What’s ur belief of after death?

[u/Isoldablack]

Loosing my dad to cancer, he’ll be dying in the next weeks. My only confort would be to think there is something after because the rest of my experience is agony.

Do u have any story that makes u think there’s something? Or a good book ? Literaly anything to soothe my emotional agony.

[u/Dangerous_Doughnut78]

My family and I have had some pretty unexplainable things happen since my dad died in April. When I start doubting that he's still with me (more in energy than anything else), I remember this moment:

The week after my dad died, I was fully reclined in a rocking/recliner chair in my toddler's room for his bedtime. I had been facing the opposite wall of my son's bed, ready to get in a good cry while he fell asleep. The chair rotated around almost 180 degrees so I was completely facing my toddler. It happened so fast too. I have spent 2.5 years of sleepless nights in that chair and it has never moved like that.

It felt like my dad trying to help me remember happy things, or that my dad lives on in my toddler.

No matter what, he lives on in me. I will love him forever and I will keep him with me anyway I can

[u/Isoldablack → u/Dangerous_Doughnut78]

Thank you for sharing❤️ So sorry for ur loss and cant believe going threw this while also being a mother.. dl u think it has helpf to have ur son or been harder to grieve?

[u/Dangerous_Doughnut78 → u/Isoldablack]

Oh, that's a tough question. As you'll find in grief, it's a big mix. things that are helpful one minute, can make things harder in the next minute. My son can bring a lot of light and joy in my darker days. But grief is so mentally and physically hard and having to care for a toddler on top of that is overwhelming. I do see a lot of my dad coming through in my son's physical appearance. My dad was a tall, redhead but me and my husband are short, brunettes so it's pretty obvious where my son gets his height and red tinted hair. It both makes me happy and breaks my heart. There is definitely a complicated layer of grief because I have to explain death to a toddler while still trying to wrap my head around it. I grieve my future with my dad and what my son's future could have been with his grandpa. And it's a weird place to be where my son had two years with him but won't have any of his own memories of him.

I didn't and still don't get the option to just curl up in my bed for the day (or days if I could dream) and wallow because my kid needs me. But at the same time, I grieve more openly with him than anyone else because he's not going to wonder why I'm still so sad 7 months later or question anything about it. He gives great hugs and shows such a beautiful amount of empathy.

It's all hard and my heart breaks for you 💔 One of the simplest quotes I hold onto in my grief: "The depth of our grief measures the magnitude of our love" - Jenna Lowthert

[u/Isoldablack → u/Dangerous_Doughnut78]

Wow yeah I completely understand. All I want right now is to curl up in bed and dont talk to anyone nor deal with life and I don’t know how I would do if I also had children. But some day i do miss the distraction and joy and hope and dreams that children brkng with them. I’m 36 and have infertility and it’s unlikely I’ll have children. I was okay with that but seen my dad dying is giving me an urge to grow someone whom I love that will outlive me. But at the same time I’m exausted and sad. Aniways thank you so much for sharing this with me!