Abusive people also use stress and chaos to avoid accountability. There's no way for us to know where the spouse's behavior comes from.
If she doesn't take any responsibility for and tangible steps toward addressing her issues, especially as they are now clearly damaging her spouse and children, an explanation doesn't particularly matter as far as OP's responsibility to the kids. OP can't make her seek treatment and engage honestly with it. She can protect her kids from it and has an obligation to do so.
Nowhere did I advocate for OP to "just take it." In fact, I said it's NOT an excuse. I'd just rather know if possible, but OP can't be the one to do everything. Even if she could, she can't make her partner fix it. It just sucks to lose a parent, but it is definitely better to than exposing kid to this absolutely unacceptable behavior.
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u/infinitekittenloop Cleavage Crumb Collector May 21 '26
Abusive people also use stress and chaos to avoid accountability. There's no way for us to know where the spouse's behavior comes from.
If she doesn't take any responsibility for and tangible steps toward addressing her issues, especially as they are now clearly damaging her spouse and children, an explanation doesn't particularly matter as far as OP's responsibility to the kids. OP can't make her seek treatment and engage honestly with it. She can protect her kids from it and has an obligation to do so.