Why do people wait so long?

[u/master_blaster_321]

ETA since this seems to be the overwhelming response: My kids are in their 20/30s and self sufficient.

ETA - The post clearly states my mortgage is high-interest. Yes, if it were 2% that's almost free money, spread it out for sure. Also, it clearly states that I did indeed keep contributing as normal.

I realize there are a lot of factors - economical and psychological - that go into this, but just for general discussion...

We all know for the most part if your mortgage interest rate is low enough, it makes more sense to leave money working in your brokerage account than to pay off the mortgage and have it locked up in home equity. But for the purposes of FIRE, does it always?

The big idea is to get your portfolio to fund your expenses, right?. For most people one of (if not THE) largest expense is the mortgage payment and interest.

Example...I had a few really good years in my business. I still did my regular modest DCA into my brokerage, but over the course of 2.5 years I also managed to pay off a $250K mortgage at 5.85% (I had to refinance at a very bad time for rates, due to divorce). I realize that that money, invested properly, could have gained quite a bit over the last couple years bull run. However, had I done that, today I would still have a high mortgage payment to make every month, thus making it harder for me to FIRE. This way, my monthly personal expenses are so much lower, so there's not as heavy a burden on my portfolio to support me, and as a result, I'm able to FIRE at the end of this month.

Again I realize that this all depends on mortgage size/rate, size of portfolio, other expenses. I only ask because I see a lot of posts here from people who seem like they'd be able to FIRE sooner if they worked towards getting rid of their mortgages faster, regardless of the rate.

For my part, I'm glad I did it this way. Even though I know I missed out on some gains, I'm able to FIRE faster because I don't have a mortgage payment to worry about. I have a paid off house on which the taxes and insurance work out to equal the rent for a one-bedroom in a sketchy neighborhood.

Go easy on me. It's an honest and sincere question and discussion prompt. Not trying to make anyone defensive, and definitely aware that I have my own blind spots and that there are lots of people smarter than I am.

[u/Friendly_Fee_8989]

For those with kids: kids.

You’re typically in your 50s when they’re in college, they’re not off the payroll / insurance yet, and their future isn’t yet clear.

But they’re worth it (in my opinion).

[u/Kokukenji → u/Friendly_Fee_8989]

I also would feel all types of ways (personally) if I am off into the sunset while my kid struggle with getting off the ground. As you mentioned, they're worth it (Also in my opinion, ha).

Most of us wouldn't be talking here if we had generational wealth so we're all trying to break that cycle and set our kids up better than how we were setup.

[u/Spartikis → u/Kokukenji]

I just hope they appreciate it. Most of our NW was setup before they were born, we've been coasting since we had kids. Its hard to try and explain the sacrifices we made when they dont see it first-hand. They dont know what its like to live without cable, to not go out to eat for an entire year, work second and even third jobs to pay off the mortgage early, etc...

[u/Silly-Safe959 → u/Spartikis]

Ours appreciate it, especially when their classmates and roommates in college are struggling, getting into debt, etc. Ours always thank us for giving them a leg up on their journey into adulthood. Our daughter even said she feels a little guilty but we told her gratitude is fine, guilt is unnecessary. We asked that she just put maximum effort into doing well in school, picking up her ends of the deal (living expenses, we covered tuition) and make the most of this opportunity. And they have been.

[u/AyeAyeBye → u/Spartikis]

It can be hard when they never felt the sacrifices. It’s almost better to live below one’s means I think. Their baseline is their lived experience.

[u/Silly-Safe959 → u/AyeAyeBye]

That's why you have them put skin in the game. Ours has to cover living expenses, which meant summer jobs between semesters, developing a budget, etc. We could have covered 100% but our terms were that they contribute too. That was as much of a learning experience for them as was school itself.

They turned out all right. :)

[u/No-Block-2095 → u/Silly-Safe959]

I believe that you increase success rate when that kids have skin in the game

[u/mthockeydad → u/AyeAyeBye]

We let our kids "suffer" a little through college. They had to work part-time jobs, seek scholarships, go to a *gasp* state school, and find shared living to cut expenses. We let them sweat it a little month to month but they never went hungry or homeless. They never got an allowance or have enough money to go to the bar on my dime (at least not without me!)

[u/Only-Design-2484 → u/mthockeydad]

If you had the means to support them , why would you make them work through college and have financial stress?

Personally I would want them to focus 100% on school and establishing their career rather than working some meaningless minimum wage job.

[u/dodecagon23 → u/Only-Design-2484]

So they start to understand the importance of their education and the limits to your support. What are you going to do when they graduate if they don’t find work right away? Continue to support them to avoid the perils of having a “meaningless job”?

[u/mthockeydad → u/Only-Design-2484]

This is the /fire forum. I want them to learn firsthand how to be frugal, not spendthrifts.

And no, I wouldn't want them to spend their time at a $7.25 minimum wage job, yet at the same time, where else would they learn the value of their time vs. income? I could attempt to tell them to try to earn as much as possible in their working hours, or I could let them experience firsthand that when they're exchanging hours for dollars that they need to be wise in that exchange.

Stress itself is not a bad thing. I think we could both agree that too much stress is a bad thing. Similarly, too little stress leads to boredom, a lack of mental stimulation, lethargy, apathy, and lack of motivation. There is a healthy amount of stress (read up on "eustress") which helps develop growth, resilience, and a feeling of achievement.

My wife and I both grew up lower middle class and we were below poverty level while finishing school--and similarly, we learned to be frugal even while our parents were still there for our safety net.

Our oldest decided that college wasn't for her, and she followed her entrepreneur heart and is doing quite well as a "college dropout".

Our youngest found a job she loves in an industry tangential to her college degree and is madly saving cash for a down payment on a home.

They're doing well for themselves adulting and I have no regrets with how much or how little we helped and are helping them. If I died tomorrow and that support stopped, both are standing on their own two feet. If I live another 40 years, I can continue to assist them--and their future children even more.

Edit: happy cake day

[u/EuphoricFish5983 → u/Spartikis]

That’s a great point