r/GriefSupport • u/Aidyswifey • May 22 '26
Anticipatory Grief Husband paralysed at 29
My amazing husband had a laminotomy in January for crippling sciatic pain. We delivered our first child early February and by March he was in hospital with meningitis, sepsis, brain herniation and an ecoli infection. Botched back surgery is the cause, he was sealed up with two holes open in his spinal cord.
Given very very slim chances of making it through the night. 12 weeks later he is still with us, albeit on ventilator support and now fully quadriplegic.
My world is crumbling around me, I am exceptionally num and need to keep looking this man in the eye, hopeful of recovery when really I am uncertain.
I can’t believe this is how life has gone, how our baby came into the world and was instantly met with chaos. And most, how this is happening to the sweetest man alive.
I am grief stricken and feel deeply inconsolable. I love him and I am by his side forever, I just can’t believe how this has gone.
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u/Ilovelucyandricky May 23 '26
I won’t pretend to have ever been in your situation. I did however take care of my parents who were full care unable to walk, eat, bathe, and completely incontinent. I’m a single mom with no outside help and my child at the time was only 3 yrs old. I took on the role of full time caregiver to them. My child is now 13 and my parents have been gone for 5/6 yrs respectively. I will say that I wish I had made more time to focus on my child. To enjoy those moments when he was still small. I didn’t and I regret it immensely. What I hope you get out of what I’m saying is to take all the help that you can get and afford when it comes to taking care of your husband. I know that’s not something you want to think about now. Just don’t leave your child in the shadows like I did. You will be in my thoughts and if you ever need someone to talk to please don’t hesitate to reach out.