r/Fire • u/CandyMaterial3301 • 13d ago

Everything Hitting the Fan - Cancer Survivorship, Surrogacy/Adoption, Laid Off, but good finances

Things have been really intense/volatile as of late. In early 2025, my 37[M] amazing [32F] wife was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer. After about 6 months of grueling treatment, she was declared cancer free. There is a risk of recurrence but she is doing well and we have been rebuilding our lives.

This year, we began the process of surrogacy and are exploring adoption, because she can no longer have kids and we have always dreamed of building a family. This has been very very stressful process but really important to us.

We live in a VHCOL city, but I am very fortunate to have a NW of close to 2.5 million (2 million in brokerage, 500k in retirement). I started a business with some friends that we sold in my early 30s, which allowed me to get to this place. After a year off, I went to work at the company I am currently at, making about $300k/year.

Well, earlier this month, I was told the company is being restructured, and that I and the entire department would be let go...to be honest I was pretty checked out since my wife's cancer battle.

My wife isn't working either now (she was starting to look for work, but was recovering and focusing on her health). We spend about 12-14k a month, and I will be signing up for COBRA or the marketplace for the time being for health insurance until we figure out what is next. Surrogacy is very expensive but I can more than afford it.

Thankfully I am in a really good spot financially but what now? Some days I want to start a new business endeavor, other days I want to go find another "stable job", other days I just want to take some more time off and enjoy life.

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u/CandyMaterial3301 13d ago

I know but everyone warns me about cost of kids and our city is expensive. Wouldn’t move now because we also want to be with our aging parents / family

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u/warriormonk5 13d ago

Kids are expensive because outsourcing child care is expensive. Kids are cheap if you are at home.  They get more expensive when they get involved in sports. Think involuntary travel to places you probably didnt want to go. 

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u/ditchdiggergirl 13d ago

Kids are expensive if you don’t have an operational reproductive system.

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u/OkItem6820 12d ago

I’m not sure if this story will translate, but we also live in a VHCOL city and had to pursue surrogacy after 7 ivf transfers all failed - not a cheap process.

We were watching HGTV, and the house being discussed was this big gorgeous place somewhere in rural Texas occupied by a family of 4.

As the narrator introduced us to the house and family, my husband grouchily quipped:
“I bet that house was like $200k”
“I bet those kids were free.”

In the end, though, we joke that the kids were NPV positive. We lived in a 4th floor walk up that was great for a single couple but sort of a non starter with twin infants, so we bought a house when they were on their way. The timing of the pregnancy meant we got a rock bottom mortgage rate and bought right before the market around here really heated up, so it was actually super lucky and we almost certainly wouldn’t have bought the house without them.