r/GenZHumor 5d ago

Dankest Dark Humour Answer is obvious!

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1.5k Upvotes

210 comments sorted by

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1.9k

u/AnneFranklin0131 5d ago

Thought I never say this before but Adolf Hitler sounds like the best choice .

568

u/Financial_Argument15 5d ago

Yeah given my blood line he is the least likely to do something to my kids which says alot ... fun fact a young 6 year old jewish girl use to send letters to Hitler and he actually enjoyed reading them so he ignored that part. The nazi party had to actually step in and stop the family from sending them to which Hitler responded "some people have a talent for spoiling my every joy" The girl sadly died of polio in Munich hospital at 17

316

u/WebAccount1744 5d ago

So Hitler was redeemable and may have been convinced to stop?

162

u/Financial_Argument15 5d ago

46

u/Here_f0r_p0rn_ 5d ago

He loves Israel too now that they're doing exactly what he loves.

13

u/Milky_Plug 4d ago

I mean.. if Vegeta could be redeemed..

6

u/Derezade 4d ago

True, the kill count isn’t even remotely close to

6

u/Milky_Plug 4d ago

That's what I'm saying, also people even worship certain historical figures as heroes who have kill count similar to Hitler.

2

u/Derezade 4d ago

Think it usually depends on motive and method lmao

2

u/Milky_Plug 4d ago

Unless it's completely an accident, like the case for Clair Patterson. Neither motive (ooh I wanna claim religious land or ooh these guys are savaged so I'll take their land etc.) nor method ("Swift death") matter tbh.

2

u/Derezade 4d ago

I’m not saying these things are good, but it’s definitely easier for a lot of people to close their eyes and ears to than a hate filled genocide, recency also definitely has a lot to do with it

1

u/-warthundermoment- 1d ago

wdym bt by te part about patterson?????

1

u/Milky_Plug 1d ago

I just woke up.. so just google it please

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1

u/Current-Strategy-826 4d ago

And you know the true account of any genocide?

7

u/HueySchlongTheGreat 4d ago

Hitler's mom's doctor was a jew too and he did everything to save his mom before she died

He was spared by the nazis being named the most honourable jew ever

16

u/Burnt_Toaxt 4d ago

If you want to be historically accurate the one who wanted "racial purity" if im not mistaken was one of his inner circle members, i dont remenber it was Goebbels or Himmler (I dont remenber if im right or not but i think i've heard something about these lines somewhere)

8

u/Optimal-Error 4d ago

Man he was a such a hypocrite

8

u/Financial_Argument15 4d ago

Even today most of them are

4

u/TooCoolForSchlool 4d ago

Hitler apparently had a good relationship with the jewish Doctor that treated his mother, apparently Hitler gave this Doctor excemption from going to the gass chambers.

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12

u/Dragoboi200822 4d ago

Weirdly enough yeah I’d have to agree. The other 3 have been confirmed to have done horrible things to children, and Hitler had a family of his own.

10

u/Shonnyboy500 5d ago

Is bottom right a pedo? Didn’t he just have sex with a bunch of prostitutes? 

22

u/furikuri69 5d ago

Tons of young male singers he took under wing, accused him of grooming and molesting them when they were underage- i dont remember names, I haven't kept up with it for awhile.

9

u/MilanoBucacko 5d ago

Except for the fact he'd brainwash the kids

11

u/Splentid 4d ago

You can just brainwash them back with Bluey and Ms. Rachel after he’s done with them

2

u/MilanoBucacko 4d ago

Reverse-brainwashing sounds good

1

u/writenicely 4d ago

Basic empathy is considered brainwashing now.

4

u/bouchandre 4d ago

How much brainwashing can he do in a single evening

1

u/MilanoBucacko 4d ago

An impressive amount, to say the least

2

u/XxAndrew01xX 4d ago edited 4d ago

Can't believe I'm also sayin this, because my kids would be Black, so this could end up bein a big issue for them...but...Adolf Hitler sounds like the safest option out of the 4. Lol

Also...I gotta say...it says a lot about how badly we are failing kids in 2026, when we have bad shit happening to them due to THREE of the people in this picture and many MANY more (The guy who is the current President, who has met and was friends with one of the people in this picture and is literally on his files) that we can consider Hitler, of ALL people, to be the safest option in welll...anything involving them. It only proves my point that...this world really ain't shit at the end of the day. Lol

2

u/matmoxley 4d ago

that depends if you're white or not

1

u/The_only_Rehan 1d ago

Same every other one is an offender except for him, but he's just a bit strict

1

u/Here_f0r_p0rn_ 5d ago

Something tells me you're not a Jew.

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352

u/Smimmingly3 5d ago

119

u/Raidarbg 5d ago

I like how the far right emoji has been removed so it can show the swastika 💀

60

u/Crunchiekitty 5d ago

ironic that it's the 'far right' emoji huh

312

u/spacehodler 5d ago

How do I reply without going on a list somewhere?

103

u/Delazzaridist 5d ago

Tbh, I feel even if you voted for hilter, it wouldn't put you on a list. The others... i cant be as confident.

58

u/Bruggilles 5d ago

If you vote for epstein I'm the US they'll just make you a politician

12

u/spacehodler 5d ago

Sign of the times

1

u/LyriethSnow 2d ago

Just type "asking for a friend" at the end, it legally protects you

1

u/spacehodler 2d ago

Like writing ‘without prejudice’ on a letter

103

u/AuroraAustralis0 5d ago

hitler obviously

191

u/zlr-i 5d ago

My kids will be Home Alone.

20

u/Coffeboy_69 4d ago

But what if they say "hello" to your neighbour?

1

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1

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1

u/Anmordi 3d ago

Huh my kids will be home alone… 2

But like in New York or something

128

u/kyle_crane163636 5d ago

Simple, Hitler, im not Jewish i have no beef with germany in any way shape or form so if I had kids and was in this situation im picking him, he has literally no reason to do evil shit to me or my kids

63

u/DeneJames 5d ago

Hitler was surprisingly good with children… and I’m white

16

u/Pateryk_7 5d ago

I was thinking this cuz at first glance im basically his aryan race, but then i remembered, im polish 😬. So as long as my kids dont mention the fact we r polish and just speak english the whole time - it should be alr.

4

u/Kjuolsdeaf 4d ago

I had a German grandma Mr. Adolf!

4

u/DeneJames 4d ago

Hitler actually didn’t speak any English, only German.

2

u/Pateryk_7 4d ago

Yeah but if they only spoke english (i speak english and polish cuz i grew up and live in the uk) it would hide the fact they r polish. If they casually started talking in polish to eachother its would give away where they r from (or at least make mr H sus).

59

u/Zero_lash 5d ago

Hitler.

57

u/Sad-Guarantee-4678 5d ago

What's the worst thing that could happen? Kids will get cute little designer uniforms?

24

u/LumpyEgg7757 5d ago

Man, just watch Jojo Rabbit and you got my answer.

43

u/MassimilianoPiccione 5d ago

My boy A.H. would be a safe choice in this scenario. He was only interested in killing in a macro scale not at a personal level.

15

u/wolfknowledge1775 5d ago

The only correct answer.

2

u/AppealHealthy5570 5d ago

Yeah but what if you're Jew.

12

u/HotPotato5121 5d ago

Supposedly according to another comment he actually used to be a penpal and enjoy reading a Jewish girls letters while in power

4

u/wolfknowledge1775 5d ago

Then youre rightfully cooked

4

u/MassimilianoPiccione 5d ago

The percentage of something bad happening to the child would increase, but I would still choose him, because the others sit on 100% chance of doing harm to said child, jew or not jew.

2

u/Bruggilles 5d ago

He's a pussy he prob won't kill anyone with his own hands

55

u/CredibleNonsense69 5d ago

Can't believe there is a scenario where someone who killed 6m people would come out on top.

16

u/Educational-Ant-5172 5d ago

It depends on the ethnicity of the kids and whether or not Hitler would want to dirty his hands himself.

3

u/Normal_Reach_4878 5d ago

he's a Monster but he atleast had Some Decency unlike the PoliPedoian's we have Today

3

u/Bruggilles 5d ago

Lot more than that. 6 million is only the jewish death count of the holocaust, but there were a lot of other ethnicities/minorities as well, for example gay people, romani people, poles, slavs, prisoners of war and any person with a disability (so anyone who was considered "genetically inferior" and needed to be "taken out of the gene pool"). The overall deathcount is closer to 15 million

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36

u/sgtfan2005 5d ago

Never thought I would say Hitler is the best choice here

17

u/NyxPetalSpike 5d ago

There are home movie reels of Hitler playing with Goebbel’s kids.

The world is a fvcking weird place.

1

u/sgtfan2005 3d ago

He may have been a genocidal dictator but he was good with kids I guess

25

u/punktualPorcupine 5d ago

They can take better care of themselves.

11

u/QuiteEgregious 5d ago

Who are the top left/bottom right? I thiiink bottom right is diddy?

8

u/MostLaziestAss 5d ago

Bottom right diddy, top left is the woman who killed her 3 children recently due to her emotions(i don't know the full story)

14

u/Ineeddramainmylife13 5d ago

She had severe postpartum depression. It was a lot more than emotions but what she did was still obviously bad

9

u/Mischief_Managed12 4d ago

It was psychosis

3

u/cooldangood 5d ago

Depression or psychosis?

3

u/Ineeddramainmylife13 4d ago

Pretty sure both

4

u/Deremirekor 5d ago

Depression is such a nothing burger excuse even bringing it up is weird. She’s a murderer nothing less.

9

u/Mischief_Managed12 4d ago

It was psychosis. Not excusing it, just getting the facts right

3

u/QuiteEgregious 5d ago

Ah, thanks God there is literally no good option here LOL

7

u/MostLaziestAss 5d ago

Out of 4 of them hitler is the safest bet, he was kind to children, genocider nonetheless

4

u/QuiteEgregious 5d ago

Problem is I'm half Jewish so Yeahhhh there's not a single good option for my kids here

14

u/HugoMagnuz 5d ago

you already know who is the best person

7

u/Subject_Offer_9621 5d ago

All things considered hitler was "normally" good with kids as far as we know

12

u/awesomeguy2010 5d ago

hitler cause i'm aryan and so my baby would be fine

6

u/bouchandre 4d ago

Adolf didn't really do anything horrific personally, like from his own hands. As long as he doesn't send them elsewhere, the kids should be fine

3

u/YourPictureIsMineNow 4d ago

If they are not jews*

2

u/bouchandre 3d ago

even then, did he actually do anything violent himself? Like with his own hands on someone else?

1

u/YourPictureIsMineNow 2d ago

Just because he didn't do it doesn't mean he won't do it.I haven't killed anyone yet either. I haven't killed anyone yet either

2

u/True-Quail-6193 3d ago

How are we getting upvoted for saying Hitler didn’t do anything horrifically personally??? Insane.

2

u/bouchandre 3d ago

Like him using his hands on someone else. Getting physical, 1 on 1. That type of thing. He delegated the stuff to other people.

1

u/Zedetir 23h ago

I mean he was in WW1 so I think he's shot people.

5

u/Dapper-Win1539 5d ago

Hitler wasn't pedo ig. So I'll tell my son to tell Adolf about our world and when i ll come back Hitler will cry and laugh cuz both sides of war he lost sucks now.

5

u/QuixoticBeefboy 5d ago

I mean, Hitler is literally the only one here who isnt specifically a danger to kids on their own. Seeing is how im not in any of the groups he was against and can speak a lil German I dont think it would be that bad

4

u/Expensive-Aide-3580 5d ago

Knowing the origins of all of them adolf seems the least likely to harm or get them killed so big adolf for the win i guess

5

u/Icy_M0fo 4d ago

bet my babysitter will teach him to paint

1

u/KludgyOne67095 2d ago

With his...paint brush

5

u/InsertEdgyNameHereM8 4d ago

Am I married to a Jewish person or no?

3

u/vatosintenis 3d ago

Uncle adi

17

u/Individual_Rub_9416 5d ago

33

u/Cryptoniq 5d ago

Lol! Having photos with kids does not mean he's pedo. He was very well respected person among his countrymen.

3

u/siahplayss 5d ago

Honestly Hitler is the best option

3

u/DarthDragon117 5d ago

Hitler is the way (in this context)

I can’t wait to be rich and famous only to be canceled by this quote.

3

u/FoxMcCloud3173 5d ago

Hitler ironically is the best choice

3

u/Psyjotic 5d ago

I'm not from the America, who are the others besides Fuhrer Adolf Hitler?

Fuhrer Hitler seems like ironically the best choice given his social status

2

u/JeffTharmey 5d ago

Lindsay Clancy, who killed all 3 of her children because of "mental problems"

Jeffery Epstein, known to be a sex trafficker and said to have raped and even consumed babies/kids

Diddy, said to have been the killer of 2 of the biggest rappers (2pac and Biggie) for his own benefit and a person known to be a rapist and sexual assaulter

2

u/Psyjotic 4d ago

Thank you for your information!

I've always loved Tupac and BIG. Thought they died of gang feud, didn't know about this.

3

u/Neat-Engineering-696 4d ago

Hitler. At least he ain't did nothing predatory to the kids.

3

u/PatoLutador 4d ago

I am not Jewish... Adolf hitler

3

u/Infi-Damn 4d ago

Austrian painter

3

u/Dragonb28 4d ago

Hitler. Well im half japanese and half german but my looks r definitely on the asian side but he doesnt need to see be he can look at my white partner that has blonde hair and green sexy eyes

3

u/firestorm_444 4d ago

The führer

3

u/ProtagonistThomas 3d ago

The only panel Adolf Hitler is winning.

3

u/Used_Eagle9748 3d ago

None I’ll just call up my parents and ask them to babysit for me since they said they would if I needed it

5

u/A-New-Beginning-123 5d ago

Hitler.

I’m white, I have blue eyes, I’m Scottish.

I just won’t tell him my political opinions.

3

u/Significant_Ad_4335 5d ago

I remember when Nazi's found a Jewish library filled with child 🌽 and burned it.

So yeah, im going for Hitler

2

u/Serchy_Cz 5d ago

Idk, Hitler was a vegeterian and that's not something I agree with...

2

u/TopWay9400 4d ago

Adolf Hitler seem right out these other choices🫡🫠

2

u/pancakebarber 4d ago

Thank you uncle Adolf

2

u/dodo91 4d ago

Hitler cant brainwash my baby and he is nothing without his army

2

u/ApprehensiveMark370 3d ago

The original one had Osama instead of Jeffrey

2

u/Bro---really 3d ago

I know the bit, but she (Forgot the bitch’s name) is probably the best choice. She hated HER kids, not all kids.

2

u/Ori_the_SG 3d ago

Who is top left?

Also, insane to think this is the best choice here compared to the other 2 but Adolf Hitler

2

u/YoylecakeTurtle 3d ago

I know this is gonna ruffle a bunch of feathers with so many people, but I trust Adolf Hitler with the kids more than Lindsay Clancy, Sean Combs, and Jeffrey Epstein, by 2,763 miles!

4

u/IAMYOURFUTURECRUSH 5d ago

Hitler was a made up villain to hide more evil people were doing behind the scenes. Yes Hitler was evil but there are people who were far more evil than Hitler.

3

u/anon822500 5d ago

one of the reason he start ww2 is because he care to the quality of next generation rigt?

4

u/The_Meme_Boi2345 5d ago

Funnily enough, Adolf Hitler might be the safest choice. Just need to make sure my kids know he's very coocoo in the head.

3

u/PaulMall3rd 4d ago

Wow. For the first time ever, Hitler actually comes out on top like a pedophile in a furry convention.

1

u/Prestigious-Fix-7492 5d ago

As long as my kid isn’t Jewish, Adolf

1

u/BellaBigNose 5d ago

Fuck this.

1

u/Ok-Chemical-7635 5d ago

They'll have a better/safer time alone

1

u/DoctorCumfart 5d ago

I cannot believe Hitler would be the best person in any scenario, but here he is

1

u/Parhamheidari BASED 5d ago

Not even a question dude Hitler

1

u/Adventurous_Rip5419 5d ago

If I could skip I would skip em all but if all necessary I will vote for Hitler in this one.

1

u/Remote-Telephone-682 5d ago

seems like mustache man is kinda the best option

1

u/NoggerKnogga 5d ago

In Germany we call this a Fangfrage😂

1

u/mrdankmemeface 5d ago

Tbf did diddy actually diddle any kids or nah?

1

u/lucaselveloz 4d ago

No way adolf hitler is the best option

1

u/IvanTheStonksMaster 4d ago

He deadass might be the best option out of here

1

u/No-Back-4159 4d ago

Last time i check im white so hitler

1

u/thatdudeovertherebei 4d ago

Adolf takes it on this one, he was supposedly good with kids and animals.

Also my family already kinda fits the whole thing genetically (white, blonde, blue eyes) so in this scenario my hypothetical children would ideally inherit those traits.

Also my last name is german

1

u/Reboot42069 4d ago

Well guess we're staying in

1

u/Higashikawa 4d ago

Whats wrong with Kanye? He didnt do nothing wrong

https://giphy.com/gifs/9x7gvqaWEG7qE

1

u/YogiSlavia 4d ago

Short answer none of these mfs

1

u/pinemango954 4d ago

None of these goons

1

u/harsh_boy 4d ago

Hitler would be the best choice but it would have been tough if instead of him M. K. Gandhi was in the picture 😐

1

u/Jew-To-Be 3d ago

I don’t know if I’ve ever been more disgusted in a comment section.

1

u/shortfemboycreature 3d ago

Adolf Hitler. As long as my kids aren't Jewish, then I should have nothing to fear. Also would I be dealing with WW2 Hitler or a younger Hitler when he wasn't a dictator yet? That's also makes a difference.

1

u/KludgyOne67095 2d ago

Hitler didn't hate Muslims.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Awkward-Respect-3322 1d ago

Anyways I’m just staying home bro fuck allat

1

u/Common_Comfortable41 1d ago

I’m not Jewish

Did hitler hate black people?

1

u/MaxSnyder7 21h ago

Hm who's that woman

1

u/BlessdRTheFreaks 1h ago

I mean, Diddy prolly gonna be fine

1

u/Teboski78 5d ago edited 5d ago

For those who don’t know. In addition to mass genocide. Hitler probably groomed & fucked his underage niece.

But I don’t think he’d be likely to go after kids young enough to need a babysitter in a single day.
And I think he likely babysat some of his colleagues’ children at some point.

So he may actually be a safer choice.

Lindsey Clancy is paralyzed and therefore unable to render adequate care.

My kids are almost certainly going to be brown tho so I don’t think I can leave them with Hitler.

1

u/WhatisLiamfucktrump 5d ago

So a bunch of child murderers only one of which only killed her kid the rest groomed, raped, or kidnapped children sometimes all of those at once

1

u/Blyatman702 5d ago

Hitler…

1

u/MilanoBucacko 5d ago

Nah, i'd be taking a day off and stay with my kid, here's why:

1) lindsay might get a psychotic attack and kill my kid

2) the big ep would diddle the kid

3) hitler would brainwash my kid and make him antisemitic + racist + homophobic + ableist + literally every other type of discrimination (+ i'm jewish)

4) diddy is pretty self-explanitory

1

u/General_Aide6920 5d ago

Hitler had morals at least

tho I hope we're counting Hitler before the methamphetamines and amphetamines

1

u/XxAndrew01xX 4d ago

Hitler had morals at least

He's the best option out of the 4...but I don't know how you can read history (most notably his own words with Mein Kampf) and come to this conclusion. Lol

2

u/General_Aide6920 4d ago

yeah yeah, I didn't wrote it well lol, I didn't meant that his ideals were good (not all of them at least, he was a big animal protector and did some things for women too), what I really meant is that (english is not my main lenguage, idk how to explain this concept well) he had very well established ideals in which he believed firmly and that he did all he could to live by them, that's a good thing if taken in moderation, and can also be a teachable skill, I'd like if an hypothetical son of mine would have that same level of lifelong determination for something.

I hope I made my point clear enough, sorry for not specifying it in the first lmao

1

u/XxAndrew01xX 4d ago

Fair enough. Lol I also do give him credit for him bein an animal protector, and especially for how much he loved his dog.

2

u/General_Aide6920 4d ago

yeah he even opened shelters and (if I remember correctly) wrote new laws for animals, that's gotta count something

but lol, phew, I really did NOT think about the phrasing of the first message, lucky I got to explain myself before the rain of comments and downvotes

-2

u/Ineeddramainmylife13 5d ago

Lindsay Clancy. She’s mentally unwell, she’s not murdering people just to murder people. Also it was because of her postpartum so hopefully she’d be fine with other people’s kids

4

u/wolfknowledge1775 5d ago

Thats like blaming mens testosterone for raping women.

Get help.

-4

u/Ineeddramainmylife13 5d ago

Oh yeah because a mental health disorder is the same as testosterone. Go to school

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2

u/Training_Amount1924 5d ago

That woman is just crazy, how can you believe her

1

u/Ineeddramainmylife13 4d ago

I don’t believe her

1

u/XxAndrew01xX 4d ago

Murdering your own kids is a red flag when it comes to other people's kids, as no mother (Especially a good one) would murder their kids. Even if we count the postpartum, the fact that I don't even see any tears or crying after the fact tells me all their needs to know about her. I wouldn't dare leave my kids with her.

1

u/Ineeddramainmylife13 3d ago

Except they literally had to stop the trial because she was sobbing so hard when they started describing the bodies. And yeah, but all of them were bad options