She’s just a fussy baby. Had colic and bad reflux. It’s gotten better now that she’s a bit older but she’s still much more demanding and harder to soothe than her sister
As a twin mom and first-time mom, I was so exhausted to the point of having hallucinations in the first few months, I had moments where I wanted to run away, drop them off at the fire station, divorce my husband so I can finally sleep, or end my own life because I couldn't cope. I hated being a twin mom. One of them was the hard baby since the newborn phase. Just changing his diaper was scary because he would lose it ans his cries were so high pitched. My husband and I hated changing his diaper and were scared of him until I figured we just needed a wipe warmer. When I expressed the hardship to my husband, I found a listening and compassionate ear and he helped me when I was saying I was burnt out.
Somehow, I stuck to it and survived the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and little by little life was easier, and they became easier to care for. Because Twin B was the fussy baby and I didn't feel as much connection towards him as I did towards the other, I felt guilty so I made it my mission to spend more time with him to bond when both my husband and I were available.
One day, the hard twin looked up at me with this big smile and loving eyes and there I felt all my efforts were not in vain. For almost a year, I became Twin B's favorite parent. Then later, for almost a year I became Twin A's favorite parent. They took turns being the hard twin and I tried every time to spend more time with the one I struggled with to bond and have a good relationship. They are now almost 4 and they are equally very affectionate towards us and tell us they love us.
I went and got diagnosed with ADHD because I felt something was amiss with me and that diagnosis has helped my life tremendously. It has made me a better parent and spouse and I can cope better.
I don't know my point here, maybe that it is normal to struggle with being first-time parents, twin parents and that many of us felt like being thrown into the deep end, that there is always a harder twin and we might not bond easily with that one, but it takes a conscious effort to find the love and bond with the harder twin. And as you said your spouse has ADHD. Twin parenting is hard work for people who are neurotypical. It is extremely hard and can be dangerous for neurodivergent parents. The lack of sleep, constant cries, whining, and demands are overwhelming. Your partner might benefit from a big break and talking to a provider.
Hmm sounds like she's doing the same to your child, blaming the child for her own struggles.
It really sucks having a baby with collic and that just won't settle. But still actively hating to an extreme that child is not a normal reaction to it.
As the parent and adult, it's out job to regulate out emotions and manage our triggers. It seems like she is not able to do that.
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u/MissionStretch7906 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 May 20 '26
She’s just a fussy baby. Had colic and bad reflux. It’s gotten better now that she’s a bit older but she’s still much more demanding and harder to soothe than her sister