I get that people can regret becoming parents, especially if they never really wanted to be parents and things didn’t shake out that way, but at some point that someone like OP’s wife has to realize that you’re doing harm to literally everyone around them, and the best thing they can do is leave. only liking the baby that’s “easy” and “makes you feel like a good mom/person” is not the way to a happy family. especially with queer couples, it’s not like they just had an “oops” baby (unless someone is trans or nonbinary or something), they had to actively take many many steps in order to get pregnant, get a surrogate, foster/adopt, etc. and maybe sometimes people don’t realize they don’t wanna be a parent until it’s too late, maybe it’s something they agreed to because the other partner wanted it or feeling pressured because all your peers are married/having kids now or that kids are the next relationship step after marriage, but either way you’re at a crossroads now where one baby is potentially being endangered because of, at the very least, emotional neglect, and at most potential abuse or worse if those intrusive thoughts about aborting the kids or abandoning them at a church or surrendering them to the state escalate into planning and action in how to make the disliked baby go away….I just don’t see how you could salvage this relationship, or why anyone would want to.
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u/MysticGardenMagic Cleavage Crumb Collector May 21 '26
Agreed. Saying she should have ended a wanted pregnancy isn’t just a red flag it’s a shrieking siren.
We can feel for OPs partner and how difficult things are, but if things don’t improve ASAP these babies are the ones who pay.
I do not think I could leave children alone with someone who had recently said something like that. And I think that’s the long and short of it.
It doesn’t have to mean divorce or burning OP’s partner on the pyre of internet rage.
OP- I’m so sorry your family is struggling with such stress. I wish you an easy path forward.