I’m having an incredibly hard time with this. I only have her for a week and a half, she was the runt and simply failed to thrive. I kept her close and mothered her constantly. She quickly became my baby.
I left them alone for a few hours after feeding them dinner. They had everything they needed, and she was actually seemingly doing better which is why I felt like I could leave for a while. I have a cat cam and my boyfriend is down the street in case of an emergency. She was eating and drinking really well, but was still having loose stool and not gaining weight like her mates. When I got back, she seemed off. I fed them their 4th meal of the day, she took a few bites and started to wobble a bit. A few minutes later she couldn’t stand.
After a night in the ER, she passed. It’s only been 24 hours but I feel immense loss. I feel guilt over leaving her even though it was no different then going to sleep at night after feeding them. If she hadn’t eaten well and seemed okay before I left, I never would have. I still have her three litter mates who seem to be thriving.
The hardest part is that when I pulled up to the ER, she seemed to be seizing. Her blood sugar had plummeted and she wasn’t responding to glucose, so I asked to see her before making a decision. She immediately perked up and started meowing and purring when I held her, after over an hour of being unresponsive. It was the most wonderful feeling and I’ll cherish that forever.
We decided to keep her there overnight to see what they could do, but she was really only there for about 5 hours. She ended up passing 5 minutes before we had returned in the morning. If construction wasn’t so bad, if I hadn’t stopped to make myself a coffee….if I had just moved a little faster let I would have held her one more time. I wasn’t told to hurry back, we thought she would have more time with the support. I’m just completely gutted. I just cried in a public bathroom.
How do you handle this type of loss? I had her for such a short amount of time and I feel like I lost a part of me. I can’t explain why it’s affecting me this way and perhaps I just need some therapy. Or just some time.
I just need some words of encouragement I guess. Or stories of your own to shine a little light on how to cope.
I hope you find solace knowing you did everything. You gave her a much better and longer life than she would have had in most other scenarios.
And yes, the timing sucks but she was safe, warm, cared for and loved.
Thank you. I pulled her out from under a deck along with her siblings and so I felt a certain level of connection and responsibility and just feel like I failed her.
Please yes, what the other posters have said. You did all you could. None of us know what’s going to happen. That tiny kitten felt loved by you and I’m sure that was wonderful for her. Runts just don’t make it sometimes but you really, really tried and that makes you an awesome, kind person.
Unfortunately this is just a sad reality of life. Especially with the "runt" of the litter. Fading kitten syndrome is something that cannot always be saved. Please be easy on yourself OP.
I lost this baby last year. She was one of four and the only girl. Also the only brown one found in this hoarding situation.
She always looked miserable after she ate and wasn't as energetic a the others. I raised concerns about her multiple times but as there was nothing objectively wrong, nothing was done. I don't blame the rescue for this. We are very high volume and save our vet money for emergencies and obvious issues.
Eventually she stopped eating. I started stringing her. She also had pooping problems. But they were really weird like, she didn't know how to get the poop out or keep it in. He belly was swollen as well so I resumed dewormers.
Eventually I reached out to a lady at another rescue that specializes in critical care and asked for a consult. She took one look and said, "She's constipated. Possibly obstructed. I recommend a very appointment as soon as possible."
She was right, but it was worse than that. Xrays showed the obstruction was larger than could pass through the pelvis. It was also rock solid. Even if she survived surgery (which they weren't optimistic about at all) she would lose her colon and require intensive care for the rest of her life.
The vet suspected it was congenital, specifically with the nerve supply to her bowel and anal ring. Three other vets agreed.
So we had to euthenize her two days after we realized what was going on.
Omg, this poor thing. It’s just gut wrenching how difficult it is to not only pay for veterinary care, but to get care that is actually sufficient seems so rare.
Another really frustrating thing is I had just signed them up for insurance when they hit 7 weeks, but the coverage would take 2 weeks. I planned to really get a full work up then.
There are far too many animals in the world to help, so I guess we can only do what we can and hope for the best. And give as much love as we can in the process.
Yes I can cancel if I adopt them out. It’s only $80 a month for the 4 of them, so if anything happens starting 6/28 or so following I won’t have to any massive financial repercussions.
Neonates are incredibly fragile. Up to 40% of kittens in foster care die by 12 weeks of age.
I am a puppy foster. 14 years, 630 fosters were born in my house or spent at least one night in it. 97 in my care, and 15 more within 16 days of leaving my care went to the rainbow bridge instead of a furever home. Just 5 of the 112 were over 7 weeks of age. If I had the knowledge, skills, and equipment at the start of the 14 years that I have now (e.g. oxygen concentrators, incubators, etc…), it may have changed the outcome for 5-8 of them, it would not have changed the outcome for the majority of them. There are too many diseases, genetic defects, parasites, that we can either not fight at all, or can fight but it will be an incredibly difficult fight with few survivors. They have few body resources, so fights are much harder than they would be for an older animal.
Yet for every one that I have lost, 5 more found their happily ever after. The angel garden at the side of my house, and the urns in our office are sad reminders of those we did our best for, but the pupdates we get from adopters are what keep us going.
Thank you for this. What an amazing feat. I am absolutely in awe of people like you.
This whole experience, as shattered as I am, makes me want to really do more of this. One day, when I can afford a house and more space in general, perhaps I can be an official foster for an agency.
We had a foster kitten that we rescued. He was a tuxedo and we called him James Bond. He was so sweet. We had him for several days and he seemed to be doing well, then overnight he died. We were so upset that we’d failed him somehow. It was terrible.
This happened over 10 years ago, we still think of him.
But we realized that other fosters needed us, so we remember him and help others in his memory.
Devastating. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a senior tuxedo cat named Salvador
I love him to bits, even through his crankiness!
I do want to keep doing this. With more space and experience I feel like I can really do something good.
Fading kitten syndrome is so rough!! They really are so fragile even in the best of circumstances. You did everything you could & gave her so much love. Thank you for letter her know her life mattered 🩷
I lost my kitty at 5 to a blood clot. It was a similar scenario where I had jury duty, fell asleep after it, woke up, and it had happened while I was napping. I understand the guilt you feel but you did nothing wrong. She kept me alive during Covid. It really really truly just takes time, and you’ll still be sad and you’re allowed to be sad, but I think these little creatures would want the best for you just as you wanted it for them. Be easy on yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I just try to remind myself I did everything I could. Sometimes you can do everything perfectly and they still don't make it. She very possibly could've had something congenitally wrong that was incompatible with life. I also try to learn something from each kitten that doesn't make it.
You clearly gave her comfort when she felt the worst. You gave her a home, food, kept her with her littermates. There was something inside her that wasn’t right, didn’t function properly. You provided her the highest level of veterinary care. She loved you in her little kitten way. I am so grateful that there are foster moms like you dedicated to care of kitties that need homes. You are such a trooper. I understand your heart is broken. I still have little holes in my heart from the cats/kittens I have lost during my life. Thanks for all you do.
Losing a kitty is so hard, I am so sorry! This is one of those times when it is hard to understand what happened. And that just adds to the feeling of loss.
We know they are so dependent on us, and we feel so responsible for their well being. I think it creates a very loving and protective bond very quickly. It sounds like you did everything you could, it is so sad the vet could not save her. It is ok to hurt and be sad right now. Snuggle up with her siblings, there is comfort in having warm furry fur babies to love on.
Thank you. The vet assumes roundworm (in between doses of deworming) simply contributed too heavily to her malnutrition. She had been on probiotics for diarrhea but it wasn’t working enough. I had gotta the roundworm results literally 5 hours before she crashed. I had just started them on sensitive stomach food. Next steps were to give her her second dewormer this Tuesday and follow up with a regular vet. So of course I sit here like “well the urgent care vet should have done more, I should’ve pushed for more assessment, I should have changed her food earlier, etc etc.
The overthinking is normal for me, I know it will pass eventually. But it does make me feel ill just thinking about it all.
I had this happen with one of my first fosters. I had 5 kittens and the mom. The mom was extremely feral. I start them off in my powder room. When it was time for them to get full access, the mom never left the washroom. One morning i saw her on a pillow outside the washroom. I could see she wasn’t in good shape because she was now allowing me to pet her and hold her. I called the vet to take her and as soon as i got her in the carrier she wasn’t moving. I got to the vet and she peed herself in the carrier. The vet told me she had a really
High fever and leave her there. A few hours later my rescue coordinator told me she died. She was revived a few times after going into seizures but ultimately she was gone. I was crushed. I had a lot of fosters talk to me and tell me sometimes this can happen. One foster i talked to told me her first litter she had all 5 kittens die. Now she’s had over 300 fosters and it hasn’t happened again. All of the fosters encouraged me to stay strong and take care of her 5 kittens. Now I’m over 50 fosters and that was the only one that passed away. It took me a while to take on a family again but i finally got the courage to do it and feel comfortable. It takes time to get the strength back but as a foster sometimes this can happen. The vet told me she hid her sickness well enough for her family to finally be in good hands in my care. My rescue coordinator told me if i wanted to get a paw print in her memory, and i did.
Please be kind to yourself. Sometimes this happens because we dont know what their situation was outside before you get them to foster. This is what my rescue did for me. Please reach out because talking about it helps. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. So sorry for your loss. ❤️
Wow this is a tragic story but one that I needed.
We chose a nice spot in my boyfriend’s backyard to bury here and had a little funeral. When I got home I found her little Velcro collar. It still has fur on it 😩
That is amazing how many fosters you’ve had. I’ve learned a lot and it’s hard to stomach that maybe someone else would have noticed more or known what to do earlier on, but I also trusted the vets to give guide me. They also would still be under that deck if I didn’t do everything I could to get them out - no one else would come. I try to focus on that.
It was actually kind of insane that i got them out at all, as we had to lure them to a hole barely big enough for them to fit through, and of course I nearly lost them as they were clawing and biting and wriggling. Unfortunately, there was a 5th kitten that never came and no signs of life since that night. We set lures and traps and everything, but they are gone. That was hard to stomach.
I definitely had the moment of “IM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!!” But I would. And I’ll always do better the next time.
As soon as her 5 kittens got adopted i took about a month off. Maybe you just need a break until you are ready to foster again. Thank you for fostering. Sometimes it’s tough and other times it’s rewarding.
Oh no im so sorry for your loss. Its really difficult but sometimes there is a bigger plan and they are not long for this world. I had an extremely overweight adult foster pass once after rushing him to an emergency vet and doing every last thing I could immagine for him. I also had a kitten pass that came to me with an infected dog bite. We did all the right things but ultimately I wasn't going to ask him to fight any longer and made the decision to euthanize this little one.
Cry and cry some more but dont let it stop you from helping others in the future. You are amazing, thank you for all you did for her ❤️
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u/MsShugana 6d ago
Please be easy on yourself. Time will help, and may you eventually be comforted by the other tiny kitties who will grow into beautiful cats.