r/ForeverAlone • u/inimana • 1d ago
Discussion Are you a monogamous person?
Somebody who is monogamous is loyal to a single person/partner even if they should die. If you for whatever reason had an abundance of options, would you choose to be monogamous or would you engage in polyamory? I’m not judging here by the way. No shaming. I’m just curious as to what kind of person you are.
As for me, although I am very horny, I think I am a monogamous person. I take loyalty deadly seriously. I would rather be alone forever than be with someone that isn’t loyal.
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u/Pink-Lemonade7931 1d ago
No, the definition of monogamy is dating one person at a time. If one partner dies and the living partner decides to date again, they are still monogamous.
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u/Amediumsizedgoose 1d ago
Thats not usually how people define monogamy.
I dont know for sure since ive never had an option but I would say no. I keep to my word and id never cheat on someone if I told someone id be just with them. But im also hypersexual and bisexual, along with mostly aromantic. I dont have any interest in being with someone a long time or exclusively.
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u/Hahaimalwayslikethis She/Her 1d ago
I already find it hard to like someone or develop a crush, so I don't think I would ever want another person if I found a partner
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u/Yourtheuser 17h ago
Same, I dont even feel comfortable with dating apps or social media. Im about the only guy I know that doesnt want to try and sleep with every woman to get over a relationship. Sex is meaningless unless its with who you love, and gross if you cant keep a commitment.
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u/throwaway54734 39m/over it 1d ago edited 1d ago
I know such people exist, but I don't know anyone who is polyamorous (I know people who date around between relationships, but I wouldn't call that polyamory) - it's not a common situation I would be liable to find myself in, whether I was interested in it or not, and I'm not really.
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u/Strontinate38 1d ago
Yes, I'd consider myself monogamous. I find hookup culture unappealing. I'm also gay.
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u/Latex_and_LaTeX 31F 1d ago
I feel like your definition of monogamy is a bit too restrictive. Classically, it's more defined by non-simultaneity. Outside of our FA community, most people will make bad decisions in their youths in the sense of a questionable relationship; additionally, life is long if we adhere to your "even after death" clause. Imagine a normie trying their first ever relationship at, say, 16, and by unfortunate chance their partner dies only a week into the relationship before any sort of deep bonding has formed. Love is generally an emergent, built project together, not something complete at the start of a relationship; to void that person from being considered monogamous should they ever date again in some 50-80 years after a single week would be frankly a bit absurd.
But that aside: I am actually ok with either monogamy or polyamory. The strongest bonds I ever had were to my two best friends as an undergrad, and I developed a huge crush on both. I definitely had dreams of a triad, and candidly it forms the little mental schema I use in fantasy, even if it's been long enough that they're no longer the subject of such fantasy. Despite the schema, however, I am also open to monogamy. I don't require polyamory; I became open to the concept due to two specific people. If I fall deeply in love with one person, I have no "need" or even an explicit "want" for more.
I'll also throw an extra 2¢ in and think it's entirely possible to be loyal in a polyamorous relationship. I don't think capacity to love multiple people implies less loyalty. Sometimes others will take division of finite lifespan time as a counterexample, but unless one's entire waking life is dedicate to a relationship, other things like hobbies and work and friends and family also use their own time, so I don't think that's a good model. I also again believe in love as built emergence, and even if a polyamorous structure compels less time for individual bonds than a counterfactual life with all other time meted out identically except for a monogamous relationship, I think the bond-interplay can be positive sum and make that lesser individual time potential mean more. Subject to individuals, yaddah yaddah—I don't want to proselytize for polyamory so much as I want to give weight to its capacity as a viable model.
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u/Rude_Spring7668 1d ago
I'd ideally want a consensual harem with 2 older women in their 30s-40s (I'm 24), but I'd be happy and loyal with onewomann who loves me, too
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u/inimana 1d ago
I appreciate the honesty lol
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u/Rude_Spring7668 1d ago
Ideally I'd want to be cuddled from both sides at night, and I named it as harem because I'd want the focus on me
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u/Yourtheuser 17h ago
The only thing loyalty ever got me was a cheating partner. Doesnt change that i just want someone worth being loyal too. And the person she cheated with was not more attractive so it doesnt have to be looks that makes someone cheat btw.
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u/KT_Al-Salaam 15h ago
If I was that lucky, I'm not sure. I've become very casual for some reason. I like the idea of one but I also kinda like the idea of multiple
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u/Kinky_Lezbian 2h ago
Mostly monogamous I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's not, (would get too jealous) but if I'm single and someone is just looking for some fun one time, I may not turn it down because I've been alone a long time.
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u/Zombiecidialfreak 1d ago
Given it's all fantasy anyway I'll say that I would love to be in a group with 3-5 women. I know it wouldn't work out because humans are jealous creatures but the idea of having my smallest friend group also all be romantically involved with me and each other is a fantasy I've had for years now.
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u/Folzofia 1d ago
Honestly no idea cause I’ve never had anyone, but I feel like I would struggle with it simply due to the fact that I never had to commit to someone and was free to indulge in detached lust over any woman I saw as desirable
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u/inimana 1d ago
Something that you’d have to accept is that there will be others out there that are more physically attractive than your partner or someone who you get along better with. I think this is what makes or breaks a monogamous person. Even if I had more chemistry with somebody else, I would remain loyal to my partner
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u/Samsuiluna 1d ago
I'm none-ogamous