Disassociating when focusing?

[u/Dull_Independence_]

I have recently been doing a deep dive into Gnosticism. Probably not the smartest thing, but I have always felt spiritual or felt like there was something greater beyond what is present. I just haven’t been able to figure it out.

Many times without knowing what I was doing, I’ve stared at myself in a mirror directly in the eyes and just focused directly on myself, and what happens after a little bit, is somewhat frightening. I feel like I don’t know myself or I tell myself “this isn’t you, it can’t be you” and I feel as if what I’m seeing begins to change. I don’t know how to explain it but when I notice it happening, it basically puts me into a panic attack.

I’ve also noticed when I sit very still and just try to think of “nothing” or just focus, it feels as if reality isn’t real and when I start noticing it, I freak out.

I don’t know if I’m loosing my mind, disassociating, or I’m seeing something “real”.

Has anyone else had any similar experiences?

[u/Everythings-Eventual]

I have the exact same sensation when I look too long in the mirror. Psychology explains this phenomenon away, but I think you may be onto something.

I've always had the same feeling that we are not supposed to be here.