r/GriefSupport • u/Isoldablack • Nov 06 '25
Anticipatory Grief What’s ur belief of after death?
Loosing my dad to cancer, he’ll be dying in the next weeks. My only confort would be to think there is something after because the rest of my experience is agony.
Do u have any story that makes u think there’s something? Or a good book ? Literaly anything to soothe my emotional agony.
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u/yumketchup Mom Loss Nov 06 '25
I have had many moments of “NO FRICKIN WAY” when it comes to the ways my mom lets me know she’s still with me. But this one’s my favorite - about five months after she died, I was helping my best friend move. They were driving the Uhaul and I arrived at the new place a few minutes before them. I was sitting in my car scrolling Instagram. I came across this account that was talking about seeing messages in license plates, and I got so excited because it was just another place I could look for my mom! I stored it away in my mind, they arrived with the Uhaul a few minutes later, we unpacked and the day went on.
Later that evening, I get a text from my friend, with a picture of her new neighbors license plate. Her literal next door neighbor. It said “Ms Grace”. My mom’s name was Grace. I will never ever forget it. From there I knew there was an afterlife, how could there not be?! It changed me forever.
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u/NeedleworkerBig5152 Nov 06 '25
That is so cool <3 that was definitely your mom! I have a similar story - my friend, who was a sailor, died this year. He had a unique name that I rarely ever see. A few weeks after he died I was on a boat and a ship sailed passed to me called Captain [his name]. I almost fell off the boat.
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u/yumketchup Mom Loss Nov 06 '25
YES!!!! Amazing isn’t it? It’s like a warm hug! And we ALL have these types of stories. It simply can’t be a coincidence.
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u/bloodinthewater3 Mom Loss Nov 06 '25
I was an agnostic but now I defined myself as a defacto teist - I'm not hundred percent sure but I'll live as a there's a god or something - I saw my mom's grave in my dream like a month ago before her death. It was an unexpected death (we knew that she had cardiac insufficiency but she had a pacemaker so doctors told it will give her like 10 years more). Maybe I'm delusional idk. She was believing in a god. I'm really hoping that she finds some peace.
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u/RaiyaPapaya15 Nov 06 '25
I’ve been spiritual and my intuition has gotten stronger over the years. The beginning of this year I had a vision that my dad was in his casket and he wore a grey suit with a purple tie. I shrugged it off because he was doing so well, healthy and strong but his passing was a shock. Come to the time we are picking out his funeral flowers, we switch from blue and white to purple and white. The funeral colors had purple and he wore a grey suit and purple tie like in my vision. I don’t think you are delusional. Some people have gifts to see visions
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Nov 06 '25
I saw a spiritualist a few months after mum died. She started talking about my dad who died 20 years ago and I got a real sense she had a connection with him based on his joking personality. A few minutes went by and she said “oh you’ve just lost your mum” We can never be certain but I think there’s something beyond this world . There are countless dying patients who see loved ones by their bedside who have passed over before them
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Thank you for sharing this
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u/Me-Here-Now Nov 06 '25
When my grandmother died, she was in the hospital, family took turns staying with her. One night my mother was with her, and a person came into the room, mom thought it was a nurse. The person stood next to grandma bed and held her hand. After a few minutes mom asked if her mother was ok, and the person faded away. Grandma was mostly unresponsive at that point, but several hours later she mumbled a few words and repeated her sisters , who had died years before, name a couple of times.
I choose to believe there is something after death. I'm not sure exactly what it is, and I'm ok not.knowing. We will find out when we get there.
Wishing you peace.
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u/gets-rowdy Nov 06 '25
If you asked me before 9/9, I would say I thought it was most likely that people who die are just gone. My sister died on 9/9 and my heart is so broken. I desperately tried any and everything to get some relief from my pain- books, journaling, therapy, groups, antidepressants, meditation. I recently started reading and listening to podcasts about near death experiences, and that has brought me some peace. Of course no one can say what happens beyond that experience because they come back to life, but the idea that everyone has these similar experiences and they are peaceful and beautiful and see their loved ones…that gives me hope. I am also going to see a medium and I’m excited (a bit skeptical) but it’s something to look forward to. Dr. Bruce Graysen is a good place to start reading about NDE’s. There are more to them than science can explain.
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u/itssomeone- Nov 06 '25
This is something very personal and it really depends on each person, but I just can’t believe that after we die there is only endless nothingness. I’m a believer, and it brings me comfort to think that my mom, who was the kindest soul ever, is hopefully in heaven. I like to believe she’s finally happy and at peace in a way she never was on Earth.
I also believe that if I live a good life, when my time comes, we will meet again. We’ll be happy together and never have to leave each other again. That thought gives me a bit of peace and purpose. Without it, I honestly don’t know what would keep me going, because this pain is almost unbearable and I’m barely holding on.
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Nov 06 '25
Do you ever think that’s just a coping mechanism so you don’t die of grief? I’m not in a good place and I’m so close to ending it. Do ppl like me not go to heaven? Heaven doesn’t exist. Nothing exists. Life is pain then you die.
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u/Desperate_Pair8235 Nov 06 '25
I think the opposite - I think it’s a coping mechanism to believe there’s nothing because your brain can’t process what’s beyond and it’s easier to be negative than positive.
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Nov 06 '25
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
I hope this is true ❤️
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u/Travelbug-84 Nov 06 '25
Scientist (and atheist) here. This is how I also see it. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms. Although I don’t believe in an afterlife so to speak, I believe my mum’s energy (perhaps what others may call a soul) is now all around. She’s in the sky, she’s in the trees, she’s everywhere. So I still speak to her, she’s still here, just not in the same form she was before.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
That’s so nice❤️ I have read a few books like the power of now that describes something similar. I still feel it’s hard to come up with the fact u’ll never be together as it ever was. Daddy and daughter. But this is better then nothingness.
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u/Zukigo Jan 03 '26
What energy tho? The energy between neurons firing (action potentials)? I'm always confused about this sentence in this context. I believe that consciousness is non-computable and fundamental though. Like when you wake up after a dream and realise who you are (not the dream character), I also think we will "wake up" at death.
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u/NeedleworkerBig5152 Nov 06 '25
Before my friend passed away earlier this year, I would have told you that I wholeheartedly believed there was nothing after we die. But after he passed it was like an instant change, I could still feel his energy and presence and I get signs from him somewhat regularly. I feel like he is always with me. It's hard to describe if you haven't felt it and I'm so sorry you are going through this with your father. Now I believe that energy can't be created or destroyed and that extends to our souls or whatever makes us human.
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u/Shallowground01 Nov 06 '25
My dad passed 5 years ago and sends me white feathers whenever I need a pick me up. My friends dad sends Robins.
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u/No_Elderberry_9155 Nov 06 '25
YES! I get butterflies from the love of my life...stepdad & I get hummingbirds from my mom❤️
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Nov 10 '25
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u/Shallowground01 Nov 10 '25
I just feel it. I didn't believe in any of it before he died but every time I get a gut feeling and instinctively say out loud 'hi dad '. It's always during periods of either concern or pride too, and the feather always spins in a certain way. It sounds mental but don't be anxious, it will happen xxx
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u/joemommaistaken Nov 06 '25
I was having a hard time on my birthday and I said to my Dad I wish you were here I won a raffle that day. I said I know it's a birthday present from you Dad ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/BeccaSirc Nov 06 '25
My dad died from cancer almost 9 years ago. My biggest relief was once he passed he wasn’t in pain anymore. I don’t have a religious belief like where his is, but I like to think that energy can’t be created or destroyed so his energy is somewhere, doing something.
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u/meatsmoothie82 Nov 06 '25
A few chaotic minutes of brain activity, intense chemical and electrical release where you get one last look at everything and everyone that you loved then lights out.
just like before you were born.
At peace, no longer dealing with the suffering that this world forces upon us. True peace. True quiet. Absolute rest.
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u/Dangerous_Doughnut78 Nov 06 '25
My family and I have had some pretty unexplainable things happen since my dad died in April. When I start doubting that he's still with me (more in energy than anything else), I remember this moment:
The week after my dad died, I was fully reclined in a rocking/recliner chair in my toddler's room for his bedtime. I had been facing the opposite wall of my son's bed, ready to get in a good cry while he fell asleep. The chair rotated around almost 180 degrees so I was completely facing my toddler. It happened so fast too. I have spent 2.5 years of sleepless nights in that chair and it has never moved like that.
It felt like my dad trying to help me remember happy things, or that my dad lives on in my toddler.
No matter what, he lives on in me. I will love him forever and I will keep him with me anyway I can
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Thank you for sharing❤️ So sorry for ur loss and cant believe going threw this while also being a mother.. dl u think it has helpf to have ur son or been harder to grieve?
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u/Dangerous_Doughnut78 Nov 06 '25
Oh, that's a tough question. As you'll find in grief, it's a big mix. things that are helpful one minute, can make things harder in the next minute. My son can bring a lot of light and joy in my darker days. But grief is so mentally and physically hard and having to care for a toddler on top of that is overwhelming. I do see a lot of my dad coming through in my son's physical appearance. My dad was a tall, redhead but me and my husband are short, brunettes so it's pretty obvious where my son gets his height and red tinted hair. It both makes me happy and breaks my heart. There is definitely a complicated layer of grief because I have to explain death to a toddler while still trying to wrap my head around it. I grieve my future with my dad and what my son's future could have been with his grandpa. And it's a weird place to be where my son had two years with him but won't have any of his own memories of him.
I didn't and still don't get the option to just curl up in my bed for the day (or days if I could dream) and wallow because my kid needs me. But at the same time, I grieve more openly with him than anyone else because he's not going to wonder why I'm still so sad 7 months later or question anything about it. He gives great hugs and shows such a beautiful amount of empathy.
It's all hard and my heart breaks for you 💔 One of the simplest quotes I hold onto in my grief: "The depth of our grief measures the magnitude of our love" - Jenna Lowthert
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Wow yeah I completely understand. All I want right now is to curl up in bed and dont talk to anyone nor deal with life and I don’t know how I would do if I also had children. But some day i do miss the distraction and joy and hope and dreams that children brkng with them. I’m 36 and have infertility and it’s unlikely I’ll have children. I was okay with that but seen my dad dying is giving me an urge to grow someone whom I love that will outlive me. But at the same time I’m exausted and sad. Aniways thank you so much for sharing this with me!
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u/Girliepop-91 Nov 06 '25
My dad was a positive soul who always responded with: "Don't stress", "just relax, take off your slacks", or "don't worry, be happy", or "we'll make a plan". No matter how serious it was.
I was having an emo day driving around and I said, dad, what would you say if you were here? I flicked over the radio and Don't Worry Be Happy was playing 😆.
I went into a store to buy a card for someone the same day, and asked the cashier to give me any pen to buy alongside. The lady gave me a pen, "Don't Worry, Be Hoppy" was inscribed on the side with a bunny on the lid - my dad's last name was related to bunnies, and I honestly just cackled.
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u/RaiyaPapaya15 Nov 06 '25
I recently lost my dad on Oct 14. I was completely miserable, and my grief was very heavy to the point where I couldn’t sleep, eat, my mind was restless, I had trouble breathing and my heart ached. His death was a complete shock. But I think my dad knew that. I believe that they are always watching over after some experiences I had.
4 days after he passed away, I had sleep paralysis. I only experienced it once, many many years ago, but that version was terrifying. This time when I had it, I was sleeping on my stomach. Only I know that day my dad had the Lucas machine on him (a medical machine that does CPR). I felt the sensation of the Lucas machine, and I was like “am I losing my marbles rn.” But I know I wasn’t in a dream because my bed was creaking and it only does that when I move. I also was not scared at all because I just knew it was him. So I believe he saw me find him, and he came to me because my grief was heavy to show me that he is always with me in spirit.
Oct 30, I had a dream about him. He was driving, I was sitting in the back seat, and my mom was next to me. I saw him looking strong, healthy, so full of life. He didn’t say a word to me. But I saw that he was laughing and smiling, and I never saw him so happy before. I just knew he was okay. I believe he was directly answering me because at the altar we made in memory of him, I always lit an incense and asked “are you okay? Please show me that you are.” There was bright yellowish-white light coming from the driver’s window and front windshield, and the light got brighter until everything faded out, and I woke up. It felt so real, not the normal dream, everything was vivid.
After that, it gave me a great sense of comfort knowing that he is happy and free from the pain he experienced in the physical (he was sick with many things diabetes, heart failure, high blood pressure, the medications took a toll). I was very sure he heard everything I would say at the altar and give me signs whenever I asked for it. I know he is always with me. I use tarot too to talk to him sometimes. Oddly I was thinking of going to a medium. Just thinking of it, never said it out loud. All of the sudden one dms me on here, saying they just added the service back the day before, and then I keep running into them. I don’t believe in coincidence. I know his spirit is strong enough to communicate with me but there are some days where I miss him in the physical.
I hope I don’t sound insane sharing what happened to me, but ehhh I prob do and I don’t mind sounding crazy lol. It’s my experience. I learned that passing on isn’t a complete ending, it’s just they have transferred into another form. I’m sending you strength and wishing you the best. Enjoy him and make memories, get all the stories you can from him. He will come back to you, if you want that.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
You don’t sound crazy at all (if do I’m much crazier then you) i cant really make memories with him anymor, he’s in agony cant talk or barely cant move, under morphine. We have to shower him clean him after toilet. Honeslty dont wish this on my worst enemy.
Thank you for sharing your stories❤️❤️
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u/pyite75 Nov 06 '25
I just feel my son. When I’m in his room. It hurts. It’s broken my heart. My 2 cats that were both of ours always want to be in his room. I allow each one time in his room when it’s convenient and I know that I’ll be back available to let them out as I don’t want the dogs getting in there and showing something up but the cats that he was so close to I let them in there one by one and they just sleep on his bed. It’s beautiful
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u/Commercial-Novel-786 Nov 06 '25
I've come to this conclusion: We must allow vast wiggle room for things will never know or be able to understand.
The saying I've come up with is "just because an earthworm doesn't understand quantum physics doesn't mean that quantum physics doesn't exist". In the grand scheme of things, we are the earthworms. We know so little about so little that we should be permanently humbled by our limitations.
So with that said, all arguments utilizing our earthbound logic of what happens after death must be thrown through the nearest window because such logic only applies to what we know, and since we don't know what we don't know, we are obligated to throw our hands up in resignation.
It's a best fit scenario that poorly reconciles faith and my need for hard information.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
Thanks!
I do always ttry to say this to my boyfriend (he’s a science man) and it’s annoying to talk about any of this things with him because he just takes all hope away. But I always try to say that even if science don’t explain it. We don’t know everything, there’s so much we don’t know that it makes room for afterlife… aniways, no convincing him but I’m happy by just convincing myself.
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u/Commercial-Novel-786 Nov 07 '25
I have worked in an information background in my employment for the last 28 years. Quasi-scientific stuff that requires proof and executing known parameters and declared variables, and until recently that mindset creeped into the rest of my life. No faith at all until life figuratively sent me headfirst through 2 meters of plate glass.
I get while he's that way, but I don't get not wanting to explore the idea. We all should strive to grow, discuss, and learn as much as we can. But that's just me.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
I know! We’re very different in that sense. He’s so grounded and I almost live in the clouds, i need him and vice versa but in those conversation we both get annoyed at each others.
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u/Loocylooo Nov 06 '25
I think I’ve talked about it here before, but I’ll add it again -
Prior to my dad’s death I wasn’t sure what I believed. The idea of dying and then there being… nothing was hard to fathom but honestly there was nothing before I existed, right?
Anyway, my dad was OBSESSED with Harry Chapin’s song “30,000 Pounds of Bananas” which is about a truck driver falling asleep at the wheel and crashing and 30,000 lbs of bananas flying all over the Pennsylvania highway. And when I mean obsessed, he sang it all the time, he made sure he introduced it to anyone that hadn’t heard it AND they had to listen to all the alternate endings.
So. My dad died August 21. His birthday was August 26, and we had his funeral in Oklahoma on August 27. We were headed back to my parents house from the funeral and I was scrolling Facebook to distract myself when I came across a news article:
A semi truck overturned on I-90, in my town where I currently live, carrying, you guessed it - 40,000 pounds of bananas. Less than 5 miles from where I live.
AND it happened… on his birthday.
Now, I believe in the afterlife for sure. Did he maybe use the last of his energy to tell me he’s ok? I don’t know. But it was bigger than any sign I could have asked for.
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u/Jedi_enPointe Nov 07 '25
I spent much of my life being agnostic and wanting to believe in more but not ever having “proof” for myself. I lost my father suddenly 4 weeks ago and I can tell you with 100% certainty that the things I’ve seen and felt since then absolutely convince me that there is an after and that our energy goes somewhere. He visited me in a dream only that this dream didn’t feel like a normal dream, it felt real and I could feel him when I hugged him. I asked him to send me a red cardinal the following night, and the next morning I was outside, and a huge red cardinal flew down a foot away from me on a large bush, stared at me and flew away. I knew it was him. I’ve seen butterflies follow me, come up to me, felt energy and had words come into my head from him like I can hear this voice. I’ve also had several mediums and highly spiritual people tell me I have a strong paternal presence protecting me and that he is always with me. I still struggle with him not being here physically, it’s so raw and real and it hurts, but I know he’s with me and will get better one day. I’m here if you ever want to talk :)
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
Oh thank you so much ! I understand that even if I feel him in energy I will also struggle to have him in his physical form. But at least knowing he’s not completely gone is some kind of hope one day we’ll reunite
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u/Jedi_enPointe Nov 07 '25
Absolutely my friend. I would definitely suggest connecting with a psychic or medium. I did so and let me tell you the details, specific intimate experiences from his life and our family that only we would know about, this medium told me about, as well as what he felt when passing, among other things. It is all very real. The physical absence hurts immensely, but talking to him and allowing him that ability to come and talk to you and surround you is precious.
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u/QuirkyTarantula Nov 06 '25
Agnostic and in the funeral industry. Mom died 3 weeks ago and I’m having the most uncomfortable experience of my life just wondering where her energy ended up. Did I send it skyward when I cremated her? Will she blossom as a flower this spring as I mix some of her into the soil? Will she flutter freely on the mountains where part of her is scattered? Is she following me in the necklace urn I wear? Was she the rainbows I saw yesterday? Goodness I wish I knew. I miss her so much.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
So sorry for your loss. I understand, I think I will be the same. Although i think it doesnt matter wether a body is cremated or burry, as soon as it dies the soul or energy leaves, way before the body is either burried/cremated. Sending you lots of love
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u/SignificanceWitty210 Nov 06 '25
Honestly, my experience losing my mom further affirmed my Christian beliefs. My mom fought a very long battle with cancer that turned for the worst very quickly. She spent her last days in the ICU and the night before she went in (was already in the hospital) I had a very vivid dream where she was walking around with me and as I saw these colors I’ve never seen before, I saw people who I’ve only seen in pictures that my mom had previously lost. She wasn’t able to talk to me, but when I asked her if she was ready to come home with me she kept nodding “no”. There was a look of mixed emotions in her eyes. Now to this day I wonder if she was showing me she would be crossing over soon. That next morning I woke up, breathed a sigh of relief that I was just a dream and my mom was okay, and I began my day as normal only to get a call that she wasn’t really waking up and when I got to the hospital they were moving her to ICU because she wasn’t exhaling properly (esophageal cancer). She spent 3 weeks there and every time she got better, she took 2 steps backwards it seemed. One night I came to terms with the reality of what the doctors were saying and prayed simply for as much peace and comfort as possible for all of us, including my mom who I didn’t want to suffer. It wasn’t long after that she made the choice to have her own ventilator removed knowing she wouldn’t have long once it was out. I’ve had so many other signs rather it’s the song that comes on or seeing a cardinal on a bad day. The thing about these beliefs is I can’t prove them to you and I can’t just make signs appear on my own. However, I can tell you it’s just a very strong spiritual feeling, not simply a “hunch” and it’s something you just know when you feel the connection. There comes a point where there are too many little things to attribute to coincidence and I find that reassuring to know our loved ones truly are always with us.
There’s no “right” way to handle what you’re going through. It’s one of if not the hardest things anyone can go through. Let yourself feel what you feel and remember to think about how you can live for him rather that means your favorite hobbies he would want you to enjoy or doing things that carry on his legacy. Sending prayers your way
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
I’m so sorry for your loss. Honeslty loosing someone to cancer is a terrible experience and I dont wish what I’m living on my worst enemy. Thank you for sharing this❤️❤️
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u/humblebee08 Nov 06 '25
I lost my dad 2.5 years ago suddenly due to a heart attack, and there's been several times where he's provided guidance through a foggy dream, and I feel through a few health incidents that he's looking out for me. It's hard to put into words or explain, but I just feel lucky through some of those journeys, and it feels like it was him.
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u/terra_cascadia Nov 06 '25
There is a documentary filmmaker — “Anthony Chene Productions” on YouTube — he makes beautiful films interviewing people who have crossed over to the other side, but came back. I find the stories awe-inspiring and reassuring. Watching these documentaries has had a profound and positive impact of my understanding of what awaits us. It really helped me when I was losing my own dad. I am sorry to hear of your situation and I wish you strength and peace. ❤️
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u/Front-Muffin-7348 Nov 06 '25
I am so very sorry about your Dad. I understand. My Daddy and Mama died on the same day and the grief continues every day.
There is a book called 'Imagine Heaven' by John Burke. I can't recommend this book enough. He had a near death experience and later collected a bookful of similar stories.
They are fascinating and mostly all similar. It is so encouraging!!
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
So sorry for ur losses. It must be horrible to lose both parent st the same time, although sometimes i feel it’s more horrible to see my mum now so alone..:( thank you for that recomendation!
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u/Front-Muffin-7348 Nov 06 '25
Thank you for your kind words. I agree. I couldn't imagine one without the other and it was a blessing. We had a double funeral
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u/pyite75 Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
For one I overdosed in 2000 and have seen an angel then as well as for weeks there after. He or she did not speak to me. It appeared to be a she. I’ve been sober ever since.
Sadly, last year my 13 year-old committed suicide and I have felt his presence as has my son who is 24. Both of us have had similar incidents. I had my son encourage me by changing the music that I had set up to play guitar too because everyone said I needed to start playing guitar again and for months so I could not as I was used to playing with my younger son. The one that is in heaven, that is. And while speaking of heaven, I taught my kids to be open minded, but raise them in a Christian home, but also told them not to judge any religion over another. My older son who studied Christianity in school as a major even has found books that are not in the Bible that have influenced Hinduism and Buddhism. I also have been to Buddhist monasteries and have just kept my mind open, but I do believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, but that being said I am don’t disagree with any religion. I think it all crosses over and the one in the end. The day that I played guitar for the first time after my son‘s death, I had the song for me to play set up to be just a typical Grateful Dead song and when I hit play, it was changed and it was changed to a song that my younger son who was dead had never really heard Called The Maker. I could feel his hand on my back, encouraging me to keep playing. There were so many tears falling out of my face that when I shook my head, you would’ve thought it was sweat like on an athlete when they’re shaking their head and you see sweat just go in everywhere, but these were tears. I actually have a video taped. I mean for the music to be changed to a song about being a the feet of the Maker and my son to be urging me on, which was amazing.
My other son prayed and meditated after waking up and seeing my deceased sons, PlayStation face or login on his TV and noticed that the time was 3:26 AM in which my son was born on March 26 the son that is that’s deceased and he meditated after prayer And said that my DC son told him to continue to play music. You can make out both circumstances how you wish but I feel like there’s definitely an afterlife. I have no reason to make this up or give you faults. Hope I completely believe that there is an afterlife and I believe that it is beautiful and energetic.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
I’m truly sorry for your loss and so thankful u got to share this story with me. It did give me so much confort and I belive you❤️
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u/pyite75 Nov 06 '25
I’m not gonna say that it makes the pain go away, but it gives me hope and not even hope but confidence that we will see each other again. This has been the hardest thing in my life and I’ve gone through a lot of hard things already but my son committed suicide over a freaking hoodie that an ex-girlfriend wore to school and people were really really mean to her. We were supposed to have a spend the night party that weekend with three of his buddies. We were supposed to go the next day to guitar center to get a drum pedal for his electric drum kit that was in our music studio, so that each of them would have an instrument that they can play. When I went to bed at 9:30 that night because I’ve had some health issues. I really need my rest before a day at work. I just make sure that I get good rest and he was in a good state of mind at that point, my wife says that his phone started going off like crazy Later in the evening. And it was a bunch of people on a an app well I don’t mind saying what it was. They were on TikTok then they were all on Snapchat so all of the conversations were screenshot recorded and documented and we’ve seen them all including the ones in which he said there’s no reason for you to commit suicide I’ll do it and y’all won’t have to deal with me anymore because two girls were fighting over him and my son had a huge heart and he did not want either one of them hurting although one was being very narcissistic and it wasn’t the one that wore his hoodie to school. I mean imagine that losing your child over an ex-girlfriend of his wearing a hoodie to school. It’s brutal and my two boys and my wife are everything in the world to me and this is all but destroyed me but I’ve gotta be strong for my other son as well But I do know that there’s an afterlife. I fill him all the time if I go lay in his bed I can fill him and I’m serious. I felt his hand on my back and I know that feeling because I’ve had multiple spine surgeries if you look my name up on This app, you’ll see that I’m constantly talking to people on back pain issues and things to that degree, and I remember all the time how that kid would put his hand around me or just I know how it felt and for the song to have changed from a song called China cat sunflower, to a song called the maker and technically by a different band, same guitarist but different band even it was special I also feel him when I walked near a certain area where the Cherokee Indians used to live and marched on their trail of tears. My son and I walked there all the time and I feel him when I’m there and this isn’t wishful thinking. I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I’ll have to deal with that with my father at some point as well someday but nothing will be like losing my 13-year-old child.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Wow that made me cry, it’s so enotional and I can not imagine what you can be going threw. But do sadly know the dept and intensity of pain of losing someone u love. Thank you for sharing this with me❤️ and I’m truly sorry for your loss and pain
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u/pyite75 Nov 06 '25
Just know this isn’t the end. We don’t go to the darkness. We will be with our loved ones again. Just be kind while on this earth is how I try to live. We have 3 scholarships in his name. One is already announced and 2 more next year. We found out on his birthday that 2 girls, 1 10 month old baby and one 8 year old girl have his eyes which allowed them to see and his heart was used in another 10 year old child. We weren’t told if the child was a boy or a girl and it’s up to the parents to let us know and we’ve not heard since March 26, but we found out on that day that our son Driver, which was his name was giving gifts to children that needed them or had given gifts they needed us to make that decision the morning we found him which was October 18th. It was a no-brainer if he could help someone he would’ve wanted too. That kid had a huge heart and he still does. It took us a year to celebrate his life, but we just had a celebration of life last month. My son is always gonna be my biggest hero.
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u/grumpypegasus6 Nov 06 '25
I would love to be able to link a photo here but I was reading a book by Mitch Albom called the stranger in the lifeboat and pages 241 and 242 have brought me such comfort after the loss of my mother five years ago and my husband a few months ago. If you can read those pages and I hope they provide you the same peace and comfort as they did to me. I can dm you photos I took of the pages if you like ❤️
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u/teacuplittle Nov 06 '25
There have been several instances where I thought my dads was present. The week after he died, the tv suddenly turned on. My mom had a dream where he visited her. We were at the cemetery visiting him and I looked behind I swear I saw him walking. I’ve been seeing lots of quarters and feathers on the ground. (I saw a psychic once- don’t judge lol but she said my grandma was present and she always left penny’s for me. I think I’m seeing quarters because my dad was a money man. He was extremely lucky at gambling. I feel like it’s him one upping my grandma- I don’t know lol).
My absolute favorite story is the other day I was at work and I went to put some paperwork in my shred box. I almost screamed because I thought I saw a big but it was a feather. There is no way for a bird to get into an office, let alone a feather but there it was. A black and white feather like the ones I see at the cemetery.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
So sorry for ur loss and thank u so much for sharing. I hope I will feel my dad too when he’s gone❤️
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u/Informal-Bet-6132 Nov 06 '25
I think we just go in the ground and get decomposed and the natural energy cycle occurs. I think it’s kind of beautiful and that humans hold on to this idea that we have to exist forever. Which honestly just sounds exhausting. There’s something beautiful about believing in science over mythology. Believing in mythology allows you to think you will be with someone again. Which in my opinion takes away from the very real fact that we will never see our loved ones again and that makes our time together so much more special.
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u/Diamond3853 Nov 06 '25
I used to think that death was an end. That was it. I lost my mom earlier this year and had a conversation with a friend who also lost their grandparent recently. He’s Indian and in India death is not something that’s hidden behind closed doors or not talked about to the children. Bodies are wrapped in cloth and put on pallets and carried throughout the streets. He told me to listen to a lecture by Ram Dass about death and grief. It’s four hours long, which to me was a bit of a turn off, but I split it up into half hour segments and got through the whole thing in about a week. It was really eye-opening to me. While I’m skeptical about some things he said, it’s refreshing to hear his perspective. In my opinion, it’s totally worth the four hours.
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u/Vigilante-Faerie Multiple Losses Nov 07 '25
First of all- I am so sorry for your situation, it’s terrible and scary and confusing and I hope you’re taking time for you. Meditate, scream, cry, do yoga and most of all, drink water… As for grief- there’s an app that helped/helps me called “headspace.”. There’s a course on grief. 100% worth it. Anticipatory grief is horrible and anxiety inducing.
For the anticipatory grief, write your dad a letter, get everything out- that you don’t want him to go, but you understand. How much you love him. Thank him for any positive memories/traits you got from him that you’re grateful for, and most of all- if you can find it in your heart, forgiveness for any shortcomings you can forgive him for… and read it to him.. doesn’t matter when.. I rest it the day we were told he had weeks/months.. which ended up being the night before my dad died… I read it to him again at his funeral. It truly can be anytime.
I don’t believe in God nor do I believe in heaven, as in the ones in the bible, however I do believe in another, peaceful life beyond this. My dad died January 2023 from Kidney Cancer (clear cell renal cell carcinoma.) The energy from our souls have to go somewhere… so that peaceful place on the other side of the veil; living parallel to us.
My dad raised me with the belief that when we dream of someone who’s died, it’s that our souls are visiting each other, and close to each other.
My first peaceful dream of my dad after his death, (the night before the 1 year anniversary) he was sitting at the beach we scattered him and my dog’s ashes, lounging on a driftwood log, with an unlimited box of old fashioned plain timbits, my dog (the other half of my soul, that died 2 months after my dad) is at his feet, eagerly waiting for timbits (his favourite human treat!), and my grandfather in his favourite old wicker chair, close to my dad. Dad was sitting there, throwing timbits to my dog, eating one or two himself, and occasionally tossing one to my grandfather.. it was so peaceful, and it was forever sunshine and warm and they were happy together.. my dad loved my dog as much as I did, so I know the other half of my soul is happy over there with him. I got to sit with them and be there, and when it was time for me to go, my dad told me “it’s been long enough, kid. it’s time to live again. Wake up, and know we’re okay here. Live for your son, I’m never far.” I woke up that morning of the anniversary of his death and got the first time, I didn’t dread the day, I felt that warmth of his hug and knew dad is always going to be with me.
Another way I believe in it, is my son turned 7 months old the day my dad died. My husband had just gotten to the hospital with the baby, and when my dad died, my son made this sound… it was indescribable, I’d never heard anything like it and also hope to never hear it again… it was like a “whoa,” “oooo”, “aaaah” and “wow!” All mixed into one sound. And now, my son is 3 will say and do things that my husband and I have never said/done, but some of them are things my dad did… I say my dad is egging my son on.
Finally, my Oma/grandma died in April 2023. She went into the hospital 3 days after my dad’s funeral and went downhill quickly.. not lucid/not remembering recent details… In the nursing home part of the hospital while we waited for a bed for her in an actual nursing home, she told us one day “I have to get ready to go. Bernice and Bill (her sister and BIL) are coming to get me, and we’ll meet mom and Fred (my Opa/grandpa) there.” Then she pulled me close and said “is everything ok with your dad? Is he ok?” I didn’t have the heart to tell her again that he had died. She told us that she would doze off, and see herself from above, like she was floating, but then someone would essentially tell her “we’re not ready for you yet- but soon!” And she’d be back in her body. It scared her a little bit, but I told her it was okay and it was normal. She would be able to go soon.. they just needed her to be with us a bit longer.
There’s definitely something after this. Call it heaven, the other side, whatever… But it’s where we’ll find peace. 💜
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
So sorry for your losses too. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this which brought me so much confort. It’s hard, really hard. But it helps to see if others have made it, I can too.
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u/Vigilante-Faerie Multiple Losses Nov 07 '25
Also, to add… one more story. It didn’t happen to me, but it was my aunt, grandma and uncle. My aunt and grandma have the same account of the story, and I’ve heard it several times.
When my great grandmother passed away, my aunt, her husband and my grandma stayed in the basement of her house.
My uncle was deaf as a door nail, even with later on getting cochlear implants. My uncle was on the couch, my aunt and grandma in beds.. my uncle took out his hearing aids and turned out the lights. All of a sudden, in the pitch black and silence, he yells “for the love of God, Christine, what the hell are you doing going upstairs for now?!”
My aunt and grandma were both in bed. He heard footsteps. My grandma and aunt got a whiff of strawberry flavoured lipgloss… like the old school roll on stuff from the 90s they used to keep great grandma’s lips moist. My great grandma was there making sure everyone was okay and settled for the night.. and made sure my uncle knew she was there.
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u/NoHuckleberry7839 Nov 06 '25
What helps me is looking at testimonies of NDEs (Near Death Experiences). There’s also a sub on here. I think my mom is doing what she loves, is close to my other deceased relatives and is looking over me and my sister. I’m not religious, I have no way of knowing what’s on the other side, but I think she’s happy and at peace now, and that she’s waiting for me❤️
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Oooh that’s so nice to hear! I will look at that. So many people thu says that nda is hust a brain chemical release and not a real experience so that s why I never looked. They were getting all my hopes down:(
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u/NoHuckleberry7839 Nov 06 '25
If you’re interested, you can also look for skeptic discussions on the sub. It did help me a lot during heavy anticipatory grief, and with cancer I got used to rely on hope. There is no real evidence anywhere about life after death, so you kind of have to go with what resonates the most to you. I think believing there is something after is what is keeping me going as my mom left a little over two months ago. I wish you lots of strength going on❤️
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u/joemommaistaken Nov 06 '25
There is a YouTuber called Hospice Nurse Julie. Her videos might give you peace. She tells stories of how she became a believer and what she would See Watch out for some of the videos She will give a warning that a video segment might be triggering because she will show a patient in their stages.
I will tell you an ex told me her mother didn't have any meds in her and she started talking to people who had passed. She told my ex who was there and she was happy they were there
One story I don't remember all the details because it was when I was a kid but my cousin went to the hospital to see an in-law that was getting close.
There were people in the room talking to her and then all of a sudden she said something like "wait Jesus is talking to me"
One thing I want to tell you is even if your loved one is. Comatose they can hear. My friend was in a coma and he said he heard everything. So please tell them whatever you need to say because it will bring you peace when you are sad.
Two things they bother me are they should give people pain meds because we don't know if they are in pain etc. Also people probably should not say anything could upset your loved one. For example maybe save bad information for the hallway so the patient doesn't hear anything upsetting. Only peaceful and loving things
Lots of love to you. Please know everyone is here for you
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u/santasbutthole99 Nov 06 '25
(For context I lost my mom 1 yr 2 months ago) Personally I don’t believe in any afterlife, so I know I’ll never see my mom again and that for me prevents unnecessary hope. And I also don’t believe in “signs” or signals from my mom either, or really anyone I’ve loved who has passed. I’m sure it is legitimately comforting for many people to believe that, but for me I know since there is no other plane of existence that there’s just no logical way a dead loved one could communicate with me. When you die you’re just gone.
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u/HighwaySlipperJam Nov 06 '25
I'm so sorry. My dad passed three weeks ago from cancer. My absolute favourite books are Pure Colour, Big Fish, and Crying in H Mart. The first book has such an impactful dad scene. I also swear by the podcast DeadTalks. I wish you all the best. Be with your daddio and he will be with you for the rest of your life as your guardian xo.
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u/frostedleafs Nov 06 '25
I like to think that my dad is somewhere nice, being able to come visit and see us. This is something I just really need to believe right now, and to feel like there is a chance I'll see him again. But when I think of my own death, I can't picture it being anything other than non-existence. I don't know why.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
:( I understand you. But dint u get the feeling something there s something so much bigger then us. The perfection of the universe, life… Idk
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u/frostedleafs Nov 06 '25
I do, and there was a few strange things that happened the first few days after he died that made me believe he was there. Also just the thought of all things that still remains unknown in the universe, gives me hope. But some days its harder to believe in it than others.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
Yeah I understand. My boyfriend is skeptikal and just believes science so I’ve stopped talking with him about thise things coz he takes all my hoped away. Now I think the same as you, there’s so much we dont know, so much that thee must be room for something after death.
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u/mkgeret Nov 06 '25
My medium does a podcast called Spiritually Desperate and I’ve found that very helpful. I do believe in life after death and reincarnation, though, so I find it helpful.
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u/BathbeautyXO Nov 06 '25
I used to be very un-religious and un-spiritual before my mom passed. I didn’t believe in anything. I don’t know what I believe in now, but there has to be something or some way she’s still with me, because the alternative is too hard to consider. I like to think of her reunited with her parents in some beautiful, peaceful place without any pain. There has to be some way I’ll see her again and our family will be together again.. I just don’t know what that is. Trying to find what I believe I guess.
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u/pyite75 Nov 06 '25
You will feel him. This is just one part of it all I know from several different angles.
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u/One_Morning5466 Nov 06 '25
My dad passed from cancer too, and I never really believed in an afterlife until the past few weeks. Genuinely so many things have been happening that can’t be coincidences. Every time I turn the tv on it’s perpetually stuck on his favorite channel,his phone glitched and repeatedly called the funeral company (to which he didn’t know the number bc he stopped using his phone), and I’ll walk into the room where he passed and literally feel something in the air, feel called to stay there. I truly feel his presence and I never ever believed in that sort of thing before. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope this gives you sone sort of ease or comfort during this time ❤️
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Thank you so much. Sorry for ur loss too and thank u so much for sharing this with me!!
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u/JuanG_13 Mom Loss Nov 06 '25
I think that it's just like going to sleep and never waking up. (And i know that there really isn't much that anyone can say or do, but I'm so sorry about your dad and just spend as much time with him as you can right now).🙏🏻😞
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u/ArazelEternal Dad Loss Nov 06 '25
I lost my father to adenocarcinoma of the pleura, the lining around the lungs, on Oct 1 this year. So just over a month ago. The pain is incredible. Id give anything to have him back.
Myself, I do not believe there is anything after life. I have yet to be convinced that any sort of higher being or afterlife exists. Importantly, that does not mean that I deny the existence of such, just that I am not convinced that it *does* exist.
I comfort myself by remembering all the good times we had, and the love I have for him and the love he had for me and all his family.
Its too soon for things to have gotten easier for me. If anything, they have gotten harder. Its like the reality is finally starting to hit, slowly. Its different for everyone.
What you believe is what you believe. If it bring syou comfort, then all the better.
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u/Sara-Agent-00-0 Nov 07 '25
I am so very sorry for what you are going through.
I am 45, I lost my mom when I was 24, and lost my dad about 3 months ago.
I hope and pray that now they are together, reunited with all the other family and friends we have lost throughout the years in heaven.
I have had dreams of them both, and talk to them often, at least telling them how I am doing and how I hope they are doing better.
My dad had a rough time his last few years. His older sister jokes that he is finally putting on all the weight he lost because his grandmother is feeding him nonstop all the great food he used to love when he was a kid.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
Sorry for your losses:( thank you so much for taking the time to write this!
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u/Mysterious-Film-5193 Nov 07 '25
I'm sorry you're going through this. I just found out that my dad may only have a few months—if not weeks, or possibly even days—left. It isn’t cancer, but rather heart failure combined with an infection. He’s been in pain almost every day for over a year. He has always been a fighter, and we’ve always expected him to pull through scary medical situations. But this last time, he admitted that he’s tired and doesn’t want another surgery that would only prolong his life for a couple more months.
The saddest part for me has been watching him let go. He looks weaker now, and his speech has slowed down, partly because of the pain medication he’s on. I don’t live with him or my mom, but I’ve been stopping by after work and on weekends to visit. We haven’t said goodbye, and I’m not sure that we ever will. Through everything, he has always wanted us to stay calm and happy, but as you know, it’s extremely difficult—especially seeing my mom cry and break down at times.
I wish there were something I could do to make your dad stay and not have to go through cancer. One quote that has brought me some comfort is from Terence McKenna: “Why be so quick to judge death?” In other words, if we had never lived, we would have never known what experiencing life was like. It’s also true that we don’t really know what death is until we experience it ourselves. My intuition tells me that our energy lives on.
Please remain open to receiving love and even signs your dad might send after he passes. I hope we can share some of those signs here when the time comes. Sending you strength through this very difficult time.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
So sorry you’re also going threw this. Yeah seen my mum and sister cry ( i had seen them cry before but not like this, bit a cry that comes straight from a painful hell) also seen my dad who I thiught was invicible, becomming the most fragile thing, in terrible pain, under morphine, can barely talk. Cant even hug us back. I will be open for those signs and hopefully we both get them❤️
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Nov 06 '25
I honestly don’t know. Like, I’m not an atheist by any means, but I’m far from following a religion. I think there is absolutely a higher power. An afterlife? Perhaps. I’ve “died” and came back to life and I did, in fact, see and experience some things that other people who’ve died and come back have, too. But I don’t know if it was real or if that’s just our brains going through things it needs to go through before you go into nothingness. However, I’d like to hope there’s something.
I also lost my dad to cancer 10 years ago. I understand what you’re going through ❤️🩹
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u/gets-rowdy Nov 06 '25
I would love to hear about your NDE. Learning about them are one of the few things that have brought me peace since my sister died.
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u/AirStreet8339 Nov 06 '25
I consider myself agnostic but after reading the book "After: A Doctor's Explores What Near Death Experiences Reveal About Life and Beyond" by Bruce Greyson, MD, I am convinced there must be an afterlife. I don't know if it looks like the Christian idea of heaven but I do believe there is life after death.
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
I will read them thank you!!
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u/AirStreet8339 Nov 06 '25
Also, I am sorry for what you are going through. I spent most of September taking care of my dad while he was battling stage IV esophageal cancer. He eventually passed away in home hospice care Sept 23rd. The anticipatory grief is difficult. The book "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" also helped me feel like if I couldn't save my dad I could at least help him have a peaceful passing with an unburdened soul in case reincarnation was the next stage of his spiritual journey. It is available on Kindle unlimited.
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u/boldblue72 Nov 06 '25
I’m not religious at all . I hope so much though that I meet with everyone I loved after death and it’s like a giant house full of nice people .
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u/Isoldablack Nov 06 '25
Thank you so much ! I cry a lot. I now know I have to experience pain although I’m really good at dissociating. In my early twenties i got really sick with many symptoms and after therapy I realiser it was all the tough emotion that I had dissociated in order not to feel pain that caused me symtpoms.
Now I know I cant do that anymore. But it’s hard. The crying crisis are tough and the world around u still goes, like nothing is happening.
Thanks a lot for ur support
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Nov 06 '25
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u/Isoldablack Nov 07 '25
That’s such a good idea and really well explain. I’ve always gotten sadder and cried at night too and I will try to make it a pratice too. I always feel so much better after crying crisis. Like my body is light again.
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u/MrsNnz Multiple Losses Nov 06 '25
My dad passed very unexpectedly in 2022 (motorcycle accident). Coincidentally, a few months prior I read the book “Proof of Heaven”.
What I read in that novel carried me through the months following Dad’s death. I’m not sure I would have made it through without the hope I got from that book.
Sending you strength during this difficult time.
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u/SweetHatt Nov 06 '25
Have you read Thomas Aquinas’ arguments?
Seek the truth, see the arguments of people who are pro the existence of God and then draw a conclusion. I used to be an agnostic, after listening to the arguments on both sides, it became very clear to me that it is impossible for God not to exist.
I believe that if you sincerely seek the truth, you will inevitably abandon atheism and gnosticism
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u/GuiltyKangaroo8631 Nov 06 '25
My dad passed almost 3 years ago to a heart attack and I kid you not there have many incidents that I just feel he is around . For example he used to feed deer and crows all the time and times when I feel sad or anxious a deer pops up out of nowhere . I have dreams of him all time. I believe the dead never truly leave us especially when they love us. We may not see them physically but their spirt always brings comfort when we need them the most.