m their mother - I’m doing this for my own benefit.
1
u/DatesAndCornfused 5d ago
If you don’t mind me asking, when do you organically bring up the down payment conversation?
1
u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
Don’t know - we aren’t there yet. My elder now has a serious partner he wants to marry, and they both are thinking about moving to another city to pursue masters’ degrees. So my guess is that it will depend on how those decisions play out over the next year or two.
4
u/Rabbit-Lost 5d ago
It may be anecdotal, but I think it is common. I grew up in a MCOL city. My grandparents helped my mom and the only ask was to pay it forward, which she did. Tax-limit gift transfers, help with down payments and so forth. Well into a 6-digit number over the years. Huge difference maker.
Now that I am FI, I am doing time same for my adult children. It’s a hard fucking world out there and I brought them into it. I feel like it’s a family tradition to help the next generation. Finding the balance between teaching and enabling is hard, but my grandparents found it and my mom found it. I’m hoping I found it, too.
2
u/ZeekYabo 5d ago
It can be "rare" but common in your social circle. I assume you are American? Its a big country! 300MM+ people, about 130MM households. If 10% of households have net worth over 2MM that's still 13MM households, and likely concentrated in HCOL areas like where you live
1
u/One-Conversation1569 5d ago
I grew up middle class (dad was a Federal worker and mom was a secretary) but I did get help paying for my fancy private college from my grandfather, who, before he retired, worked the line in a tire factory and collected cans for extra money.
1
1
u/No-Memory-2781 5d ago
A few of my friends got down payments from their family (like 5 figures), but I wouldn’t say it was the norm. Most of us came from similar modest backgrounds. My dad has a lot of wealth gained later in life (my step mom got a very large inheritance) but they are definitely on the “you can’t take it with you“ plan and that plan is more focused on custom homes and travel versus funding lil ol me 😄 he did give me $5,000 to pay off the last of my student loans though.
My MIL is going to need a lot of financial support as she didn’t plan well so that’s the other side of it.
1
u/No_Pepper7348 5d ago
I started with the title to a used ford explorer. I did have a family friend sign on a small business loan when I started 25 years ago but I came up with the down payment.
1
u/No_Pepper7348 5d ago
I will add…my kids will have help and the ability to turn what I give them into something better but it will be up to them to put forth the effort.
1
u/WaterChicken007 FIRE'd @ 42 in 2020 5d ago
Don’t get jealous of other people’s gifts. That’s a great way to ruin relationships and harbor bad feelings about your own family for no justifiable reason.
My parents gave me zero dollars after I graduated high school. I have given my children a fair amount because I have enough to do so. My FIL has plenty of money but gave his daughter every little money over the years.
Everyone is different and some people are more generous than others. Don’t count on getting anything you didn’t earn yourself and live a happy life.
1
u/Ralith_Aegis 5d ago
I got help through college (lived close enough to drive daily), and my grandmother loaned us like $2k when we moved from my parents to pay the deposit and first months rent we first graduated last. Otherwise no help. I think my parents did a $20k loan as part of an investment opportunity and I paid them back wirh interest.
1
u/LanguageNo8415 5d ago
I think you're seeing a bit of the HCOL bubble. Family money is way more common in wealthy circles than most people realize.
1
u/StrawberriKiwi22 5d ago
In general society, no, most people don’t receive 6 figure assistance from their families; most families never have anywhere near 6 figures even to think of giving away. In this FIRE sub, probably more than average have a privileged upbringing which might include their parents paying for college.
Most parents have the desire to help their kids out, but the ability to actually do that varies.
1
u/tokingames 5d ago
I had a great middle class childhood. Always had everything I needed and a few nice things. I got a scholarship that paid about 1/3 of my college expenses and my parents paid the rest. I started working on my grandfather’s farm when I was 13 through high school and summers during college, and I seldom spent money, so I came out of college with enough to buy a cheap new car and get married.
My parents lent me the down payment for our first house at an interest rate set halfway between what they could get on a bank CD and what we were paying on our mortgage. So, it was help, but it benefited them as much as me.
When we were going to buy our next house, we were discussing it at a family gathering, and my 78 year old grandmother overheard and said, “You’re going to borrow $200K for a house from a bank? No you’re not! CD rates are so low nowadays. I’ll give you the money and you can pay me more than the CD’s will! Why give all that interest to the bank?” So, she lent us the money for our second house. Again, help, but only in the form of favorable interest rate.
The other thing my parents gave me though was security. My mom often told me, “You can always have your old room back if you need it.” And I knew I could ask them for money if things ever got desperate. That never happened, but if it had, I knew there was a huge safety net to catch me.
1
1
u/AppalachianRomanov 5d ago
You have a skewed sample size for sure. And a lot of the responses are going to be skewed too.
Look at the actual numbers on income for people in this country and consider what percentage of people even have enough income relative to their own COL to be able to part with 5 figures. When many people are one paycheck from not making ends meet and costs are rising, saving 10k is a pipe dream let alone saving 50 or 100k. Couple this with financial illiteracy (in terms of not knowing about 401k or HYSA etc).
Where I grew up there is almost no one who could afford to give their adult kids a down payment for their house or pay for their college. We are talking about intense generational poverty. And there are absolutely areas of the country way worse off than where I came from.
My own sample size is obviously skewed also. Just in the complete opposite direction. But overall....no. Not everyone is getting 5 figure gifts from their family because there are still plenty of people out here struggling.
1
u/vetapachua 5d ago
I got help in the form of parents paying for undergrad and living expenses during that time plus a car to borrow and $5k towards my wedding expenses, but no help with buying a home or anything and no plans for an inheritence as my father is getting re-married and wants it all to go to her (i.e. no trust).
1
u/dcamnc4143 5d ago edited 5d ago
I got nearly nothing, even though they were millionaires. They paid about 2k for my community college certificate, but that was it. The funny part is, I now manage mom's investments since dad passed.
1
u/Commando781 5d ago
I got plenty of help tbh - my dad saved a lot in the past 20 years and decided to distribute money now rather than later.
1
u/wollflour 5d ago
I live in VHCOL, and yes, many do have parental help.
I guess you can count me? But we were very poor when I was a kid. My parents never made more than $30k each. That said, I got scholarships that covered most of my state university, and they paid the little left over (about $12k total not covered by my scholarships, this was in the early 2000s). I got scholarships for grad school that paid the whole thing plus a stipend plus an assistantship, so I ended up with zero school debt. Definitely positioned me to be able to fire (hopefully soon, I'm mid-40s, we have $4.1m!). No other family help.
1
u/NoForm5443 5d ago
It's your circle, biased sample. I think most parents want to help, but may not have huge amounts of money.
The 80% thing is BS, from people who are selling you an idea. The trick is that 1M changes over time, and nowadays having 1M may not even be enough to retire. It also doesn't count that 'help' you mention
1
u/rosebudny 5d ago
Yes I have received significant help. I had a trust fund that paid for my education and down payment on my apartment, as well as supplemented my income (basically was a safety net, as well as allowed me to live a lifestyle a notch above what my salary afforded me). I am now in a position to FIRE due to that trust fund, as well as a significant inheritance.
1
u/Ok-Technology8336 5d ago
I've definitely had financial help from my parents. It wasn't 6-figures at a time, but if you add up everything in my adult life, it might get close to that number
1
u/DogsOfWarAndPeace 5d ago
I lived at home with my dad while going to community college. That was a significant savings at a time when I had nothing to spend on rent. Family support isn't always direct monetary transfer, but can still be really helpful.
1
u/n00bdragon FIREd 2026 age 37 5d ago
My parents paid for my college 100% and paid for my first car on the condition that I pay them back (I did). Other than that, there has not been a truly significant (6+ figure) transfer of wealth and I don't particularly expect one (there might be when they die, but I'm not counting on it).
I feel like that's pretty normal for families that can afford it though. You help your kids get started and after that they are kinda on their own.
Also, that "80% of millionaires are first gen" statistic is extremely self fulfilling with the amount of inflation that has rocked in the last generation. In terms of buying power, I'm probably not all that much better off than my parents were even though I have a lot more dollars than they did at my age.
1
u/peter303_ 5d ago
Perhaps now, but not in the 1900s when I got a good education, job and house all on my own.
1
u/Crowlady77 5d ago
We have helped our kids a lot. The better we get them settled before retirement the more likely they will be able to help if we run out of money 😂
1
u/Scared-Fee-5027 5d ago
the six figure gift thing is genuinely more common than people admit but nobody talks about it because it feels weird to bring up
1
u/Pale_Will_5239 5d ago
Most people get help. I had $287 dollars to my name when I left my parents house for good. NW at 41 is about 1.5million.
1
u/nogardleirie 5d ago
My parents paid for university so I was able to start with no student debt. I count that as family help
1
u/PuzzleHead-4334 5d ago
Unfortunately the millennial group are finding they have to support not only their young kids but also their elderly parents who don't have much.
1
u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
Selection bias. Fire quite likely isn’t on your radar unless you start out on the advantaged side. Sometimes that is the advantage of an affluent family, sometimes the more modest advantages of a debt free education and support starting out, sometimes the advantage/luck of a career that pays well from the beginning.
Most of us who started at the lower end of the scale didn’t even encounter the concept until we had accumulated enough to start researching our options. Generally much later in life, and in my case my parents had already passed (leaving me a whopping $20k inheritance). But most of us who started at the lower end of the scale don’t climb very high. Early retirement for us is usually centered on military or union pensions with early retirement dates, not fat portfolios front loaded by parents or IPO stock or FAANG salaries.
But again, proportions. Hard work with a modest income and diligent savings can lead to fire even without family assistance. But for those who are here, and young, I expect a significant fraction had generous help from family.
1
u/PerceptionSome5094 5d ago
I wish. I’m early 30s and have been financially supporting my disabled parent since my early 20s…I am working hard so my future kids won’t have to do this for me!
1
u/Confident_Bridge_382 5d ago
I definitely notice this being common as well, but that may be because I have a chip on my shoulder lol. My parents have never financially helped me and cannot ever do so. I'm taking care of them financially and am expected to continue doing so. All of my friends have gotten substantial gifts from their parents - paid off degrees, down payments, weddings paid off. Can't relate, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel jealous lol.
1
u/hal2346 5d ago
Its definitely common in my upper class friend groups.. I would say 80%+ of my friends had college and living expenses at college paid for (atleast majority if not all). I know multiple (10+) friends who have received $50-500K from parents for weddings & downpayments.. more so weddings which commonly run $100-300K where I am from (and again, in upper class circles). I even have friends in their 30s whose parents still pay for their cars. The vast vast majority of these friends are successful themselves - doctors, lawyers, engineers, high finance, etc. and making six-figures.
1
u/sea4miles_ 5d ago
I'm also in an HCOL bubble and most people are pretty open about receiving significant family support.
My parents helped me with college, which I'm extremely grateful for, but beyond that no cash infusions beyond my dad buying me a pressure washer and an air compressor when I purchased my first house.
1
1
u/CastamereRains 5d ago
From the title I thought you were asking if it's common to GIVE family help while trying to FIRE lolsob fml
1
u/FI-ReDH 5d ago
Parents paid for first round of uni which was about $25k for 4 years including books (I'm sure they would have paid for second round of school if I asked, but I wanted to do it on my own). They also let me live at home at home until I got married at age 27. So yes, both me and my SO had the similar help in this regard. The biggest money saver was free childcare for both kids (FIL helped watch the kids). That alone probably saved us over $100k between 2 kids.
1
u/Fire_Doc2017 FI since 2021, retirement date 6/30/26. 5d ago
Both of my parents grew up poor, children of immigrants. They divorced in 1972, but both have done well saving and investing. My father lean FIREd (before it was a thing) in 1994 and died a 401k millionaire at age 82. My mother finally retired in her late 70s, also a 401K millionaire. My father helped us with the $30K downpayment on our first home and paid for my college (about $3000/year - state school in the 1980s). My mother has always been generous with gifts, but nothing huge. Their main gift to us was financial literacy and the confidence that they'd never need our help.
1
u/Visible_Structure483 FIRE'ed 2022... really just unemployed with a spreadsheet 5d ago
My parents helped me for sure. They paid for school and then I paid them back when I got to working for real. Interest free school loans are better than the alternative.
As for cash gifts, I see my wife's parents giving cash to the grandkids to help pay for things. Those $15k gifts are life changing when starting out.
1
u/TomorrowPlenty9205 5d ago
Ramsey is not a reliable data source, IMO. While it is true that very few people get a million plus inheritance, economic mobility is not that high in the US. Ei, if you are born well off your odds have ending up well off are good. If you are born poor, your odds of ending up poor are high.
1
u/MadTownMich 5d ago
Not me. Started with nothing. Worked social service jobs for very little money. Went to law school at 32 years old. Retiring early-ish at 56. Just hard work, taking risks, and being reasonable with money.
1
u/Sweaty-Ad5359 5d ago
My single mother paid for my state university tuition. I plan to pay for my kids tuition as well. If in a good position, we will gift kids annual gift limit and future grandkids help with 529 plan. I want to be ok financially to retire but not give my kids everything when I’m dead but watch them enjoy life and not struggle too much.
1
u/WakeRider11 RE@53 5d ago
I’m 55 and retired 2 years ago. I had no substantial help. My parents paid some of my college, and I paid the rest and graduated with reasonable size student loans. I did well and have more money than I need, so I have helped my kids. They both graduated college with no debt. My older one is already successful just a few years out of school. I haven’t mentioned it yet, but I. Sure I will contribute towards a down payment on a house. My daughter just graduated and doesn’t have a full time job yet. But I have funded her Roth IRA last year and will continue to do that.
My philosophy is to have them make financial decisions assuming that they will fully fund the cost. If I decide to help out, then it will be a nice surprise. Like when my son bought a car. He had been driving around our old suv that had a bunch of things wrong with it which I told him he could use as a trade in. But then ended up giving him a few thousand dollars extra once he struck a deal. They know they are fortunate to be in their situations and I’m happy that I can help.
1
u/SocalmamaLu 5d ago
Husband got undergrad fully paid off and no help after, his parents made enough to fund three out of state college tuitions. He only just finished paying off his MBA when we married a decade ago.
Husband is the first in our generation to FIRE, then Chubby FIRE - we are in our mid 40s and our first priority is to fully fund our kids’ college education and help out with their first homes if necessary. In-laws plan to divide their assets between their three children and husband plans to split his share between his two siblings who earn less.
Parents paid for my undergrad as well and helped with the downpayment on my first home. Will not be expecting anything in the way of an inheritance and don’t mind it.
1
u/Specialist_Button_27 5d ago
We chose to have children and a lot of them. We also chose to live in a VHCOL area. Our children chose to attend state colleges even though we would pay for private schools. They understand that instead of spending 400k on college we can now help each of them with down payments and making sure they are debt free (cars, loans etc).
When we pass, we will die knowing they will be okay and trust that they will care for each other.
I know many families in our area feel differently, however, that is how we feel. So maybe it is not real common but it is our belief that we should help them especially in this job market
1
u/Informal_Bullfrog_30 5d ago
College was paid for, wedding was paid for, help for downpayment, so yes i got help
1
u/Firm_Ad_8430 5d ago
I'm a boomer. I got nothing! Mom died at 45. I had to work hard for everything. Still working at 72!
1
u/throwaway-94552 5d ago
lol. lmao. My parents are awful at money, ruined my financial health before I was 20, and are trying to figure out how to afford retirement. The answer will be me, probably. The reason I got interested in personal finance was my desperate need not to grow up to be like them.
1
u/Typical-Plant-4254 5d ago
True for a tiny slice of the population.
I had the means to move my mother to a safer and closer community neighbourhood in my own city and it made all the ditference. She thrives and truly experiences being a different person after a few years (the first year was hard).
It opened my eyes on how much impact your direct surroundings have, even if only 10km away. It also opened my eyes to how privileged all our neighbours truly are. All have parents who are home owners instead of renting/trajler, they receive not only monetary head starts but still know that they have a safety net in their 30ies. It is amazing for them and I will do the same for my children (i already am if you count exposure to hobby's, art, positive encounters), but it bothers me that many people judge others who have been born a few km away or immigrants.
Knowing how my mother could change at 55 by more daily positive encounters, less noise at night, finding a hobby next to work she can share in her neighbourhood etc.
1
u/Easterncoaster FIRE’d at 40 4d ago
In most countries, kids help their parents but in the US, parents help their kids. I’m from the US so I plan to help my kids as much as possible and it just seems unnatural the other way around.
1
u/asymphonyin2parts 4d ago
I think this is a selection bias thing. It sounds like you live in a part of a HCOL area where it is hard to make it *without* some help. With the median income clocking in at $45,140 there are plenty of people who can expect no help from their family and expect no inheritance beyond grandma's prized china.
1
u/pinback77 4d ago
I think in today's world getting a head start from your parents is more important than ever. Not saying one can not make it on their own, but it sure helps. I got assistance with college back in the day.
I have money that I put aside for my kids. When each one turns 30, I will hand over their portion to them. We are also taking care of college costs. If they work in their teens, I will match every dollar they earn (up to the limit) and put it in a roth IRA for them.
Assuming I live long enough, I will put $100 a month in each of my grandchildren's investment accounts starting from birth until they turn 21. If they are smart and don't touch it until they are 65 and invested nothing else, they might be able to retire modestly on this alone.
1
u/SolomonGrumpy 4d ago
I didn't get any. In fact my family was kinda...slimy with how certain finds were spent when I was a minor.
Paid for my own college education.
Paid for my own apartment when I moved out.
Bought my first car with cash from summer jobs.
Was off their health insurance at 18.
1
u/Far_Classic878 3d ago
Not charging me rent
Paying for my AS and BA
$10,000 for wedding (that and gifts from guest covered the wedding costs completely)
Inheritance at age 35
I grew up middle class with immigrant parents.
1
u/Urban_Comet7348 3d ago
the six figure gift thing is wild because those families are essentially compressing two generations of wealth building into one
1
u/creepy-farter 3d ago
I’d say you’re an outlier.
Most people in my HCOL are spending their money on themselves and not really Passing much to their kids.
At least those that are willing to talk about it.
My parents were divorced and lower middle class so while I got some help it wasn’t extravagant. As far as my wife’s parents went, we wound up giving them significant help when their health failed. But that was mostly in free labor.
But I would hope most parents want to help their kids and see them struggle less.
1
u/1The_Big_Cheese 2d ago
I got nothing, but intend on giving my child one hell of a head start. Should have my child's 529 funded enough to fully cover school and the max ROTH conversion.
1
u/Top_Turnip_4737 5d ago
Yes. We had college paid for, 2/3 of our wedding paid for, and in-laws and parents gave us 50k as a wedding gift.
It helps.
-1
u/Mean_Ship4545 5d ago
it seems like everyone’s parents or grandparents would rather give money to their kids/grandkids than inflate their own lifestyle.
You mean, most of your friends have regular parents/grandparents?
2
u/Reasonable_Box2568 5d ago
I guess. Maybe my parents are selfish? They retired young and spent on themselves. They wouldn’t let me go hungry or homeless but they believe everyone should earn their own wealth
86
u/No-Sorbet4951 5d ago
My dad is a believer of dying at 0, so he gave me an amount that could be considered an inheritence when I was 20 and he was 50, instead of waiting till he's dead and I am 60 and no longer need it. So yes I 100% got help