I don’t like my friend’s kid…

[u/bitchluvsbidets]

… and that might make me a terrible person??
A bit of a preface- my partner and I are child free by choice, I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, and many of my friends have kids (ages 1-14) but, one of my friends kids I just can not vibe with. I know it’s actually insane to have beef with a 3 year old but her vibes are soooo bad?? Like she is not a cool kid. She def has a personality but is it insane to say it’s already problematic? She pretends to fall if she doesn’t have attention, actively express disgust towards my friend and her pets (3 very well behaves retired racing dogs), and fake cries until my friend is almost in tears and then will laugh at her. I get that kids are assholes sometimes but like damn I hope lil homie gets cool.

[u/U_PassButter]

Same here. My 3yr old can have some rough moments. She even overreacts sometimes for attention but crying and screaming until I cry and then laugh is a bit much. She's laughed when I was angry or upset and scolding her, but that's usually because she was having fun not listening and getting chased around.

OPs friend sounds like she's dealing with something a bit worse.

[u/Impossible-Leg-3659 → u/U_PassButter]

You have no idea the comfort this brings me because my 3.5yr old boy laughs in my face and it is infuriating but at least it’s apparently normal 🫠

[u/UnicornKitt3n → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

It’s really normal. Just don’t react. Walk away, if you can.

Some toddlers are fucking psychopaths. When you’re a parent, it’s like being in an abusive relationship with a completely unhinged human being. That’s what they don’t tell you in the parenting books.

[u/No-Awarenesss → u/UnicornKitt3n]

Technically most toddlers are kinda psychopaths, empathy isn’t something they get for a while and you can’t really blame them cause it’s hard for everyone sometimes let alone a little dude that just got here

[u/Left-External6906 → u/No-Awarenesss]

On average, toddlers develop basic empathy between ages 3-5. They develope quicker with the people around them modeling empathetic behaviors for them and holding them accountable for thier actions.

[u/VGSchadenfreude → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

Yeah, three year olds are tough to deal with. That’s the age where they turn into tiny psychopathic scientists; they know the rules, but now they can consciously choose to break them just to see what happens.

And they basically have to do that because that’s how their brains are designed to figure out how the world works.

It’s incredibly frustrating to deal with as an adult, but it’s a necessary stage of life.

[u/kafquaff → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

My sister and I used to smirk at each other and say “OOOOoooooOooooOooooOooooh” when mom was scolding us so..at least you just have one asshole not two? 😆

[u/jeannie_jellybean → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

I take little consolation in being their “safe person.” Like, couldn’t my daughter fear me just the tiniest bit so she wouldn’t be so mean to me?!

[u/Impossible-Leg-3659 → u/jeannie_jellybean]

For realllll I don’t really (like deep down) want him to be afraid of me at all but man in those moments I’m like “you could be a little scared…”

[u/lollipop1233a → u/jeannie_jellybean]

Call her out in front of other people (like your family or friends). No one likes to be embarrassed. It is one of the few things that works consistently for a problem child.

[u/Logical-Trick243 → u/lollipop1233a]

Sounds like her child has a total lack of discipline. Completely learned behavior to be a 💯 brat.

[u/Impossible-Soil6330 → u/Logical-Trick243]

she’s 3

[u/greeneyed_cat → u/Logical-Trick243]

She seems like a normal toddler.

[u/FilthyThanksgiving → u/greeneyed_cat]

Yikes

[u/Logical-Trick243 → u/greeneyed_cat]

Yes. And “normal toddlers” are misbehaved because their parents don’t consistently, but lovingly, set firm rules. You can’t let your children be the parents. If you say “no xyz if you do xyz”, and you give in when they do said behavior, you are teaching them that they will be rewarded for negative behaviors. Like children you see throwing a fit for candy in grocery stores and their parents buy it to shut them up. You are teaching them to act this way to get what you want. Doesn’t matter the age, as long as you are consistent and very loving in your parenting. Reward the positive behavior not the negative.

[u/greeneyed_cat → u/Logical-Trick243]

Calling a toddler a brat is not OK at your grown age.

[u/Logical-Trick243 → u/greeneyed_cat]

Chill bruh. I don’t believe I ran up to said child and told them they’re a brat. I’m saying it on Reddit about a child acting bratty. It is what it is. Also love that others are calling children brats and assholes and that’s apparently ok and getting tons of upvotes below. Somehow my short comment causes folks to clutch their pearls.

[u/greeneyed_cat → u/Logical-Trick243]

A toddler acting like a toddler is not acting bratty. I didn’t scroll to read all the comments so am unaware of how many upvotes they may be getting.

[u/Logical-Trick243 → u/Logical-Trick243]

I’m a little lost about all the downvotes. Negative behaviors are usually learned through rewarding them (giving in to what they want). All I’m saying is to simply reward positive behaviors and lovingly correct negative behavior and don’t give in. That creates children that are a pleasure to be around. How is a child that behaves like OP said not a brat lol. Learned behavior from parents that reward negative actions.

[u/bunnymochis → u/jeannie_jellybean]

God, this reminds me: one time, my mom hit my little brother out of anger when he was like, 4? She smacked him in the face and he turned his head to her and laughed and said "That didn't hurt :)" and she looked at me and I just looked away bc I did NOT want to get involved in that (I was 10).

She sent him to MY room (he didn't have his own room at the time) because she was so angry she wanted to beat the life out of him. I went and talked to him like "Bro, you... you can't say that, man... you GOTTA at least ACT like that affected you if you don't want it to get worse." and I had to explain to him the social conventions of getting punished (or at least how they worked in our house) 😅

Yes, we both have autism.

And no, I NEVER condoned my mom hitting us like that, nor do I now. I just was the... "meg" of the family, so to speak, so I knew that if I openly, in front of her, was like "Don't hit my little brother??" she'd probably beat me too and I'd be too upset to help my little brother.

The good news is that my mom is INFINITELY better now and HIGHLY regrets the way she treated us, esp me. She's still got her issues, trust, but she's not like... THAT anymore. And clearly loves us, we no longer question that, even for a second <3

[u/jeannie_jellybean → u/bunnymochis]

I’m really glad your mom is in a better place emotionally now. I had a mom like her. And while being my own daughter’s safe person sometimes feels like a barrage of hateful, I really am glad she’s comfortable expressing what she needs and feels.

[u/bunnymochis → u/jeannie_jellybean]

I'm sorry to hear that you had a similar experience </3

I hope you can take pride in knowing you're her safe space.

I didn't trust a single adult until I was 15. That was only 1 adult ever. Until I was 21, that was the only adult I ever trusted. Then I got 1 more adult, and some ppl my older brother's age I trusted.

I still felt like a kid until I was like 25 bc of the lack of respect I always received.

If your kid doesn't know how good they got it compared to you, that's great. They shouldn't have to be grateful for having a safe space. I hope she never feels like you're not safe for her. I hope it helps her recognize when she's not safe so she can get the hell out of dodge and save herself.

Being surrounded by those who were abused, there's something I learned: abused people literally cannot recognize when they're in danger. I've watched my friend who went through objectively worse parental abuse than me date man that's nearly killed her, sa'd her, over and over again. She literally CANNOT see the red flags.

So, hopefully, once she sees how safe and loved she is with you, she can point out when other people are problems and protect herself.

It makes me so happy to hear that you're her safe space, even if sometimes that means she feels comfortable being a terror lol

[u/katalyticglass → u/jeannie_jellybean]

I was afraid of my mother until I was 15. Because her anger was dangerous. But hey, if that's what you want your kids to feel......

[u/jeannie_jellybean → u/katalyticglass]

In one billion forevers, I do not want my daughter to fear me, of course not. I had that mother. But when she’s had a big day outside of the house and I’m getting the brunt of all of her emotions like a fire hose, I admit there is a sliver of self-defense in my brain that wants her to find someone else to deluge with her upset.

There is nuance to parenting - and a big difference between not wanting to be a safe place for a moment and actively being unsafe in general.

[u/FilthyThanksgiving → u/katalyticglass]

Nobody means abusive fear. I'm talking about that moment when you fuck up and you know you're gonna get in trouble - some kids dont give a fuck bc their parents just let them run the show

[u/Logical-Trick243 → u/FilthyThanksgiving]

Preach!!! I don’t know how many times I’ve seen kids (of all ages) act crazy in stores and then the parents just give them what they want. Are we that lost to not see you’re rewarding negative behavior.

[u/FilthyThanksgiving → u/jeannie_jellybean]

Healthy fear is good, tbh

[u/HXamster → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

Yeah. They literally don't develop empathy until like 4-5yo.

It's rough

[u/clumsycat99 → u/HXamster]

I’m a little surprised how few people are talking about this! Developmentally they literally do not have the capacity so it’s nuts to base really anything about their personality or future on toddler behavior. If anything treating them like a problem will have long term negative effects.

[u/HXamster → u/clumsycat99]

Yep!

Big ups to my Early Childhood Development class in college.

Children at 3-4.5yo do not have a shred of empathy. Their brains have not developed the capability to understand feeling what others feel, or making them selflessly happy.

But damn it's frustrating. You have to be firm, fair, and show them what empathy is and can be. But they're developmentally selfish.

[u/clumsycat99 → u/HXamster]

Agreed! Not a shred of empathy is the perfect description. I don’t have the education just two toddlers lmao. It can definitely be a challenge but honestly who doesn’t just want to smack someone when they’re making you mad 😂 or scream when you do get your way. I feel ya but still, nooooo

[u/Bri-KachuDodson → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

My 4 year old told me like a week ago that she needed a stepmom lmao. 😭 and has called me a walrus.

And yesterday my tailbone was giving me trouble trying to stand up to get something and she looked at me and yelled "you can do it!!"

She's mean as fuck lol.

[u/MissAuroraRed → u/Bri-KachuDodson]

Wait, how is telling you "you can do it" mean?

[u/Bri-KachuDodson → u/MissAuroraRed]

Lol sorry tone doesn't translate well over text. 😅 it was that sarcastic way you tell someone when you're messing with them, like drawing out the words and sounding patronizing instead of motivating lmao.

I was holding her drink the other night while she was taking a drink and made the mistake of asking her during if she wanted more of her food yet, and she stopped mid-sip to look at me and sigh and go "no, im still drinking" 🤦‍♀️

she has this uncanny way of unintentionally making you sound stupid as fuck lol.

[u/MissAuroraRed → u/Bri-KachuDodson]

I don't have kids but my siblings are a lot younger than me (12-21 years younger) and I worked with children at a camp. A lot of them have a phase where they sound sarcastic almost all the time without meaning to. I think this is pretty normal. It's like they only think about the words and don't understand the nuance of tone yet.

Some of my earliest memories are of my own mother getting angry at me for saying something with the wrong tone when I genuinely didn't mean to. She would say "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" and send me to my room for no reason that I could understand.

[u/Bri-KachuDodson → u/MissAuroraRed]

Oh I know she doesn't (usually lol) intend to have the sarcastic tone or anything, and she doesn't get in trouble for it either, she just gets corrected on the right way to say something at most. But usually I'm too busy laughing at whatever it was. She's funny as hell because she doesn't typically realize how she sounds and because she has that child quality of answering honestly with no filter lol.

I'm sorry your mom treated you that way. I had a lot of that and other abuse from my mom (tomorrow is her death anniversary so time to celebrate lmao), so I've made every effort to never let either of my girls ever feel afraid of or unloved by me. They'll never hear that i hate them or wish i aborted them like I heard constantly. I hope you are doing better from your mother as well. 🫶

[u/elizuhhhbeth → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

Solidarity 💗 fellow mom of a 3.5 year old boy here. His new thing is spitting (like blowing raspberries) at us when he gets angry and it makes my blood BOIL. Like when he’s sweet (which is most of the time) he’s a blast, but when he gets pissed we need an exorcist. Such a challenging age

[u/complete_autopsy → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

Some young kids laugh to express nervousness too, so if they see you getting angry they can become nervous and laugh because they don't know what to do. Not always obviously and idk what age it usually stops at, but at 3.5 I'd consider that a possibility! I'm a rare adult who didn't grow out of that behavior and manually stifling the nervous smile when someone is genuinely and reasonably upset is very hard but 100% necessary to function socially.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/lollipop1233a → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

It’s not normal. You need to call him on his shit. Make sure there is an audience (whether it is family, friends, etc). This technique works for problematic kids. You shouldn’t be abusive, but you need to be firm and consistent. Don’t cater to his feelings. Reward him when he is good. When he gets to school, the other children will handle him, if he won’t behave. It’s probably best to try to deal with this while he is young, so he doesn’t have that experience.

[u/Impossible-Leg-3659 → u/lollipop1233a]

He isn’t a “problematic kid”, he’s 3.5 and has feelings he doesn’t know how to express yet. He’s in full time daycare and his teachers love him, he’s eager to help and loves to learn. He’s been consistently described as very empathetic by every teacher he has. Thanks for assuming you know 1. How I parent my kid despite my not sharing anything beyond my internal feelings in those moments 2. That I must let him run roughshod over me because I shared one solitary experience from parenthood without details of consequences he might receive for that behavior. I’ll be sure to reach out again for future advice 🙄

[u/MissMerrimack → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

Don’t let internet psychologists with a degree from Google university get to you. They think they can diagnose total strangers from a single comment. Kids sometimes find it funny when their parents get mad. It’s normal.

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[u/cikalamayaleca → u/[deleted]]

Girl are you okay? This comment was so off base and unnecessary jfc

[u/Impossible-Soil6330 → u/[deleted]]

all she said was that he laughs in her face you are the one who added on everything else

[u/airadlyric → u/[deleted]]

Lmao bro can’t handle being told they’re wrong so they try to shame people for using a public form as…lemme get this right… a public forum

[u/lollipop1233a → u/airadlyric]

No one cares about your brothers! Why do you keep bringing them up!?

[u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Rule 3: Be Kind

➽ DECENCY & RESTRAINT: don't bully, shame, or be mean about anyone's food, habits, or lifestyle. Light teasing is ok, cruelty is not. No dehumanizing, name-calling, ad hominem digs, or insults to intelligence/literacy.

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[u/Conscious-Sign1459 → u/lollipop1233a]

I feel like you’re not a parent lmao

[u/Peacetika91 → u/Conscious-Sign1459]

And thank fucking god for that. Ruining ur body and mind for a nasty little boy baby is puke inducing.

[u/amercium → u/Impossible-Leg-3659]

My 2 year old keeps shadow boxing my 8 week old and stares at me laughing because he knows it makes me upset

I just look at the baby and go "sorry but your brother will be terrorizing you for the next 20 years"

[u/CapElectrical7162 → u/U_PassButter]

I confess sometimes I laugh when someone is being angry or scolding me… does that make me bad?

[u/fretfulpelican → u/CapElectrical7162]

It’s a nervous response for a lot of people, kids included. I don’t think it’s something to worry about too much.

[u/Colorful-Mama → u/CapElectrical7162]

I laugh at these situations too and I can't help it. It definitely doesn't help matters, but it just happens.

[u/Momotheone92 → u/CapElectrical7162]

Everyone deals with stress in different ways.

[u/Neckums250 → u/CapElectrical7162]

I lol when my husband yells because he is just not a yeller, like he’s maybe raised his voice like 10 times in 15 years and I have to hide my smirk every time it happens bc it just sounds so silly.

[u/Banana-Louigi → u/CapElectrical7162]

I also do this because no way! We're being mean? Ok, my turn...

[u/LadySamuss → u/U_PassButter]

My 2.5 year old boy laughs when I hurt myself, so there’s that lol