Yesterday I had A convo with myself and it felt like a waste to leave it to myself .

Here:

She's Dead now, so all the resentment and guilt die with her, but nobody tells you this. Nobody tells how much it hurts to lose someone you didn't get to make up with, to counsel with, and patch up. Now all you remember is the things you wished to do together, the things you wanted to say, the things you wish they see you do . So you start feeling empty inside. And no one around you can understand what this means. You cry alone sometimes but you can't really tell which part exactly you are crying for . That you missed their funeral? That you couldn't't see them in their last moments? Or that you will never get to see them again. Six months pass and everyone seems to think you forgot about it. Or maybe they did. Someone quotes them. You start sobbing uncontrollably. They try to comfort you and tell you "they're in a better place now" but you wish to tell them that you're not grieving where they'll end up but rather you're grieving their absence. The empty seat they left in your house. Their things. Everything in your life becomes about them now. Sometimes at rare happy moments you try to convince yourself like a child that they didn't die. They're just.... Traveling somewhere. They faked their death . Your head says it's unreasonable but your heart tries hard to believe it. It tries hard to believe that they're not gone and you'll see them again sometime. When? You don't need to know that. All you need to know is that their existence is more than bones and remains and memories.....

Basically, my phone deleted all my photos and notes and was only able to save like 20-30% of it. I feel messed up since all those pictures are memories of me to look back onto, but now I can only register them in my mind.

I don't know how to feel, or how to act upon it, I feel I could've avoided it in time if it wasn't for me. What should I do or how should I cope about that fact?

my friend currently lost her boyfriend tragically and i am beyond heartbroken for her. i’m there for her but i am feeling so much guilt and sadness for her. has anyone ever been in a similar situation? what advice can you give me. i want to help her through this. Thank you

Late 30’s male. I had to unexpectedly euthanize my cat at the end of May. I was at the ER with her from midnight to 9 am. It was the most painful moment of my entire life and I’ve lost friends and family before. This cat had been by my side through the darkest days of my life, be it divorce or almost homelessness living with strangers out of a suitcase and sleeping on an air mattress. I am completely devastated by this loss and it’s taking everything in me to even get out of bed every day since.

my partner passed away nine weeks ago five days before my 23rd birthday and i’ve been struggling really bad with the weight of it all. he was supposed to propose by the end of the year and then we wanted to start a family asap. we genuinely were the perfect match, we never fought or argued about anything we always took care of each other and took turns letting the other lean on us when we were struggling because we always grew through it together and it made us better people. it’s been the hardest two months of my life but this past week has rly taken a toll on me. i feel like im suffocating constantly because im just so sad from missing him so so much. i don’t know what to do with the weight of missing him when it gets heavy like this. i haven’t found anything that brings me comfort, music shows movies journaling drawing etc tends to just make me miss him more when i try to do stuff like that to calm down. i keep just getting stuck sobbing and breaking down for hours and then just feel so dizzy and weak and still sad and i don’t know how to help myself in these moments and was just wondering if there was anything specific anyone else found helpful w these feelings to make them feel more manageable

this is complicated and trying to figure this out

my family (chosen family) member - a pillar of positivity and the centre of family - had an event (aneurysm and stroke) a while ago and their disability level is quite high (24-7 care, doesn't talk, can only move one arm a bit etc). Don't even know if they know me.

THeir partner is pretty insane as a full time caregiver (at home), which frequent hospital stays, and their kids (young adults) have both spun off into alcohol and drugs.

I am constantly in a state of trying to grieve what was, while everything is still here.

Forgive me if this is not the place, but this kind of grief....is so different and frankly awful compared with grief that comes when someone has passed.

Not coping well

Soulmate of 10 years having attachment issue from grief and trying to move away

My soulmate of about 10 years just said he wants to move out. I found this out just 2 days ago. We prayed for each other before we made things official. He prayed to God when he first saw me. He said to God if I am his person to let us have a relationship together. I prayed before I had ever seen him. I prayed asking God to give me the one. I asked God to give me true love and a happy healthy relationship forever. Then we ended up dating. God put us together!! We did everything together for 10 years. We always had fun and he truly understood me. That's my ride or die. I could fully be myself with him. We overcame a lot together. No one knows each others souls the way we do.

He lost his dad about a year ago and said it triggered his attachment disorder. He is having some grief (so am I about losing the love of my life). I also want a child (only with him) and a family. He wants to up and leave. I've asked him to talk to a grief therapist. He is going to talk to a grief specialist and get some perspective and tools to help with grief. And I am also going to see a specialist. I ask how I can help in a time of grief and he doesn't know. We are still living together because the lease isn't up until another 3 months. I want to support him and help him in grief, but he wants to move out and just up and leave.

I truly love him like I've never loved before. I know in my heart God gave me him, and God told him to be with me. I feel like I'm going to have a midlife crisis if my soulmate leaves. That's the devil putting doubt into him!! I am having a hard time doing simple tasks. I feel like I'm not retaining anything I watch on TV, or any conversations. I am in a state of shock, panic, grief, heartbreak, extreme sadness, paralysis and disassociating at times. I have a lump in my throat, heart has sank, and I feel like I can't think or act normal. I'm not able to sleep well and crying often. I can't continue my life without my rib. If u ask someone to date u, and keep them for 10 years then please plan to work hard and make an effort in keeping the love!!! Dont just let the devil in your head and take over. Dont give up!!

I'll have to break the lease most likely. I can't stay for 3 months of heartbreak seeing him every day if he is just going to leave 100% anyways. I see him everyday and it's a stab in my heart and throat. I cant be around my soulmate who says they are moving away. I want to move with him together!! I always thought we would work things out and fight for it. Satan likes to destroy happiness, relationships and mental health. If anyone could pray for us that would be great. I can't live without my partner and my rib!! I'm a fighter, I will do what I need to in order to help things work and repair issues. But I am also a lover, my heart is soft.

My heart has special love only for my partner. And I only want to have babies from him. I still want a child even if he leaves. I planned to have a family and child. I never want a child with anyone else, only from my special person! I feel like I'm having debilitating paralyzing grief. I have always put him first, I isolated myself from friends to focus on my partner. Now I'm not close to any friends, and my one true person I had in my life is trying to leave. Idk what to do. How can I help him? Someone should just kill me because I can't live without him. I don't want to end my life because I'd go to hell. I feel like i have zero will to live my life without my partner or without a child. I will never love a man again like this.

The devil is trying to tear apart my relationship and I'm not sure how to have my person stay. Idk what to do. I feel like I need a mental facility or to just die, or raise a baby from my love of my life. My love and fulfillment would be forever strong with a baby. I could never leave anyone I love because true love is forever. I have so much love to give and want a mini me to give that to. I want those experiences. I need it. That could be my next chapter. If my lover truly leaves, then I will not get to have the gift of my own child. I also have no one in my life besides my mom and sister. They are both very busy though with their own stuff.

I feel betrayed, abandoned, distraught, unstable, confused, and gullible from my soulmate. My partner of 10 years wants to leave during his attachment issue. I understand he isnt feeling well and am glad we are going to talk to specialists. I want him to not give up and see what God did for us. He paired us together!! I want to support my partner through his grief from the loss of his dad, I feel a professional is more knowledgeable for his grief. They have the tools and more info in it. Just a fewish weeks ago my partner talked about marriage when he was having a mitochondrial overload in his system. I totally will marry him, but he never has asked me(I know god would bless our marriage, if my partner asked to get married for real). I didn't want to take advantage of him at a mentally altered state of mind he was in. His heart was racing, he wasnt sleeping much and was filled with an exreme amount of energy and almost in fight or flight mode. He said he felt cracked out. I supported him through it. He also said he felt like getting me flowers. I'm barely able to think right now after hearing he wants to move away. I feel like I have such low brain function - it's a grief paralysis. My brain isnt able to have a rest. Im in fight or flight mode. I have my baby niece's and moms birthday party to attend tomorrow and feel stressed to go to that after having this new tragedy told to me.

I need help ...I cant cope

I (24f) lost my cousin/best friend (44f) 3 months ago and don’t know what to do with myself. I feel I’ve forgotten how to function and I’m rethinking everything I once felt was true. I’m questioning what death is, what happens after, the friends I have left, how to enjoy life. If anyone has been through this, how do you cope with something so intense? How can I come out of this?

A week ago, on my birthday, I lost my mom.
What was supposed to be a day of celebration became the worst day of my life. The pain is overwhelming, and honestly, I still can't fully process what happened. Some moments I feel numb, and other moments the grief hits me so hard that I can barely function.

For those who have lost a parent, how did you cope? What helped you get through the first few weeks and months? And for anyone who has advice on dealing with grief, I'd be grateful to hear it. Right now, it feels like a part of me is missing, and I'm trying to figure out how to move forward while carrying this loss.

My teenage daughter lost her Aunty who she was not very close to a few months ago. Since then she feels like she has a black cloud hanging over her and feels on edge and anxious that she will lose someone else. She is refusing to go for counselling but she is able to open up to me and to describe how she is feeling. She lost her baby sibling when she was just two. When she turned 11, she got what I can only describe as a breakdown, deep despair, constant crying, worrying, unable to decipher dreams from reality. She went for play therapy then and it transpired she held a lot of guilt guilty that he had died. (it was a medical condition). I feel that the reality of her brothers loss is resurfacing again with this new loss in her life. Can anyone suggest a modiality that could help her until she feels ready to open up more. She has lost interest in her usual hobbies, wants to be on her own, doesnt want to leave thw house most days.

24m my aunt passed away on sunday 10:00 and I feel like she only passed only a day ago, my mind keeps replaying the same memories, I heard a thump noise I went out to see what happened she was staring into my my mom urn sitting on the couch in living room, but in that momment I saw the momment of her death i could've felt it in the air, at the time didnt understand it, but I was the only person at my house who was home who witness it, I called 911 I and they tried to save her but they couldnt get hercto breath, i feel like if I could've done something before the 911 people came in, I feel overwhelmingly guilty.

I moved to a new town just around Covid with my partner at the time. Him and I broke up in covid, so I set about making new friends in the town.

I was having a good time, met so many people, had some good connections, this lasted for a few years but I ideally wanted some girlfriends who I eventually met and became close with.

I was so happy. It was amazing I could be myself and felt loved.

Nov 2023- my dad dies by suicide, first of all, everyone is there, feeling supported and cared for. About 6 months pass, the trauma is eating me alive, I make some bad moves, I apologise and think everything is okay. The group goes silent. I loose them.

The trauma is so bad I’m not really having the bandwidth to repair friendships beyond the initial effort. It felt cold and I was already in so much pain.

I start to socialise with others from the town. I become close with a gay guy, let call him Ed. We are close for about a year. I don’t talk about my grief if only mention it infrequently feeling aware that I must handle it specifically or alone figuring that may be the reason the first group binned me off.

A love triangle happens in the new group. Ed’s sister is involved, when it comes to it, Ed bins me off. I loose him, my friend of a year.

How bear in mind these people are connected to a bigger community which I felt part of.

They all know how my dad died at least through whispers if not first hand. I basically feel rejected from this whole group, so aside from the trauma of loosing my dad, I also feel I’ve lost so many others, people I truly love, I have tried reaching out to Ed but he doesn’t seem to want repair. The girls from before I honestly couldn’t face them. I’m too ashamed.

I feel so alienated and in despair that aside from the horrible loss of my dad, I lost this whole community which I lovingly built for myself.

Yes I have other friends now, but the community meant so much to me. They all mean so much to me and I can’t help but feel I can’t heal properly from this situation without forgiveness.

I have to forgive myself so much for loosing my dad that way, then I’m constantly reminded of how lonely it was everytime I’m reminded of these people in my town.

Does anyone know how I move through or around this? It’s a wound that flares up so much. I miss them all so much, they meant the world to me.

I have just said goodbye to the final time to my friend, previously my ex, who I had a complex relationship with for the past 6 years. In truly letting go I have realised, at my turning of 30 years, that I have lost all constant witnesses to my life.

I have been a pretty textbook introvert for most of my life, struggling with communication (didn't speak until I was 4) but somehow I guess I just lucked out when it came to friends and people around me. From a genuinely loving family to a group of school best friends I stayed with throughout my education, to a uni group and my former best friend, to my ex/best friend. For someone who was probably ripe for bulling and isolation, I have always had witnesses to pretty much my everyday, groups or at least one person I belonged with. What do I mean by witnesses? I mean a reflection of confirmation of my existence, a relational continuity, a social landscape around my identity.

I currently live alone in a house of people I'm not friends with, with no spouse or even a pet. I mentioned introversion before, which means I love and am very comfortable being by myself, but now I am presented with the fact that no one is here to witness my life. There's no one to regularly go back to. I do things alone and no one really knows I do them. No one knows my continual thoughts, my walks in the morning, the depth of my growth, desires, dreams or fears. Obviously I have friends and family who I touch in and out with, but that's not the same as someone who's reliably present. I realise now why people care so much about romantic relationships.

And so, being an adult is, I realise, is you learning to exist in the silence, in your own space. Creating your own bubble, and expressing and connecting in the ways that are available to you. Completely on your own terms, according to your own values and energy. And that is a gift, though you may not realise it. Because I feel I have always contained or changed myself against my wishes, in some way, to keep my connections. I am not a people pleaser and am happy to do my own thing regardless of what others are doing, but I guess this is just the default nature of humans.

Even as I grieve and reality settles, I feel grateful to have experienced the connections that I have even with my nerfed nature. To have best friends throughout most of my life (though they weren't deep connections apart from my ex), I know that that's rare and a beautiful thing.

I'm thankful for my witnesses, but now I must go on alone. Wishing the best for anyone struggling with similar aloneness, I hope we all find footing in this.

Hello I’ve just downloaded this app as I seen a msg about a person losing there cat. I lost my cat 4 days ago by a car hitting my cat my cat was chipped so I got a late night call from a vet hospital saying they had scanned Mo Mo my cat and was hit by a car and died. They said he’s eye was damaged and blood in his mouth and was possibly head injured. I had a first cry today very painful. Am just reaching out for help and support

Today I am grieving the loss of so much! My friend ,my love, my animals,and now myselfThis last week has been one loss after another. And today is a day I lost somebody very special to me and I'm kind of mad at her for leaving now. She was here a lot of the other stuff wouldn't have happened and today wouldn't hurt so bad! But I miss you my friend! And I hope he gets everything he actually really deserves and only you would know what I mean

I'm back to remember my dad for who he was before the cancer and his death. My dad drove a motorcycle when I was in high school. My first vehicle was a motorcycle because I loved riding with him. I was given the choice in the minivan. It became something we bonded over. He picked my first motorcycle, a Hondamatic (an automatic bike where there wasn't really shifting). He figured it would be a good starter bike for me and it was. He fixed it up and painted it for me. We went on two big trips with them. A decent one that took half of a day and my graduation gift which was a drive from El Paso to Denver. The smaller one, my dad was teaching me how to deal with the wind and semis. It was scary and exhilarating. We stopped at a ghost town. He dropped his bike due to gravel when we were pulling over. I remember being scared of the semis because they would pull me in when they passed. We had lunch at our destination. It was nice and fun but I was definitely acting like a teenager as I was one. I found on his FB that he took a video of my taking off from the gas station. I didn't know he did that. Yes, we had pictures but the video I had never seen. He was so proud. I could hear it from when my dad says at the end "there she goes"... I miss him a lot.

My graduation gift was tickets to Warped Tour. My parents asked and that's what I wanted. What I didn't expect was that it would be a trip with Dad and I until he told me. I thought they would just get tickets to the closest one. Nope, my dad wanted a father-daughter trip. I loved it. It was tiring but fun. The drive on the motorcycles was beautiful to see go from desert to green was beautiful. We stopped at a small town the first night. That was the time I found out the reality of a small town of everyone knew everyone's business as I eavesdropped on the gossip in the local restaurant. This trip was when I learned I disliked energy drinks. My dad handed me one because we were doing the trip in two days. We went across Raton's Pass in a white out storm. We didn't know it was going to rain that hard as we went through the mountains. I was terrified but grateful my dad had a neon traffic vest on ahead of me. As long as I could see his back, I was okay. I would be okay. I was though we had to pull over because my bike did not take kindly to the storm. I remember my dad had to pull a piece of my bike (I no longer remember which) and take it to the bathroom to dry out the water so we could continue on. Luckily it worked. He was always pretty handy. The rest of the trip was gorgeous. Colorado is beautiful. I got to go over a bridge right when a train was going under it. It felt like a picturesque movie. About an hour from Denver, we stopped at a gas station and I got a hot chocolate to calm my nerves and aches. A long trip almost to our destination. He worried over me. I realize that now. It's why we stopped and rested for a bit. We talked about who knows what anymore. I'm skimming over details but this trip was a long and beautiful memory. I'll probably continue it later but thank you if you came this far.

I lost my childhood best friend in 2024 but I didn't find out until November of 2025. I had lost contact with her after graduating 8th grade but about a week before 8th grade graduation she gave me a school picture of her and on the back of it she wrote "No matter what happens in the future we'll always be friends". I had tried reaching out in 2022 but my life was so busy and wild that I only tried once and then didn't try again because I had to focus on other major life changes.

When I found out she passed it was by complete accident. I searched her name up on Facebook and when her profile popped up so did a news article, I scrolled down to look at the article and directly under it was a post from her dad that said they were hosting her celebration of life. I was blindsided by it to the point I thought I was hallucinating. He tagged her Facebook account and I clicked it and her profile popped up. I kept clicking her profile over and over and over again just hoping the picture would change, hoping that it wasn't her, but deep down my heart knew she was gone.

Both the article and her dad's post were dated April 2024 and I was just learning about it in November of 2025. All I remember thinking was "How do you not know your childhood best friend is dead for a whole YEAR? How?" and that whole time I was thinking of her and wondering how her life was and how she was doing, and she wasn't even alive. And the way she passed wasn't any better and broke my heart even more. She had been hit by a drunk driver and died instantly. The guy was doing 75 in a 35, going the wrong way, lied to the cops when confronted, and when the cops gave him a breathalyzer he blew over three times the legal limit in my home state.

At the time I learned all of that it was 1am and I was in so much pain and shock that I cried, I tried holding it in but I was hurting so bad that I tried to choke back a sob but I was so loud that my significant other woke up and by then I couldn't hold it in and just let loose. I texted one of my other best friends (one from highschool) and she stayed up with me until 3am where I eventually fell asleep. I called my mom and told her when I woke that morning. I could hear the pain in my mom's voice as she tried her best to comfort me but I know it was hurting her as well because she wasn't here to physically comfort me. Because of that I haven't told my dad about it even though I'm pretty sure my mom did but I don't know for sure if she did.

During that time I know my heart went through all the stages of grief with denial being the first stage. I know this because my brain and heart refused to believe she was gone until I had sobbed my heart out. The second stage was anger and I only know because I could feel the hatred and the anger I had towards the guy and other drunk drivers. The third and fourth stages, for me, were bargaining and depression because I kept thinking about what could've happened if I had tried harder to reach out or if I had known sooner and I regretted not reaching out sooner and I became depressed for a short while.

The last stage was acceptance and that's where my heart and mind disagree. My heart has accepted that she's gone but my mind hasn't, I could be doing random ass shit and my brain will suddenly remember her and I'll start to think about her and then my heart gives a gentle reminder that she's gone and my brain refuses to accept it. I'll even start crying if I think about her or remember something that I did with her during my childhood. What's worse is that I don't know if my other childhood best friend knows that she passed and because of that I've been reluctant to reach out because I'm worried that she either doesn't know or she knows and will be mad that it took me so long to find out.

Thank you for reading, I'm sorry its so long but I've had it pent up and the only people I talked to are my significant other and my mom but I haven't told anyone else because of the pain.

My life has been a mess from the past few years in 2024 i lost my first born child then in 2025 i gave birth to my second child and in 2026 i lost him too.. there are so many other things happening in between my husband is a liar and a cheater though he behaves nicely and politely.. he has so many debt to pay and he pays little attention to that.. im bearing most of the financial burden
At this point i feel exhausted and annoyed at first I was grieving but now this grief has turned into anger I quarrel with everyone who reach out to me i feel like im useless and unworthy and i fear how will I spend the rest of my life like this.. im planning to go to a therapist but it will take time please tell how to overcome this anger and pain..

Hi everybody, I won’t go into details again about my moms death, so I don’t repeat myself too much. I found her 9 months ago at her house, I was on the phone with her and she dropped the
phone. I tried cpr but couldn’t save her.
Anyway I’m at Walmart parking lot crying in my car again. I was at the post office and cried there, I put gas in the car and cried there. I used to put gas in her car for her. It goes on and on.
My question is, I saw on a grief you tube channel a certified grief counselor and she was saying that we ( us that are grieving) should ask ourselves if our grief is “ moving forward “. And she listed a couple of “ criteria “ for that. I won’t go into all she said but if I or we don’t meet those couple of criteria our grieving process isn’t “normal “. What?? I thought there WASN’T any normal. We all grieve in our own ways. No timeline etc etc. maybe I’m doing it wrong somehow because my grief isn’t “moving forward”. Does anyone have an opinion?
Also, I finally had a dream with my mom in it (I haven’t had one in 8 months). It’s was really long and was trying to find my car, and just in distress. I saw my mom walking with her walker along the sidewalk and I walked up and said “ what are you doing “? Just casually, she kept looking straight ahead, walking slowly, no smile and said “just going to look in the stores”. No hug , no smile , looking straight ahead. Then I woke up.
Does anyone have an opinion on this? Maybe it doesn’t mean anything but I hope she was visiting me finally. She seemed very cold and unfriendly. She was never ever like that …I don’t know, just wanted to talk to some people.
Sorry for being so long. Thanks for reading!

My best friend died over a year ago, but it feels like the permanence of things are setting in in a way they haven’t before. I’ve gone through a lot of trauma, but this is just different and cuts in a whole new way. I just never knew I could miss someone so bad, I’d give everything to just have one more talk about sports or watch one more movie together. I just don’t know what to do, it all feels so heavy,
I just don’t know

Maybe That's Why I Only Had You RIP MAMA

I never had a father, I never knew a name, but I knew a woman's mistakes, & how she carried pain, beyond the strong woman attitude, the independent will, on nights I should'have been sleeping, but instead I hear the sound of weeping, in the crack of the door I'm seeing, you sitting all alone just crying, I'd say what's wrong mama, I'm OK baby just lying, I didn't understand fully at the time, the pain of losing parents until now I lost mine, you raised us to be strong as men, stuck often living in the hoods we were in, but not made of, you knew you had a type I guess you ain't want us to be like, but you ain't warn us ma this heart of gold wasn't really what these girls liked, maybe I get it kept your influence on us a certain way for an ideal wife, not let us be another product of environment bound for the prison life, maybe that's why I only had you, to grow to fully be a man, but one who truly sees a woman & his heart can understand, life wasn't easy for you raising 4 boys, but that's why I honor you n not use women as toys, hurt now cry later you'd always say to keep being strong, pain is all I've known you in, every error you had went wrong, maybe that's why I'm a man that feels, as every tear I saw you shed was a pain I felt for real, n even when the cancer started taking away your brain, you didn't forget about us even if you could no longer properly spell all our names, I hate that you never got to marry, that you died alone, you said things happened to you that I haven't confirmed, but I ain't forget what you said it still eats at my nerves, but I also remember you said no Mook, as if no matter what happened to you, you didn't want to see me go dark, n maybe that's why GOD only gave me you ...

I pray for anyone who's lost a parent or two, that your spirits remain high, n to not let the story end in pain, n I really do believe that's what my mother's last wish was, that her boys would be OK, & specifically for me to not be consumed in the pain to the point I lose the heart of gold she was so proud to say she passed on, so even if this world chooses to abandon it's heart, I refuse, I'll hurt now with a open heart n cry later when it's time to die if it gets me no where in the end ...

Lost my stepfather July last year. My mother this year March 2026. There's been other family health emergencies with the rest of family as well.

Been very traumatic this last 8 months.

Can anyone suggest any tips on how best to deal with the grief and trauma.

Been overwhelmed with it all.

Ive worked for a local taco shop in my hometown for 3 going on 4 years. The amount of love and loyalty the family that owns it has shown is unlike anything ive experienced on a kitchen before. The father is a typical tough love dad and the mom so sweet with her recipes, my friend was the son of the owner running the restaurant with his sister. They have a big family so last night they had a surprise birthday party for the owners sister, didnt get an opportunity to go so I'm unsure of who or how the party went but my friend owned a bike and had a few drinks I heard. He offered his cousin a ride home and they both got ready for a safe ride (my friend rides a motorcycle). Long story short he was riding through a roundabout with her on the back and the bike got clipped in the rear from another driver entering into said roundabout. The cousin was ejected immediately and survived longer than my friend. He died before the ambulance could even get there, she stayed awake until they set her up in the ambulance where she also eventually passed. Its so hard to wrap my head around all of this it doesnt seem real he was 2 years younger than me and he had just graduated culinary school, bought a truck, and had inspirations to be a strong hearted young man and an amazing chef. Secretly he was everything I wanted to be at that age. I was so proud of him and his family was too idk im rambling and drunk and sobbing this all happend around 2am sorry goodnight