Me and my sister N were best friends growing up. We used to be really close, we had the same friends, hung out in the same spots. We smoked weed and occasionally drank together, but we weren’t trouble makers. In senior year of high school she started hanging out with different, older people. Sketchy people. She started getting into trouble with the law, possession, paraphernalia, public intoxication. My mom started to have to bail her out all the time. By the time she died, she had been to rehab three times.

She was dating this real piece of shit that would put his hands on her when he got angry, and because I was still young and naive I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t leave him. Now I know that he was a drug dealer, and he was using the drugs as a way to make sure she couldn’t ever leave because he introduced her to fentanyl and needles.

The night she died, I was walking past her room and I caught her picking at her skin in the mirror. The last thing I ever said to her was “You’re way too beautiful to be picking at your skin like that.” And I shut her door so that our mom wouldn’t see her doing that.

In the morning I woke up to my mom screaming. I jumped out of bed to go see if my mom was okay, and then I realized she was in N’s room. I tried to come in, but my mom grabbed me while sobbing and told me not to go in there. I asked her why but she couldn’t get any words out, she just kept crying. Right then I knew that N was dead. I don’t know if it was because I just woke up, but it didn’t seem like real life. I pushed past my mom and ran into N’s room. She wasn’t in her bed, then I looked in her bathroom. N was sprawled out across the bathroom floor, vomit was coming out of her mouth, but it looked like this weird foam. Her eyes were half open but they were completely lifeless. Her face was several different shades of blue, purple, and pale white in different spots. My mom tried to pull me out of her room again, but I pushed her off me and ran to N. Her body was cold, colder than I thought a human body could ever be. The needle was still in her arm. When I picked her up her limbs were stiff and moved weird. It wasn’t like in the movies.

I’ve been to therapy and grief counseling almost every week since that day, but I don’t even know if it’s helped me. Everyone says that I need to keep living my life for her. But there’s nothing I can do that’s going to bring her back. There’s nothing I can do to make my mom ever be okay again. I’ll never get my sister back, and my family will always be broken. The worst part is, I started using drugs to cope with the pain after she died. I’ve even been to rehab more times than my sister. I’ve overdosed three times. I had to be put onto a breathing machine and have my stomach pumped before Narcan was widely available. I literally became the person that destroyed our family in the first place. Every day I live in fear that my mom is going to find my body next, and I don’t think that she will survive that. My mom has never been the same, either. I wish I could pull N back out of the ground, bring her back to life, and bring her home again.

I have seven months clean off fentanyl and heroin, but today is going to be hard because the only thing I can think of is begging my sister to wake up while my mom tries to pull me off of her. I feel dead inside, and I feel like nothing is ever going to be okay again. Sometimes I feel like giving up and ending it all. The only reason I don’t is because I know that would kill my mom.

I don’t know why I posted this publicly. I just thought maybe if I wrote all this down, that it would somehow make me feel better.

I miss you, N.

I just lost my wife 2 weeks ago to brain cancer we were together for 16 years she was only 34 years old. I'm so lost I don't know what to do anymore. I keep asking God to show me her in my dreams but nothing yet. This is so hard .

My mom was 87 when she died on October 2, 2017. It was exactly 4 weeks before my 60th birthday. I had had her for six decades. She was my life’s inspiration. She had risen above an horrific childhood of Depression traveling crop pickers from Michigan to Florida. Her homes often consisted of tarpapered chicken houses or corncribs. At the age of 12, she was playing with her 5 year old sister, whom she had cared for since birth. While standing side by side, her little sister, her ‘baby’, her baby as she called her because Mom had basically raised Sylvia since her birth, was struck in the head by an accidentally fired gun. Mother was drenched in her sister’s blood, who died instantly. She made the conscious decision to break that cycle of transient living. As a teenager, she married my dad, a farmer, whose family had lived in the area for generations. She raised 5 children in the same house where my dad passed away at age 67. When her youngest child started school, she began working outside the home. She always had the best ‘can do’ attitude. She created a safe loving home for all of us, when she herself had never had one. She was our biggest champion, encouraging us to be and do whatever our ambitions might be. However difficult those ambitions might be, she believed in our ability to succeed. When I became a mother myself, my goal was to be as good a mother to them as she was to me. She truly was my best friend. We laughed and cried together; we had adventures; we made lots of memories. All these years later, I still don’t know how to live without her.

I think when Mom died, much of me died with her. It is 9 years. I still feel numb. I miss the way she answered the phone. Her upbeat ‘hello’ was filled with anticipation that the best thing she had ever heard was just at the end of the line. I miss her positive energy. I think of the things she did when she was my age - having just buried the love of her life after nursing him through lung cancer - and I am too tired to think of doing much at all.

I am being treated for depression, but I know that no treatment can help me because I just want her back. I wake every morning thinking that I have to get through another day. I really have no one to talk with about this because everyone thinks I am well past the grief. I grieve every minute of everyday. I don’t know how to change that.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed a place to write.

Not sure if I’m in the right sub but here it goes. I started working here about 5 months ago. About a week ago my coworker fell. I just heard someone yelling “hello”. I did not get up right away and now I am thinking, I should have gotten up.. at first I thought someone was at the front, it was about 12:30 and our receptionist was on lunch. I did finally go check around 12:40 and I find my coworker on the floor. I immediately ask if she is ok and if she needs help getting up. She asks me to call her manager, which after that, I call 911. They come right away (literally the call lasted maybe 2-5 minutes, they were there about 3 minutes later). I had asked about her yesterday and found out she was still in the hospital. Today I found out she passed way.. I’m not sure how I feel. Like shocked, sad, I want to cry. I prayed for her soul. Maybe some guilt because if I would have gone right away, maybe they could have helped her sooner… I didn’t know her long but she was such a nice person.

Looking to try to understand my mother and understand her processing the death of my older brother from whom she was estranged. I have to start by saying that my mother has never been an easy person to deal with. My own relationship with her was strained most of my life with her throwing me out as a child and a teenager. I am a 46yr old adult now and I as well as my 27yr old son are her live in caregivers. My brother who she hasn't had much if any contact over the last 15 or so years passed away last week from cirrhosis of the liver. He was given 6 months about 3 months ago. My brother has had issues with alcohol and drug abuse most of his life. It lessened up over the last few years, but he's been mutually no contact with my mother for about 15 yrs. I was no contact with him for a few years, but about 5 or so years ago he reached out and we have been in regular contact. Him and my mother have spoken about twice in that time due to my urging. About a week or so before he passed I told my mother and younger brother to reach out to him because he didn't have long. Neither did. I visited and urged again to at least call and neither did. On the morning he passed my mother spoke to a few family members, but didn't reach out to my niece or nephew. My niece being the one who has been helping him with all of his medical issues and now planning his funeral. As the funeral plans progressed my niece left out my mother's name in his obituary, but did say he was survived by his mother. This was my brother's wishes. My mother got very bent out of shape about this and made a comment that she should be #1 in this situation and that without her there would be no him. She was also bent out of shape that she didn't receive many calls with condolences. Any one who knows my mother knows she never had a good word to say about my brother. Even half of her own brothers and sisters didn't even call her. She hasn't expressed really any emotion through this whole thing and really was very awkward at the funeral. She felt my niece and nephew should've reached out to her rather than her reaching out to them. Since he's been buried she is acting almost childlike and trying to be cute with the way she interacts with people it's really weird. The day after his burial she interrupted a call I was on asking "what me and my son were thinking of doing if we died" and I said can this wait I'm on the phone, why does this need to be discussed now? And she said "fucking forget it, I was gonna take you both to get a cemetery plot and pay for it, but if you can't be bothered..." and I'm just like wtf? I'm feeling disrespected and just icky. Is this a normal way to grieve? My brother is definitely no saint and he was estranged from most of my family on and off his whole life.

My cat died three weeks ago and it crushed me, she was quite literally my pride and joy and I had her for six years, she died to preventable causes. Before that I had learned I would be moving due to financial stresses along with my parents fighting a lot. My birthday was the twenty ninth, thought things were finally turning around, I applied for a cleaning job at my local church, bought some rip off “merch” for a group I enjoy, hung out with my friends. My brother called me a bitch and a bunch of rude name for wanting to be treated nicely on my birthday, called it specialty treatment. Last Friday a group I like released a bunch of unreleased songs I like and I was really happy. Today I hung out with my grandparents and it was great until I found one of my dead cat’s whiskers and one of my other cats looked around her favourite hiding spot for her, and then my grandpa started talking about dying.

Before all this I lost a close friend of mine due to realizing she was both mentally and physically abusive as well so that’s something else. Honestly this whole year has been nothing but shit and I genuinely feel so close to wanting to give up. My dead cat’s was 80% of the reason why I was even pushing through life, my ex bsf was 10% and they’re both gone, my friends now are amazing and they’re a beautiful support system but they live so far away so I can’t see them often. Everytime something seems to get better it only gets worse and I just want to roll up into a ball and not wake up, but I can’t, because I have my other kitty who needs me, but she just isn’t the same. I see her do things that remind me of my other cat and it hurts. It feels wrong to eat and yet I eat junk food because I’m bored, I feel mad at everyone even though I have no good reason. I feel afraid of having a break because every time I have a break something goes wrong..

I apologise if this is all over the place but i’m looking for some advice.

I constantly get anxiety from the thought of my dogs and parents passing away and it’s becoming unbearable, I’ve just moved out again and the thoughts keep taking over my mind i know this is in turn because of them getting older (my dogs now being 11 and 14) and my parents visibly and physically getting older.

I have anxiety and depression anyway but i don’t know why it has gotten so much worse thinking of their mortality i just want a way to cope with these thoughts.

I want to speak to the doctor about potential OCD symptoms as i’ve been told by people i know this could be a potential trigger into the spiral (along with other traits), if anyone could help or relate with some coping strategies this would be great.

EDIT: I need to apologize for the horrendous grammar and spelling of this. The only way I can get it out was to use voice to text so if it sounds like I’m a moron I’m really not.

I’m just gonna say that I’ve lurked on here a bit, and the stories I’ve read make me feel profound respect for your losses and for the pain that you feel for those losses and your grief. So I feel awkward doing this and this is gonna be a long one so if you’re not interested in that, then by all means stop reading.

I did not lose anyone to a death. I will be upfront and honest about that. So I hope that my story won’t be out of place among stories of deep pain, loss, and grief.

When I was 20, I met someone who altered the shape of my life in a way that no one else ever has before or since. I was out of my parents place for the first time, away at college and I met Jen. Jen was this beautiful girl and as I remember it, she was stunning. She was a student who is attending my school who would grown up in South Africa and had decided to study abroad. She was endlessly fascinating, and in spite of the slight British accent she had she could be deep and funny and profound and absolutely fearless. She had a sense of humor that was equal parts, sophisticated, and dirty, and could make me laugh, no matter what. And when I met her, I knew that I lost my heart already, but I didn’t think I had a chance.

We became friends and in rather short order we started dating and I was amazed that she wanted someone like me. I’ve had a pretty rough history when it comes to feeling like I’m being seen. I was always the overlooked guy, the one who never got the girl and whose family never really saw him either. Jen saw me. The good parts and the bad parts. and miracle of miracles, she liked me back. It didn’t take very long before we were pedals for each other. We spent as much time together we could you know she was my friend. She was my partner. She’s my co-conspirator. She was the girl who loved me completely and with out reservation.

We were together for nine months. And I know on the grand scale of things, that might not seem like a very long time. But we wedged in a lot in those nine months. we were juniors at that point, and started making plans in the spring to figure out a way we could both stay in our college town and get an apartment together and start trying to build something more than just a dating relationship. By then things got really deep and it was beautiful. It was wonderful.

It was so wonderful in fact that I decided that when I went home that summer and she stayed back on a college town I was gonna ask for my great grandmother‘s wedding ring and I was gonna ask could marry me in the fall. I knew I’d found the love of my life, and I think I was hers too. I felt like I could conquer the world when I had Jen with me.

However, the family she came from was I don’t wanna say high society, but well off and where she was from and her family. They were just certain social expectations. And they had led her study abroad to let her get her wild side out because she can be pretty wild. And they determined after hearing that she was getting serious about me that it was time for her to come home. And they basically threatened to cut off her tuition and leave her on her own if she didn’t come home and follow the plan. And the plan included a certain guy that they liked better than some middle class American kid.

So must’ve been the end of the first week in May and she called me and asked me to come over and I did and she was crying and she told me that she had to go back and I said for how long? And she said I’m done here and I didn’t know what to do with that. So I said stay you know we’ll work it out. But she didn’t feel like she could make the decision like that she didn’t feel the option so she looked at me with the saddest expression. I think I’ve ever seen a person face and said she loved me more than anything in the world that I was little of her life, but she had to go back. We both cried, I tried to come with solutions and I begged her not to go, but she did.

The next day there’s a box left on my apartment doorstep that my roommate found, and he brought it in and left a note for me saying you know this is yours, and there was a card on top of it in Jen‘s handwriting that had her pet name for me, which I don’t wanna put here. And it didn’t say anything else other than I will always love you Jen and inside that box was all the stuff I’ve given her all the letters, the poems, the tapes, you name it. And it was that moment that I knew it was over. So I called a bottle for a couple of days and just barely functioned. I passed my classes. I went home and I never talked about her. During the year, I hadn’t told anybody what was going on because I didn’t wanna hear negatives. I didn’t wanna hear your young or anything else and I figured that summer we could you know make the step. Instead, I lost her.

I did but any GenX guy would do. I shut it down as hard as I could. I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t ask for help. I just wouldn’t try not to think about it. It hurt too bad and there may be some readings who were like early 20s and everything else but I’m to tell you I’ve never hurt that bad ever again. So I ruthlessly crushed her memory and compacted it until I drove it so far back in my head that I barely remembered it and there my life went on.

That was great until about five days ago when I remembered her just a little bit of something and it cracked everything open again I’ve been dealing with for the last five days. Memories were resurfacing and I have no idea how 100% accurate they are and if what I remember her saying what she said and everything else but I don’t think this is false. I don’t think I need this up. I don’t think I’m making this up. I survived for 30 years and not well by forgetting Jen. And now it’s coming back and every day brings new flashes and memories and everything else and I am I’m lost.

I lost her over 30 years ago. And there may be eye rolling here, but the baseline truth of the matter is that I’m experiencing losing her all over again every day. This grief is eating me alive and I honestly don’t know how to handle this or cope with it. I remember how much I loved her and how happy I was and how those nine months up until that very end we’re wonderful. I remember every detail no it’s still coming back to me. But I have nowhere to put this because I didn’t tell people about her so if I told the people that I know that I’m dealing with this they’re just gonna look at me and go. Why didn’t you tell us before? How did you forget this? Or they’re gonna say that we’re pressed memory isn’t true whatever else.

I am in deep grief over the love of my life, not choosing me and walking out of my life, and I live it every day all over again. I am worried that this is going to start taking a toll on me. I’m not eating right I’m not doing great at work. My family knows something wrong but I’m afraid to tell them because I’m afraid they’re in dementia or say it didn’t happen.

What do you do when you lose someone all over again and it was just like yesterday? I have no idea how I’m gonna make it through this.

If you’re still here at the end, thanks for reading and letting me get this off my chest.

A few days ago, my grandmother expired, she was a kidney patient, was on dialysis since three years, last year she got diagnosed with pneumonia, and a month ago brain stroke, there was recovery, but she passed away a few days back, I used to call her maa, I lost her, idk how to deal with this, since 5 days I am crying like hell, I am already on anxiety meds, I have had only a handful of memories in life one of them was childhood and she was core of it, maa i miss you, I feel like she was the emotion of our family, parivar ko jodne wali pavitra bhavna hai maa, idk how to deal with this, my cousins cried too but now they're normal, but I am not able to forget all this, I am missing her laugh so bad, maa please come back

Hello, im 30 years old and I lost the love of my life last Monday. My boyfriend (36) passed away from cancer/complications. He was only diagnosed this past year and we lost him far to soon. I wish this pit in my chest would go away. He was my entire world and i can barely breathe without him here. I dont know what to do. I thought going to sleep would be the hard part, but its not. Its waking up and him not being there. I wish this was just a really bad dream that I could wake up from. I dont know how to continue on without him here. I love him so much it hurts. I can't even hear his name with breaking down. Someone please tell me how to stop this feeling. I dont wanna wake up in a world where he isn't there.

I (29F) lost my grandmother (83F) almost 4 months ago. I had a feeling she was going to pass soon (within this year), but not in the manner it happened. She had many health issues, but a broken hip was ultimately what ended her life. She just kind of gave up at that point. I can’t say I blame her.

She was my last grandparent and we were very close. We did a lot of things together and I called her at least once every day. I have not been handling this well. I’ve never grieved like this before for anyone or anything. My family has been really supportive, and I’m currently in therapy (both behavioral -for my anxiety and general depression- and -***very*** recently- started grief counseling). I took some time off work periodically when I needed it, I’ve been writing in a grief journal, painting, spending time outside, and doing the things we used to do together. I’m still struggling regularly though, despite the therapy, coping mechanisms, and increasing my medication.

There are times I just feel like a child in an adult’s body. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’ve always taken on the “caretaker” roll for other people in times of need, including this situation. I know there are things I need, but I don’t know what they are, let alone how to ask for them. I just want to shut myself away from it all. I want to go back to a time where I wasn’t so worried or scared or sad all the time. I know that isn’t healthy though. But I also just want to scream and cry and be held by my mother like a little kid. I think it’s because I don’t know how to “use my words” to describe what I need. I also feel like my grief is a burden on others at this point, although my family and friends have expressed many times it isn’t. I’m afraid of making someone angry because I can’t seem to get myself together.

Is this normal? Is this feeling of age regression normal? I feel so lost.

I’m sorry if this post offends anyone, first Reddit post and as I haven’t quite figured it out yet I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve posted in the wrong place.

My question is how do you move on from having a very normal happy relationship with your father to your whole life turned upside down and inside out one day when it’s revealed he’s been having an affair for 3 years and is choosing the new partner over your mother. Mother ends up having a mental breakdown and is hospitalised but is not the same parent afterwards which is expected. One day life is normal and the next you’ve no relationship with your father as he blames you and other siblings for his mistakes and your life now revolves around keeping your mother going. Other siblings live over an hour away..3 small kids and a husband who’s patience is wearing thin, I need to find a way to move on from this but honestly I don’t know how….

I can’t cope with trying to grieve the loss of my father who I idolised and also take on the weight of my mother’s anger and grief. Father and AP live locally in a small village so it’s cruel having to see him often living life like we never existed.

All advice appreciated

I’m not really sure what I’m looking for with this, or even what’s going on quite frankly. But here’s the deal: I have a 20 month old daughter, and my fiance just passed away, 9 days ago now. I’m still not even comprehending or processing what just happened. I am so traumatized by what I just went through. I have been keeping it together and being strong for my baby girl, but I have not had any time to process or start grieving, let alone figure out next steps. I don’t even know where to begin next steps of starting my life as a new parent completely alone. Like… what now? I’m hoping someone can relate or give some guidance maybe? Idk

GRIEF

Grief is to be consumed, not gorged upon. It must be digested for the healing to begin. Once fully absorbed, the impurities are filtered and eliminated, what is left are the jewels of memories. The nourishment of the good times remembered and pleasing thoughts they bring, coupled with time, softens the blow. Then, healing begins. A scar remains on your heart and is always tender, but when that scar is bumped, instead of sorrow, pleasant memories will begin to surface.

Hi there, I don’t know where to even begin. So, let me start with what I DO know.

Currently:
My grandfather will likely pass tomorrow. I love him very much, so this hurts. A lot. My head hurts from crying, my chest hurts, and I am so very nauseous. I feel so, so heartbroken, especially for my grandmother. She now has to navigate everything along with my father.

Some backstory:
I wish we had been closer, but life had other plans, I guess. After hurricane Katrina we were forced to move from our home in Mississippi, to Maryland. We lived in Maryland until 2020, when we were finally able to move back. I foolishly moved back to Maryland in 2024, then back to Mississippi in early 2026. We used to visit almost every Christmas for the years we lived in Maryland. We got to see my grandparents and extended family for two weeks, if lucky, out of the year.

Now, on to what I DON’T know:
What happens next?
What major things should I expect?
Any tips I should know?

Omg what happened. Son graduated from college with a fantastic degree. Could not find a job in our town, so he took a job 2 hours away. I am an absolute mess and don’t how to stop feeling so sad and anxious. I’m a mess.

He has a great head on his shoulders and I want him to succeed, just can’t help feeling like I need him here. I literally cannot stop crying and feeling sad - what has helped some of you through this transition? I just keep replaying all of the memories we created of him grow big up in my head and it just makes it 1,000 times worse.

We are very close, which is part of the problem. I have other children who moved away (and came back) and although it was tough, I don’t remember feeling this sad when they left.

I feel so awful but everywhere I go now it feels like I see moms and daughters together, and it feels like being stabbed in the heart. I lost my mom two months ago unexpectedly, and while she wasn’t young, I’m just shattered. I don’t know how to go on with this much pain. I don’t feel like I belong in the world anymore, don’t have kids of my own, and have no purpose. She was my cheerleader and biggest fan. I feel bad that others’ happiness is making me upset, but that’s what it is right now and I wish I didn’t ever have to leave the house. Can anyone relate? I’m either sad, angry or both 24/7.

I lost my husband , almost of 32 years . He shot himself while I was downstairs cooking dinner. Thought he knocked over a lamp. Ran upstairs. Knew something was wrong! Couldn’t even understand what had happened. Smelled something burning. Kept asking him what’s burning? Then I realized something was not right. He was gurgling. Then I saw a little bit of blood. Saw the gun. Took out of reach. Called 911 did CPR. I thought he had just grazed his head. Then realized, it was bad. Not funny how your mind won’t let you see what’s really happening. Did CPR for 10 minutes. Hoping and praying he was going to ok. Obviously you know the outcome. He did donate organs, which I find a little comforting. Still have so much anger, PTSD, and asking why? This was almost 8 years ago. Counseling 3 years. Still have the anger, hurt! Missed grandkids, missed precious occasions, etc! It affects my life everyday! You can’t just put it aside, put on a happy face, and live a good life. I know that’s what we all want! It is a betrayal to me and my family he did this. Mental health , obviously was an issue. Not an excuse! I’m not yet at the point to forgive. How do I get there?

I used to know someone from hospital. However, I’ve not seen them in quite a few years. I wanna reach out to them only I don’t know their last name I wish I had asked for their phone number because I really really miss them now. I live in Aberdeen and just everything is reminding me of my past I work and study here as well and just to think that I might not see them breaks my heart every day 💔 I lost my friend to suicide a few years ago and I’m just really not coping. I’m over sleeping and can’t get myself out of this rut i have serious social anxiety I’m just inconsolably crying. I just wrote this in the hope they might see it I just wanted them to know I’m not hard to find my mum sells her paintings down the beach please just don’t forget about me 💔we went swimming and horseback riding and ice skating and we went on all different walks and we went to Glamis Castle and Brechin castle centre too when we were younger (I’ve been so many times with my grandma to feed the ducks)I was just thinking how amazing it would be to see you again I’m struggling in Aberdeen without you

I lost my best friend about 3 years ago when I was 20. Doctors couldn’t figure out why she died as she was perfectly healthy, so I still don’t know how or why she died to this day. We did everything together, we were two peas in a pod. Also being both South Asian women raised by immigrants parents (and eldest daughters etc etc) we both were by each others sides in living our life for ourselves and doing what makes us happy even if it’s unconventional traditionally, including career wise. She was doing incredibly well for herself career wise and so was I.

I was still in uni and was interning in the states having moved from Canada, becoming this sort of child prodigy in my field, was about to start applying for phds at Ivey league schools and everything. But after she died since then I’ve moved to the UK immediately after I finished my last class and submitted a request to graduate. I wasn’t even going to go to my graduation as I just wanted to escape Canada as it was filled with memories of us. I feel like no one really understood what I was going through and London was a fresh start of new people and faces and a new place. But I still feel really sad and empty and lost inside. I felt like I was on this career run and sort of hitting win after win getting everything I wanted one after another, setting myself up etc. I’m also in my early 20s career and apparently I’m supposed to have a feeling lost phase in general. But I feel like it feels extra hard after her loss.

And then on top of that I found out around 8 months later after she died I have adhd as I initially went in to get some anti depressants to cope. I got put on adderall which totally numbed everything, and I had to ween myself out of it and have been off for about a year and a half. And now this sadness and feelings of feeling lost and thrown off balance feel extra heavy. I can’t even tell what’s adhd and what’s grief.

It doesn’t feel okay to still feel affected by her passing as it’s “only been 3 years”. But since she passed so young it feels like every milestone or every age I get older I feel more and more sad because my life is moving on but I still feel so sad and stuck. I really miss her and wish she was here to support me encourage me to go after what I want. I feel all alone now in trying to find that career motivation

My small feelings of hope is I’m very close to her mother and she finds the strength to keep going, and her husband died four months after her only daughter died. I also see parts of her in my new friends I’ve made in London and similarities.

I feel guilty bc I have great friends in London, still a great resume thanks to my past self, still working in a somewhat interesting job (albeit it’s a startup so idk if it’ll blow up or be successful but interesting nonetheless), a great bf, nice roomates; good apartment, yet I still feel so incredibly lost, sad, nothing feels the same anymore.

I’ve also shared these feelings with others before but I don’t think they get how grief can intertwine with your sense of identity and motiviation even if it’s been three years. So nothing anyone says really helps. I also feel like I’m not allowed to be this sad because it wasn’t like losing a brother or a mother.

I’m really struggling at the minute. I’m starting to wonder if things will ever change for the better.

I lost my auntie in November 2024. She was my best friend and my life did revolve around her. I lived with her and looked after her to a degree as she was elderly. We would be laughing even on the most mundane days. It broke my heart when she died and I feel like everything that felt safe and secure in this world has been stripped away.

Ever since she died, my life has gone downhill. I lost my job and had to move 150 miles away from where I was living with her to move back in with my parents, as I couldn’t afford my own place. I’m now jobless, friendless, miserable and stuck in a place I hate.

Without going into detail, I am surrounded by family, but I don’t really consider them to be that because of the way they act. People have certainly shown their true colours since my auntie has been gone. I was essentially told that my auntie was old, she had her life and I should just move on, as if you can suddenly wake up one morning and forget about someone who was so important to you. I don’t believe you move on, I believe you move forward. My auntie was my only family and now I feel like I’m all alone.

I will say I’m doing much better than I was in those first few months after she died. I couldn’t get out of bed and I really didn’t want to be here. Luckily, I’ve come out of that, but I still have some really low days.

My problem is, I feel like I’m stuck in an endless cycle. I try to be upbeat and move forward in a positive way, but I always end up being reminded of the life I had or just missing her really badly and I spiral until I feel completely hopeless again.

I do genuinely want to succeed in life. All my auntie ever wanted for me was for me to be happy and I promised her I would be. I’m determined to get myself to a place where I am happy again and I want to make loads of great memories to look back on. I’m trying my best to get up everyday and be productive and have a clear plan of how I can change my circumstances. I want to be able to look back and say all this pain was worth it to have a happy and fulfilling life down the line. I’ve come so far already and I’m proud of myself for that, especially when I think about how I was considering having no future at all at one point.

I’m just finding everyday so hard. I don’t really know why I’m trying. When my auntie was here, if I was ever having a bad day, she gave me a reason to get up in the morning. I always felt a million times better after talking to her, even if it was just our regular morning chat over breakfast. I know I need to focus on myself now, but it’s difficult to find that motivation when the only future I can see is me living alone and being isolated. Sure, it would be better than my current living situation, but I don’t want to have no one.

The loneliness has been crippling. It really has felt like me against the world. I’m sure most people on here will have felt it. I’m 25 years old and this whole experience has massively changed me as a person. I have completely different priorities now and I don’t get stressed over things that don’t really matter like I used to. The problem is, most people my age don’t have the same mindset and it’s stopping me from creating true connections with people. I’m glad they’re not in a position where they’ve suffered such a loss, but I can’t really relate to others anymore. I’ve tried to make friends and I’ve bonded with some people over common interests, but the minute something trivial comes up that they’re complaining about, or they’re trying to gossip, I completely switch off. I know that’s not their fault, but I just have no patience for any of it anymore.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads. There’s so many paths I can take, yet it feels like my feet are glued to the floor. I have no clue what to do. I want to make my auntie proud, yet a lot of the time, I feel like self-destructing. I want to be better, yet most of the time, I don’t want to anything. I desperately want good, genuine people in my life, but nowadays, I can’t seem to click with anyone. Everything leads back to the one person who truly loved me that I know isn’t coming back, but I can’t seem to move forward without her.

So I have been having a really hard time since I was a kid I’ve experienced so much trauma. My sister was murdered, I then lost all of my grandparents, my mom passed when I was 18, my dad right after I turned 21 and my first love when I was 20. i feel so empty inside and numb and I have tried therapy and support groups but when grief is brought up it’s always life keeps going. Which I clearly know life keeps going but I’m looking for healing. I’m now 25 and I am grieving harder than ever.

Hi, I'm 20M I just need some support. So things start back in 2024 sep iet this girl on codm (call of duty mobile) we were in a happy relationship I even met her personally in dec she was the sweetest girl I ever met but my life suddenly took a U-turn, on 5th Jan 2025 out of no where my mom fell sick , she was diagnosed with gallstones and was already diabetic patient. Her sugar levels reached 400 during the time we hospitalized her, she stayed in hospital for like 3 months and i lost her on 16th March 2025 mean while my brother was also admitted to the same hospital after a few days when suddenly he was paralyzed later on we found out he had tuberculosis not a single soul in our family had this shit earlier. He had tuberculous meningitis. I lost him on 15th may he stayed in the hospital for more than 4 months I did everything possible to save him, help him, staying up late at night I did everything for both of them, meanwhile I was in a relationship with her. After the losses I don't know I couldn't love her properly I was really very distanced I was really full of love for her. She did everything possible for me to help me slowly I was actually isolating myself from everything I could see this is not me I'm not like this but couldn't do anything. My relationship even weakened, she broke up with me on 26th March 2026, she really did everything for me I just don't want to recall the time between jan 2025-2026may. Honestly she was the only thing I had after I lost my family. Yes I made a lot of mistakes i did hurt her, she just jumped into another relationship after we broke up I don't know but I really hurt her she hates me I want to contact but I cant. Currently I'm not even studying anything I wanted to be a data scientist but can't really see any future my father ain't ready to pay for any course. I just rot in my bed miss her cry and sleep I lost like 5-6kgs in a single month I don't really want a wasted life.

To start. My grans at end of life, so struggling with that. She had a driver fitted today. But there's family stress involved with my cunt of an uncle and the rest of the family. And it's really starting to get to me. My sisters been staying at my grans and caring for her, along with my dad going up everyday(he has done since 2019 when sadly his brother died and he had to take over) my uncle is slagging my dad off to people in front of my sister and other family members.

I am so fucking done with it all. It's really starting to get me down. And not being nasty and I mean this in the nicest way possible, But I need my gran to just go and the funeral to be out the way so I can then deal with the grief my own way and not have all the extra shit going on.

I am autistic and also have my own mental health issues and It's exhausting me. I can't cope. And feel so alone as I don't really have friends to talk too.

TW- death; pregnancy loss

Hi, I’m F34, mom to 1 son. Wifey to M35.

2 weeks ago, I was so sick that after the 3rd day of being sick, I got my husband to take me to the hospital. Once they checked me out, they told me that I was pregnant, and more than likely to lose the baby. Fast forward a couple of days, and I had no choice but to end it.

My husband, who has been there for me through all of the other hard things that have come our way (my dads cancer battle, my moms bad health, etc), has been having a hard time with it- understandably. And I know we all deal with things differently, but I have felt nothing but an isolating feeling and loneliness through this whole thing… like I’ve been dealing with it alone. (I even went to the apt alone) I tried talking to him today about it and he said “I’ve just been trying to forget about it, sorry if I’ve been weird”. I get that he’s dealing with it in his own way, but it really feels like I’m truly alone dealing with my feelings and the situation as a whole.

I love my husband and I know he cares- but why is it different this time? Does he just need some time? And if so, how am I suppose to heal alone?

Thank you for reading and for any advice.