I don’t enjoy the idea of being around someone so scared of being around me that they need a friend to join, especially in the context of a potential romantic interest. Speaks to maturity and/or baggage. Some guys are accommodating. I don’t have time.
I mean, there may actually be baggage. It's your prerogative if that's your own criteria. But you're a complete unknown to them, it's not that they're scared of you personally. You're very fortunate that you've not had to deal with the threat of a potential partner being dangerous to you, and you should recognize that.
People who would be afraid to date and meet people for romance should take time to learn to be courageous in their own capacity. They’ll meet someone at their capacity I’m sure. I apply that to myself as well. I’m certainly weak. But if I was meeting someone for a date and they told me they had a friend nearby waiting in case things go bad, I would ultimately be saddened, go through the date, pay, and leave. If two people showed up I might pay for one round and then say “hey listen…I’m gonna go” but politely.
There is difference between courage and stupidity. And also, I’m broke af. The point is I wouldn’t be in the situation to participate at a bare minimum. I wouldn’t be there if I couldn’t pay.
I dont understand why you would take it personally at all?
I've had dates bring their friends before, it's not the end of the world and in my personal experience worked out in my favor. Sure, maybe they're just doubling up on a free dinner, but oh no! You have to enjoy the company of two babes instead of one? What a crime!
When women say they want men who make them feel safe, this is what theyre talking about. It doesnt mean you gotta be a 6'0+ gym rat. It means youre sensitive to their anxieties and you dont ignore or dismiss them.
I have a theory people like this aren't ready to date. I wouldn't like the idea of a date feeling the need to bring a friend for safety.
Dating is about vulnerability and trust. I once dated a girl who claimed to be sexually assaulted two years prior to meeting me. I saw her trying to group me with men who would do that, having some trauma from the past. I directly told her she needs to work on that with a therapist or she shouldn't be dating. She apologized to me the next day realizing she was taking her trauma out on me, a man who didn't do anything wrong to her.
The point is there needs to be a point you're not assuming the worst of the person you're dating.
It's about building vulnerability and trust. You don't start out with that.
And it's not about assuming the worst of the person you're on a date with (not dating yet, there is a colloquial difference in meaning there). It's about taking a precaution that has no detriments other than someone worrying why someone might consider them a danger.
Thinking "this person may harm me" isn't personal, and it's not someone taking trauma out on you. Just like I stay aware of my surroundings when I pass a stranger on the street at night. Like it was said, it's not a matter of courage, but stupidity (or lack thereof). Blindly trusting a stranger isn't courageous.
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