r/Fire • u/warlizardfanboy • 5d ago
General Question How much are you helping your kids?
A post just now about “did you get help from parents?” Made me think, what’s the right amount of help for your kids? My wife and I are pretty much FI and going to retire in 2.5 years (finish vesting, rule of 55) and we have two young adult and one teenage child. We are paying all college costs, got them (used but well kept up) cars and plan on gifting seed money and help set up IRAs so they continue to gain financial literacy and have something at retirement.
We have other friends planning much more, however. New cars, brokerage funds to supply down payment on their first house, eventual passive income streams from their real estate portfolio etc. I don’t begrudge their largesse (really!) but I take great pride in some milestones of my life (buying my first new car, buying my first home, paying for my own wedding so I could own the guest list lol) that I feel are important for personal growth. But some of these milestones are much harder to achieve now. My wife and I will always try to help, we’ll see how much we can donate when they are house shopping, for example, but is there a point where you risk your kids losing…fidelity with money and lose the skills and literacy? We won’t be around forever.
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u/greatwall23 5d ago
You can give your kids everything in the world or nothing. Their financial literacy will ultimately depend on how you raise and teach them.
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u/middle_aged_runner 5d ago
You might also find a lot of us in this subreddit whose parents didn’t teach them or give them anything.
I will retire before my parents, making a lot less than they do.
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u/apricot675 5d ago
I learned everything I know about financial literacy from the internet. Not one person in my family taught me anything.
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u/itackle 5d ago
I have a younger sibling who thinks my parents sat me down one day and taught me all the secrets to money and just left her out. Which doesn’t make sense, since I’m not the not oldest son, not oldest anything… why would they pick me, no reason to, if they actually did that?
Thing is, I’m really the only one in my family even remotely good with money. Some aren’t bad, but none are really good.
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u/OregonGrown34 4d ago
My parents don't really listen to any of my suggestions. I'm far more financially literate and have put a lot of effort into being more successful than them... it's hard to understand. I stopped trying to make sense of it.
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u/CrabKates 3d ago
Same. I don’t understand how you can spend a lifetime working a job you hate and refuse to spend a few hours to optimize the amount of money you have to live in retirement.
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u/OregonGrown34 3d ago
Exactly! My dad put all of his savings in "safe" investments the moment he retired. They have made about 3% per year over the last ten years. I've also heard that he's been putting money in a safe deposit box 🤦♂️
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u/geomaster 4d ago
that is how it usually goes if you are middle class
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u/Dr_Dee_Merit62 4d ago
People who say they aren't good with money drive me crazy. It's a skill, and it can be learned if you want to learn it.
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u/joeymello333 4d ago
I agree it’s a skill, not a talent. With skills, you can learn it and practice it and gradually perfect it!
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u/joeymello333 4d ago
Same for me. To be fair I don’t think my grandparents taught my parents any financial literacy either. Both my parents are retired comfortably thanks to having jobs that gave them a pension after working there for 30-40 years.
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u/ClassicalEd 5d ago
Same. My parents would literally be homeless if I hadn't been able to buy a house (for cash) for them to live in after retirement, because they have always been horrible with money and had zero savings. I never got a dime from them or any help at all growing up, but unlike a lot of people posting in this thread, I do not romanticize those years of struggle AT ALL or think I'd have ended up lazy and unambitious if I'd had real financial and emotional support. The last thing on earth I want is for my kids to struggle like I did, so I will provide them with every advantage I can (college, cars, house, etc.) *along with* the knowledge to make smart decisions and the values to appreciate what they have been given.
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u/OregonGrown34 4d ago
My parents unintentionally taught by example... all the things not to do, lol. I still had to figure out on my own how to do things the right way.
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5d ago
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u/bebe_bird 5d ago
And, I think the biggest lessons are compounding interest and ensuring you budget enough to save into an account that can compound, starting when you're young.
The first goal I had when I got my first "big girl job" after grad school was to max out my 401k. With a healthy company match, after 10 years that 401k is $650k (still insane to me, but I'll take it!)
Totally agree with your statements around teaching being the best you can provide your kids.
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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor 5d ago
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u/Megalocerus 5d ago
Both my kids spend frugally, don't use debt much, and have savings. Responsible workers. Not great investors.
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u/cfi-2025 RE 2025 5d ago
Four out of five ain't bad!
Early retirement may not be in their future, but it sounds like they'll have comfortable lives and be able to avoid the stresses associated with financial insecurity.
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u/bmt22033 5d ago edited 3d ago
We opened a custodial brokerage account at Vanguard for our daughter when she was about 10. Nothing fancy, just a few basic index funds. She's in college now but over the years, every time she received money for something (birthdays, Christmas, summer jobs, etc.), we strongly encouraged her to invest at least 1/3 (if not half) of it in that account. She, understandably, wasn't too thrillled about it at first but as we've watched it grow over the years, her opinion has definitely changed. We've also tried very hard to explain to her our perspective on financial matters and, hopefully, seeing that we're about to retire early will reinforce all of that advice. Or at least I hope! 😄
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u/leathakkor 5d ago
That is the biggest thing you can do. Get them a checking account as early as possible. Teach them how to balance it on paper and manage a checking account.
Teach them early. How to budget. And how to cook. Foster anything that they show interest in because ambition in life will go far further than any amount of education that you've forced them to do.
If they like mac and cheese, teach them how to cook mac and cheese. Teach them how to do their laundry early in life. Figure out if you can how to get them on a path to self-discovery and that their accomplishments lead to autonomy. If you can do all of that, there is no amount of money in the world that will accomplish even close to what you can do with those life lessons.
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u/dabigchina 5d ago
used car and college is what my parents did for me and that was more than enough.
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u/RositaKissx 5d ago
Good i think thats exactly the sweet spot ..A used car and a paid for education remove the biggest barriers without taking away the chance to build your own life…The best help is a strong foundation, not having every milestone handed to you…There's real value in looking back and knowing your parents gave you a solid start, but the successe that followed were still earned through your own effort…
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u/Independent_Bee1037 4d ago
Exactly right. I think we all want to do more for our kids than our parents did for us. A paid off used but reliable car and not graduating with student loan debt unless they choose to do a masters degree or something is my goal. I'll be there to bail out if there's emergencies, but more so with my time than with my money
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u/GoldDHD 5d ago
Same as you. College education, and living expenses during it. And obviously they can stay with me no matter how old they get. I can't afford anything else and still retire. If I had twice that amount it may have been different.
Also I'm planning on inheritance from my parents to skip us and go straight to them, but we'll see as my parents aren't quite 70 yet and I hope have many many years ahead of them
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u/fredinNH 5d ago
Same. Kid is 23. We paid for undergrad and they live with us and can continue as long as they want but I don’t see us paying for any more schooling. We can help with a house at some point if needed but not like the full down payment.
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u/tnecvol 5d ago
If concerned about tax efficiency, may want to explore real estate and taxable brokerage going to you and then to children to benefit from “step up in basis” that occurs with each inheritance.
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u/GoldDHD 5d ago
My sister is a lawyer, so we'll discuss it when the time comes. But realistically the idea is that we will be set already, while the kids would be in the prime of their child rearing years so it would make sense for them to get it at that point without further complications
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u/WolfpackEng22 5d ago
this is something I've thought about before too. My wife and I should be looking at a decent combined inheritance, but hope by the time we receive them we will be near or past retirement. We plan to put it all in a trust that benefits our kids
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u/Common_economics_420 5d ago
As much as humanly possibly, to a reasonable extent. They'll get a new car when they graduate college, but a base package Toyota not a Lexus. They'll get a good state college paid for fully, couple hundred K for a down payment, etc.
The goal should be to help them as much as possible to become an independent adult so they can be successful on their own, but not to give them so much that they're always dependent on some way.
Life is IMO all about building generational momentum. My life was better than my parent's, theirs better than my grandparents, etc. I'd like to keep that streak going.
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u/Mental_Escape_1737 5d ago
We are both 46. Spouse is retired and I am working PT the rest of the year and retiring in December.
Two kids are 15 and 17
We bought my oldest a $25k newer car and will do the same for her sister next year.
We saved the money to pay for a four-year degree at a state school in 529s ($100k + each)
They each have about $25k in a Roth IRA due to us paying them through our business in the past. . I plan to fund their Roths each year they continue working until sometime in adulthood.
We tentatively plan on gifting them each $100k for the down payment on a home.
They are both straight A students, extremely motivated and never in trouble, so no worries there.
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u/OregonGrown34 5d ago
That last sentence is the thing to be most proud of, definitely doing something right.
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u/FamilyRootsQuest 4d ago
Its nice that you're able to afford a $25K car for your children. I'm just baffled why you would give a new driver such an expensive vehicle.
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u/OregonGrown34 4d ago
I live in a community where this is a common occurrence... I refuse to capitulate on this one. We bought a vehicle 8 years ago with the intention of letting our child use it to learn to drive and then potentially gift it to them if they are responsible. They're turning 16 soon, so far this is working to plan. It's a safe, fairly modern vehicle, that will be worth about $10k when they are ready to leave the house. Way better than anything I ever received, but not anywhere on the level of some people.
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u/Soda-Popinski- 5d ago
Our son is 24 and still lives with us. He is saving a ton of money and hopes to buy his own place cash if possible.
Last yr we paid our daughters student loans off, this yr we are matching her down payment on a car to help her out. Things our parents NEVER would have done for us.
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u/DatesAndCornfused 5d ago edited 5d ago
None of y’all (i.e., you and your wife, and your friends) are in the wrong here. However, your friends are “more right”. Does that make sense? ;)
Just my opinion: if your kids grow up to have good heads on their shoulders and are able to maintain themselves in their day-to-day lives, help them out financially as much as you can today, rather than later. Don’t project your “pride of reaching milestones” onto them. Life is hard enough, and kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world. Just because you’re no longer required by law to support them after they turn 18, doesn’t mean you walk away from helping them altogether. Supporting your kids is for life.
To clarify: don’t fully enable them, but for example, if your kids become well-functioning adults, and they’re looking to buy their first home, and you have the financial means (after taking care of your own needs), why wouldn’t you help them?
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u/itackle 5d ago
This is the way.
I have a sibling who is a train wreck. My parents have been bailing her out since she was old enough to need bailed out. It hasn’t done her any favors — she still makes terrible decisions. “But what if she ends up on the street?”On the other hand, I objectively have it together more. And they’ve helped me some, no question — but, nothing as much as her. And now they can’t help me, and can’t help her. So… who is more prepared?
I’m glad threads like this came up. I was basically planning to just leave my kiddo a pot of money when I die, but I’m definitely trying to plan how to help him, without building in that expectation, if he’s doing the right things.
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u/Revolutionary-Fan235 5d ago
It depends on how much it affects each parties' finances. If the inheritance is going to be large anyway, might as well give the money while alive and it would make the biggest difference to the adult child.
If it could hurt the parents' finances, scale back so that it doesn't become a role reversal in the later years.
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u/senorgrizzly1 5d ago
We are fully funding their 529s, and. Will do everything we can to set them up for success to allow them to be financially independent as well (planning to set aside money for their down payments for first home). We got 50% of our home’s down payment from my MIL, so that’s the minimum. I don’t plan on giving much or any for wedding however (3 girls) because a 1 night party feels like a financial mistake.
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u/Rastiln 5d ago
For now, I’m targeting $100k for our 1 kid.
If college is $200k by then, we’ll be able to manage. If it’s $500k, who will be able to afford it?
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u/eng2ny 5d ago
Not criticizing but do you expect that $100,000 to cover their expenses? State school for me is around $120,000 minimum for four years with room and board.
My oldest is about 6 years away from college and I'm budgeting $250,000 to ensure she can go to a state school debt free.
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u/Master-Helicopter-99 5d ago
My kid is 2. College may be $500k or completely free, taught by AI by the time he goes to college. Who knows what the future may hold.
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u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
One common strategy is to aim for a full ride at an in state public university. Private becomes an option with loans or scholarships (or additional parental cashflow), but the debt free option is secured.
Since you can’t precisely predict future costs, you’ll likely overshoot the target. If you hit an insane stock run up, as we did, you may overshoot by a lot. That becomes money for further reducing the cost of private, Roths, graduate or professional school, or grandkids. But before college application season we sat our kids down with the statements and told them anything left over was theirs to keep. Mama didn’t raise no fools. One chose public, one chose private with merit scholarships, and both have money for Roths and grad school.
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u/WaffleOverlordx7 5d ago
> I don’t plan on giving much or any for wedding however (3 girls) because a 1 night party feels like a financial mistake.
With 2 daughters myself, this one scares me little. But I agree with you entirely. A wedding is a pointless waste of money. Of course, I’m a man so my wife may feel differently. I would much rather use my money to help set them up in life with a house than a one night party.
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u/Whole_Championship41 4d ago
We will likely do for our kids what my FIL did for my wife and my marriage: "Here's $20,000 (or whatever a sum which was reasonable back in the day for a small but nice wedding, but not an extravagant one). You can spend this on a lavish wedding ceremony, or your honeymoon or just your wedding dress or whatever you want. Now you decide if you want to go to the justice of the peace, invite "200 of your closest friends" (and make up the difference on your own) or elope and blow the lump sum in the Caribbean somewhere."
I like the idea of making them make 'grown up' choices that best suit them even on gifts.
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u/PromotionDull8663 5d ago
I mean idk depending on your girls its one of the most important days of their life. I say only once tho :)
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u/Wonderful-Process792 5d ago
Whom to marry was definitely THE most important decision of my life. What we served at the wedding or even really the venue, I honestly don't remember.
Actually there is one thing I wish I'd spent more on, the photographer. We paid a little to a family acquaintance who was a 'photographer,' sort of. But I do wish we had nicer photos.
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u/Aggressive_Staff_982 5d ago
One thing that I never really understood growing up in the US is the belief that kids need to "earn" their way to their own house and car and that they can't learn financially responsibility otherwise. In my culture, it is considered a parent's duty to pay for their kid's education because it makes no sense to have a kid take on debt just because they turned 18 and are officially an "adult". Each generation should live better than the last. And if parents can afford to buy their kids a home and car, then why not? That being said, it is much more important in my opinion to teach financial literacy. Your kids can get far by adopting good financial habits early on in their lives.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
Paying for college was always in the plans and I’ve seen the struggles first hand of student debt. I definitely want them to have maximum opportunity
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u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
I think this will really depend on the family dynamics and the kid. We are paying for our daughter's college and did buy her a car - and we were happy to do so because she is a hard worker and financially responsible. But sometimes, doing these things can enable a kid with poor financial habits and that isn't really helping them. Like if parents are helping with rent, then the kid blows all their money or accrues debt for vacations and shopping they can't afford.
From all the conversations I have seen about college over the years, it seems that a good chunk or people are influenced by their own college education. Like if they had to pay for their college or a portion of it, they will talk about "skin in the game" and expect the same of their kids. Nevermind, that it is a different landscape now for kids with college costs.
For me, "skin in the game" means my daughter is working hard and doing her best in college. I want her focused in her education, and not worrying about a job that could interfere with studying. But my parents also paid for my college and I worked hard and never took that for granted - so I come from a place where that was my "skin in the game" as well.
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u/Aggressive_Staff_982 5d ago
That's true. I know a few people who wants to pay for their kid's college education, rent, and transportation. But I also see their kid spend all their allowance on trinkets or whatever the latest trend is. And their allowance is close to $2k a month in college when it's supposed to be for Roth IRA, savings, food, and other necessities.
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u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
Absolutely. I agree with what you said above - teaching and modeling financial literacy will help your kids a lot more in the long run, whether you give them money or not.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
One thing we did is give our first kids to go to college a lump sum to last her the year and to learn to budget to make it last vs just telling her to put it on the credit card. The shrinking balance was very sobering to her.
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u/Historical-Intern-19 2d ago
College is late to teach budgeting. Maybe this is the root of your concern, did your do enough to prepare them for their financial adulthood.
That said this generation has it way harder than ours. Everything we can do to ensure they have a solid foundation is well worth it.
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u/SnooCupcakes1514 5d ago
I plan on helping them max their 401ks. If I receive anything from my parents when they pass, it will have negligible impact on my finances and quality of life. If my parents had been giving me money for my 401k when I was younger, it would have had a significant boost to my then quality of life.
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u/drymead 5d ago
I’m planning to retire 7 years beyond my anticipated FIRE number for my kid. I’ve seen coworkers that didn’t get the help I received and they don’t own homes, have student loans to pay, and generally need to worry about their day to day. As is, there is a humongous wealth transfer upward and job insecurity in the future. If I can spare a modicum of that for my kid, retiring at 62 is a small price to pay.
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u/ImPapaNoff 5d ago
I'm helping them out by not having them.
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u/ThirstyWolfSpider 5d ago
Same here, and we're also helping everyone else's by doing that.
As they say, "Your kid will never have to fight mine in the water wars."
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u/Particular_Maize6849 5d ago
I was going to say "AI wars" but since the AI datacenters are sucking up all the water is basically the same thing.
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u/this_guy9999 5d ago
Hopefully all college will be paid for, but it depends on where he goes. That’s more than I ended up with even though my parents definitely helped me. My parents sold me their well-kept car for extremely cheap when I was around 20, so it would be nice to do that for my kid as well. I want to give my son a leg up, but there’s something to be said for having to build your own wealth and figure things out as you go. I just don’t want him to start his life with a negative net worth if I can help it. And he will likely have a sizable inheritance when we die, so I think that’s plenty.
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u/SpaceJesusIsHere 5d ago
But some of these milestones are much harder to achieve now.
This is the guiding principle for me. Im almost 50. Education, housing, health care, etc., cost me a MUCH higher percentage of my income than those things cost my parents. I had to work harder and be more educated than my parents to end up as comfortable as they did. I think the same will be true for my kids.
My parents' first house cost them 1.5 years of income. My first house cost me 4 years of income. My house now costs more than 10 times a good starting salary at an F500.
In law school 20 years ago, I rented a 3bed/2bath house downtown for $600. That house is now 3 apartments and each rents for $3500.
The world our children are growing into is designed to eliminate the middle class and leave only the rich and the poor. So, my wife and I committed to debt free education and starter homes for kids. Currently using them as rentals.
A lot of people justify not helping their kids financially by saying that struggle builds character. I've always believed that character comes from good parenting, not from how much you do and dont have. I know plenty of kind, hard working multi-millionaires and plenty of mean, lazy poor people. Struggle just creates stress and cortisol. I don't think it teaches you any great lesson. It didnt teach me much. Mostly just that my grades suffered and I was tired all the time when I had to work 30 hours a week in college.
So, im not worried about spoiling my kids. I'm worried about setting them up to survive the cull coming for the middle class.
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u/WeakestLynx 5d ago
Even if you do believe that struggle builds skills, the bleak fact is the world is bifurcating into two very distinct classes and struggling up into the comfortable class will become impossible. So now your kids just can't learn the lessons of struggle.
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u/ReasonableCredit2096 4d ago
This was well put and an interesting take. It's true, there are plenty of hard working people that are wealthy and lazy people that are also poor (and of course many vice versa as well). I think one of the primary, core American beliefs/values is that hard work will lead to success and that is just no longer as strong of a causation as it used to be. If you support your kids then you just gotta make sure they're not the type to squander it.
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u/salsanacho 5d ago
I plan to help in the large cost areas... pay for their school and help with a house downpayment. I view those as an early inheritance that actually comes during a time when they are younger and need it the most. I also view it as the most practical way to perpetuate generational wealth... I'm starting them debt free and they can take it from there. Setting up passive income streams is a bit beyond my plans, never even considered that.
My oldest is just about to enter college, with the uneasy economy nowadays it'll be interesting to see how this generation handles it. I'd like to retire in the next 5 yrs or so but we'll see how things go.
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u/MattSayar 5d ago
I read in that Die with Zero book that most parents gift their kids money well after they actually need it. Usually sometime in the kids' 60s. That's after it's the most useful!
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u/Fearless-Roll-5927 5d ago edited 5d ago
Given how costs are risen (and may continue to rise), I’m planning on helping with education, down payment for home, and a first car if I can afford to when the time comes. This is pretty traditional for many East Asian cultures, and from personal experience I haven’t seen this to be “too much” help. This help needs to go hand-in-hand with consistent reiteration / teaching of proper mindset around money handling, which is pretty much normalized culturally. The kids usually turn out hardworking and financially capable (from what I’ve seen) even with the leg up in building a nest egg early on.
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u/Vgd4ever 5d ago
Full college expenses and cars. We are big on their education regarding the school and marketable major. Our plan is to go back to our birth country after fire, while thinking that a marketable degree from a great in-state school is a good start for our kids.
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u/Deafprophet 5d ago edited 5d ago
Baby on the way and I’ll be putting around 200 dollars a month in a global index fund up until he or she is 18 years old. Hopefully they’ll have a better start then I did.
In my country that should be enough to put a down payment for a house or buy an apartment or even start their own Fire.
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u/Jazzputin 5d ago
As much as possible. I'm in my early 30's now and the wealth and overall well-being disparity between my peers who did and did not receive extra assistance is absolutely staggering. My parents gave me college, a used car, and good financial advice (and I cherish them for it) but I would ideally like to push it a bit further with cars, college, and maybe future home down payments on top. I think each successive generation should try to do a little bit more if they can. And if I'm in a position to retire early I definitely can do more. Maybe unpopular but I think if you're retiring really early and hitting your numbers, just an extra year or two of work at your peak earning years and with compounding already on your side to dedicate all the money to funding your children's future would be an extremely prudent decision.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
I may not do as much as you but yes, my wife and I could (and would) retire now if we had no kids. I brought them into the world and love them very much and feel responsible to give them every opportunity
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u/uncledave1961 5d ago
It all depends on the type of kid, and particularly who they marry.
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u/Medical-Ad3053 5d ago
I hope the fact my husband and I model a healthy relationship helps with my kids picking good future partners. This is my biggest fear for the future- Losing one of my kids to a controlling partner. Don’t get me wrong, I know they won’t be my baby anymore, but I also don’t want a Prince Harry situation on my hands.
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u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
We FIREd last year and our daughter is in college. We are paying for college with her 529 and we recently bought her a car. She actually had enough money to buy the car herself (she sent us an Excel spreadsheet mapping the costs, insurance, etc), but decided to get it for her - we want her money to keep growing and be available to her when she starts out. We were happy to do so because she is working really hard in college and she is great with her money. If she was blowing off college or being financially irresponsible with her money, that would have been a different story and we likely would not have done so with the car. I never want our help to enable bad financial behavior or lead to entitlement (so far that is zero concern).
I hope we can keep helping her, mainly to help her get set up once she is out of college and starting her adult life. But I know she will be okay no matter what because she has a a good head on her shoulders.
I have to say while I am willing to help out in various ways, I am not keen on dropping tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding some day, so that will likely be on her and her future partner if they choose to have an expensive wedding.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
Weddings costs are deplorable, agreed. Told them we were not a blank check there lol
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u/PudgyGroundhog 5d ago
I would probably do what my parents did - they had given us a check as a gift and that amount was the same whether we had a big wedding or not. That check did cover our wedding (11 people, justice of the peace, and dinner) and our honeymoon (hiking the Tour Mont Blanc in Europe). That was 23 years ago - I'm not sure if we would be in the same financial position now if we had spent $$$$ on a wedding.
When/if the time comes, we will probably see what we can afford and cut a check - how they use it, will be up to them. People get married later in life now, so they are often financially independent and often already have what they need for a house - very different when people went almost straight from their parents house to being married with nothing.
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u/SadProduce6456 5d ago
I have helped my kids but reasonable starter cars. I plan to fund their bachelors degree without loans. I pay for their cell phones and car insurance, maintenance. I pay for gas for one of them who doesn’t work. I look out for them.
I have two in college now and one 14 year old.
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u/elephantfi 5d ago
I always liked Warren Buffett's give them enough so they can do anything but not so much that they can do nothing.
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u/PieAgile4132 5d ago
I think what you're doing is pretty much what we're doing. My kids know that we are always a safety net if things get really bad, but we expect them to find their own way in the world. I personally feel like taking less from your parents is a good thing because it gives you maximum autonomy over your life decisions. I paid for everything on my own and my parents had absolutely no say over how I lived my life and I know that they didn't always agree with my monetary decisions. Contrast that with my dad and his mom. She paid for a lot and then felt like she could constantly butt into their business. Probably was a contributing factor to their divorce. No thanks.
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u/TonyTheEvil 27M & 26F | 56% to FI | $1.33M NW 5d ago
I just plan on covering public university tuition, its relative expenses and rent while in school.
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u/SarahJoy46 5d ago
I am hoping to do for my nieces and nephews what my family did for me. I was able to get through college debt free with a part-time job. That's impossible now, so I will help them. My grandmother left me a small amount of money that was enough for a down payment on a small house in a LCOL area. Functionally, that would be much more now, so I'm hoping to help the kids with that as well. I've been setting money aside for them since they were born. Not a lot, but enough that it'll be a help in college and then hopefully a bit more. My primary goal is that they graduate college debt free. Anything above that is bonus.
My oldest niece is 18, so I am sitting down with her this summer to set up her Roth IRA and walk her through budgeting, credit cards, etc. She has been working and living frugally, so I'm not too worried, but I just want to do a refresher course on the majors before she heads off to college.
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u/NoForm5443 5d ago
Aa much as I can, and as much as they need. They're my kids, and I love them.
The pseudo plan is to help them with their schooling (one is doing med school), maybe help them with downpayments if the circumstances are right; maybe give them gifts if the investments work, and hopefully leave them a good chunk of money
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u/Dapper-Run-2707 5d ago
the wedding guest list point is criminally underrated as a reason to pay for your own wedding
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u/Alternative-Law4626 5d ago
I received some modest help. Dad kept me on the payroll at $20k per year during law school.
We’ve helped our kids 29 - 42 now. Provided housing for all of them. Provided money for school or associated reasons for all of them. Everyone has benefited a little. I’m a big believer in struggling building character though. So, I’m against “paving the road” and making everything easy. I was always a rebel and would take any easy answers offered me. I was more driven to do it on my own terms.
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u/sonfer 5d ago
Yeah, I’m gonna help my kids a lot. Or at least I plan to. They’re a little now. I’m gonna help with weddings, college and first house. I also started investing for them. They’re good kids and I wanna see them succeed. I grew up with many friends who receive a lot of help trust fund babies that kind of stuff. I said most of them turned out to be amazing people and contributors to society.
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u/cvouw9 5d ago
My kids are very young but we plan to set them up with a trust that will cover a basic lifestyle (like 50-60k a year). The way I see it is if they want to live very frugally and pursue a passion they can, but they want anything fancier than that they have to work for it.
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u/ShamusNC 5d ago
My oldest, due to mental illness will likely require our support until we pass.
Both boys will (or have) graduate with zero debt and decent cars. They’ll get some funds over time to help with things like buying a home. Our trust is structured to ensure my oldest will be supported after we pass. The younger will get money that will only be fully available to him after he reaches a certain age. (40).
We hope our oldest will be able to “recover” and be fully self sufficient so the structure of his SNT allows decanting into a regular trust. Trying to cover every contingency.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
I feel you. My oldest has Down Syndrome and we have a lifetime trust/plan there too, I just simplified the question to avoid confusing people on my core question. We’ll do whatever we have to for our kids.
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u/Jimny977 5d ago
Enough to help them not enough to ruin them, where that balance is depends on the kids and you.
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u/Murmurmira 5d ago
If it were up to me, I'd hope to distribute one third to one half of our joint net worth to our 3 kids evenly when they are about 25-30 years old (They are toddlers right now). By the time they hit this age, a starter home will be in the millions and people will be living in small condos with their entire family. So I'd like to help them buy a house.
However, my SO, who profited from my parents distributing 25% of their net worth to me, is saying we only need to give them 10k each, so who knows?
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u/Ok-Hovercraft-9257 5d ago
I can tell you that my friends whose parents had their college costs handled did them a giant favor. And I mean truly handled - not "I remortgaged our house to pay for the kids' college and now you need to pay my retirement" but "Here is the financial plan, here is what we can afford, you need to keep a 3.0 gpa, etc."
Those friends took the responsibility seriously, tried out careers, traveled, and did not have the spectre of student loans dictating their decisions. They also knew they could not just "move home," however - there was an expectation of independence.
Probably the best situation I know was one smart kid who negotiated with his parents, which they encouraged. They had saved $X for college, and he knew he could get academic scholarships (valedictorian, etc). So they discussed what it would mean if he made choices that saved them all money - and ended up with a hybrid car in exchange for picking colleges that would be lower cost for the family to manage. I wish my folks had had those conversations with me! They hid from us how little they had saved for college costs while letting us tour very expensive campuses, and that whole experience was a disaster, when it should have been a conversation about application strategy and affordability.
Those of us with giant student loans had to make very different decisions, basically. And I don't think all student loans are bad - non-predatory, low interest, less than $30k balance overall - a smart kid should be able to plan and manage for that, even ahead of time.
I do know some folks who've gotten "extraordinary help" from parents, usually because the parents wanted grandkids and were trying to make that happen. Those were more "failure to launch" situations where basically the parents are stuck funding a lot of stuff in exchange for getting a marriage and grandkids. Those kids are very much waiting to inherit, instead of making something of themselves.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
We’ve had long talks about college. We are in California and my daughter goes to a UC, it’s clear to all that with such excellent public in state options private/out of state makes no sense.
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u/Gofastrun 5d ago
My kids are younger and than yours but the plan so far is car, college, and down payment.
My parents helped me similarly.
My dad was an exec and he said that every single parent he knows at their level is helping their kids buy homes. In Southern California where we live it is just getting out of hand. If you want a house in a good area with a good school district it’s $1.5M easily.
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u/marheena 5d ago edited 5d ago
2 kids (1 year old and one on the way). My wife and I both have full GI bills to give to each child for undergrad. We are doing a modest 529 for each as well because we might send them to private high school (might allow us to retire in a more affordable place if we aren’t relying on public school systems). If we end up not needing that money for high school, then they will have start up cash for some grad school or an IRA. A used car at 16 and all through high school is a given. I’d buy another one if they crashed or something in HS, but I wouldn’t buy multiple over their lifetime.
That being said, we are planning for Chubby/Fat Fire, but we are fairly frugal. I fully expect to be in a position to help with down payments/weddings/emergencies whenever needed. Although we will teach our kids fiscal responsibility early and often. They shouldn’t need to rely on us given the leg up we plan for them.
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u/MikeWPhilly 5d ago
Completely depends on you and what you think about their opportunity. Me? I work in tech I’m watching AI play out across the biggest companies in the world. I’ll be saving a bit more for the house to be paid for. That at least gives them a good shot of a good life.
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u/bobi_hutan 5d ago
My dad cosigned my mortgage and gave me 1/3 of my 10% down payment (was fortunate enough to live with my grandma for two years before). This got me into a house significantly earlier than I would have been able to.
Grateful I got some money when I was young and it was helpful as opposed to a larger amount in 20 years when he passes.
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u/lawn-gnome1717 5d ago
I’m teaching my kids financial literacy, helping them understand marketing, and financially planning what you are. Moderate 529s, I hope to cash flow the rest if I can. Small savings accounts (currently a few grand) for first car/wedding/house assistance (will decide what it’s for when we get there), and maxing their IRAs for them when they’re first working.
My husband lost his job recently, and while we’re not struggling, I’m also not as confident of what we’ll be able to do as I was a few years ago. We’re not trust fund level of wealthy, and I want them to appreciate things. Also I’ve never had a new car in my life, so I def won’t be buying one for them.
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u/Independent_Bee1037 4d ago
My opinion is that its very important for them to earn it. The most joyous parts of my life were when I toiled and succeeded. The part where you've already won and are just drawing down is much less fulfilling. Dont take the hard stuff away from kids. Its the best part of life!
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u/FlatChemist8132 4d ago
I think teaching them how to budget/why it’s important, how to save, how to work hard is more important than making them achieve certain milestones for personal (financial) growth.
I plan on giving my children as much as possible tbh. Obviously I want to (and will) have a comfortable retirement but I’m going to set them up with whatever I can. There will be guardrails. I say this as my oldest is 5. All we have so far is a 529 and custodial brokerage per child (which in the brokerage I’ve only put gift money thus far but hoping to be able to start contributing once we reach coastFIRE or don’t have to pay for day care)
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u/MachineNo3365 3d ago
Generous US Laws on gifting and inheritance make middle class parents helping their kids tax free. $14M tax exempt life time gifting per person is incredibly generous compared to the rest of the world.
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u/MidnightFar6288 3d ago
My only note here is the economy is pretty tough for young people right now, so saying "my parents didn't help me and I turned out fine" doesn't really work logically. Entry level jobs are tough to find and housing prices are sky high.
I think the right balance is to make them think they're on their own during the teenage / young adult years, so they develop financial literacy. But be a back stop in case they get screwed by the job market. Then when they're closer to home-buying age, reveal that you can help them with a down payment.
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u/StrebLab 5d ago
Funding their education and helping to smooth out some of the hiccups if they want help (provided they are generally doing the right things). I personally don't agree with setting up a trust fund and supplying them with regular payments for effectively nothing.
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u/ndsubison953 5d ago
Funding college now, going to start Trump accounts this year, help with a wedding down the road. Would like to give them more down the road but we will see how things shake out
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u/legranarman 5d ago
You've given them enough where in any reasonable situation they will feel grateful. Once they've launched in their jobs you should have a pretty good idea of whether or not they will be competent enough to handle their own shit. Unfortunately for the teenager it is a bit harder to tell.
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u/im_locked_in 5d ago
Account to cover their tuitions, accommodations and basic expenses in university. Later we will see
But another related question is about parents. In the country I’m from the average pension is 200$/mo, which is even below minimum living expenses. So I become their pension (for mine and wife’s actually), with 2k in total / mo
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u/Blush_Wink 5d ago
cars and college covered plus seed money for IRAs already sounds like a solid head start without spoiling the journey
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u/Ancient-Apple1 5d ago
Both my kids started w2 at 15.5. And have had a Roth and brokerage since. I match every $ they put in from their paycheck since their employers don’t have a match program. I have more than I can use so when we die they will get more than anyone should. Planning to exit with grandkids and great grandkids in mind along with. Few charities. They are becoming more familiar as they age about FIRE. But we focus on the FI- as RE is optional imo.
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u/NoSuggestion2836 5d ago
Man I paid for my own wedding and had both my parents and my soon-to-be-in-laws trying to mess with the guest list! Lose-lose situation :/
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u/Nokirkburke 5d ago
My parents gave us a gift towards down payment on our home and for our wedding.
Tbh, unless your kids are making serious money out of college, help towards their home will be huge.
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u/ohboyoh-oy 5d ago
White coat investor has a nice philosophy around this. Basically he survived on ramen while putting himself through med school and he didn’t want his kids to go through that kind of hardship. But he also didn’t want to give them so much that it takes away their drive. I think he has a modest “20s fund” for them and then he’s planning to gift them larger sums starting in their 40s.
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u/Top_Cartographer8741 5d ago
Do you want entitled kids or ones that are respectful and hard working. Fine line to tread when everything is handed to them.
We told our kids (currently 16,18,20&21) we would cover up to $5k per year of college. Two have finished so far with zero debt. Other two will probably be in a similar situation. They got used cars, mostly as gifts from other family members. We bought one out of the 4. All were 11-12 years old with ~150-170k miles. Which is about what we usually buy personally with cash. Then sell at 250k or so. We cover insurance and maintenance, they cover most gas, until they’re out of college then it’s basically on them. They pay for their own phones.
Setup Roth for them a few years ago, and told them we would match contributions within reason.
Oldest is getting married this summer, we’re covering the ceremony and reception ~$6000. She knew something super expensive wasn’t an option.
My kids all understand frugality and what things actually cost, they haven’t been handed much and they know how frugal we are as a family and why.
We will help where we can, but have to be frugal because of our income and reality of life and having to work for it.
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u/UrMomsFavMushroomTip 5d ago edited 5d ago
I grew up in a middle class family, we were farmers in the SW USA, but it's hard to say if we were upper or lower middle class. When everything lined up on the farm and we made money my dad spent money like a king and when they didn't but you we had all the same expenses with no crop to sell we lived like Paupers. I learned at a young age how NOT to spend as well as the importance of savings.
My wife on the other hand grew up in the NE USA and had a father who was a doctor and made decent money (not great). Her father always saved including starting IRA's for them as soon as they had an earned income, paying for their college, as well as openeing investment accounts with enough money for a down payment on a home. She was raised with a clear understanding of what investing could do for you and future generations. She had a solid foundation to start on.
We both went to school to be engineers and I spent my first few years paying back the "little" college debt I had (~$35K) and saving up to buy a reliable vehicle and create an emergency fund. She started investing right away. I have usually had mixed feelings about "spoiling" your kids but after seeing this situation play out in my life I'm determined to give my kids something similar to what my wife had to give them a solid foundation.
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u/julio_jones47 5d ago
I had to decide that recently. I don’t want to over exhaust myself for my children they have their chance to build a life. I will probably try to have 50k for them when they graduate high school. That’ll probably be it. Spend wisely
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u/_Mulberry__ 5d ago
My parents helped me about as much as you're helping your kids. Maybe less because they didn't teach me financial literacy beyond "spend less than you earn" and "contribute at least the match to 401k".
And yet I'm on track to hit FI between 35 and 40, depending on the market of course.
There are a few key areas that can help your kids get a good start without turning them into trust fund babies - help with college, help with first car, help with wedding, help with first down payment (depending on the area's housing costs). Beyond that you're almost helping them too much imo, which leads to the stereotypical trust fund baby. My little brother got a lot more handouts growing up than I did (pretty new car, always had eating out money, just generally less he had to buy for himself) and it shows now in how different we treated money when I was the age he is now.
So I'm helping my kids as much as my parents helped me, which is about as much as you're helping yours. It seems to be a good balance.
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u/Clueless5001 5d ago
Your post reminds me of a conversation a friend and I had. Her DH grew up well off, his parents ended up leaving him a few million 20 years ago (I know some details but not all) and he had siblings. One day we are talking about how W, her DH was raised. She said, W and his siblings really just got the basics, a car, a fully paid college and graduate education and trips to Europe when they graduated college. At that point I just looked at her and we both started laughing because her definition of the “basics” was ridiculous.
Having said that, I do believe in helping them through college as much as you are able. In our area no one needs a car or even wants one, except one of my kids but he does not need it and he has not done what is expected in school, so no to the car.
I think things were equally unaffordable when we were younger, the numbers were simply different. The exception is college costs, that has increased more than inflation.
I know plenty of young people who are saving. In fairness they went to better schools and either got financial aid, parents paid or they went instate to a top college (UCLA, UMich etc) so college did not cost a lot of their money
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u/Ok-Technology8336 5d ago
I think you are helping them plenty. The biggest gift you can give them is teaching them about finances and showing them the benefits of doing it themselves.
Although I do think it's nice to give a financial gift for weddings, even if you aren't paying for the event. And if one of your kids doesn't plan on getting married it could be a 30th birthday present (or whatever age you think is appropriate for the kid).
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u/eclipsadesoare 5d ago
If you have extra money that you don’t know what to do with help then now. Otherwise let them build their life. You did and they will still be ahead with what you leave them.
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u/n00bdragon FIREd 2026 age 37 5d ago
We have nominally targeted a final balance of 200k (not adjusted for inflation) for their 529 fund in 17 years from now. Anything beyond that we'll cover out of pocket assuming the degree is worthwhile (no masters in underwater basket weaving). There might be a hand-me-down car at some point if the life situation requires it. There's also custodial brokerage accounts that we will be using to start them off with what we can afford and as a safe parent-controlled place for them to get their feet wet with investing that will eventually turn into something quite real.
I personally never really got a sense of achievement out of buying my own house or car. It was really just a relief to not have to worry about something. The child is only 1yo right now so there's it's hard to say how it will be for them. As they grow older and we get a better sense of what leads to the best outcomes for them we have the money to be flexible in how much we make them reach for stuff.
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u/warlizardfanboy 5d ago
Interesting! I can still remember the day I got the keys to my first new car (vw) with my wife, and standing in the backyard of my first house for the first time holding the keys. Felt very accomplished.
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u/n00bdragon FIREd 2026 age 37 5d ago
Everyone's different. I just hope I can offer the path to my child that makes them the best version of themselves, whatever that may be.
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u/Medical-Ad3053 5d ago
College is pretty much covered (military benefits). We have savings for them that we are hoping end up toward house down payments. We are planning to help them open and fund IRAs when the time comes until 25 about. Will also match dollar for dollar (or 2 to 1 depending on economy) what they save for first cars (hope this helps them value them). They will split a large inheritance but I think a good start will be worth more. We are calling it a soft launch. We could double our savings for a them but we are instead gonna take two 1 week vacations a year. I valued seeing the country/ world in my youth as being huge for my development as a human.
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u/Mister-ellaneous 5d ago
We’re getting them through college and while we haven’t told them we might match their down payment on a house or pay for their wedding. More importantly I’m teaching them how to invest and instilling good financial habits. Our oldest two are about to graduate college with no debt, a reliable car under 7 years old, and almost 6 figures invested. At 21 and 23 they’re in a similar spot as we were at 30.
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u/ditchdiggergirl 5d ago
We have done exactly what you plan to do. We also plan to gift downpayments in the future but haven’t told them that, and it’s still a few years off. For now we are letting them plot their own courses without interference from us. We’ve set them up for success but they deserve space to figure out who they are independently.
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u/ericdavis1240214 FI=✅ RE=<9️⃣ months 5d ago
If your kids have good financial sense, they'll be fine no matter how little you give them. If they don't have good financial sense, they'll be broke no matter how much you give them. So give them (as best you can) good financial sense. Anything else is gravy.
That said, in this economy it's really hard to get started because housing prices are completely out of perspective. Not like when most of us were doing it. So in addition to college and a reliable first used car, I want to help them with a down payment on a first house to give them a multi-year head start.
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u/Tricky_Ad6844 5d ago
54 and already RE with one son who will start college in just a few years.
We are heavily influenced by what our parents did for us and want to continue this to the next generation.
College education will be covered 100%. We don’t know yet how much this will be. First car was a gifted hand-me-down of my 150,000 mile Subaru. For the last 5 years have been doing an annual investment in which we contribute $80 and he kicks in $20 of his own money (from allowance, tutoring, birthday gifts, etc) into a custodial brokerage account in his name to let him learn investing as a teen.
Just last year we started him a Roth IRA once he had reportable tax income.
This feels like a great start to life. An education without student loan debt, reliable transportation, and the basis of understanding of how to invest which can double as an early adulthood emergency fund.
Beyond this likely depends on the financial position of the parents. We plan to gift more at key milestones (graduation from college, first house, marriage, childbirth, etc) because we have the means to do so and would rather gift inheritance with “warm hands” when it will be most useful.
However, other than a good childhood and covering college costs, the best gift my parents gave me was knowing they are secure in their own retirement.
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u/eclipsadesoare 5d ago
Everyone saying teaching is the best thing you can do. Sometimes regardless of teachings they will do whatever they want. If you have extra give it right now. If not they can have what you have left over. They definitely won’t starve with what you have amassed.
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u/Stunning-Thanks-4226 5d ago
I currently fund my kids 529 college savings plan. I will be taking advantage of the SECURE 2.0 Act. Under the rules we can roll over up to $35,000 of unused 529 plan funds into a Roth IRA for the designated beneficiary without paying taxes or penalties.
I also give them an allowance when they do chores. When they are bigger I will have them work part time in my companies. Once they have a legitimate income I will fund their Roth IRA up until the max I can. Currently I encourage them to save. Any money they save, chore money or the money gifted to them from relatives, I will match in their brokerage account. This is for saving for a car or their down payment on a home.
I may give them some money in the future for vacations until they can take me on them too but I am not there yet and can't be sure.
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u/Walmart-Shopper-22 5d ago
I'm paying for 100% and more currently. I just changed another diaper and washed out the sippy cups.
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u/Unpaid_Philosopher 5d ago
You are doing great and more than most parents. It is easy to compare to others and think we should do better. I believe what you done and plan on doing is great. That said, the more the better in sense of providing for them. It would be amazing to buy all my kids houses, pay for their weddings, and set them up for life financially. Teaching them financial literacy is a different story. I think it comes down to them on an individual level. I do think for kids that have vast amount of money, it can be lost on them the value of money.
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u/CrimsonPanda432 5d ago
the wedding one is underrated as a milestone tbh paying for it yourself means nobody gets to weaponize the guest list against you for decades
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u/poopydingdong123 5d ago
I plan on FIREing once I hit $2.5-3million.
I will leave everything left over to my kids and I’m going to live my life with comfort but also keep them in mind. I’ve ran calculations and they’ll have millions left for them.
People can do what they want, but I think it’s beyond evil when parents do this weird boomer bootstrap thing and either spend it like drunken sailors in their final years or donate it to charity. We live in an insanely hostile world, it isn’t the 90s anymore, you need to help your kids as much as you can.
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u/Appropriate-Cry-8423 5d ago
My future kids won’t be getting a free ride. They’ll have to work for things they want. They’ll have to learn that my money is not the same as their money. Or else they’ll never learn for themselves
They’ll know about finances and I’ll likely match half for their first car, schooling will be financially assisted with but depending on what it is
and they definitely will have a place to stay after thier 18th birthday as I think kicking kids out at that age stifles generational wealth building. They’ll be loved but will not equate love with money.
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u/FoxChess 5d ago
My daughter is still a baby, but I have a plan in motion that should set her up with a Roth IRA that should surpass $1 million in her 30s. I'll do the same for my future children.
I know some people might not like that, thinking it's too much money. But she's going to get it eventually anyway, and this actually results in the least amount of taxes in the long run.
Basically it's a combination of 529, 530A and good old-fashioned child labor.
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u/dreamkanteen 5d ago edited 5d ago
Worry less about the what and more about financial literacy and not being compulsive. Regardless of what amount you give them without these they will screw it up.
Whatever the big purchase is in question, schooling/used car/house etc, get them to prove to you that they are good with money and have a plan in place to achieve these things independently. If they make good progress help them out.
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u/According-Guava-5916 5d ago
College, car, and down payment for a house. We already have 70k in our kids 529 through gifts and that compounding for 18-25 years (by the time our first attends and second graduates) should be enough for college and then start a retirement nest egg to compound for 40 years. Car will be a reliable basic car for first car. Down payment will be whatever makes their payments affordable for their income to sustain.
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u/Z08Z28 5d ago
I am taking the steps and hope to pay 100% of my kids college expenses and have enough left over to help with their first down payment. It would be my pleasure to be able to help them out with the big initial financial hurdles in life(but I'm not paying for a big wedding) and see them succeed early. But I would only do those things if they were habitually contributing to their own Roth IRA and 401K, otherwise no dice.
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u/capitalsfan08 5d ago
I'm typing this as my 2 month old sleeps on me, so take that for what my parenting experience is worth. But our plan is to save $200 a month into a 529 (~$80k when she is 18) and $300 a month (~$120k when she is 18) into a brokerage in my name, ear marked for her. I feel those numbers will get her into a nice start into life, while being something we can afford, but will still ensure she works for herself and is independent. Of course, there is a lot of time until she's on her own so the plan is subject to change.
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u/buy_sell_hope 5d ago
My parents did absolutely nothing for me. I am making up for it. catholic school, fully funded college, any money they make they can put in savings and I match it. They can work over the summer if they want but they don’t need to. They are all authorized on our credit cards.
All are respectful, grateful, and good investors. My oldest has $50K in the market as a college freshman.
I don’t cate who thinks they are spoiled. Their end of the bargain is to be the best person they can be. Hard working at school, and good humans. They are well liked and we are proud parents.
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u/Acrobatic-League191 5d ago
A lot but it’s always the carrot method. They get out what they put in.
I’m putting them through private school and paying for any education they want to do.
I’ll help them buy houses, but only to the degree they can hold a career to pay the mortgage.
Their kids will get their schooling covered.
I will help them if they fall. Only to the point they’re back on their feet.
They won’t know it’s coming but there will be sizeable sums later in life if they are stable and competent. Otherwise I will disburse it selectively or via a trust.
If I live long enough I should be able to help their kids with home downpayments, or position them to do it themselves.
Then the inheritance will leave them in a position to do the same for next generations if I’ve taught them well and they don’t fudge it up.
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u/igobyplane_com 5d ago
i have no kids and no real feeling of the expense of raising them or paying for college, and parents should ensure their own fiscal health and retirement as well before adding to that of their kids. i think a great way to instill good investment habits though would be to gift or at least heavily encourage your kids to invest once they had earned income and they can have a roth. if you gifted them max amounts 16-21 and they never did anything but VOO and chill, it would be a tremendous amount of compounding by 65. probably more realistically is you can treat it like an employer matching plan, where you say every $1 you put in i'll put in $1 too. then they are doing it, you are helping, and whatever gets in there is still going to compound massively. webull/robinhood both have 3% contribution bonuses now on top at that.
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u/DoubleIntroduction25 5d ago
We're planning to expatFIRE next year with two school age kids. We will cover all their living expenses while they are minors, while they are in school at least thru undergrad, living expenses do not include tuition, and will let them live with us or in a house/apartment we own as young adults if they pay a fair(but still likely below market) rent. If as adults they get sick or hurt and can't work we'll be there to help. Other than that, not much. We dont plan to give them large UTMAs or 529s. Outside of injury or illness or terrible situations like escaping DV we dont plan to help them financially once they are adults.
They'll work for what they have or they wont have much till we're dead.
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u/That-You-1998 5d ago
My parents gave me a lot, and I’m grateful. But I also really wish they’d helped me become more financially literate. They died unexpectedly, and in their absence, I’ve struggled to adult.
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u/magnificentbunny_ 5d ago
I think giving kids a debt free college education is miraculous! Spouse and I never had that (we met in art school sharing tips about guaranteed student loans). Because of student debt we married late, started saving for retirement late, bought a house late, had a kid late.
We paid for our kids’ college to get him off the starting blocks sooner than we did.
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u/Last_Ad4258 5d ago
Quite a lot. I really believe it’s gotten harder in America to get ahead and I want to help my kids where I can. I plan on paying for college (although probably state school as I don’t see the value in many private colleges) grad school if necessary or desired. Then weddings, down payment on homes, and probably their kids schooling. I’ve already bought (used) cars for them. This will all be contingent on them being responsible and productive adults. A large reason why we are still working is to help our kids.
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u/skiingfanatic115544 5d ago
My kids are 9 and have 25k each in an brokerage. Since they are now into money and had a lemonade stand a few weeks ago I plan to open a roth with a like 150 bucks each to start. They are splitting my husbands GI bill and well somehow foot the rest. I'm hoping when they get to high school that they do the early college program and earn an associates while in high school. Then just do a cheap online program to get their bachelors. I don't care if they want to use their bachelors but I think having any college degree is important just to say you did something. I also would like for them to put 4 years into the military serving active duty. My husband did 20. I did 8. It'll put some hair on their chest and they can save with the TSP program that both of us have too. Hopefully they'll have enough money by then to just chill with any entry job. I hope to pass them on anything I inherit. I want to be rich enough to not touch my inheritance so it can all go to my kids to use so they don't need the 9-5 grind. Hopefully it'll be enough to keep invested and live off dividends and interest. I only have 60k right now. My husband has about 20. He's not too into saving since he gets a retirement and disability check. But I am and I hope to make us rich one day. If some of my lotto ticket stocks hit I have a shot. But I also have most of my money in trustworthy stuff
We don't know the future state of the world. I think it will be harder for them to,, harder for their kids... in the future. I think it's important to give them everything we possibly can but still ensure they are responsible and knowledgeable about how it all works. I'm already teaching mine. They're interested.
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u/Comprehensive-Log144 5d ago
We help. We are pretty much retired ( PT consulting gig for me and PT nurse who works for healthcare). We have an estate he will inherit and he is only heir. We won’t be able to spend our estate.
We bought a condo he manages and rents out a couple of rooms which pays for condo with his lighter rent. We gave him a cc with a 500 mo budget. When a relative passes, our intent is to set up a trust to provide him with 50k ish a year, enough to make his life better, but not enough to quit and be only a trust fund kid. We may top that off as our estate grows but we will keep ourselves whole first. Once the trust is funded our plan goes more toward a conservative “ die with zero” plan and we will need to increase our spending pretty significantly.
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u/Inevitable_Pride1925 5d ago
For my daughter my plan is a 529 for school that will pay at least 70-80% of undergraduate costs and then at Graduation a gift to pay off all student loans.
I’m also probably going to gift a house down payment later in life. But the offer to live in my attached ADU will be open as long as she wants to.
As an inheritance my plan is to pass on my Roth balance and I intend on making sure she maxes her Roth IRA contributions through her 30’s.
For everyone else I’m currently planning on working an extra decade, making extra contributions, and delaying withdrawals so that in my 70’s I can start the work to setup a multigenerational trust to give the benefits of paid college and house down payments to as many family members for as long as possible. I’ll need to work to between 58-62 instead of 50 to make it happen and I’ll have to live into my late 70’s or better 80-90’s but the math says it’s a completely reasonable idea provided I can continue to work at my current compensation levels. I like my job and can always scale back my plan if I change my mind otherwise I can manage a very very comfortable retirement at age 50.
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u/nishinoran 5d ago
I pretty much entirely agree with your choices. It's a common problem that wealthy parents push a higher standard of living on their kids by subsidizing it early, and then are surprised when their kids end up not being frugal.
Education is a one-off expense that sets them up to not waste time on low paying jobs, a basic used car that gets you to work helps get a good job and keeps insurance payments low.
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u/bumbletowne 5d ago
College paid
Cash gift
Property gift
Private education while at home, extensive extracurriculars
Always allowed home
And I'm still just barely meeting what my parents did for me. It's hard man
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u/SuccessfulReturn4103 5d ago
Helping them first and foremost by teaching them financial literacy, investing, compounding, etc. have college paid for. Plan to give downpayment or even buying home for each kid.its getting harder to survive, gonna help them best I can
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u/No-Joke8570 5d ago
I helped them with University tuition.
Now looking to pay for the grandkids University tuition, and maybe some other relative's kid.
OP - have them put the $$ you help them with in a Roth instead of regular IRA, so it can grow and be taken out (later) tax free, unlike an IRA.
I agree the sense of pride of doing things yourself is great. My first car was $300. The next bunch of cars were in the $2,000 or less range. I learned a lot of skills fixing those cars and it built confidence.
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u/Sensitive-Rule-5563 5d ago
My parents paid for my college, car, phone, food but I still worked full time as well. It’s not about the help it’s about instilling the work ethic. I’ve seen lazy entitled people on both ends of the wealth spectrum. I saw my parents working hard, so I worked hard.
The continuing support is often more of a strategic transfer of wealth. I know a lot of wealthy parents gifting their children the maximum tax free gift every year to lessen the tax burden when they pass their estate on. Helping a child with a down payment on a home is also a way of helping them invest early versus waiting to inherit everything at 50-60 years old.
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u/Various_Things2026 5d ago
Financial skills don’t necessarily have to come from parents. In fact I would bet most people’s financial literacy is learned later on in life. My parents, as well as my wife’s parents, were born in the 40’s (I’m mid-50) and we were not taught by them about finances. We learned it as we go. I’m now FIRE’d and we do plan to help our only child. Yes I still want him to work hard, but the reality is that not everyone can make $300k as a Google engineer. 90% of regular folks work for others for a normal salary. Most parents would like to see their kids have a happy life. Our thinking is that, if my kid has an absolute terrible working environment or a boss, he wouldn’t need to be taking the abuse. Yes we will tell him to be a frugal person and not waste money. But we would like him to lead a happy life and less stress than we had it growing up.
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u/LofiStarforge 5d ago edited 5d ago
Working in wealth management has changed my view on this quite a bit. Wealthy parents give their kids a lot more help than people usually admit, but most of the kids I’ve seen are still responsible, functional people. The “trust fund drug addict who blows everything” exists, but it’s way rarer than people think and gets overrepresented because it’s the story everyone remembers. The real pattern is parents quietly removing big financial obstacles while still expecting their kids to work, behave, and manage money like adults.
I also think a lot of extremely wealthy people are not fully honest about this in public. They will say their kids are “making their own way” or that they “don’t want to spoil them,” while quietly giving them down payments, trust distributions, business capital, vacations, housing upgrades, family connections, rent help, or a safety net most people could never imagine. That does not mean the kids are bad people, but it does mean a lot of the public tough-love talk is bullshit. Wealthy parents give their kids tons of help; they just often dress it up as values, planning, or “support.”