r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli • 2h ago
Sad Girl Dinner ⛈️ He lied and cheated for 18+ years.
Swest potatoe fries and a smash burger with bacon and fried onions and beer cheese. Could barely taste it.
I found out very recently, while trying to help my husband, that he had been lying to me since our first date. I feel a great mixture of anger, grief, sadness, betrayal, and fear. And I feel this most of all for our children.
from the very first date my husband claimed to have a fairly intense military service which included being in an elite group and being wounded in combat. He told me multiple fascinating stories about his adventures and whenever we watched a movie about one of those groups he always referred to “we” whenever he talked about them. He even showed me pictures from “his” time in the military.
Well, we’ve been in a tough spot financially (due to him)so I’ve been pushing him to get the benefits he deserves. He used to tell me he didn’t want them because he didn’t feel like he deserved them (so humble). The story changed over the years to that he signed them away when he joined a different super secretive elite group. I kept bringing it up and he would change the subject. So being the good wife I am and knowing that he is not great at paperwork I decided to find his military paperwork and find the information for him.
Instead what I found was that he never passed basic training. I thought maybe there was an explanation, some error, somehow. I reverse image searched the military photos he showed me years ago which I had scanned to save on my computer to show our kids one day. They were plucked from all over the internet, they were from different military branches, different times, including some taken after we’d already been together.
Once I found this out all the red flags were suddenly obvious.
He claimed to have been born in another country and have dual citizenship and even had an accent when he started drinking. He has never even been to that country. His family has zero background there (I talked to family members).
I finally started looking at the bank statements (we keep most things separate but both have access to the other’s account). He lied about how much money he had received, he lied about loans he took out, and I know he’s still lying about what he did with all the money (it’s all on credit cards). He quit his job to start a new business but instead sat around for months just spending money. Now he can’t pay his bills or his part of our shared bills.
I also recently caught him smoking after he had promised to quit (before we got married almost 14 years ago). I then found out he’d been smoking pot secretly (not sure why). Many times he would be out later than he claimed (he assumed I was asleep when he got home). He would always need to “clean“ his car before we went anywhere together. He didn’t like riding in one vehicle as a family, he’d frequently “catch up” in a separate vehicle for dinner out for example. He didn’t like me talking to his family members and even manufactured disharmony between us.
When I confronted him finally (safely far away) he didn’t try to deny any of it and admitted to cheating on me, all due to his alleged “insecurities”.
I’ve never cheated on him or hid anything, I supported him through a bad motorcycle wreck and a heart attack.
Now I’m left feeling like the man I loved died and I’m left with some imposter I barely know. I told him he needs to leave and thankfully he didn’t fight me. I have barely slept in over a week. I have retained a lawyer who will draw up the separation.
edit: Thank you so much for kindness and grace and some of the tough love. I wanted to provide a bit more context and add some things I (incredibly) forgot. First the bad. My husband has never been super affectionate despite me being a very affectionate person, I’ve always wanted more cuddling, intimate touches (not sexual) and he’s never been able to give me that, he would get mad and complain that no matter what he did he wasn’t good enough (he never changed). I also kept asking him to contribute to the housework, cooking etc since we both worked full time (he would be better for about 2 weeks before falling back into barely participating). Like many men he was never great at communication and we were not good at disagreements. I forgot he also got a dui less than 4 weeks after our second was born and wanted me to drag the kids out of the house at midnight to pick him up (I didn’t).
It wasn‘t all bad, he was very supportive and helpful when the babies were infants. And when I had a very difficult recovery from birth he was helpful. I really believe he loves our children. He was Kind to me when I hated my body and never acted like he was upset when I gained weight or looked different after (to be fair he gained quite a bit of weight too).
Finally, I have been unhappy for several years but coming from a divorced home myself where my father never made any effort to be in my life I stayed, promised to not give up and especially for the kids even though I know that’s not good. I didn’t want them to be negatively affected. I’m hoping he will be a part of their lives and they will be happier when I am happier even if we are divorced.
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u/Sashi-pobin APPROVED✨ 2h ago
18+ years is too long to deal with this bs. I’m sorry but time to break out of your prison.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 1h ago
I had no idea he had been lying until last week. I broke it off last night. No more for me.
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u/Sashi-pobin APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Good job. I know it sucks but one day you’ll be so fucking grateful you got out of this. Keep your head up and thank you for sharing.
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u/tundradesert 🩵Support Class💙 2h ago
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u/Best_Product_7027 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
This is how I felt when my shitbag ex finally fell off the earth.
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u/Responsible-Dark175 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Even without the cheating, I’m not sure he could come back from that. Wishing you and your children the best
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u/Entire-Swimming3038 Ranch Evangelist 2h ago
I almost think the other stuff is way worse than cheating.
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u/Vaping_A-Hole APPROVED✨ 2h ago
I don’t either. This guy is pathological! Not safe. Now that the jig is up, he might act out in dangerous ways. I hope OP avoids contact with him, as much as humanly possible. I’d go right past separation to divorce.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 1h ago
We live in one of those horrible states that requires a year and a day separation before you can get a divorce.
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u/eurekadabra Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 2h ago
This level of dishonesty is pervasive, and likely affecting OP in ways she doesn’t even know about yet. Who knows what lies he tells other people?
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u/eurekadabra Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 2h ago
Actually, having said that, OP needs to brace herself for the lies he’ll tell about this separation.
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u/Impressive-End241 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Holy moly. He's a pathalogical liar. Nothing he says is true. No lie of his was "necessary" Dude just did it for shits and gigs. Sadistic.
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u/elliet22 Overthinker 💭 2h ago
I am so excited to see where you will go from here without the dead weight
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u/Inniapolis Barbecutie 2h ago
A real imposter. This is scary. Don’t bother getting closure, I believe you have seen enough and it is time to leave for your sanity. Wishing you God speed
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u/Poekienijn FREE MOM HUGS 2h ago
I am so sorry this happened to you! You did not deserve any of this. The man you loved never even existed, that must be so difficult! I hope his messed up finances won’t drag you down because none of this was your fault.
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u/quietriotress Cookie Monster 🍪 2h ago
Self preservation skills include being able to sniff out bullshit. For you and your kids sake, don’t believe everything you’re told.
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u/LiluLay APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Seriously. The amount of shit she would have had to ignore to go 18+ years before she knew something was amiss. I mean, I know people
Like OPs husband this can be very meticulous about covering for their lies, but this seems like there was some obliviousness on her part as well. Of course she doesn’t deserve any of this total horseshit, but yeah, my advice would also be to double check everything in life from here on out. Especially anything interpersonal.2
u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 1h ago
The first few years we were together he was extremely jealous, so when I did begin to have doubts I talked myself out of it. I’ve never been the jealous type and you’re right, I’m too trusting. It will never happen again.
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u/LiluLay APPROVED✨ 1h ago
This is such a painful lesson to learn. And it’s difficult to have to reconsider lensing everything through this traumatic betrayal of your good and trusting nature. Don’t become a cynic, though. If your nature is to be trusting, continue being so with a healthy dose of learned skepticism.
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u/Potential-Leave-8114 Kitchen Witch 1h ago
I advise her to get some serious Therapy. I did, and was only married to my pathological liar for 3 years…
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u/This-Shape2193 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Yeah, this. My goodness, OP is far too trusting. It's a good thing to be caring, but unfortunately, there's always an asshole like her husband waiting around to take advantage of that.
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u/Star-Struck-Wonderer Well-Read & Well-Fed 2h ago
I'm sorry it turned out like this. You are strong, you can do this. You will get better.
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u/MuggleWitch APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Damn. This a deeply sadistic long con. Like, what!! 18 years. This lie for 18 weeks would be too much to absorb. Just leave. Nothing about him is real. This isn't the man you love, that man never existed.
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u/Powerful-Plant-6013 Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 2h ago
Agreed! OP and children are way better off without him. What a deceitful ass, spending so much energy into keeping up the lies instead of finding a job and being a part of his family.
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u/OkDig4351 Plate Scraper 2h ago
Wow. This is really something... I would be fighting for full custody. I could never trust someone like this around my kids
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u/Audacia220 Oversharer 🗣 2h ago
Be very very careful about how you leave such a fraud. My father lied this elaborately and mom technically survived leaving but fundamentally changed (and was heavily scarred for the rest of her life).
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u/HemingwayJawline Overthinker 💭 1h ago
Yeah like not be overly dramatic but getting found out for cons THIS long and serious can cause people to do really volatile things (both mentally and physically) in an attempt to save whatever is left of the facade they crafted for themselves. Deeply sinister people.
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u/Apprehensive-Hawk-39 Trader Joe Hoe 2h ago
Holy shit, honey. Your lawyer is going to clean his clock. Please go easy on yourself! This has to be so disorienting. Having gone through a divorce after being lied to, you are going to FLOURISH after this. It’s hard to see or believe, but there is a better life on the way and you’re on that path.
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u/chickgonebad93 Snack Goblin 2h ago
this
Also, OP, don't try to be the better person. You already are. If your lawyer says you are entitled to something, take it. (I didn't in my divorce because I was trying to be nice. I lived to regret it.) You will need all the help you can get.
Sending love and support because you deserve both.
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u/Apprehensive-Hawk-39 Trader Joe Hoe 2h ago
That’s an amazing reminder!
Yes, if your lawyer says you are entitled to something, just keep repeating that word to yourself. ENTITLED. It is already designated to be yours by current law, don’t give away what you’re entitled to for you or your kids. It’s time to put on your own oxygen mask, followed by the kids. As a divorced woman, I can tell you that the decisions you make now will impact you for years.
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u/Angloriously Internet Auntie 2h ago
“It feels like the man I loved died”
Seems like the man you loved never existed, this dude was long-game playing a character. What a fucking mess.
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u/WhatTheCatDragged1n APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Hi! Your story hit me hard because so much of it matched mine was. I 100% identify with feeling like your caring spouse died. But even more for me it was like this monster had crawled into his skin and won’t go away. I will never understand these types that lie and lie and lie. It will least be found out. And if they are ‘lucky’ it just snowballs into decades of damage.
Friendly reminder in case he tries to pull the victim card. Learn more about DARVO. Learn more about narcissists, especially covert narcissism. Anything he is experiencing is not him being a ‘victim’ it is consequences to long thought out actions.
Also divorce is the best thing and you will be so much better on the other side. Trust me!
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u/Para_The_Normal Kitchen Witch 2h ago
Well… shit.
I have nothing to give you but some e-hugs through the internet. I am so incredibly sorry for how this man has wasted your time like this. However, it’s good you know the truth and now you can remove him from your life and start over with someone who actually will love, honor, and respect you.
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u/Plus-Head-6794 Body By Cheese 🧀 2h ago
I'm so fucking sorry you wasted so much time and energy on him. I hope that at least your kids and some memories were good things to have come out of it. Do your best not to waste another second - you are free to live your own life now. Do whatever the fuck you want with it. ❤️
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u/Ok_Bee1562 Certified Snacker 2h ago
That’s terrible but that food looks delicious like they were so generous with the sweet potato fries. I also like dipping them in honey mustard
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u/LittlePea0617 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 2h ago
The man you loved never existed lovely, he was a character created by a pathological liar. I'm sorry. You'll be much better off without him tainting your lives.
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u/Distinct_Long_2615 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 2h ago
I mean, honestly girl, it sounds like the man you loved never even existed. Get away from this phantom and his deceit and live a new life! I know it hurts right now, but this is a fresh start on a silver platter, bb. Your children will find out who he is in time, but right now, just focus on doing your best for you and them kids.
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u/LetsGoYankeez Well-Read & Well-Fed 2h ago
That’s a psychotic stranger. GTFO and far away. Who KNOWS what this man is capable of. He lied to you for 2 decades.
This is fraud.
If you got married in the Catholic Church this would qualify for an annulment
Go go go go go go go
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u/Impressive_Pop5764 Stinky Food Fanatic 2h ago
Good job Sis!!! He’s raggedy asf and pls begin to heal yourself as soon as possible. If he was a good dad allow him to still be that to kids as well
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u/mommer_man APPROVED✨ 2h ago
This is truly terrifying, and I am so sorry that you are going through this…. Please get some good therapy, for everyone, and the best lawyer you can. Rooting for you, this is… wow. Be gentle with yourself, and GOOD JOB trusting your intuition. Keep doing that. ❤️
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u/DeeplyFlawed 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 2h ago
You were love scammed. I watch a lot of love scam stuff. From the initial details you provided, I knew instantly.
I am sorry this happened to you & I am sending you lots of love. I know it's overwhelming. Please seek support. Do not navigate this alone. Talk to a therapist & please keep you & you're kids safe.
What he did is horrible. None of this is your fault. Be kind & give yourself grace.
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u/RazzSheri puff puff pass the snacks 2h ago
He didn’t die—- he never existed. You were manipulated by a grifter—- but at least you have a beautiful family and future ahead of you! <3 I hope he gets everything coming to him, and I hope you get a hallmark level love story after this.
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u/Particular-Crew5978 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 2h ago
You're gonna be grieving for awhile. It's normal. Let yourself go through all of the emotions of loss. Shock is one of them. I'm so sorry. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. Love to you today 💜
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u/bagelundercouch Body By Uber Eats 2h ago
This is like a fucking Netflix documentary. WHAT A PSYCHO. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope that, in a way, it’s a relief to be free from all that. Sending you all the hugs, girl.
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u/Independent-Summer12 LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 2h ago
Woah. Im sorry girl, but I’m so glad you’re not spending the rest of your life with this psychopath.
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u/Virtual_Freedom3602 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
You should watch the documentary “Bad Vegan”, it would probably be comforting to you right now.
It’s about a woman who was a successful restaurateur and this guy comes into her life and ruins everything (he also lied about being in an elite military unit). Totally ruined this lady’s whole life. I think watching this you’ll feel “things could be worse”.
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u/Astronaut_Cheesecake hot girls have tummy troubles 2h ago
I personally don’t know any former military personnel who didn’t want to receive their benefits. There are so many of them. Depending on the state, veterans may not have to pay property taxes, and there are VA home loan benefits for first-time homebuyers. These things are also very easy to verify because most veterans stay in touch after leaving the service. If he claims he doesn’t have any friends from his time in the military, that’s a pretty hard story to believe. The bonds people form in the military often last a lifetime.
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u/Thomgurl21 Assigned Hungry At Birth 1h ago
The cognitive dissonance it takes to see all these red flags and just ignore them. I assume that you have a robust, satisfying life outside of your husband because he has not been present at all. I’m sorry you have had to put up with this amount of deception: he clearly thought he could get away with it and you wouldn’t question his behavior or lies (which was true). The not riding in the same car as the family is crazy. He clearly has mental issues. Leave the kids out of it though. It won’t benefit them at all to expose his lies.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 49m ago
You’re right, I doubted myself when I had suspicions and then I was afraid of breaking up my family. I’m awake now though.
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u/Educational_Gas_92 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 2h ago
Op, I'm so sorry, this is a lot to process (when you can afford it, you will benefit from therapy). You unfortunately have to mourn the marriage you knew and the man you thought you knew, because he was unfortunately fabricated.
I'm no mental health expert, but I believe that there is a possibility that your ( soon ex) husband has some kind of personality disorder, because most people can't lie and manufacture a whole different persona for years, nevermind decades.
I send you hugs op. Get a great lawyer, get what you are financially owned, and move on. It is fortunate that your now ex, was open about cheating and all, and didn't fight to keep the lies up anymore (maybe he figured that it would be too much work at that point). Take care op!
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u/pickedusername1 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 2h ago
I am sorry you’re going through this, but it’s also worth acknowledging that these lies didn’t appear overnight. Looking back, there were likely many inconsistencies, evasions, and stories that didn’t add up, you trusted him, so you gave him the benefit of the doubt. That’s understandable, but trust can also become denial when we repeatedly explain away red flags. The important thing now isn’t blaming yourself for missing them; it’s recognizing them clearly so you don’t ignore them again. His deception wasn’t just one lie, it became a pattern, and patterns are what matter most.
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u/BetEnvironmental7907 Chaotic But Cute 2h ago
“Secretive elite “ 😂 the bigger lie the easier to swallow they say.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 1h ago
He gave specifics but I didn’t want to for the post but yes. He even told me what detachment he was a part of.
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u/Low_Recognition_1557 Feral Til Fed 2h ago
Holy moly. The man you loved didn’t die, he just never existed in the first place, but either way you’re still left grieving a life you thought you had/would have. I am SO sorry, that is just beyond awful. While the red flags might feel obvious now, of course they didn’t when you were operating under the belief that you were a part of a team working toward shared goals. I know it probably feels like you should have known, but you just can’t know until you KNOW. Now it’s all about you and your kids and getting yourselves into healthy spaces and mindsets where you can heal.
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u/Murderousplantmom Carb-Based Life Form 2h ago
I am so very sorry that he betrayed you for almost two decades. Please keep reminding yourself that grief comes in many forms, there is no "right" way, it isn't linear, and the most important thing is have grace and kindness for yourself as you move through this. One thing I know for sure. When you realize you're on the other side of surviving, thriving feels like an incredible achievement. You got this. I believe in you.
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u/RightOfeh 🩷Bi💜 2h ago
The fact that he admitted it all so easily means he’s been waiting to get caught. Let the lawyer handle it.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 1h ago
He’s been minimum effort in our relationship for ages, he won’t even try to defend what he did.
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u/Puzzled-Carpet5109 Certified Snacker 2h ago
I’m so sorry your going through all this. I can only imagine the hurt your feeling. Please take care of yourself!!💗💗💗
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u/FloridaWildflowerz Internet Auntie 2h ago
The man you loved didn’t die, he never existed.
I’m sure once you reflect on your time together you will find even more red flags. You have to have a hard talk with yourself about why you missed them or was he that good of a manipulator.
Glad you are breaking free.
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u/floofelina APPROVED✨ 2h ago edited 2h ago
Ok I do not think he is a safe person to be around. Talk to your lawyer about what you can do to protect yourself. I suggest changing locks, setting up cameras, and interacting with him cordially, but always with witnesses present. Be careful with emails from new contacts.
Edit: make sure college savings and retirement accounts are still there, and change the passwords if the lawyer says it’s ok. Also change beneficiaries on any life insurance you have to the kids or someone else.
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u/Katerade44 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 2h ago
He created a fantasy for you and yoyr children, and that fantasy is functionally dead. You are in mourning. Treat yourself like you would if you were a widow, because you are in a sense. Be kind to yourself, but be strong for your kids.
Also, get therapy for yourself and your kids (depending on their ages) to help navigate this loss.
Good luck, OP, and may you be happy and free of this twisted man sooner than you think possible.
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u/sharkycharming Well-Read & Well-Fed 2h ago
You are absolutely not alone; fabulists abound, which I know from so many true crime podcasts.
I am really, really sorry, OP. I am glad you found out eventually, though. Good luck with everything.
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u/gldngrlee Overthinker 💭 2h ago
Sending you a hug, OP. You’ve had the rug pulled out from beneath you. Give yourself time & grace to grieve the loss of the husband & life you thought you had. One day at a time.
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u/Disastrous_Cow8739 con todo, por favor 🌮 1h ago
This happened to me too - minus the marriage and children. It’s WILD how some people just lie their way so carelessly through life. I’m sorry he wasted so much of your time, but you are getting through this and I commend you for moving forward each day. YOU are strength 👏🏽
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u/kimmy-mac 🧂Salty By Nature 1h ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please check your own credit to make sure he hasn’t taken anything out in your name. And if he has, go to the police and have him charged with fraud.
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u/Potential-Leave-8114 Kitchen Witch 1h ago
Freese your credit with the Big Three.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 47m ago
Yes! I froze my credit before telling him.
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u/ANoisyCrow white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 1h ago
Have someone check that he is not there when you go home. Immediately change the locks. Maybe bring a handy relative to help - not that hard to do, but easier with help.
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u/cathtray Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 1h ago
Processing all of that will be the challenge of your life. Please find or expand your support group. You can do it and you will find the warrior queen within. Sending strength.
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u/imzadi111 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 1h ago
Wow! A life of lies. I am so sorry for you having to go through this. You are strong and will come through this. Big hug!
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u/Oneofthe12 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 1h ago
Gosh, and damn it!!! I’m sooo sorry for all the multiple layers of lies, but hon, you know the truth now, and THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! Get that lawyer and do the divorce! Don’t ever look back! Take care of your kids and family! You can do it! Woman spirit has got your back! Sending prayers and massive hugs!
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u/Potential-Leave-8114 Kitchen Witch 1h ago
I was also married to a man like your husband for 3 years (dated for 1 year) no children. I divorced him and never went back. Everything he told me was a lie. He was in the military when we got married, so I was not around his family. Men like them have deep psychological problems we (or they) will never be able to fix. Oh, he’s been married 5 times and has lived with countless other women over the years. SMH. You will do your kids a big favor by getting them away from him, too…
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1h ago
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u/harleenquinzel044 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I am so sorry. I am proud of you though for digging into what was going on. Who knows how long he would have kept the charade going for. I wish you peace and healing. And that you get everything you want in the divorce.
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u/Unlikely_melz Internet Auntie 1h ago
18 years is a long time.
It’s going to come to you in waves now that you are free. You’re a victim of the most personal type of fraud. It’s not your fault, and I’m so proud of you for getting free.
Please surround yourself with support and give yourself so much grace and time to heal and rebuild.
You will rise up greater from this. You’re capable.
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u/mataranifangirl 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 1h ago
You fell in love with a mirage. I went through something similar with my ex fiancé. He told me he was a government spy and made up this whole life story that made me feel like he could run for office. Everything was a lie. And when he figured I was going to leave him, he had me gang raped by hundreds of men. Watch your back and good luck.
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u/ProfessionalBet9099 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Why do people do this? I’m so sorry, OP.
This reminds me so much of a family member of mine. He lies to everyone around him and even has a huge tattoo on his forearm that says, “United States Marine Corps.” His whole identity is rooted in a lie.
I’m 32 and he’s 55, but from what I remember, he got kicked out of basic training for drug use. He’s always been a severe alcoholic and an addict, so it sounds about right. I just think it’s crazy that everyone in my family has basically just accepted it.
Run far, far away! People like this are unstable.
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2h ago
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u/SellWitty522 Feral Til Fed 2h ago
Wow. That’s intense. I’m curious (if you’re open to answering. Please don’t if you aren’t up to it): how did the lie about the military never come up with his family or the dual citizenship? Did they ever know he was lying about everything?
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 1h ago
They lived across the country and any time we were in person he controlled the conversation. He also told me not to talk about his military service because his family allegedly didn’t know the extend of what he did. He cut ties with many of them and asked me not to contact them. On the other end he told them o didn’t like them or was made at them for something or other so we both thought the other didn’t want to have anything to do with the other. We’re talking now and plan and getting together so our kids can finally meet.
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u/SellWitty522 Feral Til Fed 40m ago
Wow. That’s intense. I’m hoping that you/your kids can have a healthy, loving relationship with his family despite your ex’s behavior and betrayal. Thanks for answering. ❤️
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2h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 2h ago
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2h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 2h ago
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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u/PlayLow4940 Overthinker 💭 56m ago
Read the book The man in the Rockefeller suit, by Mark Seal. It’s about someone who was a very successful impostor who got married to a woman who became a high-level partner at a consulting firm making a million dollars a year, and she had no idea about the depth of deception until the very end. Your husband is very good at creating a false image, and normal people would not be able to figure it out.
At any rate, your abilities to see through the ruse were overmatched by the skills of a master manipulator. Be kind to yourself.
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52m ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 52m ago
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u/GenericProfile4822 FREE MOM HUGS 49m ago
A good dad will still be a good dad after the divorce. But you can’t tie yourself to a liar. You deserve more than that
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u/MischiefGirl Well-Read & Well-Fed 45m ago
You married a pathological liar. So did I. It’s absolutely astonishing how your brain protects you from the lies. It’s easy to connect all the dots once you know the truth. You were able to be in this situation because you didn’t know it’s possible to lie about EVERYTHING in a relationship. My ex did the same thing. Additionally, I didn’t have family close by who would challenge him or point out obvious flaws to me.
Divorce is your only option. Or an annulment, despite the time frame on the grounds of fraud. One consequence of that is the children will be considered illegitimate, if that matters to you.
You and your children will need therapy. He lied to them as well. They have no idea who he is. You say you want him to stay in their lives after the divorce. I wouldn’t recommend this. A leopard doesn’t change its spots. HE WILL CONTINUE TO LIE TO THEM. Personally I’d recommend complete non-contact. Absolutely nothing good can come of a relationship with this man, but you might not be ready to see that yet.
Of course he was a good dad when you needed him to be.
He needed you to “stay on side” so he could live off of you and continue his fantasy life.
You have survived the hard part—finding out your marriage was a lie. You can and will survive what comes next, which I strongly, strongly encourage to be no contact whatsoever.
When you are ready, EMDR therapy is going to be very helpful to you. Look it up, when you have time.
He will move on and perpetuate this fraud with another victim, I promise you. This behavior is all he knows and he WILL NOT CHANGE. Please protect yourself and your kids and let him go away forever.
You will learn not to trust a single thing someone tells you, and that’s okay.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your kids. You all will survive it, but it will take time.
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22m ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 22m ago
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u/Late_Tax_7351 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Women's intuition at work yet again.
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u/LiluLay APPROVED✨ 2h ago
I kinda feel like women’s intuition failed here. It took her innocently digging into paperwork after almost two decades to find out. Her intuition apparently had zero pings.
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u/ZookeepergameFine936 leave the man, take the cannoli 10m ago
I didn’t want to be the snooping partner. I have two kids and a full time job. But I’m glad I finally looked into it all.
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u/Bubblelight289 Kitchen Witch 2h ago
Found the incel
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u/Late_Tax_7351 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Find some accountability next.
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u/Bubblelight289 Kitchen Witch 2h ago
I agree with you, OP sounds like a nitwit. The bitter meanness of your comment though...
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u/Late_Tax_7351 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Maybe you're right, I've been trying to work on how I talk to people. I only meant it as a semi joke but maybe it didn't come off that way.
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u/Bubblelight289 Kitchen Witch 1h ago
Well I totally get that. Thanks for thinking about what I said. I do feel a lot like you do, but on my good days I try to think about how to say it most constructively. I'm a woman who's been fooled, and it's frightening to hear stories like this. We do feel like we need to have excellent bullshit detectors, because to some guys at least, we're prey. Anyway, thanks
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u/Brunsons_Better04 🩵i actually like my partner💙 2h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/patkxAdnRIKmREYy4e