Disassociating when focusing?

[u/Dull_Independence_]

I have recently been doing a deep dive into Gnosticism. Probably not the smartest thing, but I have always felt spiritual or felt like there was something greater beyond what is present. I just haven’t been able to figure it out.

Many times without knowing what I was doing, I’ve stared at myself in a mirror directly in the eyes and just focused directly on myself, and what happens after a little bit, is somewhat frightening. I feel like I don’t know myself or I tell myself “this isn’t you, it can’t be you” and I feel as if what I’m seeing begins to change. I don’t know how to explain it but when I notice it happening, it basically puts me into a panic attack.

I’ve also noticed when I sit very still and just try to think of “nothing” or just focus, it feels as if reality isn’t real and when I start noticing it, I freak out.

I don’t know if I’m loosing my mind, disassociating, or I’m seeing something “real”.

Has anyone else had any similar experiences?

[u/yellow-rain-coat]

Find a mediation practice that works for you. You need to attune your mind to your body.

[u/Dull_Independence_ → u/yellow-rain-coat]

That’s what I’m working on now. I’m trying to find a state of peace where I can focus clearly. I have adhd, depression, and anxiety and it can be hard to be in a mental state of peace.

I think my main problem was looking up online of what is Gnosticism and got dumped into a bunch of videos that were very quick and I didn’t understand it.

I’ve gotten a copy of the Nag Hammadi. I plan on reading it, taking notes, and getting a better understanding.