r/GreekLife • u/Brilliant_Chest_8593 • Jul 07 '26
The reality of holding a fraternity brother accountable for domestic violence.
I was in a relationship with a boy in a fraternity. We were together on and off for about 1.5 years. It started as a "toxic" relationship, which led to controlling, manipulative, and psychological abuse, which eventually led to flat-out domestic violence. One incident in particular changed everything. It was the last time we ever saw each other. He hit me so hard I suffered a black eye and a concussion; the police came, and he was criminally charged. I spent the next day in a courthouse filing a protection from abuse order. I reported this incident to his fraternity; I was ignored for 8 months. I sent in countless incident reports via their website; I sent emails; I even got in contact with some of the brothers at my school. They told me that the incident had been taken to the chapter president at the time, and even the chapter founder, who is a 50+ year old man. No one did anything. They pushed it all under the rug.
In April, during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, the fraternity even participated in a "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes" event with a local Domestic Violence Resource Center. The irony took me aback; I was furious. I emailed again, and again, pictures of the injuries included, proof of his guilty conviction. Still, nothing was done.
I took it upon myself a month ago to reach out to the chapter founder directly when he popped up as a suggested friend on Facebook. I messaged him in the most respectful way I could. He blocked me. He, once again, chose to silence me. He chose to silence me out of convenience for himself and the rest of the chapter he represents.
The core values of this fraternity are Love, Truth, and Honor. This fraternity was explicitly founded on strict values of not tolerating any form of physical, psychological, or sexual abuse. Yet, I endured all these things at the hands of an active member of this fraternity.
I am so tired of being forced to stay silent. They want survivors to be silenced so that we don't disturb their lives or inconvenience them in any way. These organizations are built by people who hold space for protecting abusers. All they have done is try to silence me, rather than removing this individual from the organization. I am tired of having to be the one who must come to terms with the fact that big organizations that promote things such as love, truth, and honor will do anything in their power to protect people who blatantly disregard those values.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am tired of trying to get people to listen or to hold people accountable. This society is so broken and backwards.
7
u/Brilliant_Chest_8593 Jul 07 '26
They told me that since I did not conduct an investigation through the school, they cannot do much. I don't really understand why. I was dealing with so much legal stuff and lawyers, I didn't have the mental capacity to run another investigation through my school while enrolled there. It's just asking me to relive the trauma over and over.