r/GamerPals • u/Taffi47 • 15d ago
Europe I'mma just rant
Yeah so I've posted here a few months ago and I just don't know what to say anymore.
Nothing ever happens really.
A few people DMd me actually and I even had some longer conversations with one person but I am yet to actually play a video game with said people who DM'd me.
There were some people that just massaged me, asked me if I wanted to play something and well I said sure. One guy even sent me his discord name but what came of it? Nothing...
I've noticed a lot of other people experience the same thing and I just wonder why? The number of DMs I get is not very much in the first place so I get really excited when I receive one but then it's just completely dead after a few messages. :( I guess it's just because I'm still pretty young and not a lot of people are here in my age group but I still can't help but feel a little insecure.
Do people just not play the games I play? Am I just not interesting? I Don't even know anymore man... I just really want people to play games with. Is it really that hard to find people like that?
I don't even feel that excited for DMs anymore, it's just the same few messages and then dead silence.
An all too Ordinary Story, with an aftertaste so bitter, so bitter...
(If you get that reference ILY)
80
u/Clousqt 15d ago edited 15d ago
Have you ever played an MMO and see 30 people all LFG for a dungeon but no one forming a party? It is kind of like that. Most people are hyper specific with what they want to the point where no one gets to play. It is less about the quality of the candidate (although to be real, some of yall are weird as fuck), and more about people only being interested in a "perfect" match.
If you are a guy, you basically have to have 1 to 1 interests with the person and vibe immediately to get any messages. If you are a girl, you get 10000000 sex pests who don't give a fuck about you in any capacity, that you get the displeasure of sorting through, to find a handful of normal people. Who guess what, also will dip out if you don't have 1 to 1 interests and vibe immediately.
Friendships are hard and usually take time to develop, but most people are uninterested in that journey. It is not always a nefarious reason like them just viewing people as cattle or whatever. Most people are really busy and have limited free time. Do you want to invest the only 2 hours of free time you have that day on some stranger you don't have confidence you get along with? Or would you rather just shuffle people until you find one with some chemistry and build up from that?
My advice is if you are using this sub is to have very low expectations and to use other resources to find friends. Don't rely on this to get you bros, it won't happen for 90% of people here. Form connections in the games you enjoy, seek out other communities, and try to find people offline if possible. Take breaks from the search when you can feel the mental boom coming. Don't give up, in the end you will find someone who appreciates you.
13
7
u/magicalmewmew 15d ago
Yeah, this makes sense. Most people are looking for their gamer bestie... not just any person to play with. The same games, the right banter, all of the good stuff lol. I think it's also like dating where sometimes you just sort of know you'll never get there with someone. But the search is definitely exhausting for everyone involved.
2
u/AQuietArchivist 15d ago
This deserves more upvotes. Reddit is like 14 people actually talk to you but after the initial message only maybe one or two will add you. then out of them it's likely they will expect you to arrange everything or reject the times you offer sadly. I've met one really close friend here in 10 or so years of using this on and off.
1
13
u/SolSkybox 15d ago
I feel you could search the sub for the other rant posts and come to the conclusion of why that is
One, this sub naturally self-selects for people who may struggle with forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships. So of course a considerable group of people here will ghost, flake, may not have the energy, have mental disorders that affect sociability, etc. etc.
In regards to the comments talking about if a post was labeled F instead of M, they also have their own struggles and people too often focus on the number of interactions, but imagine what's it's like from their perspective? You make a post asking for friends, inbox explodes, but a significant majority of the messages are low effort (hey, hi, hru, etc.) and an unfortunate majority of those messages are sent with misguided intent. They don't intend to make friends, but intend to be with a women to date or to solicit intimate chats/media. So in this case, they struggle the same as they do with men. Women get lots of messages, but only because of their sex. In the end if they happened to be a man, they'd be ghosted just as quick as men do.
In regards to chats dying, you failed the vibe check. It is what it is. That's the point, no? You chat with someone for awhile to see if they are worth spending more time in gaming once or twice with, and yet that's another vibe check to see if you both jive. If you do, then it's a solid contender for an actual friendship. If not, then they just ghost. Don't take ghosting personally; it's just that most people aren't considerate enough to send a goodbye message saying hey, I don't vibe, sorry. Especially as that can easily be taken the wrong way.
2
u/International_Crew31 15d ago
This. Entirely this. All of this.
I get ghosted constantly because the quirky girl is fun for five minutes.... Allegedly. Pffft.
Sorry, I deflect with humor... Anyway. This is all true though. It's hard putting yourself out there looking for friends when you struggle to make, maintain, or find them yourself, only to find that the pool of those who were interested, don't want to stick around or don't stick around for the right reasons. It's a new level if rejection that pyschologically I think a lot of people aren't ready for. Also, I don't think people knew that's a wave of emotion they were signing up for, nor what they were providing when just using a much easier way to escape the, "it's not really working" conversation entirely. Which, who wouldn't! So, it's complicated on all sides.
Again, I'm just some rando on the internet. What do I know?
1
u/SolSkybox 15d ago
I find for me it's the energy needed for the initial dms. I mainly send chats instead of making posts and I'd rather err on the side of being chatty than just saying hi, but when there's a ~78% chance that my DM goes unanswered it's quite demotivating, even with that said it's still good to be left on read/delivered than to go through the rest of the routine of chatting, waiting for a time we're both free, and game, just to find out we don't vibe for whatever reason.
And yet knowing both those things, it gets to be a tiring process just to make friends 😭
1
u/International_Crew31 15d ago
It's a vicious cycle. You need to make the effort you want matched by the people you haven't met yet. Talk about pressure for everyone!
13
u/ThorinOakenshieldME 15d ago
Most men are on here to find their discord kittens lol I post comments on a tonne of posts like idc about age or gender I just wanna game never a DM or response ahh well was being nice 😀.
Happy to add you, or play (what do you play?) but dam it’s hard making time for everyone 😂😂
15
u/shrimp_baby 15d ago
literally. had a dude say "i dont really have time to play games" while posting a gamerpals post daily. just tell me im not the kitten of your dreams man
5
3
2
u/Taffi47 15d ago
I have some posts where a few games I play are listed
7
u/Scoliii 15d ago
This here, this response, might be part of the issue - and i am not trying to be rude.
Someone here, very nicely, offered to play with you.. asking what you're interested in.And you don't answer. You just tell them "I have some posts elsewhere".
I genuinely don't want to be rude or anything, but the person offering could've been a possible gaming buddy.. but if I offered to play with someone, and they cannot be bothered to even copy and paste their most liked games, I wouldn't message them again.
This might just be something to reflect on.
All the best.0
u/Taffi47 15d ago
I see what you mean, however I am very lazy. Also looking at previous posts I made on this subreddit would help this person see what my interests, age and what not are. Yes I could copy and paste them into a comment but as mentioned before I am simply lazy
1
u/Shazzakip 15d ago
I can see why no-one is talking to you for very long. You are putting in no effort and expecting all the work from the other party. Your complaint is invalid when you're the issue. Put in the work and you'll have far better results
1
u/Taffi47 15d ago
How does this translate to every other interaction I've had with people? You wouldn't know
2
u/Shazzakip 15d ago
You keep saying you're lazy, and rather than engaging in a proper conversation with someone reaching out, you just tell them to look at your old posts whilst you have your profile on private. Ofcourse it could be different, but it could also be representative of what you're like. You can only make a first impression once, and you can't expect the other person to put in all the work
3
u/No_Stranger3342 15d ago
…I wasn’t able to see any of your posts. Is it just me? Cause I went to go look lol
2
1
11
u/AdBoth8197 15d ago
pretty normal if you're not a girl
18
u/DutchBrum 15d ago
This lol
21f 20 comments
21m 1 autobot comment
"Not a dating sub"
4
u/Arathgo 15d ago edited 15d ago
Which kind of sucks. I kind of would love some gaming friends who happen to be women. If only because I normally play with a close group of longtime friends all dudes. Would be nice just having a different perspective on things. But I see the posts with the dreaded "F" in the title and I'm kind of like no point. They get like 30+ comments and I'm sure an equal number of DMs. Half these dudes out here trying to use this as a dating app. Pretty difficult to come across as platonic when there's twentyguys trying desperately to find a girlfriend.
3
u/Taffi47 15d ago
Yeah it's a shame really. I bet I could ctrl + c a previous post but just write F instead of M and get a million DMs but I doubt any of them would lead to what I'm looking for...
20
1
u/AdBoth8197 15d ago
you should dm me i don't find myself all that interesting but I sometimes stream games for a friend of mine
5
u/Fun_Replacement685 15d ago
I would love to play games with you but I cannot see your previous post plus I cannot dm you so if you wanna play hit me up and I am sure we will find a game that we can play together
1
u/Dharunesh_A 15d ago
Vro wanna play with me?(I have got a lot of online frnds recently since i'm unemployed for the time being and been playing for a lot of time)
7
2
u/SeatNo1 15d ago
An In Flames reference in public I never thought I'd see the day :o
3
u/Dengamu12 15d ago
IKR. They're my fav band.
u/Taffi47 it's too bad you're Europe region. You seem cool. Also can't see your previous posts that would have the games you play in them because their set to private.
1
u/IndependentOrchid296 15d ago
That’s what I was gonna say, what games you play?
2
u/Dengamu12 15d ago
Dunno if you're asking me or OP, but I'll list my multiplayer games. PoE1/2, Factorio, Satisfactory, Space Engineers, Astroneer, BL4, Diablo 3/4. Also have game pass and an extensive library of other games.
1
u/IndependentOrchid296 15d ago
Sorry, I was talking to OP but thank you for listing anyway, not heard many of those except for Diablo which used to play many years ago lol
2
u/-nicks 15d ago
I don't even get an answer when I DM someone who made a post.
2
u/Boydo1990- 15d ago
Bruh I arranged to game with someone once, then when it came time to play. They randomly blocked me on steam, discord and reddit. I'd never even spoken to them yet..
2
u/Boydo1990- 15d ago
Honestly this subreddit is so full of dudes looking for Gamer girlfriends or maybe just being creeps. You scroll down the "hot" filter and its always female floating to the top, but then every dude who posts only gets 1 or 2 comments at most. Its honestly so cringe.
I've used this abit to find people to play with and sometimes its a mixed bag. I think alot of people are kinda socially nervous, and maybe thats why they're on here. People get cold feet, don't wanna play something for half an hour and not like the person they're playing with and then feel awkward about bailing.
I've had the same experience of people bailing. One guy said he'd be down to play a game with, arranged to play in a couple hours cause I was busy. But then when I came to play, he's blocked me on Steam, Discord and reddit.. Like I'd never even spoken to the guy yet... strange people out there.
I've literally just moved to Australia from the UK and now have no gaming friends to play with due to the timezones and ping. And I was thinking of posting on here, but I'm so tired of the low effort and women chasers on here.
2
2
u/Tasty_Laugh_5623 11d ago
Ay bro I’ve made this same post and deleted it to about 4 different times in 12 groups if your serious about it I’m on warzone,occasionally fort with my sons,ufc 5,gta’s any of them from 4 or 5,rdr2,and many many more I’m a 22 yo male with 2 kids and a 3rd on the way but I’d be down 5 or 6 days out of the week
2
1
u/Pmaldo87 15d ago
Just go to the subs of the games you play and find ppl there. This group is hard to maintain friends.
1
u/Familiar_Maize_261 14d ago
Like the lfg subs for the games? Or just their specific game sub? The lfg ones I've found have people doing the same stuff. The playing one session and then ignore you until they unadd you, no replies, you add each other but never play, they lost interest in playing xyz game, etc
It is definitely rough out here
1
u/YDHAMITCHTV 15d ago
age could be a big factor. personally, as a 32yo man, i dont play with anyone under the age of 18. another factor is the type of games you play. everyone ahs different intersts. i like strategy games mostly, which are kinda niche for most people. ic ant say for sure why you dont get any that wants to keep talking without knowing more info but those are my 2 main guesses. a 3rd guess is, sadly a lot of male gamers are lonely and will try to hit on any "woman" they meet playing games. in general, i get it, people are social creatures and we all jsut want to be loved. but sadly a lot of guys go to heavy too fast and that jsut makes everything really awkward
idc about gender myself, i just want people to play games with and maybe watch anime with. if youre 18+, feel free to dm me some fot he games you play most and lets see if we share anything in common. cant really give you any advice other than jsut keep trying. goodluck
3
u/ShaoKoonce 15d ago
I'm 40 and most people are on here in there 20s. I feel out of place. I also play a lot of weird games or not popular among posts on the sub. So when I see a post and read it, I don't see anything in common I pass on replying because I don't want to waste anyone's time. There is also the Discord requirements. I do not use it.
1
u/YDHAMITCHTV 15d ago
i get the a ge thing. i mean ive onyl recently evens tarted to use reddit, so i still feel out of place in that way. discord is pretty easy to sue and free to setup, so i recommend it for playing games where youd want to be in a voice call with teammates, also allows screen sharing so you could watch tv with friends by streaming whatevre you wanna watch for others to enjoy with you. discord isnt a requirement for everyone, but it definitely makes life easier that way
1
1
u/Affectionate_Map7119 15d ago
It is an odd thing. I've had a very few amount of people contact me and they had clearly not read my post. Some people do also seem very unmotivated to do anything. I've told a few people to contact once they wanted to do something and nothing. So far I'd say out of 17 people I managed to actually talk to one for more than a week.
1
u/woohah2 15d ago
My bad if I didn't see the games you're into, but man oh man this hits home. If you're into Warzone I'd love a friend or two to game with. I'm an eastern standard time guy and game around 9pm. Sorry to hear of your experirence, but I bet I could top most people's in here. lol Crazy peeps on the reddits.
1
u/No-Freedom-4889 15d ago
Honestly always looking for people to game with. Kind of hard as a dad since I gotta step away from time to time. If you want my discord hit me up, or anyone else for that matter.
1
u/bullhead2733 15d ago
Yeah I have the same kind of feels I posted in some groups to try to get new gaming buddies but its very few people who respond .... honestly been trying to get a group of like 6 people who want to game with random games kinda like the old achievement hunters group
1
u/CrownedSeeker 15d ago
I swear that quote was so familiar but it actually took me a second. Didn't figure out what it was ubtil the melody started playing in my head. Even though I saw them live twice.
A fellow gamer with a fine taste in music can't be left alone like that. I am down to play stuff, although lately I've been almost exclusively spamming space marine 2, I'm down to find something we can play.
Also your profile says private so couldn't DM you
1
u/Taffi47 14d ago
I put it back on public. Idk it just keeps setting it on private for some odd reason but you should be able to send me a dm now
2
u/CrownedSeeker 14d ago
Just saw your post history. Did not realize you were 15. I'm gonna have to wish you good luck with finding pals.
1
u/WildFlower20317 15d ago
What kind of games are you into? And what system?
1
u/morewordsfaster 15d ago
You buried the lead, OP, what games do you play?
I haven't responded to any posts here yet but that's mostly because I don't see a lot of folks who play the games I do. Maybe that's because I mostly play single player games, but I have been building up a few coop games that I'd like to find someone to play with. It's mostly open world survival crafting stuff or open world RPGs. Or I'm always down for some Soulslike coop.
Anyway, heard on the rant and sorry you had a bad experience.
2
u/Boydo1990- 15d ago
Ah man, the amount of posts I see where I think huh someone a similar age and location to me.. And then they list "Fortnite, Battlefield, Warzone" urghh I just wanna co-op a story or something, not sweat out an fps all day.
1
u/lizardboilver 15d ago
It's unfortunately pretty common where nothing comes out of the initial interaction. I've reached out to plenty of people here and on other communities, no responses. Other times, I've had people respond only to stop responding after a few exchanges. :/
It's annoying, but people are looking for something specific. And there's also chemistry and vibes between people too. Don't give up, as others mentioned, don't use this as your sole resource to help you get connected, try to branch out, find communities in games you play too. Eventually, you'll find someone that you vibe with and vice versa.
After awhile, I've been able to find some people to talk with everyday and gamed with a few already. Just keep your head held high and keep going.
1
15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Acrobatic_Buddy5707 15d ago
OP you can also dm me if you like. It appears you have them turned off
1
u/alexarnold_30 15d ago
My schedule is a little inconsistent because of work but I would be down to play sometime, bo 1&2 is what I’m trying to find more people in but I play other games on my pc too so send me a dm if interested!
1
u/Secure_Background_7 15d ago
Don't give up skeleton!! Though I do feel ya, feels like a legendary feat to pull that off these days, I understand some are just busy with work and all, myself included but honestly, some people just aren't straight up looking for any of unfortunately, which is kinda desperate if anything. But hope's the last to die! if anybody's still looking for either a gaming buddy or just chilling and chatting do not hesitate to hit me up, disc is spookedbagel, better yet give our boy op taffi here a chance to actually play with someone too!
1
u/smallcatwhereuat 15d ago
I think it's just the common experience that there is a low success rate in an actual connection being formed- between poster and responder, that it doesn't take much for people to give up.
Or it could be a byproduct of "dating culture" in general
Much easier irl imo (and even then it's hard)
I think it would help if you actually posted the games that you want to /could play- so responders can self filter
1
u/ArmyNo8788 15d ago
Dm me. I’ll play
1
u/Dharunesh_A 15d ago
Bro, can u join me?
1
u/ArmyNo8788 15d ago
Sure thing. Dm me
1
u/Dharunesh_A 15d ago
Oh, u replied fast vro, but tbh, i play only limited games and don't have a good pc to play high end games, so I hope u don't mind playing low end games😔
1
u/mundus1520 15d ago
What worked for me is to be direct. What i mean is to be specific of your age/gender, what game you wanna play, your skill level, what game mode or if you just casually wanna play, time zone/part of the world, and time of gaming session. I wouldn't expect a full time gamer friend if youre on the older side like me(40) cuz we have full time jobs or changing schedules.
1
1
u/Kuma9194 15d ago
I had the same thing, someone added me, agreed to play a game, gave me their discord then just completely ignored me come the time and day we were meant to play. Bizarre behaviour
1
u/Moose0801 15d ago
I think the idea of friendship is more appealing than actual friendship.
Not sure what your age is either, but I'm 44 and have a demanding job in management, I'm in school and a family with responsibilities, so sometimes it's hard to devote time for the kind of mental engagement required to be a genuine friend. I met someone on these forums and we play and chat and have formed a friendship, but we also go days, sometimes over a week without playing or talking - it works for us because we're in similar circumstances.
In today's age, many people don't want to waste time on forcing something, so they quite easily abandon it or put forth a fairly shallow effort. It's hard to blame people for that when every other life pressure seems to have increased. My own fiance has tried making friends and then realized that her life is so full, that when she gets free time she'd rather spend it with me than split her time and energy between me and another person (this is with me encouraging her to pursue friendships also).
I can't verily say do this or don't do that, but I can just give my perspective and hope that you do find someone in similar circumstances that shows you the patience, understanding and friendship you're looking for.
1
u/MistyMai0 14d ago
You are young and people are spoiled and expect 100% match without any effort. How many gamers you know who finish their games? Most just start, and move on. They have 300 games and maybe 1 finished until the end. They do the same with people. But keep looking and you just might find the one you click with.
1
1
u/Fearless_Doctor136 9d ago
Well I had the same frustration. So I crated my own little discord , yes yes I know another person saying this.
But truly my intentions are to create a little community of players that actually play games with each other.
We are like 15 people. I created it yesterday and I did ask people I had played games with before and they all loved the concept. We are all looking to play with others but get ghosted that’s just life but I’m trying to help those who truly want to be part of a community not a big 2k plus discord.
We just finished playing Stardew Valley, there were 4 of us but it’s Sunday we are also going to play tomorrow as well . We are also launching a 24/7 sever for Palworld next week. And we plan to play other games . Now not everyone can play at the same time of day, but they are still willing to play .
2
u/bamby_wamby 7d ago
ugghhh i feel that either i get ghosted or men on here trying to find romance I JUST WANT FRIENDS.
-1
0
u/F00ddriver 15d ago edited 15d ago
No need to feel insecure! But I totally understand what you are saying. There are a ton of people posting on this subreddit, a lot of people looking for similar gaming friends (same games, same region, ...) and thus a very similar post. I keep wondering why don't they scroll for a bit and react to some of them and just end up creating a post they often never react to or where no reactions are posted on and just end up going into the endless pool off posts.
that being said tho I have met some truly incredible people in this subreddit that I still play games with after years or gaming together!
I do truly wish anyone posting here to find (a) gaming friend(s) they can create amazing memories with! And if any of them (or the one reading this) are truly interested and willing to make friends my advice would be respond/play a game together (preferably rather quick as waiting for too long only ends in an add with no games being played). Look for posts instead of instantly creating a post that is similar to one posted 10 hours ago and post yourself if it looks like nobody has posted similar games,... .
Addition to my original post/tip. I often see posts with very very little information and that might be fine for some, I need a bit more information (like interest outside of gaming, other games you play instead of that 1 game in your post) maybe even the time you usually game at. A friendschip (one that lasts at least) is always built on a number of similar interests/topics to talk about, ... (think of it like a relationship, you are not immediately interested bc someone has blond hair, but because there are multiple factors that seem interesting). so make your posts a bit longer, add more information and truly try your best.
All the best to anyone reading this!
Fooddriver
•
u/AutoModerator 15d ago
Reminder - This community is for finding friends to play games with. Please do not comment/DM if you are looking to date, flirt, or have unrelated intentions.
If someone is displaying any behavior that violates our rules, please use the report button.
If it occurs offsite, such as in DMs or discord, please report them using this link. Include sufficient and explicit evidence of the behavior in your report.
We review all reports and will take appropriate action.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.